The singer Carly Simon still has not told people who she wrote the 1972 song 'You're So Vain' about.
Most of us probably know someone who seems very confident and cocksure about themselves. We comment pejoratively, that they think they are special. When forced to be around them, we cringe. We expect they will soon be telling us about their favourite subject - Themselves.
We know there is no point in trying to change the subject because we will see their eyes glaze over with indifference. Soon they will find a way to return to their favourite subject. I say good luck to you when this happens.
Perhaps occasionally however, we are misunderstanding a person we think is vain or totally egotistical. It could be that they are actually shy and have found the only way to overcome this is to nervously speak out. Secretly, they may actually be hoping that someone else will chime in and break up their nervous monologue.
Learning how to have a conversation, requires us to pause, if only to take a breathe, and give another person a chance to 'get a word in edgewise'. Being overly concerned with gaps in the conversation, does not justify filling every second with chatter.
Expecting someone to volunteer information about themselves in a spirit of mutual exchange or camaraderie, is not something which we might demand either. Instead, we must teach ourselves to pause, no matter how much we need to demonstrate that we are friendly and want to encourage someone to feel comfortable around us.
By letting others approach us, we let them meet us half way, so to speak, and may find a way to get to know each other less stressfully and in a more relaxed fashion. If feels easier and more comfortable because it permits each of us to contribute to a mutually desired interaction.
Nevertheless, the above refers to some misunderstandings which might occur in 'judging a book by it's cover' and not giving someone we meet a chance.
Sometimes, however, our first impression is unfortunately the right one, and someone we think an insufferable boor, really is what he seems to be.
Under such circumstances I suggest we take a trip to the washroom, or in extreme cases, out of the building. He will likely not even notice you have gone. This type of person holds forth, whatever the occasion, and thinks that it's all about him.
Because everything in his life is evaluated relative to him, and even more so, her, if it is a woman doing this; you need not concern yourself very much that your absence will be noticed.
You cannot hurt them because they are insensitive and impervious to anyone or anything except themselves.
You can talk, but they are not listening to anyone but the wonderful sound of their own voice.
Have no fear that their absence from your life for a while, indicates that they are out of your life forever. Not a chance. I can almost guarantee that they'll be back the next time they need something. They will cheerfully point out that they are doing you a massive favour by asking you to fill whatever need they think they have at the moment.
Be grateful for whatever time they were absent, giving someone else their sage advice. Meanwhile, keep hoping that they'll soon turn their attention toward someone else.
You can also Thank God that mercifully, they are not the ones from whom your livelihood depends...unless they are, in which case you have my sincere sympathy. I wish you good luck, you will need it.
Note: see also WHINE WHINE WHINE - IS IT HUMAN NATURE?
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