I guess more people are feeling that if they want something, it has got to be a good thing. Not only that, but if they want it, they don't care who knows it.
The selfish mantra likely comes out as: I want it, need it, gotta have it, am gonna have it...no matter what. Probably they feel they 'deserve' it. After all, 'life is short', 'unfair', 'everyone is doing it' and 'you only live once'. Any or all of these are applied to the newest thing someone decides is the latest thing they must have.
In my opinion, this litany is today's self expression, much of it in petulant, pouting or annoyed at any delay in getting what is wanted. I always feel sorry for the person the demands are being made of. Not only is it too much to ask, but it seems that everywhere you go someone is going on about something they feel is wrong, unjust, unfair and which they had done to them by someone else.
This is especially true when someone, in a public place, seems to want everyone within hearing range to hear whatever they are talking about today. They seem to neither know, nor care about how trite, banal and commonplace they sound. Sometimes, I wonder if they would stop themselves, if they could hear themselves and how lame they sound. Then again, maybe this wouldn't matter as long as there is an audience.
Maybe, this is the modern version of life as a play, but so emotional that we are maybe supposed to 'feel' everyone's pain and participate in whatever 'drama' they are dumping out today. Cathartic as it may be for them, I think ultimately, it will make us want to be less involved, not more involved with people who need to 'act out' the soap opera of their lives and force it upon us.
Let's face it, when we tell someone that what they are saying is 'too much information', we are trying to get them to stop telling us more than we ever need or want to know about something. We are doing our best to tell others that we really don't want to know any more of the details. In fact, we are sometimes close to 'begging' them to 'spare us the details' and to please, drop the subject. It seems this is too much to ask today and a MEGO (my eyes glaze over) tuning out becomes our last resort.
While I love the original, the unusual and the interesting, not everyone does. Nor does everyone within earshot want to know everything on your Wish List; what you have decided you want, think you need, have decided you must have, and that you have determined to get, whatever it takes.
As an Adult, the temper tantrum is a lot to put up with, even from a young child; from another Adult, it is downright ridiculous and intolerable.
Tuesday 30 April 2013
Monday 29 April 2013
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP
The Who were talking about My Generation in 1965. I didn't start talking about them much before a couple of years ago.
I was just living my life, trying to teach myself how to live more simply and get away from all of the frantic activity I still saw all around me.
I don't think its a good idea to carry the past with us into the present especially the parts of it that we think we might have, could have, should have lived another way. I try hard to always remember that I used the best judgement I could when I made my decision in the past. If it didn't work out the way I wanted, so what, something else happened. Meanwhile, I am still standing, and so is Elton John, just as he said he was in l983.
I think postponing your life any longer isn't wise. The youngest of the Boomers, born in 1964, is now (gulp!) almost 49 years old. What are we waiting for?
News Flash! Yet again, the world didn't end on December 21, 2012. Anyone who is still waiting for the next predicted end of the world date, is also waiting for the lottery to pay off and a lot of other things we should maybe not count on.
Maybe it might be a good idea to see what the weather is like outside your window, or even look up the weather in England and Australia as I do. At least, you will be doing something when you think that there is a 14 hour difference with Australia, from where I live and a 5 hour difference in England and they are hours ahead of my time of day...when I wake up in the morning. At least you won't call the Aussie's at noon...more than once and it does some good, if only for that reason.
The time to do what you need to do to be happier, feel younger, feel successful, feel fulfilled and generally to teach the world 'to sing in perfect harmony', whether drinking Coke or not; is now.
Let's all of us Boomers, take the first step toward doing all of the stuff we somehow haven't gotten around to yet. Meanwhile, let's clear out the old junk that we are still carrying around but haven't needed for years.
While we're at it, let's start talking about my generation. There are enough of us that a whisper will do.
NOTE: (SEE ALSO)
#1 BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011);
and
#2 BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING (2013)
I was just living my life, trying to teach myself how to live more simply and get away from all of the frantic activity I still saw all around me.
I don't think its a good idea to carry the past with us into the present especially the parts of it that we think we might have, could have, should have lived another way. I try hard to always remember that I used the best judgement I could when I made my decision in the past. If it didn't work out the way I wanted, so what, something else happened. Meanwhile, I am still standing, and so is Elton John, just as he said he was in l983.
I think postponing your life any longer isn't wise. The youngest of the Boomers, born in 1964, is now (gulp!) almost 49 years old. What are we waiting for?
News Flash! Yet again, the world didn't end on December 21, 2012. Anyone who is still waiting for the next predicted end of the world date, is also waiting for the lottery to pay off and a lot of other things we should maybe not count on.
Maybe it might be a good idea to see what the weather is like outside your window, or even look up the weather in England and Australia as I do. At least, you will be doing something when you think that there is a 14 hour difference with Australia, from where I live and a 5 hour difference in England and they are hours ahead of my time of day...when I wake up in the morning. At least you won't call the Aussie's at noon...more than once and it does some good, if only for that reason.
The time to do what you need to do to be happier, feel younger, feel successful, feel fulfilled and generally to teach the world 'to sing in perfect harmony', whether drinking Coke or not; is now.
Let's all of us Boomers, take the first step toward doing all of the stuff we somehow haven't gotten around to yet. Meanwhile, let's clear out the old junk that we are still carrying around but haven't needed for years.
While we're at it, let's start talking about my generation. There are enough of us that a whisper will do.
NOTE: (SEE ALSO)
#1 BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011);
and
#2 BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING (2013)
Thursday 25 April 2013
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MEN (AND WOMEN) TODAY?
What's the matter with Men today? You might as well ask, What's the matter with Women today?, at the same time. Maybe what's wrong with Men is what's wrong with Women and vice versa.
Some Women and Men might be wise to look at themselves the next time they feel angry or disappointed in their partner, because they have played a big part in making the other into what they are today. This is not a compliment.
I wish that today's Woman could still be considered Man's 'better half', but it appears that many are far too busy thinking of what they want and need themselves.
Meanwhile, the Man, normally someone a Woman would like to be able to look up to, respect and admire, may have become so overwhelmed by the demands made upon him by his family and his work, that he heads for one extreme or the other, totally driven or much too complacent.
I think some Men just figure it's easier and less trying to just give in to the Woman (and give up) because they've bought into the mantra, Happy Wife, Happy Life.
At the other extreme, the ever increasing demands made upon Men may make them into a desperate wannabee Mogul, seeking fame and fortune at any price. It is not a big jump to start to believe that only the unscrupulous and ruthless can succeed. In its extreme form, this is not a Man many Women would want to have in their lives. The female counterpart incidentally, isn't very nice either.
I wish Men were still Gentlemen first and Men second. I wish they could still recognize a Lady when they saw one and behaved accordingly. I wish Woman could still be Ladies first and Women second.
To be secure as a Woman or a Man, means you understand who you are and are confident enough to not have anything to prove. The Lady and the Gentleman are still out there, but may become an Endangered Species, if we keep on going the way we do now.
Women desperate to keep a guy interested by raiding sleazy lingerie shops, wouldn't recognize Allure or sexiness if it hit them in the head. All the Botox and other attempts to defy age, won't guarantee you will be loved or even loveable.
Women trying to trade themselves for Money and Status to a 'Trophy hunting' male, should realize that an overinflated sense, of their looks or worth, will not necessarily put them into a permanent relationship. As one well known singer/movie actors wife once said; he left his previous wife for me, now he's done the same to me. It was good while it lasted.
Meanwhile, anyone who thinks someone became rich by being stupid, may find out that, What's Mine is Mine and What's His (or Hers) is Mine, won't fly.
Then again, I have heard, as recently as this week, of yet another middle aged Man, who still takes his Laundry 'home' to his Mother. Married or not, there has got to be a story here. God's Gift to Women, might still be Mama's little boy, I fear.
The self centered Daddy's Girl is also alive and well. Her sense of entitlement has never been questioned. It might never be, if she finds some fool to play the role of provider and splits at the first sign of trouble. Ransoming the man's access to their children and getting the law to back her up, will ensure that that she will never grow up into an independent, self sufficient Woman.
Of course, we all know that Women today really can Have It All. Provided that they are willing to do what they did before and run a home and go to work and take care of elderly parents (on both sides of the family) and still attend to their needs as a couple and her Husband's need for a Wife.
Having It All sounds good, but there aren't enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Not so easy, in fact probably impossible, but a lot are trying. Something usually has to give. I think the result is someone not giving much quality time or energy to anything in their lives, because they are spread so thin.
Today's Man and today's Women usually have, I think, pretty much tried to be all things to each other and also fulfil all of their other obligations and committments to everyone else in their lives at the same time. Most seem to be ending up with a lot of debt and both are working longer and harder than ever. I think a lot of them will be worn out before their time.
I hope somewhere before they burn out, one or both, figure out whether they are really committed to each other. If they are, I hope they decide that they are going to restore some sanity to their lives. If they remember what it was that brought them together, they might also discover, what will keep them together.
Only when they filter out the cacophony of demands that are coming at them, will they have a chance to have some solid support at their side as they make the journey. Otherwise, one or the other will join the ever growing ranks of the ubiquitous Single Parent.
Some Women and Men might be wise to look at themselves the next time they feel angry or disappointed in their partner, because they have played a big part in making the other into what they are today. This is not a compliment.
I wish that today's Woman could still be considered Man's 'better half', but it appears that many are far too busy thinking of what they want and need themselves.
Meanwhile, the Man, normally someone a Woman would like to be able to look up to, respect and admire, may have become so overwhelmed by the demands made upon him by his family and his work, that he heads for one extreme or the other, totally driven or much too complacent.
I think some Men just figure it's easier and less trying to just give in to the Woman (and give up) because they've bought into the mantra, Happy Wife, Happy Life.
At the other extreme, the ever increasing demands made upon Men may make them into a desperate wannabee Mogul, seeking fame and fortune at any price. It is not a big jump to start to believe that only the unscrupulous and ruthless can succeed. In its extreme form, this is not a Man many Women would want to have in their lives. The female counterpart incidentally, isn't very nice either.
I wish Men were still Gentlemen first and Men second. I wish they could still recognize a Lady when they saw one and behaved accordingly. I wish Woman could still be Ladies first and Women second.
To be secure as a Woman or a Man, means you understand who you are and are confident enough to not have anything to prove. The Lady and the Gentleman are still out there, but may become an Endangered Species, if we keep on going the way we do now.
Women desperate to keep a guy interested by raiding sleazy lingerie shops, wouldn't recognize Allure or sexiness if it hit them in the head. All the Botox and other attempts to defy age, won't guarantee you will be loved or even loveable.
Women trying to trade themselves for Money and Status to a 'Trophy hunting' male, should realize that an overinflated sense, of their looks or worth, will not necessarily put them into a permanent relationship. As one well known singer/movie actors wife once said; he left his previous wife for me, now he's done the same to me. It was good while it lasted.
Meanwhile, anyone who thinks someone became rich by being stupid, may find out that, What's Mine is Mine and What's His (or Hers) is Mine, won't fly.
Then again, I have heard, as recently as this week, of yet another middle aged Man, who still takes his Laundry 'home' to his Mother. Married or not, there has got to be a story here. God's Gift to Women, might still be Mama's little boy, I fear.
The self centered Daddy's Girl is also alive and well. Her sense of entitlement has never been questioned. It might never be, if she finds some fool to play the role of provider and splits at the first sign of trouble. Ransoming the man's access to their children and getting the law to back her up, will ensure that that she will never grow up into an independent, self sufficient Woman.
Of course, we all know that Women today really can Have It All. Provided that they are willing to do what they did before and run a home and go to work and take care of elderly parents (on both sides of the family) and still attend to their needs as a couple and her Husband's need for a Wife.
Having It All sounds good, but there aren't enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Not so easy, in fact probably impossible, but a lot are trying. Something usually has to give. I think the result is someone not giving much quality time or energy to anything in their lives, because they are spread so thin.
Today's Man and today's Women usually have, I think, pretty much tried to be all things to each other and also fulfil all of their other obligations and committments to everyone else in their lives at the same time. Most seem to be ending up with a lot of debt and both are working longer and harder than ever. I think a lot of them will be worn out before their time.
I hope somewhere before they burn out, one or both, figure out whether they are really committed to each other. If they are, I hope they decide that they are going to restore some sanity to their lives. If they remember what it was that brought them together, they might also discover, what will keep them together.
Only when they filter out the cacophony of demands that are coming at them, will they have a chance to have some solid support at their side as they make the journey. Otherwise, one or the other will join the ever growing ranks of the ubiquitous Single Parent.
HOW TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS
For some reason that escapes me, long before I needed it, I read a book called the Intimate Enemy: How to Fight in Love and Marriage. It was written in 1969. Does this make sense? Any particular reason why I might have thought I needed such information. I'm not sure. Considering that I probably didn't get married until at least, 15 years later, was I preparing to argue my way through life. I don't think so.
I can tell you however, that I must have learned something because for the first six years of our Marriage, my Husband and I never fought, and after that, still not much. Who knows, maybe I had learned something along the way.
Interestingly that book was written by two Men, George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. The only thing I remember from it, since I no longer have a copy, was that when arguing, even if you are boiling mad and ready to explode, NEVER bring up all of the many things old and new that have bothered you about the Man. Be specific about what is bothering you now. Address that and that alone.
Most self-help books aren't written by Men. In the movie The Ugly Truth, when the character played by Gerard Butler burns a pile of such 'Self Help' books, I am with him all the way. Do I still read them? Not often.
However, when I was widowed I soon realized that relations between Men and Women no longer seemed either friendly or easy. By 2000, even I noticed that Men and Women seemed to be interacting with Serial Monogamy in short relationships. These were usually followed by quick breakups without any possible reconciliation. People seemed to be giving each other up quite easily. I couldn't understand why two people who supposedly cared for each other, wouldn't try to rescue or resurrect their relationship.
In an effort to bridge the gap in my knowledge, I bought, read, and more importantly, kept, the following books. Most of them were written by Women or by a Man and a Woman:
1. how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
I can't tell you how much I think employing this approach is the best one of all for male/female relations. When you stop talking about every little thing that comes into your head, you might have a chance to talk about things that are really important, for a change.
2. Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. Men apparently genetically don't hear certain things.
On a personal note, I assure you that using the word Don't will guarantee that whatever follows will be the one thing a man will ignore, overlook or forget. I speak from experience.
Those of us who already believe that men and women perceive life differently and still want to get along, will cooperate with each other by sharing a division of labour by tasks innately suited to the skills inherent to each sex.
Alternatively, the person who does a necessary task better or who enjoys doing it more, should take on that job.
3. Same Words Different Language by Barbara Annis.
Like the above book, this one tries to remind us that Men and Women have different skills, abilities and ways of thinking. Once we understand how each sex relates to various words and know what they are, it is prudent to use ones that elicit cooperation rather than rankle.
A word to the wise, whenever a Woman says nothing is wrong, an explosion is imminent.
and finally;
4. How Men Think - The Seven Essential Rules for Making It In A Man's World by Adrienne Mendell, M.A.. This I did not read for the subtitle.
I never wanted or needed to 'make it' in a 'Man's World'. I always felt that Women brought creativity, cooperation and a different perspective to the world and this made a tremendous contribution to whatever we did.
What I liked however, was the authors description of what she feels are the basic characteristics of the male of the species set out in the following chapter headings.
These are:
1. Act Competent;
2. Act Strong;
3. Keep Playing to Win, Even When the Game Is No Longer Fun;
4. Don't Get Emotionally Involved, While Playing the Game;
5. Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game;
6. Fighting Is Part of the Game;
7. You Are Part of a Team.
This is one of the most sensible books by a Woman I have ever read. Men are not labelled as an adversary to Women, but rather the author describes their inherent abilities and society's expectations. These are looked at to explain how a Man sees and interacts with the world around him.
There is probably a HOW TO book for everyone. There is always a new theory out there that promises to solve whatever ails you. Like the Diet books, one or another will likely work for someone out there. If nothing else, they have created great wealth for some authors and publishers.
I suggest that when you find a book that looks interesting to you, you have a look at whatever theory, for that is what it is, you think might be of help to you. You can be sure, if this isn't the one you think you need, you don't need to worry, a new theory will be along soon. That you can count on.
I can tell you however, that I must have learned something because for the first six years of our Marriage, my Husband and I never fought, and after that, still not much. Who knows, maybe I had learned something along the way.
Interestingly that book was written by two Men, George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. The only thing I remember from it, since I no longer have a copy, was that when arguing, even if you are boiling mad and ready to explode, NEVER bring up all of the many things old and new that have bothered you about the Man. Be specific about what is bothering you now. Address that and that alone.
Most self-help books aren't written by Men. In the movie The Ugly Truth, when the character played by Gerard Butler burns a pile of such 'Self Help' books, I am with him all the way. Do I still read them? Not often.
However, when I was widowed I soon realized that relations between Men and Women no longer seemed either friendly or easy. By 2000, even I noticed that Men and Women seemed to be interacting with Serial Monogamy in short relationships. These were usually followed by quick breakups without any possible reconciliation. People seemed to be giving each other up quite easily. I couldn't understand why two people who supposedly cared for each other, wouldn't try to rescue or resurrect their relationship.
In an effort to bridge the gap in my knowledge, I bought, read, and more importantly, kept, the following books. Most of them were written by Women or by a Man and a Woman:
1. how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
I can't tell you how much I think employing this approach is the best one of all for male/female relations. When you stop talking about every little thing that comes into your head, you might have a chance to talk about things that are really important, for a change.
2. Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. Men apparently genetically don't hear certain things.
On a personal note, I assure you that using the word Don't will guarantee that whatever follows will be the one thing a man will ignore, overlook or forget. I speak from experience.
Those of us who already believe that men and women perceive life differently and still want to get along, will cooperate with each other by sharing a division of labour by tasks innately suited to the skills inherent to each sex.
Alternatively, the person who does a necessary task better or who enjoys doing it more, should take on that job.
3. Same Words Different Language by Barbara Annis.
Like the above book, this one tries to remind us that Men and Women have different skills, abilities and ways of thinking. Once we understand how each sex relates to various words and know what they are, it is prudent to use ones that elicit cooperation rather than rankle.
A word to the wise, whenever a Woman says nothing is wrong, an explosion is imminent.
and finally;
4. How Men Think - The Seven Essential Rules for Making It In A Man's World by Adrienne Mendell, M.A.. This I did not read for the subtitle.
I never wanted or needed to 'make it' in a 'Man's World'. I always felt that Women brought creativity, cooperation and a different perspective to the world and this made a tremendous contribution to whatever we did.
What I liked however, was the authors description of what she feels are the basic characteristics of the male of the species set out in the following chapter headings.
These are:
1. Act Competent;
2. Act Strong;
3. Keep Playing to Win, Even When the Game Is No Longer Fun;
4. Don't Get Emotionally Involved, While Playing the Game;
5. Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game;
6. Fighting Is Part of the Game;
7. You Are Part of a Team.
This is one of the most sensible books by a Woman I have ever read. Men are not labelled as an adversary to Women, but rather the author describes their inherent abilities and society's expectations. These are looked at to explain how a Man sees and interacts with the world around him.
There is probably a HOW TO book for everyone. There is always a new theory out there that promises to solve whatever ails you. Like the Diet books, one or another will likely work for someone out there. If nothing else, they have created great wealth for some authors and publishers.
I suggest that when you find a book that looks interesting to you, you have a look at whatever theory, for that is what it is, you think might be of help to you. You can be sure, if this isn't the one you think you need, you don't need to worry, a new theory will be along soon. That you can count on.
Tuesday 23 April 2013
YOU'RE JUST SOME PEOPLE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
Coming north from Yonge and Bloor early this evening the crowded standing room only subway placed me within hearing range of a guy and girl talking in a foreign language. After a stop or two I wondered how I might casually ask them what language they had been speaking but realized that this was actually beside the point. When they switched to English, they were probably continuing their dissection and critique of people around them anyway.
The gist of the conversation, impossible to avoid was that if someone didn't have money they were worthless and neither he nor she would be interested. A minute later the girl said, well I have to respect the person I am with, or they are nothing. The word 'garbage' was used by one of them.
Shortly after this the girl said, that well, it wasn't exactly only money per se that interested her but more someone of great accomplishment, the best in their field, the best at whatever they did. The guy then said, yeah, I suppose then it's not money as such or only. I thought, too late to backpedal buddy and try to mitigate your obvious avarice. Admit it, you think you wannabee attached to someone special.
Of course, by this time I was dying to get a look at these two. Were they young, gorgeous, brilliant? Not a one. Brilliant, not at all. Gorgeous, well the girl was reasonable looking, but no super model in looks or dress. The guy like her was young, maybe mid 20's. He was wearing that peculiar mustardy colour that pants come in, a top that didn't add anything I could see to his nondescript backpack, and he had curly hair. What else? Nothing much I could see.
I felt like asking a telling question or two, but knew it wouldn't register on either of these oblivious wannabees.
The first question I would need to ask was, 'Having unwittingly overheard your conversation in this public place, you both seem to aspire to locate, meet, befriend, accompany or possibly become involved with an accomplished person of some sort, am I correct?
The next question would have to be: What do either of you think you have to offer that would interest a person like this in you?
I don't think either of them would understand that I was asking these questions seriously. However, neither possessed any special talent, intellect, look or skill that I could see, that would put them on a level playing field, or into the same orbit of what they said they wanted, and I suspect also expected.
Lovely people I'll never want to know...perhaps out in time for the full moon...perhaps just typical of their sort.
The gist of the conversation, impossible to avoid was that if someone didn't have money they were worthless and neither he nor she would be interested. A minute later the girl said, well I have to respect the person I am with, or they are nothing. The word 'garbage' was used by one of them.
Shortly after this the girl said, that well, it wasn't exactly only money per se that interested her but more someone of great accomplishment, the best in their field, the best at whatever they did. The guy then said, yeah, I suppose then it's not money as such or only. I thought, too late to backpedal buddy and try to mitigate your obvious avarice. Admit it, you think you wannabee attached to someone special.
Of course, by this time I was dying to get a look at these two. Were they young, gorgeous, brilliant? Not a one. Brilliant, not at all. Gorgeous, well the girl was reasonable looking, but no super model in looks or dress. The guy like her was young, maybe mid 20's. He was wearing that peculiar mustardy colour that pants come in, a top that didn't add anything I could see to his nondescript backpack, and he had curly hair. What else? Nothing much I could see.
I felt like asking a telling question or two, but knew it wouldn't register on either of these oblivious wannabees.
The first question I would need to ask was, 'Having unwittingly overheard your conversation in this public place, you both seem to aspire to locate, meet, befriend, accompany or possibly become involved with an accomplished person of some sort, am I correct?
The next question would have to be: What do either of you think you have to offer that would interest a person like this in you?
I don't think either of them would understand that I was asking these questions seriously. However, neither possessed any special talent, intellect, look or skill that I could see, that would put them on a level playing field, or into the same orbit of what they said they wanted, and I suspect also expected.
Lovely people I'll never want to know...perhaps out in time for the full moon...perhaps just typical of their sort.
BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING
DUPLICATE OF APRIL 20TH ESSAY (Note: FYI - same essay as April 20TH)
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 48 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 48 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Just_Want_to_Celebrate - Rare Earth 1971.
RELATED BLOGS: BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
RELATED BLOGS: BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
GROWING PAINS - REALIZING LIFE WILL END
(Note: FYI - this is the same essay as April 19th)
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being total that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being total that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
Saturday 20 April 2013
BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING
FYI: SAME ESSAY DUPLICATED ON APRIL 23, 2013
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 49 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE - ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 49 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE - ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Just_Want_to_Celebrate - Rare Earth 1971.
See also related blogs I wrote: -
#1 -BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
#2 - BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
See also related blogs I wrote: -
#1 -BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
#2 - BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
Friday 19 April 2013
GROWING PAINS - REALIZING LIFE WILL END
(Note: FYI - this is the same essay as that on April 23rd)
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being told that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being told that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
THE SOLOIST - ME ME ME ME ME
The singer Carly Simon still has not told people who she wrote the 1972 song 'You're So Vain' about.
Most of us probably know someone who seems very confident and cocksure about themselves. We comment pejoratively, that they think they are special. When forced to be around them, we cringe. We expect they will soon be telling us about their favourite subject - Themselves.
We know there is no point in trying to change the subject because we will see their eyes glaze over with indifference. Soon they will find a way to return to their favourite subject. I say good luck to you when this happens.
Perhaps occasionally however, we are misunderstanding a person we think is vain or totally egotistical. It could be that they are actually shy and have found the only way to overcome this is to nervously speak out. Secretly, they may actually be hoping that someone else will chime in and break up their nervous monologue.
Learning how to have a conversation, requires us to pause, if only to take a breathe, and give another person a chance to 'get a word in edgewise'. Being overly concerned with gaps in the conversation, does not justify filling every second with chatter.
Expecting someone to volunteer information about themselves in a spirit of mutual exchange or camaraderie, is not something which we might demand either. Instead, we must teach ourselves to pause, no matter how much we need to demonstrate that we are friendly and want to encourage someone to feel comfortable around us.
By letting others approach us, we let them meet us half way, so to speak, and may find a way to get to know each other less stressfully and in a more relaxed fashion. If feels easier and more comfortable because it permits each of us to contribute to a mutually desired interaction.
Nevertheless, the above refers to some misunderstandings which might occur in 'judging a book by it's cover' and not giving someone we meet a chance.
Sometimes, however, our first impression is unfortunately the right one, and someone we think an insufferable boor, really is what he seems to be.
Under such circumstances I suggest we take a trip to the washroom, or in extreme cases, out of the building. He will likely not even notice you have gone. This type of person holds forth, whatever the occasion, and thinks that it's all about him.
Because everything in his life is evaluated relative to him, and even more so, her, if it is a woman doing this; you need not concern yourself very much that your absence will be noticed.
You cannot hurt them because they are insensitive and impervious to anyone or anything except themselves.
You can talk, but they are not listening to anyone but the wonderful sound of their own voice.
Have no fear that their absence from your life for a while, indicates that they are out of your life forever. Not a chance. I can almost guarantee that they'll be back the next time they need something. They will cheerfully point out that they are doing you a massive favour by asking you to fill whatever need they think they have at the moment.
Be grateful for whatever time they were absent, giving someone else their sage advice. Meanwhile, keep hoping that they'll soon turn their attention toward someone else.
You can also Thank God that mercifully, they are not the ones from whom your livelihood depends...unless they are, in which case you have my sincere sympathy. I wish you good luck, you will need it.
Note: see also WHINE WHINE WHINE - IS IT HUMAN NATURE?
Most of us probably know someone who seems very confident and cocksure about themselves. We comment pejoratively, that they think they are special. When forced to be around them, we cringe. We expect they will soon be telling us about their favourite subject - Themselves.
We know there is no point in trying to change the subject because we will see their eyes glaze over with indifference. Soon they will find a way to return to their favourite subject. I say good luck to you when this happens.
Perhaps occasionally however, we are misunderstanding a person we think is vain or totally egotistical. It could be that they are actually shy and have found the only way to overcome this is to nervously speak out. Secretly, they may actually be hoping that someone else will chime in and break up their nervous monologue.
Learning how to have a conversation, requires us to pause, if only to take a breathe, and give another person a chance to 'get a word in edgewise'. Being overly concerned with gaps in the conversation, does not justify filling every second with chatter.
Expecting someone to volunteer information about themselves in a spirit of mutual exchange or camaraderie, is not something which we might demand either. Instead, we must teach ourselves to pause, no matter how much we need to demonstrate that we are friendly and want to encourage someone to feel comfortable around us.
By letting others approach us, we let them meet us half way, so to speak, and may find a way to get to know each other less stressfully and in a more relaxed fashion. If feels easier and more comfortable because it permits each of us to contribute to a mutually desired interaction.
Nevertheless, the above refers to some misunderstandings which might occur in 'judging a book by it's cover' and not giving someone we meet a chance.
Sometimes, however, our first impression is unfortunately the right one, and someone we think an insufferable boor, really is what he seems to be.
Under such circumstances I suggest we take a trip to the washroom, or in extreme cases, out of the building. He will likely not even notice you have gone. This type of person holds forth, whatever the occasion, and thinks that it's all about him.
Because everything in his life is evaluated relative to him, and even more so, her, if it is a woman doing this; you need not concern yourself very much that your absence will be noticed.
You cannot hurt them because they are insensitive and impervious to anyone or anything except themselves.
You can talk, but they are not listening to anyone but the wonderful sound of their own voice.
Have no fear that their absence from your life for a while, indicates that they are out of your life forever. Not a chance. I can almost guarantee that they'll be back the next time they need something. They will cheerfully point out that they are doing you a massive favour by asking you to fill whatever need they think they have at the moment.
Be grateful for whatever time they were absent, giving someone else their sage advice. Meanwhile, keep hoping that they'll soon turn their attention toward someone else.
You can also Thank God that mercifully, they are not the ones from whom your livelihood depends...unless they are, in which case you have my sincere sympathy. I wish you good luck, you will need it.
Note: see also WHINE WHINE WHINE - IS IT HUMAN NATURE?
YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW
Everybody knows somebody they encountered in their lives that eventually becomes just somebody that they used to know.
However, great or small a part this person played in our lives, we now remember them, if we ever think of them at all, as just somebody that we used to know.
My title for this blog comes from a song by Belgian-Australian singer, songwriter Gotye, accompanied by singer and guitarist Kimbra. The song with this title was released in July 2011. That it resonates with many people is evident since it sold 13 million copies worldwide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somebody_That_I_Used_to_Know
In movies, it is funny when a woman says she thinks she knows a man across the room and thinks she recognizes him. We are amused, in this time of multiple marriages, when she realizes that she used to be married to him.
For many of the rest of us, our memories of someone such as a childhood bully or member of one of our school's cliques, especially if they used to direct unkind comments at us, stays with us and is, at least secretly remembered either with embarrassment or defensive disdain.
The 1997 movie Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, illustrates very effectively the type of memories which being unpopular, unattractive, nerdy or not favoured, athletically or in appearance, can leave us with. While we may not actively give a lot of time to such past experiences, since most of us have left them behind long ago, most of us, still experience the occasional twinge of discomfort about something from our 'formative' years.
Relationships and romances often have more lasting resonance for us. No one ever forgets their first kiss, first date, sexual experience, our first love, and unlike the woman mentioned above, our marriage.
We all have passages in our lives, particularly when we are making our first decisions independent of our parents. With experience, the end of our 'first love', stays with us as a painful memory. Most of us remember declaring that we knew we would never love anyone again. The first death we experienced of even a very elderly relative is also significantly traumatic. Similarly, the first time we realize that we ourselves are not immortal, is a singular time.
As we move through life and have more experiences, we tend to forgive and forget a lot, because we have new experiences and new people in our current lives. Sometimes, we do so because reliving the past is something most of us have learned is counterproductive and futile.
If we decide to forget, but not forgive, we may carry hurt feelings from even the distant past around with us, into our present lives. These can influence our ability to meet new people with impartiality and openness.
If we decide to forgive, but not forget, eventually we may discover, that we are carrying around a lot of useless Baggage. When we consciously, realize this, we might consider that it has become damned heavy to carry a lot of old junk around with us everywhere we go.
Awareness might lead us to reflect that, unless we personally decide to let the past go, we will continue to carry around what is probably equivalent to, at least, an extra five pound bag of garbage everywhere we go.
Sometimes, we need to have a look in the mirror and remind ourselves at what I call 'three o'clock in the morning', when we are alone with ourselves, that we may be giving 'power' to something or someone, we should have said goodbye to years ago. This is something that it's never too late to do.
I urge you, and remind myself also, as I write this, to put down the heavy baggage. At the same time, let ourselves stop recriminating over what might have, could have, should have and, maybe, would have happened if only - we or they, were different.
Take the load off of your metaphorical shoulders, take the weight off of your life. You will feel lighter for having put down that load of useless old baggage and put the people of the past in the back of our memories by letting them finally be - Just Somebody That I Used to Know.
.
However, great or small a part this person played in our lives, we now remember them, if we ever think of them at all, as just somebody that we used to know.
My title for this blog comes from a song by Belgian-Australian singer, songwriter Gotye, accompanied by singer and guitarist Kimbra. The song with this title was released in July 2011. That it resonates with many people is evident since it sold 13 million copies worldwide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somebody_That_I_Used_to_Know
In movies, it is funny when a woman says she thinks she knows a man across the room and thinks she recognizes him. We are amused, in this time of multiple marriages, when she realizes that she used to be married to him.
For many of the rest of us, our memories of someone such as a childhood bully or member of one of our school's cliques, especially if they used to direct unkind comments at us, stays with us and is, at least secretly remembered either with embarrassment or defensive disdain.
The 1997 movie Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, illustrates very effectively the type of memories which being unpopular, unattractive, nerdy or not favoured, athletically or in appearance, can leave us with. While we may not actively give a lot of time to such past experiences, since most of us have left them behind long ago, most of us, still experience the occasional twinge of discomfort about something from our 'formative' years.
Relationships and romances often have more lasting resonance for us. No one ever forgets their first kiss, first date, sexual experience, our first love, and unlike the woman mentioned above, our marriage.
We all have passages in our lives, particularly when we are making our first decisions independent of our parents. With experience, the end of our 'first love', stays with us as a painful memory. Most of us remember declaring that we knew we would never love anyone again. The first death we experienced of even a very elderly relative is also significantly traumatic. Similarly, the first time we realize that we ourselves are not immortal, is a singular time.
As we move through life and have more experiences, we tend to forgive and forget a lot, because we have new experiences and new people in our current lives. Sometimes, we do so because reliving the past is something most of us have learned is counterproductive and futile.
If we decide to forget, but not forgive, we may carry hurt feelings from even the distant past around with us, into our present lives. These can influence our ability to meet new people with impartiality and openness.
If we decide to forgive, but not forget, eventually we may discover, that we are carrying around a lot of useless Baggage. When we consciously, realize this, we might consider that it has become damned heavy to carry a lot of old junk around with us everywhere we go.
Awareness might lead us to reflect that, unless we personally decide to let the past go, we will continue to carry around what is probably equivalent to, at least, an extra five pound bag of garbage everywhere we go.
Sometimes, we need to have a look in the mirror and remind ourselves at what I call 'three o'clock in the morning', when we are alone with ourselves, that we may be giving 'power' to something or someone, we should have said goodbye to years ago. This is something that it's never too late to do.
I urge you, and remind myself also, as I write this, to put down the heavy baggage. At the same time, let ourselves stop recriminating over what might have, could have, should have and, maybe, would have happened if only - we or they, were different.
Take the load off of your metaphorical shoulders, take the weight off of your life. You will feel lighter for having put down that load of useless old baggage and put the people of the past in the back of our memories by letting them finally be - Just Somebody That I Used to Know.
.
THINKING ABOUT SENSELESS VIOLENCE
With the Boston Marathon atrocity dominating the headlines, when
this was written earlier this year, we could not help but remember other
recent public tragedies, perpetrated by those most of us would probably
consider crazy people.
The majority of us are fortunate to never have witnessed or known
anyone tragically gunned down by random violence in the street, or God forbid,
in our own families. When a man shoots and kills his entire family, often before
killing himself or when a woman drives her children into a lake, we sympathize
with the victims of the tragedy and their families and call it senseless.
When such events as 911 happen, we experience a sense of dismay
and disbelief, not only because such action seems senseless, but also because
most of us cannot understand why anyone would want to deliberately to harm
innocent people. We truly cannot imagine any reason which might make us
consider something similar.
Vigilante justice, no matter how much we might seek
to justify it as an act of a desperate person, must always
be something which society universally condemns. When movies such as Law
Abiding Citizen or the Death Wish series of movies, seek to explain and
illustrate what might compel someone to 'take the law into their own hands'; we
still need to consider that justice is not always immediately either apparent
or available.
The 'eye for an eye' of Biblical times, has been replaced by
Criminal and Common Law which seeks to prevent Vigilantes. The law seeks
to diffuse and deescalate potential violence by angry and especially,
enraged individuals.
The trained and impartial help, provided by our police and government to ensure public safety on our behalf is expected to treat all persons equally and enforce the laws of the land.
In the instances where, psychological and medical help is needed
by troubled individuals no longer able to cope with their lives, we pray that
they are given the help which most of us know we are both unable and unqualified
to provide.
Whether chemical or psychological help is required, we hope that someone knows what to do to help those no longer able to cope with their lives.
Occasionally however, we might have to accept that we may
never understand why someone behaved the way they did. We say 'something
snapped', others come in to try and explain what might just sometimes be
inexplicable.
I think that there will be times, when perhaps, senseless violence is just that, senseless and understood only by the troubled perpetrator. Occasionally perhaps we may have to accept that we may never know what motivated them and that perhaps we will probably never understand everything that our fellow man does. Perhaps, sometimes it may have to be enough for us to observe what has happened dispassionately and accept that 'it is what it is', whatever it was.
We survive, pick up the pieces and somehow try to go forward with the rest of our lives.
REVISED JUNE 28, 2013: PREVIOUSLY CALLED - ACTING UP AND ACTING
OUT.
SEE ALSO: ME FIRST - TOTALLY IN YOUR FACE; LIFE IS NOT TOO SHORT and UNREAL REALITY
Thursday 18 April 2013
UNREAL REALITY
Reality T.V. supposedly takes the television audience into a selected environment where the audience can voyeurishly and vicarious experience someone else's reality. Today some version of Reality Television, dominates the medium.
Although some form of Reality T.V. had been around, at least since the 1970's, it never dominated programming the way it does today. Ironically, the 2007-2008 Writer's Strike by 12,000 members of the WGA (Writers Guild of America) in Hollywood and New York, may have expedited the transition by non-union writers who introduced the new programming format, which became Reality Television.
I think it permanently changed the content of T.V. in ways no one could have expected. Meanwhile, I also suspect that none of the 'actors' on Reality T.V., however popular, are paid the 5 figure salaries actors of Sitcoms used to earn, per episode.
Some shows such as The Osbourne's and Gene Simmon's Family Jewels sought to depict the daily lives of the Osbourne and Simmons families. Some members of these families have successfully gone on to other careers in television. Another version of the genre places the participating cast in a remote location or a mansion somewhere isolated from the rest of the world, where usually they attempt to 'win' a spouse, a game, some challenge or a monetary prize.
A very popular group of productions, ostensibly offer a tantalizing glimpse of wealthy or famous people, either supposedly living their glamorous lives or facing some group challenge for charity. Most, but not all of them, seek to gradually eliminate the competition and have a grand finale in which the final two face off and a winner is declared.
In general, the format used presents episodes of each series which are written but not scripted. The 'cast' interact with each other throughout a series season.
After a segment is shown, a commentary by one or another of the cast on some aspect of the show is staged, with, for example a room in the house in the background. The commentary is usually presented in a way that reflects well upon the person speaking. Many have been accused of using whatever means they can to increase their own time on camera. Rarely, does an 'actor' miss an opportunity to promote his/her pet project, product or service.
That shows such as The Real Housewives for example are experiencing great success is obvious when we look at the spin offs that have resulted. For example: Real Housewives of Orange County began in 2006 following the great success of the drama series Desperate Housewives.(2004-2012). The Orange County group was followed by Atlanta and New York in 2008, Beverly Hills and D.C. in 2010 with offshoots such as Athens, Brazil and Vancouver in 2011, France in 2013 and Australia upcoming. Obviously there is a market for some or perhaps almost all of these and their offshoots. Some 'housewives' have gone on to their own shows, others appear on such programs as Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars etc. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_Housewives
However popular any of these individual offerings are, or how renowned/notorious their 'actors' become; any resemblance to what a normal person would call reality, would probably be accidental.
In the above mentioned Real Housewives series, most of the woman could easily be considered 'Trophy Wives'. The clothes, the squabbling, the focus on one participant or another as a troublemaker, seems to be part of the formula. These are 'Material Girls' and what we see are a lot of material possessions. High Maintenance hardly begins to describe them. They are definitely not The Millionaire Next Door.
Many of these 'Real Housewives' are also filmed at social and charity events in their 'normal lives' in whatever city they live in. The squabbles and pettiness between the housewives of each series, continues whenever they meet others of the group. Earnest discussions and gossip about what one person said to the other, continues ad infinitum.
We soon sense that most of these are not happy people. Their wealth and privilege does not make them immune from hardship, particularly when a child is unwell, disabled or injured. One family last year experienced a tragic suicide.
Strangely, their wannabee successors are out there in large numbers. Each episode of a show called Millionaire Matchmaker, offers Millionaires (usually men) a bunch of Women very interested in meeting them.
Personally I do not react positively to the people portrayed in Reality Shows since I do not find the way they behave toward each other admirable. Their relationship to money must be singular. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous indeed. Their marriages must be another thing altogether from what most of us could imagine or endure.
Mercifully, most of their children and their spouses are not involved in the filming. That the couples off camera lives are effected is evident because, almost each group has one or more divorces by the time the season ends.
Usually however, 'Real life' and Reality T.V., do not coincide much. One recent exception however, was a feud by one of the cast of the Real Housewives of Vancouver, who publicly blamed recent vandalism of her clothing store on one of the shows cast members who she vilifies hysterically and most viciously in on film whenever they meet.
Who's 'Reality' any of these women (and men) represent is a mystery to me. No one I know, no one I want to know either.
Although some form of Reality T.V. had been around, at least since the 1970's, it never dominated programming the way it does today. Ironically, the 2007-2008 Writer's Strike by 12,000 members of the WGA (Writers Guild of America) in Hollywood and New York, may have expedited the transition by non-union writers who introduced the new programming format, which became Reality Television.
I think it permanently changed the content of T.V. in ways no one could have expected. Meanwhile, I also suspect that none of the 'actors' on Reality T.V., however popular, are paid the 5 figure salaries actors of Sitcoms used to earn, per episode.
Some shows such as The Osbourne's and Gene Simmon's Family Jewels sought to depict the daily lives of the Osbourne and Simmons families. Some members of these families have successfully gone on to other careers in television. Another version of the genre places the participating cast in a remote location or a mansion somewhere isolated from the rest of the world, where usually they attempt to 'win' a spouse, a game, some challenge or a monetary prize.
A very popular group of productions, ostensibly offer a tantalizing glimpse of wealthy or famous people, either supposedly living their glamorous lives or facing some group challenge for charity. Most, but not all of them, seek to gradually eliminate the competition and have a grand finale in which the final two face off and a winner is declared.
In general, the format used presents episodes of each series which are written but not scripted. The 'cast' interact with each other throughout a series season.
After a segment is shown, a commentary by one or another of the cast on some aspect of the show is staged, with, for example a room in the house in the background. The commentary is usually presented in a way that reflects well upon the person speaking. Many have been accused of using whatever means they can to increase their own time on camera. Rarely, does an 'actor' miss an opportunity to promote his/her pet project, product or service.
That shows such as The Real Housewives for example are experiencing great success is obvious when we look at the spin offs that have resulted. For example: Real Housewives of Orange County began in 2006 following the great success of the drama series Desperate Housewives.(2004-2012). The Orange County group was followed by Atlanta and New York in 2008, Beverly Hills and D.C. in 2010 with offshoots such as Athens, Brazil and Vancouver in 2011, France in 2013 and Australia upcoming. Obviously there is a market for some or perhaps almost all of these and their offshoots. Some 'housewives' have gone on to their own shows, others appear on such programs as Celebrity Apprentice, Dancing with the Stars etc. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_Housewives
However popular any of these individual offerings are, or how renowned/notorious their 'actors' become; any resemblance to what a normal person would call reality, would probably be accidental.
In the above mentioned Real Housewives series, most of the woman could easily be considered 'Trophy Wives'. The clothes, the squabbling, the focus on one participant or another as a troublemaker, seems to be part of the formula. These are 'Material Girls' and what we see are a lot of material possessions. High Maintenance hardly begins to describe them. They are definitely not The Millionaire Next Door.
Many of these 'Real Housewives' are also filmed at social and charity events in their 'normal lives' in whatever city they live in. The squabbles and pettiness between the housewives of each series, continues whenever they meet others of the group. Earnest discussions and gossip about what one person said to the other, continues ad infinitum.
We soon sense that most of these are not happy people. Their wealth and privilege does not make them immune from hardship, particularly when a child is unwell, disabled or injured. One family last year experienced a tragic suicide.
Strangely, their wannabee successors are out there in large numbers. Each episode of a show called Millionaire Matchmaker, offers Millionaires (usually men) a bunch of Women very interested in meeting them.
Personally I do not react positively to the people portrayed in Reality Shows since I do not find the way they behave toward each other admirable. Their relationship to money must be singular. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous indeed. Their marriages must be another thing altogether from what most of us could imagine or endure.
Mercifully, most of their children and their spouses are not involved in the filming. That the couples off camera lives are effected is evident because, almost each group has one or more divorces by the time the season ends.
Usually however, 'Real life' and Reality T.V., do not coincide much. One recent exception however, was a feud by one of the cast of the Real Housewives of Vancouver, who publicly blamed recent vandalism of her clothing store on one of the shows cast members who she vilifies hysterically and most viciously in on film whenever they meet.
Who's 'Reality' any of these women (and men) represent is a mystery to me. No one I know, no one I want to know either.
Wednesday 17 April 2013
REFLECTIONS ON WRETCHED EXCESS
The World of Reality Television, seems to offer us a glimpse into the world of wealth and privilege. We can allow ourselves to believe that we are being given a front row seat which lets us experience vicariously the lives of the rich and famous.
Recently, Documentaries have been added to 'Reality Show' experience. These are made as first person narrative events and released in film length features such as: The Queen of Versailles, Maxed Out, Inside Job, and Capitalism, all dealing with finance and wealth. A variety of other subjects are also being presented in feature length documentary format, such as ones about food (Supersize Me); while others highlight concerns about health care, global warming and the environment.
One of the most excessive, and I think successful, documentaries recently must be a full length documentary titled The Queen of Versailles. This documentary premiered at the Sundance Movie Festival in 2012.
We are introduced to self-made Billionaire David Siegel, founder of Westgate Resorts (vacation time sharing) and his wife Jackie. They have been building a 90,000 square foot house, which when completed, will be America's biggest house, newly built. The house is called Versailles. It is a French chateau style mansion begun in 2004 in Windermere, Florida. When completed it will have cost an estimated $100 million to build.
However, the real estate market crash, caused Siegel to lay off thousands of employees, and try somehow to recover from the massive debt he owed, particularly on a Las Vegas building. Siegel put the unfinished new mansion up for sale at $65 million as is, or $100 million finished. However, in 2012, he announced that construction on the house had been restarted and that the Siegels expected to complete it within two years.
Versailles in Florida, makes such buildings as the 55,000 square foot White House seem small. It also makes Bill Gates 66,000 square foot house in Medina Washington seem medium sized.
One of the Sultan of Brunei's houses in Las Vegas Nevada at 65,000 square feet, or Junk Bond kingpin, Ira Rennerts upstate New York house at 67,000 square feet, look small also when compared to something like the 72,215 square foot house being built by Steve Huff of Overwatch Intelligence in Montana. Versailles in Florida is bigger than all of these.
Recently, Documentaries have been added to 'Reality Show' experience. These are made as first person narrative events and released in film length features such as: The Queen of Versailles, Maxed Out, Inside Job, and Capitalism, all dealing with finance and wealth. A variety of other subjects are also being presented in feature length documentary format, such as ones about food (Supersize Me); while others highlight concerns about health care, global warming and the environment.
One of the most excessive, and I think successful, documentaries recently must be a full length documentary titled The Queen of Versailles. This documentary premiered at the Sundance Movie Festival in 2012.
We are introduced to self-made Billionaire David Siegel, founder of Westgate Resorts (vacation time sharing) and his wife Jackie. They have been building a 90,000 square foot house, which when completed, will be America's biggest house, newly built. The house is called Versailles. It is a French chateau style mansion begun in 2004 in Windermere, Florida. When completed it will have cost an estimated $100 million to build.
However, the real estate market crash, caused Siegel to lay off thousands of employees, and try somehow to recover from the massive debt he owed, particularly on a Las Vegas building. Siegel put the unfinished new mansion up for sale at $65 million as is, or $100 million finished. However, in 2012, he announced that construction on the house had been restarted and that the Siegels expected to complete it within two years.
Versailles in Florida, makes such buildings as the 55,000 square foot White House seem small. It also makes Bill Gates 66,000 square foot house in Medina Washington seem medium sized.
One of the Sultan of Brunei's houses in Las Vegas Nevada at 65,000 square feet, or Junk Bond kingpin, Ira Rennerts upstate New York house at 67,000 square feet, look small also when compared to something like the 72,215 square foot house being built by Steve Huff of Overwatch Intelligence in Montana. Versailles in Florida is bigger than all of these.
In 2011, a television special documented the late television mogul Aaron Spelling's house, Spelling Manor (56,000 square feet, 123 rooms) being packed up in 30 days by Aaron Spelling's widow Candy, after it had been sold for $85 million dollars. Strangely enough, these new houses, are actually considerably smaller, and possibly less opulent than Historical American Houses such as Alfred Vanderbilt's Biltmore in Asheville, North Carolina which is 175,000 square feet, has 250 rooms and was built between 1889 and 1895. While The Breakers, a Newport Rhode Island 'summer cottage' built between 1893 and 1895, is smaller than many of the houses mentioned above at (approximately 65,000 square feet), it cost about $331 million in today's dollars to build. The great great granddaughter of Commodore Vanderbilt, the Countess Szapary lived on the top floor, until she died in 1998. Considering that the median sized home in America is 2,135 square feet, it is hard for most of us to understand how big these houses must be. I have some idea since I toured The Breakers in Newport Rhode Island. It is a singular experience. As you walk around these amazing rooms, you are not surprised when your guide tells you that an entire railway car was used to transport their silver service to their summer home. A March 6, 2011 online article by Leah Goldman on Business Insider showed the 10 Largest Homes in America at that time. http://www.businessinsider.com/biggest-homes-in-america-2011-2?op=1#ixzz2Qk375ABI Trying to find out something about what the world's largest house was, led to a fantastic photo cornucopia of big houses, such as Spelling Manor, Biltmore and others. Ultimately, however, a 'house' called Antilla in Mumbai is a 26 storey building being heralded as the world's first Billion Dollar House. http://curiousphotos.blogspot.ca/2010/10/antilla-worlds-largest-private-home.html Today, Television also shows us what are called Extreme Houses. These are usually very unique and unusual houses which people have built all over the world. Although many of these are not gigantic houses, they are usually custom built to their owners personal specifications and requirements. Meanwhile, another shows us Million Dollar Rooms, which their owners say are 'worth every penny'. As I mentioned earlier, the median home size in America is a house of 2,135 square feet. It is hard to compare how the average person might live, to people who spend between $100 Million and a Billion Dollars for one of their residences. Seeing the housing market collapse and a lot of your fortune being, at the very least, frozen, while building such a house as Florida's Versailles, are a reflection of a time when our value system and our priorities are skewed and unreal. Generally, I am inclined to feel that people who earn their money, are entitled to do what they want with it. As the saying goes, 'Knock yourself out'. While overleveraged people, such as the Siegel's, undoubtedly originally created employment for thousands of people; they are now largely responsible for mass layoffs and hardship. This seems particularly true when they egregiously, and somewhat disingenuously, blame the banks for 'letting them' borrow too much money. Documentaries such as Inside Job blame a succession of politicians of both major American political parties; Maxed Out however, seems to think that George Bush was responsible for most of America's credit card debt. Others who are blamed are corporate CEO's, Lobbyists, and Economists in Academia. Bankers and officers of failing corporation's gave their top employees, some of whom others consider responsible for Bankrupting their companies, fortunes in Bonuses. That this money was Bailout money from the Government taken from taxes, meant that the very people impoverished by these corporate officers, were giving Bonus/reward money to them. It is not hard to blame those rewarded rather than prosecuted for enriching themselves, particularly when they do so with bonuses comprised of publicly funded Bailout Money. At the very least, this is decadent Greed, illustrated by wretched excess. Possibly we have already reached a point when we should not attempt to evaluate a man's true 'worth', until after we learn to soberly reconsider what it is that we actually believe is worthwhile. |
Tuesday 16 April 2013
MERGING CULTURES AND RELIGIONS - FAMILIES TODAY
When I first wrote this a month ago, I took a taxicab home. The driver was a 28 year male Pakistani who had been married for a year. His wife was also from Pakistan. We had a long ride so ended up talking about relationships.
This comes up for me at this time of year because April 16th would have been my 25th wedding anniversary and was also the 30th wedding anniversary of one of my brother's and his wife.
The cab driver and I talked about morals and ethics, about regular people and how many illegitimate births there are and multiple marriages. We both agreed that this used to be millionaire movie star territory, people who could afford financially to support children and get whatever help they needed.
We both felt that many arrangements now were not something we had even heard of perhaps as little as 10 years ago.
Up until at least the late 1980's the much married actresses such as Zsa Zsa Gabor's and Elizabeth Taylor's were rare. Unmarried mothers were not likely to advertise the fact, in Hollywood or anywhere else.
Today the non married middle class mother and/or unmarried couple with children is more common. In Quebec apparently, the common law relationship now predominates, whether a couple has children or not. I think that maybe even 10 years ago, people tended to get married either before they had children or probably when they decided to have children, even sometimes just before the birth. Now it is as likely that if they have decided on a common law relationship they may not change it whether children are planned or born.
I told the driver that my parents, like him and his wife, were both of the same nationality and religion. My own situation and that of some of my siblings was however, varied in nationality and religion in some cases. Though many years have passed, there has never been a major argument about religion or ethnicity in any of our homes.
The driver said he didn't mind the idea of mixed race or religion in marriage. I said that I had read that Hinduism and Judaism were religions that you needed to be born into to understand. I didn't know whether two different religions and/or ethnicities had any more problems than any other couple does today.
I hate to make a generalization about how long modern marriages last, except that the statistics are not very good for the survival of any marriage and a great number of them end in divorce. Perhaps the key is committing to a relationship or a marriage in the first place and deciding to work hard to make it work.
It is also possible that two belief systems coming together might just mean that both belief systems and cultures can be shared and respected by the other partner. It may be that couples who are loving and kind to each other, are also tolerant and cooperative about times of the year where important holy/holidays are taking place. I could easily see a lot of happiness when both parties celebrate important events together and explain things they love to their children and families.
I am beginning to think that in a lot of instances mixing cultures and religions in a loving committed relationship might be an enriching experience for everyone, with much love and spiritual growth as well as tolerance and understanding.
SEE ALSO: OUR CITY - LEARNING ABOUT THE WHOLE WORLD FROM HOME
Note: The Merging Cultures and Religions - Families Today and the other essay I mention just above this note were originally one long essay trying to talk about more than one subject and possibly not doing justice to either. Rewritten today May 21, 2013 and newly published, I hope they do more justice to both subjects as separate essays.
This comes up for me at this time of year because April 16th would have been my 25th wedding anniversary and was also the 30th wedding anniversary of one of my brother's and his wife.
The cab driver and I talked about morals and ethics, about regular people and how many illegitimate births there are and multiple marriages. We both agreed that this used to be millionaire movie star territory, people who could afford financially to support children and get whatever help they needed.
We both felt that many arrangements now were not something we had even heard of perhaps as little as 10 years ago.
Up until at least the late 1980's the much married actresses such as Zsa Zsa Gabor's and Elizabeth Taylor's were rare. Unmarried mothers were not likely to advertise the fact, in Hollywood or anywhere else.
Today the non married middle class mother and/or unmarried couple with children is more common. In Quebec apparently, the common law relationship now predominates, whether a couple has children or not. I think that maybe even 10 years ago, people tended to get married either before they had children or probably when they decided to have children, even sometimes just before the birth. Now it is as likely that if they have decided on a common law relationship they may not change it whether children are planned or born.
I told the driver that my parents, like him and his wife, were both of the same nationality and religion. My own situation and that of some of my siblings was however, varied in nationality and religion in some cases. Though many years have passed, there has never been a major argument about religion or ethnicity in any of our homes.
The driver said he didn't mind the idea of mixed race or religion in marriage. I said that I had read that Hinduism and Judaism were religions that you needed to be born into to understand. I didn't know whether two different religions and/or ethnicities had any more problems than any other couple does today.
I hate to make a generalization about how long modern marriages last, except that the statistics are not very good for the survival of any marriage and a great number of them end in divorce. Perhaps the key is committing to a relationship or a marriage in the first place and deciding to work hard to make it work.
It is also possible that two belief systems coming together might just mean that both belief systems and cultures can be shared and respected by the other partner. It may be that couples who are loving and kind to each other, are also tolerant and cooperative about times of the year where important holy/holidays are taking place. I could easily see a lot of happiness when both parties celebrate important events together and explain things they love to their children and families.
I am beginning to think that in a lot of instances mixing cultures and religions in a loving committed relationship might be an enriching experience for everyone, with much love and spiritual growth as well as tolerance and understanding.
SEE ALSO: OUR CITY - LEARNING ABOUT THE WHOLE WORLD FROM HOME
Note: The Merging Cultures and Religions - Families Today and the other essay I mention just above this note were originally one long essay trying to talk about more than one subject and possibly not doing justice to either. Rewritten today May 21, 2013 and newly published, I hope they do more justice to both subjects as separate essays.
SMILING - ADDICTIVE & CONTAGIOUS
All of us were not born beautiful but from the infancy on, we become more beautiful when we respond to a smile with one of our own. The smiling infant is gaseous, the smiling infant also looks happy. We look happy too as we respond to the smile, gassy or otherwise.
It takes 43 muscles to frown and l7 to smile. Our anatomy may be telling us something, and it's not that Botox is now available at my family Doctor's for headaches and at my Dermatologists for smile or scowl lines.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919) wrote a poem called Solitude in 1883 which still resonates today, a part of which says: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone". Most of us suspect its true.
Although we don't always have Louis Armstrong or Judy Garland singing "Smile" for us. We might, however, be a little happier if we remembered it.
Though I probably never smiled as much as I did, day after day, for the duration of my Bucket List trip in 2006, trying to put a smile on in the morning, can start the day better than orange juice. It may only be for the mirror as you brush your teeth, but that's a start.
Should you take your smile outside as you begin your day, you will probably find as I often have, that when you smile, others smile back at you. You feel better and those around you do too. Think of it as a small service to a better day for yourself and those around you. Best of all, you can do it for free.
SMILING IS ONE ADDICTION I WANT TO PASS ON TO EVERYBODY I MEET. I'M SO GLAD IT'S ALSO CONTAGIOUS.
It takes 43 muscles to frown and l7 to smile. Our anatomy may be telling us something, and it's not that Botox is now available at my family Doctor's for headaches and at my Dermatologists for smile or scowl lines.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850-1919) wrote a poem called Solitude in 1883 which still resonates today, a part of which says: "Laugh and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone". Most of us suspect its true.
Although we don't always have Louis Armstrong or Judy Garland singing "Smile" for us. We might, however, be a little happier if we remembered it.
Though I probably never smiled as much as I did, day after day, for the duration of my Bucket List trip in 2006, trying to put a smile on in the morning, can start the day better than orange juice. It may only be for the mirror as you brush your teeth, but that's a start.
Should you take your smile outside as you begin your day, you will probably find as I often have, that when you smile, others smile back at you. You feel better and those around you do too. Think of it as a small service to a better day for yourself and those around you. Best of all, you can do it for free.
SMILING IS ONE ADDICTION I WANT TO PASS ON TO EVERYBODY I MEET. I'M SO GLAD IT'S ALSO CONTAGIOUS.
Monday 15 April 2013
THE BUCKET LIST - KEEPING HOPE ALIVE
The Bucket List has entered the English language. The term comes from a 2007 American movie, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two terminally ill men who attempt to do a 'wish list' of things that they always postponed and thought they might someday do. They decide with time 'running out' that they are going to try and do them now before they 'kick the bucket' and are dead.
Many of us now have Bucket Lists. These are the many things we hope someday to be able to do. From the simplest, to the very biggest wishes, most of us have something we say we would do if we won 'the lottery' or if we were sure the world was ending or if we were given a limited time to live due to some terminal illness etc.
Basically, it is the Dream List, the list of our hopes and dreams. It is also the list that we postpone, maybe throughout all of our lives because it doesn't seem as if we will ever be able to afford it; the time, the price, the freedom to fulfil it.
However, 2006 kick started My Bucket List, pushed me hard and left me, a few months later, working on my second bucket list. Whoever, especially me, could have imagined that...ever.
I was motivated by mourning to risk flying again for the first time in 20+ years to go and see what I had only dreamed about. As I tried to organize a schedule for my first trip to Europe, a gap of a week appeared. Trying to find somewhere to go, excluded Italy because of airfare, so France filled the gap with a $99 fare from Birmingham, England to Paris. A hotel chain familiar from North America gave me reasonably priced, central Paris accommodation. An expensive cancellation fee, kept me from changing my mind.
Before I knew it, I was not only booked to fly across the Atlantic, but a few days later to fly again and a week after that yet again. It looked like I was making up for lost time and literally, 'Do and Die' if I let my fear of flying prevail or 'Do and Live', if my flights were the same as millions of planes a year, taking me to what for me was Terra Incognita.
I began in western England, near the border of Wales where I was fortunate to stay with some acquaintances and visit the school I had only heard about for over 20 years. After this, the flight to Paris was both a revelation and a true test since this second flight in a week was in a very small plane. To my surprise and delight, I could really enjoy leaving land and seeing land again across the English Channel. Magically all around me, sparkling silver planes resembled shining stars.
A bit of help from a passerby got me into central Paris. Two Metro stations within a block of my hotel meant easy travel around the city and the usual footsore satisfaction of tourism. A Haute Couture retrospective of one of the masters of Couture, Balenciaga, for a small 10 Euro cost, added fashion heaven to the list. Parisian summer weather at a hellish 40+ Celsius, added Reims and Champagne to my itinerary for relief. Early in my trip, I started permanently smiling and Paris smiled back at me with gifts of sorbet and foie gras and so much more for the duration of my visit. Paris became for me, like so many others, Mecca.
London however, was tough on me. First my luggage was lost for almost an entire day. Clothes wise this was not very important, losing family 'treasures' of memorabilia was. The first night found me bewildered, with only a photocopied page of directions to my hotel, 6 bottles of champagne (for my hosts later in the trip) and cancelled plans for help navigating the city greeting me at the hotel.
When in doubt, do something: Time to book an excursion for the next day to Windsor, Stonehenge and Oxford. It sounded like a plan. Too bad my tour guide left me behind in Windsor. Luckily another good guy, gave me a free trip to Oxford with his tour. He had as a reward a jar of the Windsor castle jam and a gift of Beer money. I toured Oxford with the group and with his help and several phone calls he made, met my own tour to return to London.
After more help, I saw Kew Gardens with a friend, toured around London extensively including a compensation trip from the tour company to see the Crown Jewels and the rest of The Tower, a trip on the Thames and Champagne Tea at Kensington Palace.
On top of this, Buckingham Palace and 80 of the Queen's Dresses and all of her regalia for the Order of the Garter and Thistle etc. were on show for me in an unbelievably magical extra excursion, concluded by a walk through the sublime gardens.
Real life intruded again with, a 300 pound phone bill from my room which taught me forever about hotel phone charges; a black van ordered by the hotel cost me 26 pounds to go to St. Paul's Cathedral. In short, reminders that I wasn't at home any longer intruded a bit. Otherwise, I saw a lot of London despite a disappointing start.
In the north, I had help from a Historian. It cost me a bit of gas for the vehicle and a few treats. In return Edinburgh and the Yacht Britannia and Cambridge and a Gala Dinner were arranged for me as if by magic.
It was in York that I saw the VE Day express train which took folks, such as my late husband and his brother, south to celebrate the end of World War II. There was also a statue of the Emperor Constantine, who became Emperor of Rome while stationed in York.
Why wouldn't I believe in magic. It happened to me. It could happen to you if you take a chance. Take a small step to what you know you can accomplish of your personal Bucket List, then take a second small step and another perhaps.
You'll be surprised at yourself, but also at what you can accomplish that you only dreamed about...If only, you took a chance, found the time, saved the money, overcame your fear of (flying etc.)...and generally decided Tempus Fugit - Time Flies.
There is now, there is possibly tomorrow and there is the journey of a thousand miles. It all starts with a single step. I speak from experience, Mine did.
Many of us now have Bucket Lists. These are the many things we hope someday to be able to do. From the simplest, to the very biggest wishes, most of us have something we say we would do if we won 'the lottery' or if we were sure the world was ending or if we were given a limited time to live due to some terminal illness etc.
Basically, it is the Dream List, the list of our hopes and dreams. It is also the list that we postpone, maybe throughout all of our lives because it doesn't seem as if we will ever be able to afford it; the time, the price, the freedom to fulfil it.
However, 2006 kick started My Bucket List, pushed me hard and left me, a few months later, working on my second bucket list. Whoever, especially me, could have imagined that...ever.
I was motivated by mourning to risk flying again for the first time in 20+ years to go and see what I had only dreamed about. As I tried to organize a schedule for my first trip to Europe, a gap of a week appeared. Trying to find somewhere to go, excluded Italy because of airfare, so France filled the gap with a $99 fare from Birmingham, England to Paris. A hotel chain familiar from North America gave me reasonably priced, central Paris accommodation. An expensive cancellation fee, kept me from changing my mind.
Before I knew it, I was not only booked to fly across the Atlantic, but a few days later to fly again and a week after that yet again. It looked like I was making up for lost time and literally, 'Do and Die' if I let my fear of flying prevail or 'Do and Live', if my flights were the same as millions of planes a year, taking me to what for me was Terra Incognita.
I began in western England, near the border of Wales where I was fortunate to stay with some acquaintances and visit the school I had only heard about for over 20 years. After this, the flight to Paris was both a revelation and a true test since this second flight in a week was in a very small plane. To my surprise and delight, I could really enjoy leaving land and seeing land again across the English Channel. Magically all around me, sparkling silver planes resembled shining stars.
A bit of help from a passerby got me into central Paris. Two Metro stations within a block of my hotel meant easy travel around the city and the usual footsore satisfaction of tourism. A Haute Couture retrospective of one of the masters of Couture, Balenciaga, for a small 10 Euro cost, added fashion heaven to the list. Parisian summer weather at a hellish 40+ Celsius, added Reims and Champagne to my itinerary for relief. Early in my trip, I started permanently smiling and Paris smiled back at me with gifts of sorbet and foie gras and so much more for the duration of my visit. Paris became for me, like so many others, Mecca.
London however, was tough on me. First my luggage was lost for almost an entire day. Clothes wise this was not very important, losing family 'treasures' of memorabilia was. The first night found me bewildered, with only a photocopied page of directions to my hotel, 6 bottles of champagne (for my hosts later in the trip) and cancelled plans for help navigating the city greeting me at the hotel.
When in doubt, do something: Time to book an excursion for the next day to Windsor, Stonehenge and Oxford. It sounded like a plan. Too bad my tour guide left me behind in Windsor. Luckily another good guy, gave me a free trip to Oxford with his tour. He had as a reward a jar of the Windsor castle jam and a gift of Beer money. I toured Oxford with the group and with his help and several phone calls he made, met my own tour to return to London.
After more help, I saw Kew Gardens with a friend, toured around London extensively including a compensation trip from the tour company to see the Crown Jewels and the rest of The Tower, a trip on the Thames and Champagne Tea at Kensington Palace.
On top of this, Buckingham Palace and 80 of the Queen's Dresses and all of her regalia for the Order of the Garter and Thistle etc. were on show for me in an unbelievably magical extra excursion, concluded by a walk through the sublime gardens.
Real life intruded again with, a 300 pound phone bill from my room which taught me forever about hotel phone charges; a black van ordered by the hotel cost me 26 pounds to go to St. Paul's Cathedral. In short, reminders that I wasn't at home any longer intruded a bit. Otherwise, I saw a lot of London despite a disappointing start.
In the north, I had help from a Historian. It cost me a bit of gas for the vehicle and a few treats. In return Edinburgh and the Yacht Britannia and Cambridge and a Gala Dinner were arranged for me as if by magic.
It was in York that I saw the VE Day express train which took folks, such as my late husband and his brother, south to celebrate the end of World War II. There was also a statue of the Emperor Constantine, who became Emperor of Rome while stationed in York.
Why wouldn't I believe in magic. It happened to me. It could happen to you if you take a chance. Take a small step to what you know you can accomplish of your personal Bucket List, then take a second small step and another perhaps.
You'll be surprised at yourself, but also at what you can accomplish that you only dreamed about...If only, you took a chance, found the time, saved the money, overcame your fear of (flying etc.)...and generally decided Tempus Fugit - Time Flies.
There is now, there is possibly tomorrow and there is the journey of a thousand miles. It all starts with a single step. I speak from experience, Mine did.
Friday 12 April 2013
CLOTHES THEN AND NOW
When looking for a hobby when I began travelling a lot in 1988 around the north eastern United States, I bought my first book on the Haute Couture industry in New York City. I realized that I liked looking at fashion more than looking at Art books. Over this years this has enabled me to see and read about many beautiful things. More about this another time.
Though the formality of clothing that early Boomers might remember such as hats and little white gloves, was rapidly leaving the scene, my group still was much more formal generally until University than most of the younger Boomers would ever be.
My interest in clothes began a lot earlier, when I really didn't have any clothes to wear to work, especially since I worked among business people downtown. I bought my first 7 items of good clothing because I needed some clothes to wear to work. One item was a Blazer by Tinktiner in a Cranberry Wool, a Raspberry coloured Silk Blouse, a three piece Winter White Virgin Wool Suit consisting of a Blazer, a Skirt and a pair of Trousers and a 2 piece camel coloured Wool Pantsuit. I did not pay a lot for these and I believe that ultimately they cost me less than a quarter of a dollar per wearing. In many ways, they really were my first clothes.
Before I was going to university, I probably had a couple of pairs of slacks and a few blouses, sweaters or skirts, though it's hard to remember now, except for a mauve sweater and pants I owned when I was about 10 years old, a 'princess' dress in lime, and a velvet one for winter, when I was a very young girl.
From Grade 5 until the end of Grade 13, I wore a uniform for grade school and high school. First, a sort of pleated navy shift with a white blouse under it. Horrible poofy oversized royal blue bloomers were worn under a skirt for gym class. In my first (boarding) high school, a short sleeved blouse and again a pleated tunic are what I remember wearing. The shoes were grey suede Hush Puppies and short white athletic socks. Finally for my final 3 years, in a Toronto high school, I wore a tunic which buttoned down the front, white blouse underneath, and black stockings and oxford lace up shoes. In my final year, although a new uniform had been developed, I still wore the old (by that time) wreck.
I remember that in the middle of University, I owned one summer dress in a light material and one (of all things) Scarlet pant suit. For school, I daily alternated a couple of sweaters and two pairs of trousers and one coat and two hats. The University uniform those days was even more casual than this, blue jeans and a Tshirt and men with long hair everywhere.
Throughout my working years, I usually wore a Blazer, Skirt or sometimes Trousers, with a Blouse or sometimes a Dress, with a Jacket over it.
The Uniform I live in now, even all these years after leaving work downtown is still Blazer based on top over a shirt or sweater. The last few years, however, I hardly ever wear Dresses. More often now its slacks, a top and a blazer. Surprisingly, I might even be overdressed.
My closets today are bulging, but like so many people, I haven't a thing to wear. Because everyone around me is so casual, and almost every day is similar to what we used to call Casual Friday, most of my clothes reflect this or sit in the closet without a place to wear them.
Just one more reason why I miss the elegant, always neat and appropriately dressed man who was my husband so much. We matched each other and were proud to be seen together.
I doubt anyone would ever want to draw attention by being overdressed. Nor would one want to embarrass someone you were with for the same reason. Today this might be very easy to do, whether you are meeting a woman or man friend, whatever the occasion.
To avoid, embarassment, for either of us, today I generally pick something casual to wear, match it with something else, put it on and forget about it. Like any makeup which I now only occasionally wear; I dress in what I think is innocuous and neutral and forget it after that. I suspect, most of the time, I probably blend right in, in a more formal sort of way, but there it is.
I feel disappointed today that, the majority of men, and women that I meet don't seem to ever dress up. When I see the rare person who does I am delighted. I recognize someone who has pride, taste and self esteem and I usually want to know them better.
I still feel that how a man or a woman chooses to show themselves to the world, says a lot, about them. A persons clothes are the first place to look because they tell you most of what you need to know before the person has even said a word.
Note: See also - WHEN EVERY DAY IS CASUAL FRIDAY and
CLOTHES LOVER - FINDING BEAUTY ON THE STREET and
AT LEAST WALMARTIANS ARE REAL PEOPLE
Though the formality of clothing that early Boomers might remember such as hats and little white gloves, was rapidly leaving the scene, my group still was much more formal generally until University than most of the younger Boomers would ever be.
My interest in clothes began a lot earlier, when I really didn't have any clothes to wear to work, especially since I worked among business people downtown. I bought my first 7 items of good clothing because I needed some clothes to wear to work. One item was a Blazer by Tinktiner in a Cranberry Wool, a Raspberry coloured Silk Blouse, a three piece Winter White Virgin Wool Suit consisting of a Blazer, a Skirt and a pair of Trousers and a 2 piece camel coloured Wool Pantsuit. I did not pay a lot for these and I believe that ultimately they cost me less than a quarter of a dollar per wearing. In many ways, they really were my first clothes.
Before I was going to university, I probably had a couple of pairs of slacks and a few blouses, sweaters or skirts, though it's hard to remember now, except for a mauve sweater and pants I owned when I was about 10 years old, a 'princess' dress in lime, and a velvet one for winter, when I was a very young girl.
From Grade 5 until the end of Grade 13, I wore a uniform for grade school and high school. First, a sort of pleated navy shift with a white blouse under it. Horrible poofy oversized royal blue bloomers were worn under a skirt for gym class. In my first (boarding) high school, a short sleeved blouse and again a pleated tunic are what I remember wearing. The shoes were grey suede Hush Puppies and short white athletic socks. Finally for my final 3 years, in a Toronto high school, I wore a tunic which buttoned down the front, white blouse underneath, and black stockings and oxford lace up shoes. In my final year, although a new uniform had been developed, I still wore the old (by that time) wreck.
I remember that in the middle of University, I owned one summer dress in a light material and one (of all things) Scarlet pant suit. For school, I daily alternated a couple of sweaters and two pairs of trousers and one coat and two hats. The University uniform those days was even more casual than this, blue jeans and a Tshirt and men with long hair everywhere.
Throughout my working years, I usually wore a Blazer, Skirt or sometimes Trousers, with a Blouse or sometimes a Dress, with a Jacket over it.
The Uniform I live in now, even all these years after leaving work downtown is still Blazer based on top over a shirt or sweater. The last few years, however, I hardly ever wear Dresses. More often now its slacks, a top and a blazer. Surprisingly, I might even be overdressed.
My closets today are bulging, but like so many people, I haven't a thing to wear. Because everyone around me is so casual, and almost every day is similar to what we used to call Casual Friday, most of my clothes reflect this or sit in the closet without a place to wear them.
Just one more reason why I miss the elegant, always neat and appropriately dressed man who was my husband so much. We matched each other and were proud to be seen together.
I doubt anyone would ever want to draw attention by being overdressed. Nor would one want to embarrass someone you were with for the same reason. Today this might be very easy to do, whether you are meeting a woman or man friend, whatever the occasion.
To avoid, embarassment, for either of us, today I generally pick something casual to wear, match it with something else, put it on and forget about it. Like any makeup which I now only occasionally wear; I dress in what I think is innocuous and neutral and forget it after that. I suspect, most of the time, I probably blend right in, in a more formal sort of way, but there it is.
I feel disappointed today that, the majority of men, and women that I meet don't seem to ever dress up. When I see the rare person who does I am delighted. I recognize someone who has pride, taste and self esteem and I usually want to know them better.
I still feel that how a man or a woman chooses to show themselves to the world, says a lot, about them. A persons clothes are the first place to look because they tell you most of what you need to know before the person has even said a word.
Note: See also - WHEN EVERY DAY IS CASUAL FRIDAY and
CLOTHES LOVER - FINDING BEAUTY ON THE STREET and
AT LEAST WALMARTIANS ARE REAL PEOPLE
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