Earlier this week I had two posts that made me think; and reply immediately. The first was a quote: Ask for nothing, and you will get everything. The second was: Show only your good side to someone, if you want your relationship to last.
Both of these seemed wrong to me on so many levels that I had to reply to each of the writers right away.
Let's look at Ask for nothing, and you will get everything. I didn't agree at all. Ask for nothing, and nothing is likely what you will get.
Who are you hoping will give you everything when you ask for nothing - a fortune teller, a psychic?. It has to be a 'mind reader' of some sort, because you are asking for nothing but they are going to give you everything.
I wonder what everything you will get. Maybe anything someone doesn't need. Maybe they like to play charades with life, and they will keep giving you things until you show some interest or disinterest and they can mind read something better.
More likely the result of this philosophy is that you may be given things regardless of whether you asked for anything or not, after all some things do come even to those who sit and wait. You therefore, may end up with a lot of 'stuff'; but whether any of it is what you want, need or can use, is doubtful.
The problem is not that you have been wise and not asked for anything, because you believe that all will be provided to the pure of heart, I understand the concept but ask you then why we were also given a brain and the power of speech.
On the other hand, if you did not ask for anything because you don't know what you want, you risk getting a lot of things you don't need, want or can use. Save yourself and everyone else, the energy, time and money and let them know who you are, what you want and I suspect you will all be happier.
The second person felt you should only show your 'good' side to someone, if you wanted to keep a relationship going. Your good side may be quite nice, but then again, your good side is not all of you. What happens if one day you slip up and the 'bad side' slips out? Is it possible that one of us is so bad that the end would be immediate?
I told this girl that I thought being who you are is ultimately better. There is, I believe someone for everyone. There are people who will find the unique combination of things that make you who you are, absolutely perfect. These are the people you want and need as friends, lovers, partners and everything else you want or need in life.
People who like and accept you as you are will be the best people to have around you. They are the people who saw you as you are, liked what they saw and stayed around. They are the keepers...and so are you because you have put the real you out there and found someone who thinks that is just great.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
and today's essay ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Saturday 15 June 2013
WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
I began the Blog site after a hiatus of almost 8 months from the end of July 2012, because ideas were still coming to me about people having more trouble than ever in getting along. Everywhere I looked, especially in the news, things seemed worse than ever. I hardly thought we could do any worse with conflict and protests and bombings and generally bad news everywhere. I knew however, that we could do better.
My site and, what have become many essays, are set up to give all of us encouragement and to reflect a little about what we have in common as human beings. I think there has been far too much emphasis on what is wrong. The time seems to call for thinking about what is right instead.
I would rather spend whatever time I have, whether long or short, thinking about what we have in common as human beings, rather than, what separates us and prevents us from understanding each other.
For some reason, I have survived Cancer and Widowhood and a lot else, and I am still here. What kind of life do I want to have for the rest of my days here on earth is a question, each of us must ask ourselves individually.
I believe that, every morning, each of us, has a choice. Do we start to love life or do we postpone it for some other day?.
Each day can be seen as a new opportunity or a disaster. Each day we decide again what kind of life we want when we choose how we are going to look at the day ahead of us.
If we choose to have a good day...and this is a choice we can make; we can begin anew.
If we choose to continue whatever was going on which made us miserable or unhappy yesterday; then we will have another rotten day to look back on tomorrow.
Someone sent a post saying - keep smiling, eventually life might quit giving you bad news. Ultimately, though it is more than this. Our perspective has so much to do with how we will act and react to what we encounter each day.
I am no different than anybody else, and so, just like anybody else, I can decide I hate everything and everybody in my life. I can start with the morning news and those people that predict that the world will end...while smiling their fake smiles at us. Then I can go to the commercial of the little brat scowling at her mother, until bribed by the cereal, the little darling, deigns to eat. If it's raining, I can get splashed or wet or miss the bus. I will have set the stage for a whole day of feeling rotten...guaranteed.
The question is, what do I get out of finding fault with everything and everyone I see, hear from, or encounter in the course of my day? Do I want any sane, relatively happy person to leave my life? Is my goal to make sure that I am left alone, so that I can justify my unhappiness?
The above is one option. Except for a very few people that thrive in total solitude, and I doubt there are many who do, I doubt it is the best option.
There is also another choice we can make each morning; to look on each new day as a NEW DAY, a new chance to turn things around and begin again.
No one's life of course, literally begins again on the following morning, because in reality we already have a life that is ongoing. However, even a small step to turn our perception from an automatic negative to, even a small begrudged positive, could start us on a new path.
Somewhere farther along we might even begin to actually appreciate, and in fact, express our gratitude that we have been given another chance to enjoy another day on this beautiful earth. It can all begin with a small step and lead us to enjoy, and ultimately, celebrate another day of living.
One of the beautiful posts I received recently gave a quote from Ray Bradbury, the science fiction writer who died on June 6th, 2012: "Looking back, over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything".
Something to think about tomorrow morning when you are about to decide whether you are going to have a good or bad day to look back on for the rest of your life.
ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
We meet someone and the first thing we say to ourselves is, I wish they did this differently or were different in this way. I would like them more if they didn't say this, wear this style, had a different hairstyle or generally were just a little different from what they are.
It may be a small thing, but we hesitate to accept them, because what we think we want in the 'perfect person' is not there. Then again, we may think well, a lot of what I like in a person, this person has, maybe I can get them to change those few things I don't like and then they will be 'perfect'.
There are more than a few things wrong with this type of thinking...which I think we all do, consciously or unconsciously. Wanting to change someone else presumes that we ourselves are ideal. We are perfectly happy with ourselves and generally perfect in every way. We must be perfect since we feel ready to judge others as needing to change to suit us.
Some people however, are sure that the other person can change and behave, act or look more like we would want them to. We decide that we will accept them, despite their missing something we wanted in a person. We are convinced that we can change them. After we do, they will be just right. Why they may even thank us for setting them straight. Everyone wins.
My theory, however, is that people change when they are ready to. Sometimes it is because they must or they will lose something they greatly care about. In other cases, they are not successful in reaching their goals, because their personality or habits prevent them from succeeding. Since the world will not change for them, they must change themselves to have a better life.
Otherwise, you as judge and jury about someone, are not likely to get them to change, however perfect you consider yourself as an example to anyone else.
I feel that if you don't like 90% of what you see in someone else, you probably will want to change the person. This is not likely to happen since they may be perfectly happy being themselves. If this is so, what is wrong with that anyway?
Maybe instead, you should consider that if this 'flaw' or thing you see in them that does not suit you, it may mean that you can't or won't accept them as they are. Should you recognize this, you may be doing yourself, and them, a favour by finding someone else more suitable to you.
If you don't understand them and/or like them as they are, move on to someone you do like and understand. Let them do the same. You will both be happier.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
It may be a small thing, but we hesitate to accept them, because what we think we want in the 'perfect person' is not there. Then again, we may think well, a lot of what I like in a person, this person has, maybe I can get them to change those few things I don't like and then they will be 'perfect'.
There are more than a few things wrong with this type of thinking...which I think we all do, consciously or unconsciously. Wanting to change someone else presumes that we ourselves are ideal. We are perfectly happy with ourselves and generally perfect in every way. We must be perfect since we feel ready to judge others as needing to change to suit us.
Some people however, are sure that the other person can change and behave, act or look more like we would want them to. We decide that we will accept them, despite their missing something we wanted in a person. We are convinced that we can change them. After we do, they will be just right. Why they may even thank us for setting them straight. Everyone wins.
My theory, however, is that people change when they are ready to. Sometimes it is because they must or they will lose something they greatly care about. In other cases, they are not successful in reaching their goals, because their personality or habits prevent them from succeeding. Since the world will not change for them, they must change themselves to have a better life.
Otherwise, you as judge and jury about someone, are not likely to get them to change, however perfect you consider yourself as an example to anyone else.
I feel that if you don't like 90% of what you see in someone else, you probably will want to change the person. This is not likely to happen since they may be perfectly happy being themselves. If this is so, what is wrong with that anyway?
Maybe instead, you should consider that if this 'flaw' or thing you see in them that does not suit you, it may mean that you can't or won't accept them as they are. Should you recognize this, you may be doing yourself, and them, a favour by finding someone else more suitable to you.
If you don't understand them and/or like them as they are, move on to someone you do like and understand. Let them do the same. You will both be happier.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)