Sometimes it seems like we are so loaded down by life
that we feel like we are Drowning. Too often have I seen this in my own life
and that of those I care about to ignore that it might be something we all
share in common as part of the human condition.
It is never a fun experience to have a situation
comparable to this in our lives, especially when there is no actual water
around, or a shoreline to let us recover on and catch our breath.
YOU’RE PROBABLY ON YOUR OWN
Nothing makes it easy when we feel overwhelmed. Not
even the support and encouragement other people offer us, however well meant,
can pull us out. Only we can do this. It seems that this is another one of the
life lessons which each of us must learn for ourselves.
I don’t think it is so much that we are being shown our
limitations as that we are being forced to learn how to exercise patience, and
must learn how to deal with whatever we find difficult, challenging or troubling.
Along the way we must also develop the skills we need to work with other people in our lives.
THIS WEEK
On Tuesday, I went to the local library to pick up some
books and films I had ordered. I sat down at one of the long tables there and
started to look through the many things that had come in.
There was a young girl, who looked surprisingly like a
young Angelina Jolie, in her facial expressions, manner and eyes. Although it’s
not the point of what I am saying, it happens to be what she looked like.
She was wearing a Hijab and saying something quietly to
herself as she worked on some calculation or what looked like a mathematical
problem.
When I asked her if she was taking a course at summer
school, she told me she was trying to work during the summer break to keep
ahead. She said she was feeling terrible stress and worry about this work.
THAT EXPERIENCE TEACHES US …
The many years I spent in the pressure cooker area of
finance and stock markets, had taught me something useful I could pass on to
her.
I gave her some suggestions. I began by suggesting that
she tackle one project at a time.
I told her how, many years ago, an engineer told me that
our concentration is only effective for a period of about 1½ hours without
changing the subject or taking a break. I still believe this is true.
I mentioned how assigning ourselves a manageable goal
helps us feel good. It also encourages us because it lets us feel we can
succeed.
WHAT I LEARNED AND WHY
Some of these things which I said so confidently were
ones I had to learn myself, both at the time I was determined to get a
university education and later to be able to support myself when I had to in
the working world.
Because I didn’t have a ‘free ride’ or fallback to
support or finance me, I was forced by the ‘school of life’ to learn a few life
lessons on organization, as well as, delayed gratification, and patience with
myself and others.
All of these and other skills made it possible for me
to avoid feeling buried under what in those days was an avalanche of paper. Time,
work loads and deadlines, wait for no one.
TODAY’S WORKING WORLD IS BRUTAL
As I watch young kids starting their first jobs after
they finish school, I don’t much envy them a working environment even more
brutal than the one I had to function in. Some of these people seem to be doing
the work of, at least, two people.
Frankly, computer or no computer, a really heavy
workload does not get any easier to manage, until you break it down into the
sort of manageable pieces a human being can cope with. Without this, even
prodigies or super novas burn out.
THE CRAZY MYTH OF HAVING IT ALL
The movie, I Don’t Know How She Does It (2011) is a
perfect example of the crazy ‘Having It All’ philosophy which has been plaguing
Women for more than 30 years.
When the editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine Helen Gurley
Brown wrote the original: Having it All book in 1982, she did not tell us much,
especially in her book, about the price, even she personally was paying to try
to live a life like this. To not put too fine a point on it, she herself was
childless, married late in life to a very successful movie producer (David
Brown) and relied on him constantly to help her out of her very extreme
reactions to stress.
More realistically, and intelligently, Sylvia Ann
Hewlett in the April 2002 issue of the Harvard Review wrote an article called Executive
Women and the Myth of Having It All.
FRENETIC AND FRANTIC
Will we never learn that something has to give, whether
it is our marriages and relationships, our nerves or the absurd idea of Having It
All? All of what?
Too often such a ridiculous goal means we have to
decide that we are willing to do everything ourselves. How’s that going for
you?
Most of us are too frantic to enjoy any of it much. Too
bad for anyone who gets in the way and asks for one more thing of us.
In fact, some people will never get to the mythical
time when they are finally going to let themselves relax, either physically or
emotionally.
More likely, if and when they do eventually pause, they
will see there is no one around them.
Somewhere along the line, they started to be the only survivors
in a life that was actually a Shipwreck.
Meanwhile, most people chose sanity and opted out of
this relentless manic merry go round. You may have been desperate and this was
the only way you knew. To others however, all it seemed to be was someone very driven
and filled with inexplicable ambition at any price.
WE CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
Self mastery involves self knowledge. Each of us, as we
move through life, needs to periodically examine what it is we are doing.
Perhaps, even more importantly, we need to explain to ourselves why we are doing it.
HOW TO BEGIN
As I sometimes need to remind myself, even now; assign
yourself a small project each day. Do not say that you will complete all of the
exercises and problems around you today. You won’t, because you can’t.
You can however, reasonably expect to complete one task
or chapter or section. You can complete it and perhaps also even master it.
That mastery will give you a sense of accomplishment.
It will encourage you and empower you. It will give you the strength to
continue. Eventually you will most likely actually accomplish more than you
expected to.
MOVING FORWARD WITH A RENEWED SENSE OF
PURPOSE
Once we know what our goals are and have rethought our
priorities, we can start to move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and
having reinserted some reasonable goals into our lives.
ALONG THE WAY
Along the way, you may actually have enjoyed some of
the people you met and things you learned.
Perhaps you will never be someone who stops to smell
the Roses; but you just might have enjoyed some parts of the days and weeks you
lived and experienced on the way to successfully reaching your goals.
AN UNEXPECTED BONUS
The unintended bonus just might be that you made enough
time to have some people in your life to enjoy and encourage you in your goals
and you them in theirs.
