Although I speak about it often in person, I rarely write about how I spent Millennium night.
On Christmas Eve, December 24th, 1999 at about 11 a.m. in the morning, my life changed forever.
A rather regular telephone call from my specialist, told me that I had a Tumour and not a Cyst. I was told that she would see me after the holidays and that an operation date of January 18, 2000 was scheduled for me.
After I absorbed the shock and ran to the (corner) public library where I found...most Cancer information was only available at the Central Reference Library, I called the doctor back and was told not to read too much; every case is different and that she would talk to me in two weeks.
Since, that night was our family's annual Christmas gathering, the one time each year that all of my siblings, nieces and nephews attended, I had received this news just in time to share it with everyone at the same time. Oh joy!
Meanwhile, I will never, ever, experience a carefree day again. Like a child absorbing that their really isn't a Santa Claus, nothing will ever really be the same again.
I call this fissure in my life: BC and AC. BEFORE CANCER and AFTER CANCER.
Among other things, you need immediately to consider you may die. In fact, you may already be dying or you may die soon.
In my case, this might just have been my last Christmas and my last New Year. Happy new Millennium.
I could not help but wonder as I recorded the world-wide celebration of, not just a New Year, but a new Millennium, that I might never see another one.
A couple of weeks later, I FINALLY met the Doctor in her office, where she could speak to me face to face and give me some information about my specific situation, at last. At one point, she conceded (SURPRISE, SURPRISE), now that it was far too late, that, her timing might have been better. NO KIDDING!
She was surprised that, after the Hell on Earth she gave me as an early Christmas present that, I only asked a few questions: Do I have to have this operation? Will it go away by itself? Is there anything else I can do? So you think I really need this operation? Why was she so surprised? Because I am still standing? What else could I do?
Anyway, I was operated on, after waiting all day until after 5 p.m., because an emergency ectopic pregnancy preceded me. My husband stayed with me all day, without eating either, and somehow didn't collapse. He, would, of course, never be the same again either, but it took a long time to realize the price he paid.
When the doctor told me and him that it is probably benign because 2 litres of endometriosis were removed, I could not know that in a couple of months, a Cancer diagnosis would be made and that 2 types of cancer had been found.
I lost my hair during several Chemotherapy sessions, half a month or more Radiation exhausted me. By August, my Chemo. was over and my hair began to grow back. I took off the wig that protected me from everyone knowing I had Cancer, for good. I started to feel less tired and after follow ups and clean bills of health, I realized I was still here. Idiots around you, asked me if I was in Remission. I wondered whether I would hate them forever for reminding me that for a few minutes, I might have forgotten I'd had Cancer.
What I have found, as time goes on is, that, it doesn't matter whether it comes back, how long I have to live or don't have. Life, no one gets out alive anyway.
Besides that, whatever I thought and whatever I did, I can tell people to do what they have to do when they face the possibility or the actuality of Cancer. Don't get crazy. Find out what you have to do and decide what you want to do then. I can tell them this, because, I have been there and am unfortunately, speaking from first hand experience.
When the media started saying that many people had decided not to have treatment, IF they got a cancer diagnosis, I was outraged.
One of my brother's told a guy at work who didn't want any scars on his body; he was sure the guy would look very nice when everyone visited him...at the Funeral Parlour. Exactly.
Why don't the media stick to doing what they are good at, showing a few people dressed up in matching outfits, and obviously feeling all noble and good about themselves, as they prepare to run around the block a couple of times; If they are really rich, attend some grand ball with lots of expensive silent auction and door prizes, with the remaining pittance going to cancer.
One thing, however, which the specialist said was very true. Don't read too much; every case is different. Inform yourself when you speak to knowledgeable medical people, not terrifying yourself with voluminous and likely very indiscriminate Internet hearsay.
By talking to people freely and often, I hope I help lots and lots of people to be less afraid. Even if I only help one person, I am happy to do so.
As I tell people, get a good Doctor, do what you think is best. I also say, I went through it and 'Here I am 13 years later; still talking Crap'. That is the point.
UPDATE: on Saturday May 4th, 2013 I passed the new store of a friend I had not seen in, at least, 10 years. When I last saw him, he had suffered through many operations. I was told he had Lymphatic (sic) Cancer. There he was hale and healthy, having moved to a new location when his former building had been sold. He has a 5 year old son. It is 16 years since his Cancer.
When I mentioned about the Media talking about popular theory about Cancer was that many people say they would refuse treatment if they got Cancer. His reply was, yes, there are millions that feel that way...That's because they don't have Cancer.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
SEE ALSO: January 18, 2015 - SURVIVAL SKILLS and January 20, 2015 - AFTERWARDS - Living to fight another day
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