I can tell you however, that I must have learned something because for the first six years of our Marriage, my Husband and I never fought, and after that, still not much. Who knows, maybe I had learned something along the way.
Interestingly that book was written by two Men, George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. The only thing I remember from it, since I no longer have a copy, was that when arguing, even if you are boiling mad and ready to explode, NEVER bring up all of the many things old and new that have bothered you about the Man. Be specific about what is bothering you now. Address that and that alone.
Most self-help books aren't written by Men. In the movie The Ugly Truth, when the character played by Gerard Butler burns a pile of such 'Self Help' books, I am with him all the way. Do I still read them? Not often.
However, when I was widowed I soon realized that relations between Men and Women no longer seemed either friendly or easy. By 2000, even I noticed that Men and Women seemed to be interacting with Serial Monogamy in short relationships. These were usually followed by quick breakups without any possible reconciliation. People seemed to be giving each other up quite easily. I couldn't understand why two people who supposedly cared for each other, wouldn't try to rescue or resurrect their relationship.
In an effort to bridge the gap in my knowledge, I bought, read, and more importantly, kept, the following books. Most of them were written by Women or by a Man and a Woman:
1. how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
I can't tell you how much I think employing this approach is the best one of all for male/female relations. When you stop talking about every little thing that comes into your head, you might have a chance to talk about things that are really important, for a change.
2. Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. Men apparently genetically don't hear certain things.
On a personal note, I assure you that using the word Don't will guarantee that whatever follows will be the one thing a man will ignore, overlook or forget. I speak from experience.
Those of us who already believe that men and women perceive life differently and still want to get along, will cooperate with each other by sharing a division of labour by tasks innately suited to the skills inherent to each sex.
Alternatively, the person who does a necessary task better or who enjoys doing it more, should take on that job.
3. Same Words Different Language by Barbara Annis.
Like the above book, this one tries to remind us that Men and Women have different skills, abilities and ways of thinking. Once we understand how each sex relates to various words and know what they are, it is prudent to use ones that elicit cooperation rather than rankle.
A word to the wise, whenever a Woman says nothing is wrong, an explosion is imminent.
and finally;
4. How Men Think - The Seven Essential Rules for Making It In A Man's World by Adrienne Mendell, M.A.. This I did not read for the subtitle.
I never wanted or needed to 'make it' in a 'Man's World'. I always felt that Women brought creativity, cooperation and a different perspective to the world and this made a tremendous contribution to whatever we did.
What I liked however, was the authors description of what she feels are the basic characteristics of the male of the species set out in the following chapter headings.
These are:
1. Act Competent;
2. Act Strong;
3. Keep Playing to Win, Even When the Game Is No Longer Fun;
4. Don't Get Emotionally Involved, While Playing the Game;
5. Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game;
6. Fighting Is Part of the Game;
7. You Are Part of a Team.
This is one of the most sensible books by a Woman I have ever read. Men are not labelled as an adversary to Women, but rather the author describes their inherent abilities and society's expectations. These are looked at to explain how a Man sees and interacts with the world around him.
There is probably a HOW TO book for everyone. There is always a new theory out there that promises to solve whatever ails you. Like the Diet books, one or another will likely work for someone out there. If nothing else, they have created great wealth for some authors and publishers.
I suggest that when you find a book that looks interesting to you, you have a look at whatever theory, for that is what it is, you think might be of help to you. You can be sure, if this isn't the one you think you need, you don't need to worry, a new theory will be along soon. That you can count on.
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