LIFE - POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE?

LIFE IS LIKE A MIRROR, SMILE AT IT AND IT SMILES BACK AT YOU. 

LIFE IS LIKE A CAMERA, FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT, CAPTURE THE GOOD TIMES, DEVELOP FROM THE NEGATIVES, AND IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT, TAKE ANOTHER SHOT.

LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT EXAM. MANY PEOPLE FAIL BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO COPY OTHERS, NOT REALIZING THAT, EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT QUESTION PAPER.

Three quotes seeking to motivate us. 

The first is telling us to realize that what you put into life is what you get back. 

The second to focus on what is important, learn from your mistakes, and bounce back and try again if something doesn't work out. 

The third, that being yourself is what life is about because each of us has our own life to work on and learn from. It also says that we go wrong when we try to live like someone else, since our own life is different from anyone else's. 

When I read these quotes and others like them, I realize that people have worked hard to learn life's lessons and that some people try to find a way to look at things positively.

Buddha said that, Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. To me this is true. When I see someone's face when they are expressing anger, there is nothing lovely or joyful in it. See for yourself. The next time you are expressing anger, look in the mirror. If someone you are speaking to is doing so, look at them. 

So, what are the possible outcomes that might come out of a positive or negative approach? 

A positive approach leaves open the possibility and hope that you approach each day thinking that you might succeed. By smiling and being cheerful, you are making a conscious decision to give the people around you, and things you are doing, a chance of working out. 

The person, at least trying to be positive, begins with an openness to the day being a good one. That person may smile or at least start out with a neutral, or better yet, cheerful attitude. 

When you offer others a smile, people tend to smile back at you. Think of how people immediately smile at little children who are smiling and laughing. We smile back at them and leave them feeling better than we did before.

Anger on the other hand, negative comments or views, gossip about someone else and criticism, doesn't leave anyone feeling better. Although you can tell yourself, you are just venting and that after you get it 'out of your system', it will be cathartic. In fact, usually we are no better off than when our frustration and anger was simmering inside us.

Expressing anger, because we felt we must, may have seemed a way to keep from becoming angrier. Sharing our frustration and upset with someone else may seem a way of getting rid of it. I doubt, however, that anyone leaves the situation happier than when they started.

Life hits us, comes at us, so to speak, with a variety of challenges. Some of these teach us a lesson in a way that we enjoy. People pass on the good lessons and might say, one good deed deserves another. The bad lessons are also passed on, but not always in a good way. The less pleasant parts of our day get passed on in the form of frustration, anger and upset.

While the positive 'playing it forward', gives something good to others; the negative version inflicts itself on those who care enough about us to listen to the tirade we feel compelled to express. 

I think we have a choice, as I have said before, WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? - YOU DECIDE. I meant it then, I mean it now. 

GOODBYE AGAIN - FOREVER I HOPE

Some time ago I wrote an essay called KISS YOUR EX GOODBYE - FRIENDS I THINK NOT.

Just a moment ago I got a reminder of what I believe and why I believe it. In other words, the last culprit, has just called me again. As usual, I spoke to him.

I can say that because I got caught off guard, I didn't know what else to do except be polite and pleasant. I could say that I picked up the phone, because I was expecting a delivery, and because most cell phones don't register the caller's phone number.

The fact that for the hundredth time, when I heard who it was, did not tell him directly, and in unmistakable terms to never call me again, never to 'darken my doorstep' or any other way of saying get out of my life forever, is typical.

There are no circumstances under which I would agree to meet or see him. 
Not in a million years. Not if he was offering to - finally - contribute even five cents, to pay back even one of the services, i.e. the extra cable service cost so he could view his sports shows. 

He could also, as a Birthday gift, give me the difference between the box of chocolates he bought me and the $106 ticket to see his favourite Football Team which he asked for as a Christmas present one year. Of course, no such offer was going to be forthcoming, so I needn't worry. After all, why should he change the habits of a lifetime?

I was polite, but then I usually am. I don't think being angry is much else except a loss of self control (most of the time). 

However, when he said he had a good memory for telephone numbers, but had to look mine up, I managed to assure him not to worry. It's all part of the past now anyway.

I gave him as a send off, the same fake kiss off, that insincere people give others they are parting company with...I wished him well. Goodbye again. I hope this time it is Forever. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - HAPPY NEW YEAR

Each of us struggles with various things in the course of our day, week, month and year. On New Year’s Eve often we reflect for a moment on how we think our year went. Some of us make resolutions for the coming year.

This Friday, when I celebrate my Birthday, I also make the day a symbol of my personal New Year. If the year, so far, has been a good one in my estimation, I feel even more encouraged. If the year, so far, has been trying or difficult, I make a small personal resolution to begin the 'NEW YEAR' on a positive note. I make a private Birthday Wish for whatever might be better than what has come thus far.

As a result, I dust myself off mentally, from whatever may have troubled me, or not worked out as I had hoped, and resolve again, to give my next day, week, month and year, a chance to be a better one. This is my way of wishing myself a Happy Birthday. At least, I am giving it a chance to be better in my personal New Year.

I urge you, when celebrating your next Birthday, to give yourself the best present ever, a resolution to have a very Happy New Year! 

LOVE - A MANY SPLENDORED THING

 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.  by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

Love is amazing. Before my husband died, he didn't say a lot of dramatic things but a few times he walked by me and said the following: 

We didn't have a long time, but we had a good time. 

On another occasion: I still feel the same way. 

On another occasion: I was always faithful to you. 

On another occasion: You really have a very pretty voice (when you sing). 

No big drama, no sloppy baloney. Just flowers often for years and years and a lot of good manners, consideration and decency. 

Early on we decided that we had GOOD WILL towards each other and said it. 

We also decided to divide up household chores according to who was better at it. 

Most importantly we did not drag each other to things the other hated...in his case shopping...he got to tell me Better You than Me when I'd come home worn out and footsore. 

A lot of little things, and just one more - deciding what it is important to you - important enough to insist on. 

The rest of the day, other than remembering and saying you love, is just stuff.

What leaves you happiest of all - when it is mutual. 

P.S. I was very honoured and happy to hear someone who knew us both, for many years, tell someone that she had never heard me criticize my husband. I know I had no reason to, but I am still happy that I did not. 

YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE - TODAY IS A NEW DAY

Every day is a new chance to have a great life. You would miss so much that you are supposed to learn in life if you do not let it play out. For example, I finally, met the love of my life when I was 35 years old. I had many good things and bad occur in my life before that, but not someone 100% for me. 

Other people around me, including friends and most of my younger siblings had earlier marriages, and some were very happy, but not me. I was happy, but not totally, because without someone of my own, I always felt something was missing. 

One day, the unbelievable happened. I still think of it as a miracle. On a day, like any other, I was to meet someone after work that an acquaintance at work suggested I meet. She said he likes to read books too. That was about it by way of introduction. 

I went to meet him, with what else, a large book, so that I could get some reading done, in case the situation was a dead end and left me sitting by myself and heading home by Streetcar a little while later. At least, I wouldn't miss out on my reading, I thought. 

We met, he seemed a nice man, we talked and ended up having dinner together. The second time we met, we were with friends (the woman who suggested we meet and her boyfriend) and they had been drinking all day. We did not meet again for a month or more after that evening as I figured I was wasting my time with people I had nothing in common with.

Finally, about a month later, Peter and I met for dinner again. By the next date, he said he loved me and I knew I loved him. 

We had almost 20 years of 24 hour days together, with only 51 days apart, little conflict, a lot of Good Will toward each other, and most importantly, a lot of Love. 

My husband died of a chronic disease, after so many years of happiness. As he put it, 'We didn't have a long time, but we had a good time'. I miss his strength, support and encouragement every day. On the 24th of August, it will be 8 years since I became a Widow. 

The important thing is not that it ended. The important thing was, to go and meet and give this person a chance to not be a continuation of an unsuccessful past, but instead to be the start of a very happy future. We took a chance and had a happy Marriage. 

After my husband died, I wanted very much to see where he grew up, went to school and lived during his childhood and until he emigrated in his early 20's to Canada from England.

To do this, I had again to take, what for me was, a big chance. I had to fly in an airplane for the first time in 20 years. I knew there was only one way to get there. With great fear I knew I had either to go or give up. I took the flight. 

My life was transformed, and incredibly, I had happiness again. I wrote about this part of my experience of trying to return to living my own life as a Widow in my essay THE BUCKET LIST - KEEPING HOPE ALIVE. 

What would I have missed, if I had stayed the same person I was when I was growing up as a generally unhappy teenager all my life? What would my life have been like, reliving those not wonderful years of, for example, that period of adolescence over and over again, until today? 

What if, I decided that, like a star athlete in High School or College, that nothing was ever going to be as good in my life again as those fantastic years I had experienced in University. 

As I mentioned above, imagine a 35 year old still reliving past glories of her early 20's, never having moved on to other experiences, even though a lot of time had passed. 

If any of us lock ourselves into a specific period of time and refuse to go forward into the new day, week, month or year; we are in danger of stagnating and going no further. In the same way you can tell how old some women and men are, by their old hairstyle and dress, there is also an old mindset in that place along with the old ideas...and reminiscing about the past. 

I see every day as full of possibilities, and a miracle possible around every corner. You need to be there to see it though. Make yourself present and open to the possibilities of each day you live. To do that, you have to make a move out of the idealized past, take a few steps out of your comfort zone perhaps, and peek around the corner. 

Who knows, maybe you too will find a whole new set of experiences awaiting you, all because you poked your nose out of the door...as a new day dawned.

.

If you have time, read some of my other essays. Feel free to comment and as I ask in one of them –

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF SOMETIME TOO and also WHO ARE YOU – I REALLY WANT TO KNOW.  They are at: gettingitright-meb.blogspot.ca/        

ONE STEP AT A TIME WILL GET YOU WHERE YOU ARE GOING

One step at a time.

Make a decision to be happy every day. Find something you like in every day, however small.

Think of good people you have met, know now, and see around you.

Greet someone you meet cheerfully. Perhaps when you buy a coffee, say hello and something cheerful (as an example).

Smile. Smile at the mirror, it raises good energy. Take the smile outside and see others respond. SMILE - ITS ADDICTIVE AND CONTAGIOUS is what I wrote about. This works, and you see it work right away.

It is small things that start you going forward again, not running away (to create the same situation somewhere else) or brooding alone and miserable.

Look for whatever works to lift you up and add a little bit of something new every day. Soon you will see you feel better.

Forgive yourself for a bad decision. One decision will not be your whole life. Much more will happen to you. It will not all be bad. Build on what has happened since.

Think about how you saw something before and how you see it now, with the benefit of time passing. 

Decide you will give new things a new perspective and a chance to be seen as an opportunity. Only you and I can change how we see things.

Small steps will start you off. Small steps, one by one, will also take you where you are going.

I know for sure, where you are going isn’t backward, into the past. You don’t live there any more. That is over. You are a different person now. Time to move forward.

Hope some of this helps get you started. 

BECOMING FREER - P.C. DEATH THROES

The Politically Correct*, who I like to call the Thought Police, are still with us for the time being. However, the very means they used to indoctrinate so many people for more than a generation, the Media, is the same one that is already working to finally free us from their printed and electronic tyranny.

Whether we are children at school, people at work, or even during our leisure time, an incessant barrage of words, has followed us throughout our day 24/7 for more than a generation now. 

Every mainstream media source around us, insinuated itself into our lives with some earnest message, seeking to tell us what we should change about ourselves. We were usually scolded and were to be shamed or forced, into changing ourselves into supposedly less judgemental and more tolerant people. It seemed our ideas and speech were wrong. They were also, among other things, intolerant, racist, sexist and ageist. 

Unfortunately, no one, especially in the public eye, has dared for a very long time to ignore them completely. Anyone who tried to stand up to them also, risked censure, their reputation or even loss of their livelihood. 

For at least a generation now, the majority of us had little recourse except to ignore or avoid their largely irrelevant and absurd pronouncements. This, however, was of limited effectiveness when only a few alternatives for news and entertainment were available. 

However, today, greater choices of communication and self expression have become available. These have made it possible to circumvent traditional media and their limited lifestyle choices. There are newer ways to stay informed and get our news and share ideas.

The nature of the Internet and social media such as you tube and various other means of instant communication, has transformed communication and made a world of information available to us anywhere in the world. Personal communication has already changed beyond the limited choices we were willing to tolerate and accept even a few years ago. 

While this cornucopia of choice sometimes puts even the most spurious rubbish out into the mainstream around the world faster than ever; it also prevents a few networks from controlling what we see and hear about the world around us.  

We are gradually, I am happy to say, getting back more freedom of choice and ways of expressing our own ideas. More options, gives us reduced exposure to the would-be surrogate parents and media models, determined to enlighten us. As a result, their ability to influence us has dwindled considerably. 

Today, although Academia continues to speak and publish its arcane and unique language, it seems to mainly do this for itself. Meanwhile, many print newspapers and the television news are rapidly declining in importance to most people's lives. Most of these, have instead jumped onto the celebrity news bandwagon to try and hold some viewers/readers interest for a little longer. 

The older forms of media, with their promotion of many ridiculous social engineering experiments, are becoming remnants of a time when limited choice and few alternative outlets gave unwarranted and totally ridiculous credibility to the foolish and ridiculous power to a small minority of know-it-alls.

We now have enough options that we can usually avoid the 'mainstream' media and finally express and hear other points of view other than those the 'old media' offered. 

Like the child commenting on 'the emperor's new clothes' it only took a few new options to begin the 'old medias' well deserved descent toward oblivion and reveal its insignificance and irrelevance to the real lives, the rest of the world was living despite them.

*Political correctness (or PC for short) means using words or behaviour which will not offend any group of people. Most people think it is important for everyone to be treated equally, fairly and with dignity. Some words have been used for a long time that are unkind to some people. Sometimes these words have now been replaced by other words that are not offensive. Such words are described as politically correct. The term is often used in a mocking sense when attempts at avoiding offense are seen to go too far. Politically correct words or terms are used to show differences between people or groups in a non-offensive way. This difference may be because of race, gender, beliefs, religion, sexual orientation, or because they have a mental or physical disability, or any difference from what is considered the norm.

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_correctness