APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEIVING - 2

Over the years I have spoken about The Blanket Man. Since I am one of the first people to think we should not judge someone by their appearance, I once again need to remind myself to take my own advice.

Never mind that we only get seconds to get a first impression about someone, the fact remains that every one of us has a story to tell about themselves and your first glance, based on your personal filters, is probably not enough to tell you all you need to know.

What I am saying is that, by now, I should know better than to make quick judgements, especially about how someone looks to me, but I don’t.

Last month, a McDonald’s conversation with two men at the next table, told me things about some of the local street people, among them a person I have called The Blanket Man. Like every other opinion we have, what I heard was, as it so often is, just another small piece of the puzzle.

Trying to mind my own business, I was reading a book on Boomers (by Tom Brokaw) and have something to eat. We have a local diner style restaurant and from time to time, I go in and have something to eat, either by myself or with a friend.

Suddenly I notice The Blanket Man standing at the door. The Waitress gives him a package and he leaves. She tells me that she has known him for 15 years. He always calls her honey or baby (I forget which) and he only wants her to give him Sausages. He goes next door for Sushi. He goes down the block for a drink. If he gets the wrong drink or not what he wants, he might ask her for something else.

He will not take money, he does not want your warm coat. He will tell you that you need both, more than he does. Nevertheless on a cold day, you will still see him with blankets over his shoulder standing in a subway doorway shivering and wet. I am always shocked when I see him so bedraggled. I am dismayed but nervous about speaking to him.

I am now told that, in an earlier time in his life, he was a lawyer. The waitress told me that a customer said that the man I call The Blanket Man, was a lawyer and a partner of his.

One day he was driving a car with his wife and two children and was in an accident on a slippery road. His family was killed. 

What can I say? What can anyone say except, we need to remind ourselves that his life and our own have a story to tell.

We might remind ourselves that the only life story we know, even a little about, is our own. Even our own story is still a work in progress and things can change in a heartbeat.

Perhaps the next time, I start to dismiss someone, I might remember this. I know I should. Whether I will or not is another story.

I write this to remind myself, and you that maybe we all should slow down a bit and take a second look before we pass over someone next to us, without a word being said to give us enough information to make more than a totally superficial judgement.*

 

*See also October 7, 2015 and earlier THE BLANKET MAN

THE MEANING OF LIFE

I woke up this morning dreaming about a helicopter crashing after spinning out of control. Freudians may ascribe some deep psychological meaning to this dream. To me however, it had two causes: I was eating sweet things very late at night and last night I watched 2 Fast and Furious movies in a row. Therefore, I was not at all surprised by my dream was about chases and crashes. I don’t think, in this case, that I need to think much more about what deeper message about life this dream was giving me.

I think that as long as any of us members of the human race are alive, some of us will be wondering whether there is a purpose to life. Some of us will work hard to understand as much as we can about the meaning of life and the things around us. We might even spend our whole lives thinking about and philosophising. Doing this though might lead to our thinking about life and living, instead of living our lives.

I suspect that there are times when all of us wonder whether life is too complicated for us ever to understand what it’s all about. I know there are times when I shake my head and wonder whether it will ever make sense to me. However, normally after thinking this, I usually continue doing whatever I was doing before I let the mystery of living intrude on the life I was actually living.

Maybe we might consider that we are actually doing what we are supposed to be doing. Whatever it is, perhaps if we paid attention, we might learn something.

In fact, I personally think learning is actually what life is supposed to be about.

I know that, it hardly matters what plans I make, there will always be unexpected things that happen. In fact, I tend to appreciate that sometimes the unexpected surprises are what actually makes life more interesting. I say this even though I don’t think I was born thinking that every lemon in life was ready to be made into lemonade. Neither did I think a spoonful of sugar would make everything taste better.

I have noticed that life will go on, with or without my participation.  However, I personally feel that my own life is more interesting when I am present and paying attention to the people and places around me.

Even as a casual observer, there is probably more than enough to interest and challenge us each and every day. It isn’t actually all that difficult to start noticing and appreciate what the people around us are saying and doing nor about the vast variety of things happening all around us every day.

I am beginning to wonder whether being bored and being boring may be something we bring upon ourselves.

Consider how we look at places we have traveled and paid to see. As Tourists we are often very determined to see anything and everything. In fact, many of us return from vacations needing a vacation.

However, in our own cities, it’s often only when visitors come that we go to local sites and attractions and tell our visitors about them. It is at such times that we may surprise ourselves when we realize that we are proud of these places, and of ourselves, for knowing more than we thought we did about them.

I can’t help but wonder whether a little sightseeing in our own areas might not actually give us a rather nice set of new experiences to add to our enjoyment of life.

At times when we are 'grounded' in our daily lives, a little ‘off season tourism’ might just give us the new experiences our day to day life needs to reinvigorate it and ourselves.

WHAT GIVES?

Recently it has been hard to turn on the news, whether local or world news. I say this, without any inherent cynicism or prejudice. As I said recently, there seems to be a lot of unhappiness around in quite a few areas of the city, country and world.

In my own city, Toronto, recently we can hardly turn on any news station without hearing about another stabbing. Some of these have been fatal. I mean, a woman walks into a drug store and seems to have stabbed another woman who she didn’t know. The person who was stabbed (and died) worked nearby and was, a cancer researcher. The one who stabbed her seems to be a well educated business woman.

Someone who has lived on a main intersection corner for years, has, I am told, gone to jail for stabbing an elderly woman who told him not to feed the pigeons. His brother, also homeless, lived, quite literally, across the road.

These two are not isolated incidents. In the past couple of weeks I’m wondering whether Toronto will soon be considered the stabbing capital of Canada. Sadly, I am not joking. 

There have been several incidents similar to the above. I don’t even think any of them share similar methods or possible causes or similar victims or anything else. Just weirdly, stabbing is the latest crime method or something? Makes no sense.

Other things that don’t make any sense at the moment is why so many people seem to be doing relatively normal type activities and a moment later machine gunning people in the next building. In this case, in Tel Aviv. One minute looking at fruit and vegetables, the next minute going next door with a machine gun. Dropping off your baby at your mother's on the way to kill a lot of people.

Meanwhile, the long U.S. election cycle is continuing to dominate with daily coverage of strange comments and some detailed and very specific personal attacks that don’t make sense, in the middle of debates. Personally I can’t see any of the current candidates as a possible President of the United States, however, long they have been around in the media.

Oh yeah, and in 2020 President Kanye West? Maybe anyone in America really can grow up to be President.

It’s a strange world out there at the moment. I have said that I don’t think that I’m the only one who thinks so either.

The crux of the matter however, is not that a lot of violence and intemperate ideas and comments are being made. It isn’t even that an epidemic of stabbing incidents are currently the kind of crimes in my city. Nor is the fact that people are gunning down bystanders almost every day recently, in various parts of the world.

What is bothering me is the anger and hatred and frustration and despair that are likely to be the causes for all of this negative violence that seems to have worsened recently.

I have to ask also, why would any group of human beings seek to turn idealistic young people into suicidal mass murderers of strangers?

Without even getting into uncharacteristic flooding in the United States this winter or unseasonable warmth in December where I live, or dozens of other things beyond our control anyway; this seems to be a time, where logical behaviour, considered argument and common sense has, temporarily gone out the window.

I really hope we all settle down sooner, rather than later. It’s hard to imagine who or what will take the tone down to a manageable and reasonable level and let us work on the things in life that might actually be a manageable set of problems that can be thought out and which we can again work together on.

We can only hope that all of us in the world somehow take the equivalent of a deep breath and all start being more reasonable in this very New Year, than we seem to have been the past couple of months.

TOO SIMPLE?

It seems to me that a lot of people around me recently, including myself, just spent the last couple of months of 2015 weighed down by the weight of the world.

It was almost like all of the problems you and I, and everybody else we knew or saw or heard about, were sitting right in front of us. What a drag!

It would be nice to solve this current situation by telling ourselves, and everyone we know, to LIGHTEN UP! It would be nice, but is it too simple and furthermore, what are the chances of it working?

I am thinking of something that the usual good night’s sleep or taking two aspirin and calling the doctor back in the morning, just doesn’t seem to work on. 

The problem, if that is what it is, is that it is happening to me, and most of the people I know, right now.  

It has got me wondering what really works when something seems vaguely to be hanging over you (and me), and maybe all of the world for about the past month. Like, what gives? 

More importantly, what is wrong with this hazy picture that I don’t think is only me imagining it?

Life generally teaches us, over time, that a lot of junk that used to bother us a lot, doesn’t have the same effect anymore as we get on with our lives. Some of this, actually qualifies as ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and has long ago proven to be true because, here we are and past rubbish is both the past, and rubbish.

Like, we got over fear of flying, or whatever else used to be such a big deal and now wonder what all the fuss was about. In fact, we wonder how we ever wasted so much time and energy on that old thing.

But that is not what we’re dealing with here. We are dealing with whatever garbage we are carrying around now. It doesn’t even have to make sense, it just is and most of us know and feel and see a lot of annoyed and irritable people, including ourselves, recently.

I know, it will let up sometime, maybe even soon, but at the moment, a lot of us are dragging ourselves around and seem a bit at sea about the State of the World and the STATE OF OUR WORLD and our lives.

For example, can you really see ANY of the people, currently running as candidates in the U.S. as a possible President of the U.S.? Just asking, because I can’t. Ditto, world peace, global warming and about a zillion other things that seem to be going nowhere right now…

At the moment, uncharacteristically for me, I wonder if we just have to find a way to roll with it. Since, most vague things you and I find bother us, usually pass out of mind and our lives, fairly soon, maybe today’s malaise will too.

Meanwhile, today I’m wondering if sometimes it is better to let whatever it is run it’s course. Maybe, like most stuff in life, one day something else will take it’s place. This might just be one of those times. See you on the other side…soon I hope.

A BREATH OF FRESH AIR

It is good to come outside every day, even if only for a few minutes. If nothing else, you might actually get some fresh air moving through your lungs.

This does not have to be a big deal, even a few minutes is better than sitting looking at the same old, same old.

So far, Toronto has not had the usual Winter. In other words one or two snow falls worthy of the name did not drop enough on the city to let the snow freeze. Even worse yet, is the all too familiar winter experience of having half melted slush splash you or soak your feet when you step into it. 

The absence of what winter usually brings us, has many of us thinking that if this is what global warming will mean for our winter, a lot of us won’t mind it much.

The point however, is not, at the first sign of cold, to hunker down and decide that the next time anyone is going to see us is when summer returns. At the very least, this is antisocial. More importantly, it is unhealthy.

Man is a social animal and wants, maybe even instinctively knows, that he probably needs, to be around other human beings pretty well every day. Were it not so, a lot of us would have moved to uninhabited islands long ago or live alone, far from the rest of our fellows. But we don’t do we; the first chance we get, we head for where other men and women are congregating.

Complain though some of us may, it is a very rare person who does not like to be somewhere other people are most of the time.

In fact, I doubt though that there is much historical evidence at any time in human history of isolation being preferred to some form of congregation and communal living.

I have had to work hard on this attitude within myself, since hibernation in cold weather comes a lot more naturally than forcing myself outside as I have taught myself to do. In cold weather, I have to admit that sometimes it takes a bit of willpower to don the warm clothing we will need and get further than sticking our head out of the front door.

However, I have personally found that strangely enough, once we get to this point and start moving toward whatever activity we hear or see in our area, I think most of us will likely derive some comfort and reassurance that life is moving forward and that our gloom and doom was perhaps a bit too heavy.

I suggest if your life has started to seem like the same old, same old, you sally forth and take a look around at the rest of the world. If nothing else you can get a couple of breaths of fresh air.

More likely, after you have made even a small effort to get outside, you are almost certain to see or do something just a little differently than before.

With far less effort than you think, you will, at the very least, have moved out of a potential rut of self absorption and boredom. You might even have moved ahead with a clearer head and a few new ideas that just weren’t coming to you until you made a little effort to change the scenery.