FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

I have met a lot of people. Being naturally gregarious by nature, it is almost inevitable that every day I will meet someone new. What I have found is that, with few exceptions, most people are friendly and fall within the range of what, for lack of a better description, I would call normal.

By normal I mean, that generally most of the people I meet each day are living their lives, and going about the daily tasks they need to accomplish without making a big public display or seeking somehow to have everyone around them notice them. These exceptions are probably part of a different story anyway.

Generally most of us spend our time in a way we have found works for us. We have some habitual things we do and usually our day proceeds in a fairly regular way.

Some of us may not feel there are enough hours a day to get everything we need to get done. Beyond this however, the days, weeks, months and yes, even years, pass fairly predictably and generally without great changes.

For most of us therefore, life is usually fairly routine and regular. In fact, life would actually be quite a bit more difficult if we didn’t have some regular routine to take us through each day.

What therefore do you do when this ‘regular routine’ has become stale and you feel like you need a change? So where and how do we start when we know we need to make some changes to our lives?

We know logically that either going on strike, or turning our lives upside down to shake them up overnight, isn’t likely to work. Likewise, for most of us the option of staying in bed or hiding away at home indefinitely is also out of the question.

For some of us, particularly Women, many of us usually find a good place to start is with a new hairstyle. While some of us may need to wear a hat to cover the weird hairdo for a while, we can be fairly confident that one day, usually a few weeks from now, it will be safe for the hat to come off. Besides, experience has taught us that, whatever happens, most hair usually grows back eventually.

In the same way, changing the colour of our nails is another safe and temporary way to change something without too much risk to our well being. Clothing, accessories and other changes to our appearance are similar things we can do to bring some immediate change into our lives.

In my case, the turquoise toe nail polish was a step out of my comfort zone but, no permanent change was made. My elderly American Cousins may have thought their Canadian Cousin had chosen an odd colour for her toes, but hopefully otherwise I sounded and behaved relatively normally.

But there are also times when a big change is in order. Usually we feel this after a long time of doing things in the same way. When even we are bored with ourselves, our routine and the predictability of our lives; larger change may be in order. But how do we change and more importantly, where do we start? I suggest there is no better place than the present.

Many years ago, I remember being very impressed with Gestalt Therapy. Gestalt, appeared to work when the way you do things no longer works for you, i.e. no longer gets you the results you want or need. You are said to have reached an Impasse. This makes a lot of sense. Others may say you are blocked, stuck in a rut, or are getting nowhere (as in nowhere you want to go). What then can you do?

Gestalt therapy, puts the solution in front of you in a simple and logical way. Forget about what went before, the past. The way you did things in the past is no longer working for you.

So, I too suggest you and me, start with the present. The here and now. Not only do you have some control over what you do today, but you can actually work with the present and go forward from there.

So, when you are ready, think about taking some small new steps beyond the hairstyle or nail colour, or to various elements of your overall appearance and think about how larger changes can happen in your life.

Changes in important parts of our lives will require us to exert ourselves and make a stretch beyond our comfort zone. To do this, we will have to explore what we feel is missing from our lives that ideally we would like to make a part of them.

To make changes we have to decide what it is we need to change. For this we need to dream a bit and consider a Wish List of what we feel our perfect life would look like. Once we can see it, we can begin to make it happen.

I realized quite a while ago that the urge to change someone else is probably something inherent in our nature. However, too many of us, especially Women, in particular, sense or feel that everything about someone in their lives would be perfect, if only the other person did this one little thing differently.

It is easy for most of us to analyze and see what someone else does. Easier still, it sometimes seems for us to tell them what they could, or worse still, should change. Good luck on this lifetime project.

I personally don’t think anyone, including ourselves changes until we, or they, are ready to do so.

Instead, we may need to consider that a better chance of success will only happen when we are ready to make a change, to ourselves.

Maybe, if we are serious about wanting our lives to change, we are going to be the ones who need to change.

In fact, I am beginning to believe that the most successful changes will be the ones we make to ourselves.

I suggest therefore, that we take on changing the world later and instead make yourself the first person we work on changing. I say this, because I think that we will, at least, have a chance of success. Believe me, none of us will start until we feel we are ready. Because of this we are probably both  motivated and probably also determined to succeed.

In some ways, one of the best parts of trying to change yourself is, that if you don’t succeed at first, no one need ever know. The flip side is successful change will be obvious to us. We will have accomplished something which we can be proud of.

Success will also encourage us to continue making the changes and because we are making our lives more closely resemble our dreams we likely will be happier than ever before. A nice bonus.

Meanwhile, when we begin, as with any new situation we encounter that is unfamiliar, we may need to be brave and push down our nervousness that we might not succeed. This is where you and I might have to ‘fake it till you make it’ and the new approach becomes a regular part of our lives.

You may be surprised to find that the other people you felt needed to change will become less important to your well being. Others may not have changed one bit, but because you have, the needed changes have already taken place.

When you start to change by using yourself as a catalyst and subject, every successful step will bring you closer to who you want to be. I think you will be happier and more successful and confident because you tried.