Historically, you were treated as a grown up adult at a much younger age. Shorter lifespans may perhaps have necessitated earlier marriages and adult responsibilities. Throughout history, people were considered by be grown up once they had experienced puberty or certainly not long after.
Learning how to be self sufficient is one of the important milestones we must reach if we are to become adults. Today, however, we seem have extended childhood dependence far into adulthood. In fact, I would say, far beyond any reasonable length of time, thereby postponing adulthood indefinitely.
I will always love the concept of the family as a mainstay of society and am very encouraged that in 1999, at least, Marcel Danesi in his book Forever Young, says that 79% of 12-14 year old children admired their parents most (with athletes next at 13%).
Some parents may feel they are helping by encouraging their 'children' who have now been adults for some time, to take even more time to 'find themselves'. Others however, may have simply become resigned to a sort of perpetual extended family living under their roof indefinitely, being either unwilling or unable to feel confident as Adults with their own lives and families.
By 2000, the U.S. census found that 4 million people between twenty-five and thirty-four were living with their parents. Today this is often at the parent's expense, with legal decisions, in both the United States and European Union, enforcing such lifestyle choices. Having dependent adult 'children' in the parental home has now become very normal.
Some of these 'children' have probably never left their parental homes. Others, likely left home for a while, but have now returned. Some were away to complete their education. Others have returned, perhaps after a divorce, with the grandchildren. Some of the grandchildren have been or will be, left behind for the grandparents to raise when the adult 'children' again leave. Still others have never married and either can't or won't lead lives independent of their parents.
That large numbers of young adults remaining in the family home, particularly as adult dependents, either unwilling or unable to function independently of their families, concerns me greatly. I suspect that many of these adults have decided that "There's no place like home".
If I were to be cynical, I would say for some of this group, that the comforts of home (paid for by someone else) appeals far more than the self discipline, hard work and self motivation that is required to build a life of one's own successfully. I consider many of these as lazy and self serving.
When I hear about adults in their 50's and older 'borrowing' money from their parents to support their 'lifestyles' and expenses, I can't help but wonder, why they feel that, baring dire emergencies, this would be acceptable. This applies especially to those adult men and women feeling entitled to 'their inheritance' and consequently demand money from their elderly parents. When did it become acceptable to ask for or consider yourself entitled to an inheritance especially while your parents are still alive?
For some parents, it must seem that, in the worst sense, once a parent, always a parent, or perhaps once a child, always a child, when the worst version of parenting and even grand parenting has become reality today. When your children never grow up is it any wonder that some parents talk about 'running away from home'?.
A more troubling possibility however, to the future of our society, would involve those young men and woman who say that they want a place of their own, want to earn a living of their own but feel unable emotionally or financially to do so. Among these those who are aimless, unmotivated or despondent, present an even greater challenge.
The law of unintended consequences could be very harsh indeed when those who were unwilling to be adults, become unable to do so. Like it or not, none of us is going to live forever. Leaving behind a lot of dependent men and women, would be tragic. However, this might be the outcome of allowing dependence to continue so far into adulthood.
I believe that eventually, we will need to address the consequences of perpetuating childhood, dependent behaviour and not encouraging and insisting that young adults assume their place in society as adults as a rite of passage, when they should.
Inevitably, the result, of continuing adolescence far into adulthood is, that no one benefits, least of all the forever dependent 'child'. Ultimately, in essence, they are deprived of enjoying the benefits of living a fulfilling, productive, self sufficient and meaningful life.
*See also blog of March 16, 2012 "I Don't Want To/Can't Grow Up
Monday 12 December 2011
Saturday 10 December 2011
FOREVER YOUNG - DENYING YOURSELF HAPPINESS (2011 & 2013)
When I was writing this in late 2011, one of my brothers said he wished he could go back and be 13 years old forever. I said I wished I could be 20. This made me wonder whether each of us has an ideal age that we would like to be again or have stayed at forever, whatever age we actually now are.
Most of us have heard someone say, 'If only I was 10 years younger'. Today it seems that popular culture has encouraged and already accepted people behaving as if they are, at least, 10 years younger.
I actually wonder whether anyone today will admit to being old. I believe growing old gracefully is, at least in North America, a thing of the past.
Everywhere in the media we see the culture of Forever Young being directly or indirectly portrayed as where we all should want to be. This is especially true when we see airbrushed magazine covers showing models, almost all under 30. We cannot help but observe this young look in any advertisements. Also there is also an absence of almost anyone on the movie premiere or awards ceremony 'red carpet' who does not seem ageless.
Articles talk about women feeling old at 27, but men not feeling the same way until they are around 54 years old. Even when 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40 etc., eventually somebody has to accept that they have finally reached old age...then again, maybe not, anymore these days.
Many, women especially, but also some men are having Botulism injected into their faces to keep aging signs at bay. Meanwhile, almost all age groups wear the same blue jeans, and listen to the same music, while speaking the current slang. Generally, I would say, most people are actively trying to demonstrate youth in their attire, words and actions.
As Marcel Danesi has written in his book, Forever Young - The Teen-Aging of Modern Culture, the parents are talking the talk of the young, wearing the clothes of much younger people, adopting the music, and perhaps also the behaviour and attitudes, of those much younger than their chronological age. He observes a 70+ grandmother grooving (sic) beside her grandson at a Grateful Dead concert and marvels at the uniformity of their outfits, and by extension, outlooks.
When I met a several of my cousins recently, I mentioned that any efforts by CARP (the Canadian Association of Retired People) to enlist people of 50 or over into their ranks as members was not going to happen. Most of them agreed with me that the Boomers would never willingly concede that they were already there.
I am convinced that this culture of being Forever Young is, a fait accompli. I believe that because of this desire to be forever young, the Zoomers label had to be created.
Meanwhile, although many women might be flattered to be considered to look like sisters to their daughters, the reality of a parent as a friend or sister, is more likely to leave children without a parent.
Trying to dress and act your child's age and be their friend and peer, or worse still, for some reason trying to compete with them, could lead to a failure of discipline and direction as a parent. It is even more likely to eventually expose you to ridicule and make you seem pathetic to others. This is a struggle to be someone else's age, rather than your own.
When aging, older adults and the parents of the adult 'children' are doing everything they can to stay Forever Young, they are also not accepting the beauty and strengths that each age brings with it in its natural course.
While there is probably nothing wrong with being alert and aware of what is going on around you; slavishly devotion to youth's every utterance however, makes some of us wonder where there is someone reasonable to tell the 'Fashion Victims' and other devotees of the youth cult, to Grow Up and act their age.
The alternative is denying yourself Happiness because you are never living in the present and resentful and angry because you can never go back to some 'ideal perfect age'. If you think about it for a short while, you actually wouldn't want to, but there is no reasoning with bitterness and resentment.
Meanwhile, we might wonder whether growing old gracefully has gone forever. Perhaps young, older and oldest have already committed themselves to the ultimately futile struggle to stay Forever Young, ignoring all evidence to the contrary. If so, they are of course, fighting a losing battle and will ultimately fail.
Taken to the ultimate end I suppose, we might witness many middle age crazy stuff from people who have retired and see them still Zooming away when old age takes the life out of them. We may hear that they were still kicking and screaming that were too young to die until the end. Doesn't sound 'cool' to me, because it won't be.
See also: FOREVER YOUNG 2 - CELEBRATING YOUR SUCCESS (2012 & 2013)
Most of us have heard someone say, 'If only I was 10 years younger'. Today it seems that popular culture has encouraged and already accepted people behaving as if they are, at least, 10 years younger.
I actually wonder whether anyone today will admit to being old. I believe growing old gracefully is, at least in North America, a thing of the past.
Everywhere in the media we see the culture of Forever Young being directly or indirectly portrayed as where we all should want to be. This is especially true when we see airbrushed magazine covers showing models, almost all under 30. We cannot help but observe this young look in any advertisements. Also there is also an absence of almost anyone on the movie premiere or awards ceremony 'red carpet' who does not seem ageless.
Articles talk about women feeling old at 27, but men not feeling the same way until they are around 54 years old. Even when 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40 etc., eventually somebody has to accept that they have finally reached old age...then again, maybe not, anymore these days.
Many, women especially, but also some men are having Botulism injected into their faces to keep aging signs at bay. Meanwhile, almost all age groups wear the same blue jeans, and listen to the same music, while speaking the current slang. Generally, I would say, most people are actively trying to demonstrate youth in their attire, words and actions.
As Marcel Danesi has written in his book, Forever Young - The Teen-Aging of Modern Culture, the parents are talking the talk of the young, wearing the clothes of much younger people, adopting the music, and perhaps also the behaviour and attitudes, of those much younger than their chronological age. He observes a 70+ grandmother grooving (sic) beside her grandson at a Grateful Dead concert and marvels at the uniformity of their outfits, and by extension, outlooks.
When I met a several of my cousins recently, I mentioned that any efforts by CARP (the Canadian Association of Retired People) to enlist people of 50 or over into their ranks as members was not going to happen. Most of them agreed with me that the Boomers would never willingly concede that they were already there.
I am convinced that this culture of being Forever Young is, a fait accompli. I believe that because of this desire to be forever young, the Zoomers label had to be created.
Meanwhile, although many women might be flattered to be considered to look like sisters to their daughters, the reality of a parent as a friend or sister, is more likely to leave children without a parent.
Trying to dress and act your child's age and be their friend and peer, or worse still, for some reason trying to compete with them, could lead to a failure of discipline and direction as a parent. It is even more likely to eventually expose you to ridicule and make you seem pathetic to others. This is a struggle to be someone else's age, rather than your own.
When aging, older adults and the parents of the adult 'children' are doing everything they can to stay Forever Young, they are also not accepting the beauty and strengths that each age brings with it in its natural course.
While there is probably nothing wrong with being alert and aware of what is going on around you; slavishly devotion to youth's every utterance however, makes some of us wonder where there is someone reasonable to tell the 'Fashion Victims' and other devotees of the youth cult, to Grow Up and act their age.
The alternative is denying yourself Happiness because you are never living in the present and resentful and angry because you can never go back to some 'ideal perfect age'. If you think about it for a short while, you actually wouldn't want to, but there is no reasoning with bitterness and resentment.
Meanwhile, we might wonder whether growing old gracefully has gone forever. Perhaps young, older and oldest have already committed themselves to the ultimately futile struggle to stay Forever Young, ignoring all evidence to the contrary. If so, they are of course, fighting a losing battle and will ultimately fail.
Taken to the ultimate end I suppose, we might witness many middle age crazy stuff from people who have retired and see them still Zooming away when old age takes the life out of them. We may hear that they were still kicking and screaming that were too young to die until the end. Doesn't sound 'cool' to me, because it won't be.
See also: FOREVER YOUNG 2 - CELEBRATING YOUR SUCCESS (2012 & 2013)
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