Someone once said, "Easier to ask forgiveness than permission". Possibly true. Possibly also not a one size fits all solution to every whim and idea that appeals to some spontaneous impulse. Sometimes, for example the decisions we make are going to effect other people.
A decision or belief that the world is ending - on the next day somebody out there has decided it will really end this time - does not make your impulse to sell everything you own, build a bomb shelter or bet your life savings on some crazy wish extravagance, a good idea. Possibly, as it has before, the world may not end and you will have bankrupted yourself AND your family and left them to, in the real world, begin again with nothing, when the world has not ended.
The same impulse, which can be charming and whimsical and spontaneous, might also backfire on throwing the cost of a new car on a roll of the roulette wheel or some other form of gamble. Yes, I know I am speaking of extremes in putting forward such examples.
There are times however, when moving forward and taking a chance is much more likely to lead to great success. For example, a business decision sometimes requires a belief in yourself and a confident leap of faith, so as to move ahead towards greater success. Hard work, serious evaluation a degree of good luck and good timing, and a decision made at the right time, is slightly different than momentary recklessness and acting on a dare or out of bravado.
I enjoy reading about the success of Richard Branson. He has written a few books about his career. I have found them quite interesting. I admire so much his openness to trying new ideas. In fact one of his book titles is: SCREW IT, LET'S DO IT. Catchy title, but also showing that despite misgivings, he has sometimes, perhaps even often said, LET'S DO IT...LET'S TRY IT ANYWAY... despite our misgivings.
I still intend to give a lot of thought to Branson's ideas put out in his more recent book, SCREW BUSINESS AS USUAL in which he talks about giving back to society and the world we live in.
Meanwhile, 'Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained' is a phrase we might use when we recognize that we have let fear hold us back from trying something. Such fear as each of us has about one area of our life or another, may not be shared by other people around us. They may wonder what all the fuss is about because, what is a fear for us is not one they share. Trust me, they too have something they fear, we all do. It might just not be the same fear we have.
Your fear is very REAL TO YOU, therefore I would say, acknowledge it and do not concern yourself that it is not something everyone else shares or understands. However, once you recognize and acknowledge what it is that is holding you back personally, work on taking even small steps to overcome your fear, either by yourself or with someone's help and encouragement.
Hopefully, you and I, will overcome some of the fears that hold us back from realizing our dreams and wishes and that is why sometimes you might even decide that though you have a few misgivings left about what might work or not work if you give the action you fear a try, you might just succeed. I therefore suggest, that sometimes WHEN IN DOUBT - JUST DO IT! You have a good chance of being pleasantly surprised and pleased to have put an obstruction behind you and moved toward a new life.
Saturday, 7 September 2013
YOUR HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON IT
When you woke up this morning, within a few seconds you made a decision important to your day. You either felt anticipation of the day ahead, or immediately thought of the amount of things weighing you down.
Most of us don't leap out of bed as children do, ready to run toward the day ahead, raring to go, so to speak. Usually, we wake up a bit more slowly, see it's time to get up, stretch...sometimes groan and sit up.
Within seconds we start thinking about what day it is, what we have to do that day, whether we are late already and how much time we have to spend waking up before the days events demand we get moving at full speed.
When it's Saturday, unless you have small children and probably won't get to sleep in much, you may take more time than you would when facing a work week commute and a busy day ahead.
Nevertheless, within a few minutes of waking, you have unconsciously made a decision about how your day will be.
In another essay, I posed the question - WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? YOU DECIDE. I think about this because I believe that when I wake up thinking my head is sore, or my knee is sore, or I want more sleep etc.
On a day I think will be tough, I have often felt I would like to just pull the covers over my head and not get up at all that day.
My family and I seem to have made an art of trying for as many extra 15 minutes of sleep as we can get. The Snooze Alarm on the clock is, I am convinced a gift from God that let's us have the extra minutes and even seconds of sleep, I need to face the day. I am more than a bit serious about this.
Nevertheless, I know that when I am happy with myself and my life, I am more likely to wake up ready for the day and feel ready to get up and go much more enthusiastically than when I am unhappy or feel loaded down with concerns and responsibilities.
I also think about the theory of the GLASS HALF FULL or GLASS HALF EMPTY, in other words, OPTIMISM AND PESSIMISM in how we approach things. Most of us know by now which is closer to our view of life most of the time.
If Pessimistic, we are more likely to feel loaded down more often than someone who is generally Optimistic.
As time has gone on though, most of us know that we do not greet the day with the enthusiasm with which Children do. In fact, the minute we think about this, most of us known that this is true. It is also something I thought it might be nice to try and bring back into my life.
I have thought about this a bit and decided that I have learned to not greet the day with great enthusiasm and maybe I can unlearn it.
Since no one can change my behaviour and attitude but myself, I realized that if I want to unlearn a negative thing, I could do it. It might take a while, but it probably took a while for me to not be thrilled at having another day to celebrate being alive and anticipating good things.
Like everything else, change does not happen in five minutes. The decision to change might be a quick one, but changing old habits will probably take a bit of effort to succeed. As with many other tasks, I decided to start small. At first this involved not groaning and frowning at myself in the mirror and slumping down with my first cup of coffee of the day.
To start small, I would curb the impulse to groan as the days demands came into my consciousness. I would push myself to look in the mirror and smile (and sometimes even laugh at the crazy way my hair was sticking up). I would try, to not list all the aches and pains I thought I had from how I slept and instead, try and say something nice to the first person I met.
Therefore, my greeting to someone would no longer be something negative such as "same old, same old" which can be used for referring to the day ahead being likely to be a repetition of the last one.
Today is actually a new day, as is each day...so if you think about it, you will not be having a repeat of a previous one.
Because I think we can do something about the day we will experience, by giving it and the people we meet, a chance to be part of a good experience, I now try and give each new day a chance to be a good one. I am happier most of the time; maybe if you give it a try, you will be too.
Most of us don't leap out of bed as children do, ready to run toward the day ahead, raring to go, so to speak. Usually, we wake up a bit more slowly, see it's time to get up, stretch...sometimes groan and sit up.
Within seconds we start thinking about what day it is, what we have to do that day, whether we are late already and how much time we have to spend waking up before the days events demand we get moving at full speed.
When it's Saturday, unless you have small children and probably won't get to sleep in much, you may take more time than you would when facing a work week commute and a busy day ahead.
Nevertheless, within a few minutes of waking, you have unconsciously made a decision about how your day will be.
In another essay, I posed the question - WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? YOU DECIDE. I think about this because I believe that when I wake up thinking my head is sore, or my knee is sore, or I want more sleep etc.
On a day I think will be tough, I have often felt I would like to just pull the covers over my head and not get up at all that day.
My family and I seem to have made an art of trying for as many extra 15 minutes of sleep as we can get. The Snooze Alarm on the clock is, I am convinced a gift from God that let's us have the extra minutes and even seconds of sleep, I need to face the day. I am more than a bit serious about this.
Nevertheless, I know that when I am happy with myself and my life, I am more likely to wake up ready for the day and feel ready to get up and go much more enthusiastically than when I am unhappy or feel loaded down with concerns and responsibilities.
I also think about the theory of the GLASS HALF FULL or GLASS HALF EMPTY, in other words, OPTIMISM AND PESSIMISM in how we approach things. Most of us know by now which is closer to our view of life most of the time.
If Pessimistic, we are more likely to feel loaded down more often than someone who is generally Optimistic.
As time has gone on though, most of us know that we do not greet the day with the enthusiasm with which Children do. In fact, the minute we think about this, most of us known that this is true. It is also something I thought it might be nice to try and bring back into my life.
I have thought about this a bit and decided that I have learned to not greet the day with great enthusiasm and maybe I can unlearn it.
Since no one can change my behaviour and attitude but myself, I realized that if I want to unlearn a negative thing, I could do it. It might take a while, but it probably took a while for me to not be thrilled at having another day to celebrate being alive and anticipating good things.
Like everything else, change does not happen in five minutes. The decision to change might be a quick one, but changing old habits will probably take a bit of effort to succeed. As with many other tasks, I decided to start small. At first this involved not groaning and frowning at myself in the mirror and slumping down with my first cup of coffee of the day.
To start small, I would curb the impulse to groan as the days demands came into my consciousness. I would push myself to look in the mirror and smile (and sometimes even laugh at the crazy way my hair was sticking up). I would try, to not list all the aches and pains I thought I had from how I slept and instead, try and say something nice to the first person I met.
Therefore, my greeting to someone would no longer be something negative such as "same old, same old" which can be used for referring to the day ahead being likely to be a repetition of the last one.
Today is actually a new day, as is each day...so if you think about it, you will not be having a repeat of a previous one.
Because I think we can do something about the day we will experience, by giving it and the people we meet, a chance to be part of a good experience, I now try and give each new day a chance to be a good one. I am happier most of the time; maybe if you give it a try, you will be too.
Wednesday, 4 September 2013
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK
Years ago, I remember reading that when you earned money you should pay yourself first. In your emotional and personal life as well, you should also pay yourself, but in a different way.
We all make mistakes; most of them can be corrected. We apologize to the person we wronged, we repaint and cover the wall we painted an odd colour, we get up and try again after a fall or a mistake. Often we say, 'forgive and forget' and often we do.
However, and more unfortunately, we often find it easier to forgive someone we love and care for more easily than we do ourselves. It is surprising how long we can be angry at ourselves for something we did or a unwise decision we made in our lives.
We can actually be pretty brutal with ourselves, sometimes more unforgiving and upset and angry with ourselves than with anyone else including the other party. This is especially true when we have been cheated or stolen from by someone else and have lost face, felt humiliated. When insult and injury combine, we have also lost money we could perhaps not afford to lose.
What can we do about this? Hating ourselves and self disgust are akin to self pity in destructiveness in such situations. I suggest instead that we work harder than usual to forgive ourselves.
To me the best revenge truly is in living well, in thriving, in learning not to repeat the same mistake again, and most importantly, to moving on to become a wiser and even better person.
When we put our mistakes behind us quickly, and forever relegate them to the past, we recover more quickly. Our mistake becomes a small blip on the radar of our lives, rather than an obstruction and a big detour.
Give yourself a break. If what you did was an error in judgement, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. If out of a good heart, you trusted someone and they abused that trust, you may have been hurt but you remain the person in the situation that acted out of good intentions. When you are hurt or taken advantage of, you learn and from this you grow.
Nothing you do honestly, and from goodness and kindness makes you a lesser person than you were before you experienced this situation.
Dust yourself off, experience your remorse or anger or tears, but only for a reasonable time. Then put it behind you for good and give yourself the same break you would give the other person were the situation reversed and the other person came to you trying to put a past mistake behind them.
We all make mistakes; most of them can be corrected. We apologize to the person we wronged, we repaint and cover the wall we painted an odd colour, we get up and try again after a fall or a mistake. Often we say, 'forgive and forget' and often we do.
However, and more unfortunately, we often find it easier to forgive someone we love and care for more easily than we do ourselves. It is surprising how long we can be angry at ourselves for something we did or a unwise decision we made in our lives.
We can actually be pretty brutal with ourselves, sometimes more unforgiving and upset and angry with ourselves than with anyone else including the other party. This is especially true when we have been cheated or stolen from by someone else and have lost face, felt humiliated. When insult and injury combine, we have also lost money we could perhaps not afford to lose.
What can we do about this? Hating ourselves and self disgust are akin to self pity in destructiveness in such situations. I suggest instead that we work harder than usual to forgive ourselves.
To me the best revenge truly is in living well, in thriving, in learning not to repeat the same mistake again, and most importantly, to moving on to become a wiser and even better person.
When we put our mistakes behind us quickly, and forever relegate them to the past, we recover more quickly. Our mistake becomes a small blip on the radar of our lives, rather than an obstruction and a big detour.
Give yourself a break. If what you did was an error in judgement, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. If out of a good heart, you trusted someone and they abused that trust, you may have been hurt but you remain the person in the situation that acted out of good intentions. When you are hurt or taken advantage of, you learn and from this you grow.
Nothing you do honestly, and from goodness and kindness makes you a lesser person than you were before you experienced this situation.
Dust yourself off, experience your remorse or anger or tears, but only for a reasonable time. Then put it behind you for good and give yourself the same break you would give the other person were the situation reversed and the other person came to you trying to put a past mistake behind them.
HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND
Whether you believe it or not, the world is your Oyster. Each of us has a lot of options whatever our circumstances, and wherever we find ourselves at this moment.
To begin with, we have the day in which we find ourselves. A while ago, I asked myself...and you...WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? and I put it out there, that you could have some choice, you could decide, which it was going to be.
I believe we have a decision to make every day. In fact, we have a lot of choices that we make. The choices we make effect our day, our week, our month, our year and could quite easily effect our whole lives. Think about it.
Almost everybody knows, or if they are lucky, used to know, someone who is like a 'dark cloud'. Every time you meet them, they seem ready to tell you about everything that is wrong. They will tell you what is wrong with their health, their job, their life, their spouse, their parents, their friends and, if you are really lucky and they are going full tilt; what has always bothered them about you.
Needless to say, when they finally leave and tell you they'll see you later, most of us mumble to ourselves, "Not if I see you first".
There are other people who seem always to have some calamity in their lives. They seem to be running hard and always running, but somehow although they are frantic and exhausted, they never seem to do anything but run.
The opposite is the person so laid back, that a permanent state of MANANA has become a way of life for them as they put off until tomorrow what they needed to do today, or yesterday, or last week. Their homes and their lives are a perpetual DIY (do it yourself) project.
The disorganized person, the procrastinator, the chronic complainer and the pessimist, do not recognize that the choices they have made, make their lives the way they are.
Whichever group we find ourselves in from time to time, we could be making a new decision turn our lives around and become someone who knows that today is going to be a good day.
When we make choices to work with possibilities and opportunities, instead of either letting either the things or the people around us pull us down, when we would really like to go up.
To begin with, we have the day in which we find ourselves. A while ago, I asked myself...and you...WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? and I put it out there, that you could have some choice, you could decide, which it was going to be.
I believe we have a decision to make every day. In fact, we have a lot of choices that we make. The choices we make effect our day, our week, our month, our year and could quite easily effect our whole lives. Think about it.
Almost everybody knows, or if they are lucky, used to know, someone who is like a 'dark cloud'. Every time you meet them, they seem ready to tell you about everything that is wrong. They will tell you what is wrong with their health, their job, their life, their spouse, their parents, their friends and, if you are really lucky and they are going full tilt; what has always bothered them about you.
Needless to say, when they finally leave and tell you they'll see you later, most of us mumble to ourselves, "Not if I see you first".
There are other people who seem always to have some calamity in their lives. They seem to be running hard and always running, but somehow although they are frantic and exhausted, they never seem to do anything but run.
The opposite is the person so laid back, that a permanent state of MANANA has become a way of life for them as they put off until tomorrow what they needed to do today, or yesterday, or last week. Their homes and their lives are a perpetual DIY (do it yourself) project.
The disorganized person, the procrastinator, the chronic complainer and the pessimist, do not recognize that the choices they have made, make their lives the way they are.
Whichever group we find ourselves in from time to time, we could be making a new decision turn our lives around and become someone who knows that today is going to be a good day.
When we make choices to work with possibilities and opportunities, instead of either letting either the things or the people around us pull us down, when we would really like to go up.
CHALLENGE YOURSELF - PERSONAL BEST
I am going to surprise you today. I am going to admit that my life has not been perfect. I however, am not surprised.
Several months ago, I stated that I believed that lifelong learning is one of the reasons why we are alive and that I expected always to be learning however long I lived. I realize that I still believe that today.
I never had any illusions that I was perfect and because of this I consider myself a very fortunate person. Even better, by the time I had reached my mid 20's I realized that there were some things I was never going to be very good at.
For example, most of the sciences were, and remain, terra incognita, to me. I accept also that I probably will never be either a great athlete or a wonderful dancer, except in my dreams.
These areas, which I admit are not ones in which I excel at and which I accept as, either difficult or impossible for me, have made it possible for me to recognize that other people have abilities different from mine. Different, but not necessarily better.
The things I do well on the other hand, are where I both excel and compete. The competition is with myself. The words 'personal best' ensure that there will always be a challenge for me, but it is with myself.
What I learned from these two things, that I am not perfect and to accept that I have my own strengths and weaknesses, has made it possible to live a pretty good life.
Knowing I am not perfect, means that sometimes I will make a mistake. When I make a mistake, I accept that it is a mistake and not my whole life. Usually I try and correct the mistake, and move on. Although this is not always right away, I moved ahead as soon as I can. The reason I do this, is that a mistake is not going to change my whole life.
Because I recognize that I have some things I do well and I have a goal to keep learning, both from the good things I accomplish AND from the mistakes that I make, I find it easier to correct the mistakes I can, accept that some things have to be forgiven AND forgotten, and move forward.
I am no different than anybody else, except that I am comfortable not being perfect. I expect to always be working on improving myself. I accept that this will probably be a lifelong process. I think this is not so bad.
Like you, I put one foot in front of the other to get where I am going. The best thing is that I know that as long as I am willing to get up and put one foot in front of the other, I am probably going to get somewhere.
With a bit of luck and some planning, it will be somewhere interesting and I will learn something new.
Several months ago, I stated that I believed that lifelong learning is one of the reasons why we are alive and that I expected always to be learning however long I lived. I realize that I still believe that today.
I never had any illusions that I was perfect and because of this I consider myself a very fortunate person. Even better, by the time I had reached my mid 20's I realized that there were some things I was never going to be very good at.
For example, most of the sciences were, and remain, terra incognita, to me. I accept also that I probably will never be either a great athlete or a wonderful dancer, except in my dreams.
These areas, which I admit are not ones in which I excel at and which I accept as, either difficult or impossible for me, have made it possible for me to recognize that other people have abilities different from mine. Different, but not necessarily better.
The things I do well on the other hand, are where I both excel and compete. The competition is with myself. The words 'personal best' ensure that there will always be a challenge for me, but it is with myself.
What I learned from these two things, that I am not perfect and to accept that I have my own strengths and weaknesses, has made it possible to live a pretty good life.
Knowing I am not perfect, means that sometimes I will make a mistake. When I make a mistake, I accept that it is a mistake and not my whole life. Usually I try and correct the mistake, and move on. Although this is not always right away, I moved ahead as soon as I can. The reason I do this, is that a mistake is not going to change my whole life.
Because I recognize that I have some things I do well and I have a goal to keep learning, both from the good things I accomplish AND from the mistakes that I make, I find it easier to correct the mistakes I can, accept that some things have to be forgiven AND forgotten, and move forward.
I am no different than anybody else, except that I am comfortable not being perfect. I expect to always be working on improving myself. I accept that this will probably be a lifelong process. I think this is not so bad.
Like you, I put one foot in front of the other to get where I am going. The best thing is that I know that as long as I am willing to get up and put one foot in front of the other, I am probably going to get somewhere.
With a bit of luck and some planning, it will be somewhere interesting and I will learn something new.
THE CHANGING SEASONS IN NORTH AMERICA
North America experiences four season, which normally are fairly well defined.
Each one, offers a good transition before the next and this prepares us for the next phase of the year ahead.
Generally it might be said, that each season lasts about a quarter of the year. Therefore, by December with the calendar years end, Winter has arrived and will continue for another few months. The longest day of the year being December 21st, after which we begin hoping for an early Spring.
Spring, usually promises Winter's end, rebirth of the trees and flowers and generally warmer weather ahead.
After Spring, comes the warmest weather, lighter clothing and attitudes of Summer. Some of us find it hard to believe that the contrast between the very hot days of Summer, compared to the very cold ones of Winter.
However, by the time the third quarter of the year arrives in September, we again begin to prepare, in Autumn for the last months of the year and the Winter season.
The lightening of our mood, clothing and coming of warmer temperatures always seemed a good time for airing out of the house, in preparation for spring. This included pulling out lighter clothing in preparation for warmer weather. A sort of shedding the heavier, warm clothing needed in winter seemed also to involve a shedding of our heavier and more serious winter demeanour as well.
By the time
summer arrived, we seem to have adopted, along with very light clothing, a much lighter
attitude to the warm, sunny days ahead.
Autumn however, is a reverse of the lightening that Spring brings us. We are now entering, the third quarter of the year, here
in North America. The season is known as Autumn (also sometimes called Fall). The children
have just returned to school and soon we will witness the leaves turning to a
vast array of beautiful colours and then falling off of the trees.
Often,
especially in recent years, a long period called Indian Summer, makes this a rather
beautiful time of year, neither really hot or really cold. It precedes and
prepares us for the colder weather which will soon follow.
Indian Summer and
the autumn season prepare us for the final season of the year, Winter.
Winter, brings
us cold, wind and various amounts of snow which covers the ground. Winter
completes the four seasons which define the North American climate.
Each season
comes with its own climactic change, clothing changes, ambiance and a range of
activities we can participate in and enjoy.
It is
possible that each of us has a season we like best. Part of enjoying life
fully however, is making certain that we find some activities and events that
we enjoy in each season. These become the touchstones of our year. These give
us a chance to participate in the life around us, as well as, acknowledge and
appreciate the beauty of the world as the annual cycle of nature unfolds around
us.
Wednesday, 14 August 2013
LIFE - POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE?
LIFE IS LIKE A MIRROR, SMILE AT IT AND IT SMILES BACK AT YOU.
I think we have a choice, as I have said before, WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? - YOU DECIDE. I meant it then, I mean it now.
LIFE IS LIKE A CAMERA, FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT, CAPTURE THE GOOD TIMES, DEVELOP FROM THE NEGATIVES, AND IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT, TAKE ANOTHER SHOT.
LIFE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT EXAM. MANY PEOPLE FAIL BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO COPY OTHERS, NOT REALIZING THAT, EVERYONE HAS A DIFFERENT QUESTION PAPER.
Three quotes seeking to motivate us.
The first is telling us to realize that what you put into life is what you get back.
The second to focus on what is important, learn from your mistakes, and bounce back and try again if something doesn't work out.
The third, that being yourself is what life is about because each of us has our own life to work on and learn from. It also says that we go wrong when we try to live like someone else, since our own life is different from anyone else's.
When I read these quotes and others like them, I realize that people have worked hard to learn life's lessons and that some people try to find a way to look at things positively.
Buddha said that, Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. To me this is true. When I see someone's face when they are expressing anger, there is nothing lovely or joyful in it. See for yourself. The next time you are expressing anger, look in the mirror. If someone you are speaking to is doing so, look at them.
So, what are the possible outcomes that might come out of a positive or negative approach?
A positive approach leaves open the possibility and hope that you approach each day thinking that you might succeed. By smiling and being cheerful, you are making a conscious decision to give the people around you, and things you are doing, a chance of working out.
The person, at least trying to be positive, begins with an openness to the day being a good one. That person may smile or at least start out with a neutral, or better yet, cheerful attitude.
When you offer others a smile, people tend to smile back at you. Think of how people immediately smile at little children who are smiling and laughing. We smile back at them and leave them feeling better than we did before.
Anger on the other hand, negative comments or views, gossip about someone else and criticism, doesn't leave anyone feeling better. Although you can tell yourself, you are just venting and that after you get it 'out of your system', it will be cathartic. In fact, usually we are no better off than when our frustration and anger was simmering inside us.
Expressing anger, because we felt we must, may have seemed a way to keep from becoming angrier. Sharing our frustration and upset with someone else may seem a way of getting rid of it. I doubt, however, that anyone leaves the situation happier than when they started.
Life hits us, comes at us, so to speak, with a variety of challenges. Some of these teach us a lesson in a way that we enjoy. People pass on the good lessons and might say, one good deed deserves another. The bad lessons are also passed on, but not always in a good way. The less pleasant parts of our day get passed on in the form of frustration, anger and upset.
While the positive 'playing it forward', gives something good to others; the negative version inflicts itself on those who care enough about us to listen to the tirade we feel compelled to express.
GOODBYE AGAIN - FOREVER I HOPE
Some time ago I wrote an essay called KISS YOUR EX GOODBYE - FRIENDS I THINK NOT.
Just a moment ago I got a reminder of what I believe and why I believe it. In other words, the last culprit, has just called me again. As usual, I spoke to him.
I can say that because I got caught off guard, I didn't know what else to do except be polite and pleasant. I could say that I picked up the phone, because I was expecting a delivery, and because most cell phones don't register the caller's phone number.
The fact that for the hundredth time, when I heard who it was, did not tell him directly, and in unmistakable terms to never call me again, never to 'darken my doorstep' or any other way of saying get out of my life forever, is typical.
There are no circumstances under which I would agree to meet or see him.
Not in a million years. Not if he was offering to - finally - contribute even five cents, to pay back even one of the services, i.e. the extra cable service cost so he could view his sports shows.
He could also, as a Birthday gift, give me the difference between the box of chocolates he bought me and the $106 ticket to see his favourite Football Team which he asked for as a Christmas present one year. Of course, no such offer was going to be forthcoming, so I needn't worry. After all, why should he change the habits of a lifetime?
I was polite, but then I usually am. I don't think being angry is much else except a loss of self control (most of the time).
However, when he said he had a good memory for telephone numbers, but had to look mine up, I managed to assure him not to worry. It's all part of the past now anyway.
I gave him as a send off, the same fake kiss off, that insincere people give others they are parting company with...I wished him well. Goodbye again. I hope this time it is Forever.
Just a moment ago I got a reminder of what I believe and why I believe it. In other words, the last culprit, has just called me again. As usual, I spoke to him.
I can say that because I got caught off guard, I didn't know what else to do except be polite and pleasant. I could say that I picked up the phone, because I was expecting a delivery, and because most cell phones don't register the caller's phone number.
The fact that for the hundredth time, when I heard who it was, did not tell him directly, and in unmistakable terms to never call me again, never to 'darken my doorstep' or any other way of saying get out of my life forever, is typical.
There are no circumstances under which I would agree to meet or see him.
Not in a million years. Not if he was offering to - finally - contribute even five cents, to pay back even one of the services, i.e. the extra cable service cost so he could view his sports shows.
He could also, as a Birthday gift, give me the difference between the box of chocolates he bought me and the $106 ticket to see his favourite Football Team which he asked for as a Christmas present one year. Of course, no such offer was going to be forthcoming, so I needn't worry. After all, why should he change the habits of a lifetime?
I was polite, but then I usually am. I don't think being angry is much else except a loss of self control (most of the time).
However, when he said he had a good memory for telephone numbers, but had to look mine up, I managed to assure him not to worry. It's all part of the past now anyway.
I gave him as a send off, the same fake kiss off, that insincere people give others they are parting company with...I wished him well. Goodbye again. I hope this time it is Forever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - HAPPY NEW YEAR
Each of
us struggles with various things in the course of our day, week, month and
year. On New Year’s Eve often we reflect for a moment on how we think our year
went. Some of us make resolutions for the coming year.
I urge you, when celebrating your next Birthday, to give yourself the best present
ever, a resolution to have a very Happy New Year!
This
Friday, when I celebrate my Birthday, I also make the day a symbol of my
personal New Year. If the year, so far, has been a good one in my estimation, I
feel even more encouraged. If the year, so far, has been trying or
difficult, I make a small personal resolution to begin the 'NEW YEAR' on a
positive note. I make a private Birthday Wish for whatever might be better than
what has come thus far.
As a
result, I dust myself off mentally, from whatever may have troubled me, or not
worked out as I had hoped, and resolve again, to give my next day, week, month
and year, a chance to be a better one. This is my way of wishing myself a Happy
Birthday. At least, I am giving it a chance to be better in my personal New
Year.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
LOVE - A MANY SPLENDORED THING
| How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death. by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) |
Love is amazing.
Before my husband died, he didn't say a lot of dramatic things but a few times
he walked by me and said the following:
We didn't have a long time, but we had a good time.
On another occasion: I still feel the same way.
On another occasion: I was always faithful to you.
On another occasion: You really have a very pretty voice (when you sing).
No big drama, no sloppy baloney. Just flowers often for years and years and a lot of good manners, consideration and decency.
Early on we decided that we had GOOD WILL towards each other and said it.
We also decided to divide up household chores according to who was better at it.
Most importantly we did not drag each other to things the other hated...in his case shopping...he got to tell me Better You than Me when I'd come home worn out and footsore.
A lot of little things, and just one more - deciding what it is important to you - important enough to insist on.
The rest of the day, other than remembering and saying you love, is just stuff.
What leaves you happiest of all - when it is mutual.
P.S. I was very honoured and happy to hear someone who knew us both, for many years, tell someone that she had never heard me criticize my husband. I know I had no reason to, but I am still happy that I did not.
Monday, 12 August 2013
YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE - TODAY IS A NEW DAY
Every day is a new chance to have a great life. You would miss so much that you are supposed to learn in life if you do not let it play out. For example, I finally, met the love of my life when I was 35 years old. I had many good things and bad occur in my life before that, but not someone 100% for me.
Other people around me, including friends and most of my younger siblings had earlier marriages, and some were very happy, but not me. I was happy, but not totally, because without someone of my own, I always felt something was missing.
One day, the unbelievable happened. I still think of it as a miracle. On a day, like any other, I was to meet someone after work that an acquaintance at work suggested I meet. She said he likes to read books too. That was about it by way of introduction.
I went to meet him, with what else, a large book, so that I could get some reading done, in case the situation was a dead end and left me sitting by myself and heading home by Streetcar a little while later. At least, I wouldn't miss out on my reading, I thought.
We met, he seemed a nice man, we talked and ended up having dinner together. The second time we met, we were with friends (the woman who suggested we meet and her boyfriend) and they had been drinking all day. We did not meet again for a month or more after that evening as I figured I was wasting my time with people I had nothing in common with.
Finally, about a month later, Peter and I met for dinner again. By the next date, he said he loved me and I knew I loved him.
We had almost 20 years of 24 hour days together, with only 51 days apart, little conflict, a lot of Good Will toward each other, and most importantly, a lot of Love.
My husband died of a chronic disease, after so many years of happiness. As he put it, 'We didn't have a long time, but we had a good time'. I miss his strength, support and encouragement every day. On the 24th of August, it will be 8 years since I became a Widow.
The important thing is not that it ended. The important thing was, to go and meet and give this person a chance to not be a continuation of an unsuccessful past, but instead to be the start of a very happy future. We took a chance and had a happy Marriage.
After my husband died, I wanted very much to see where he grew up, went to school and lived during his childhood and until he emigrated in his early 20's to Canada from England.
To do this, I had again to take, what for me was, a big chance. I had to fly in an airplane for the first time in 20 years. I knew there was only one way to get there. With great fear I knew I had either to go or give up. I took the flight.
My life was transformed, and incredibly, I had happiness again. I wrote about this part of my experience of trying to return to living my own life as a Widow in my essay THE BUCKET LIST - KEEPING HOPE ALIVE.
What would I have missed, if I had stayed the same person I was when I was growing up as a generally unhappy teenager all my life? What would my life have been like, reliving those not wonderful years of, for example, that period of adolescence over and over again, until today?
What if, I decided that, like a star athlete in High School or College, that nothing was ever going to be as good in my life again as those fantastic years I had experienced in University.
As I mentioned above, imagine a 35 year old still reliving past glories of her early 20's, never having moved on to other experiences, even though a lot of time had passed.
If any of us lock ourselves into a specific period of time and refuse to go forward into the new day, week, month or year; we are in danger of stagnating and going no further. In the same way you can tell how old some women and men are, by their old hairstyle and dress, there is also an old mindset in that place along with the old ideas...and reminiscing about the past.
I see every day as full of possibilities, and a miracle possible around every corner. You need to be there to see it though. Make yourself present and open to the possibilities of each day you live. To do that, you have to make a move out of the idealized past, take a few steps out of your comfort zone perhaps, and peek around the corner.
Who knows, maybe you too will find a whole new set of experiences awaiting you, all because you poked your nose out of the door...as a new day dawned.
.
If you
have time, read some of my other essays. Feel free to comment and as I ask in
one of them –
TELL ME
ABOUT YOURSELF SOMETIME TOO and also WHO ARE YOU – I REALLY WANT TO KNOW. They are at: gettingitright-meb.blogspot.ca/
ONE STEP AT A TIME WILL GET YOU WHERE YOU ARE GOING
One step at a time.
Make a decision to
be happy every day. Find something you like in every day, however small.
Think of good people
you have met, know now, and see around you.
Greet someone you
meet cheerfully. Perhaps when you buy a coffee, say hello and something
cheerful (as an example).
Smile. Smile at the
mirror, it raises good energy. Take the smile outside and see others respond.
SMILE - ITS ADDICTIVE AND CONTAGIOUS is what I wrote about. This works, and you
see it work right away.
It is small things
that start you going forward again, not running away (to create the same
situation somewhere else) or brooding alone and miserable.
Look for whatever
works to lift you up and add a little bit of something new every day. Soon you
will see you feel better.
Forgive yourself for
a bad decision. One decision will not be your whole life. Much more will happen
to you. It will not all be bad. Build on what has happened since.
Think about how you
saw something before and how you see it now, with the benefit of time
passing.
Decide you will give
new things a new perspective and a chance to be seen as an opportunity. Only
you and I can change how we see things.
Small steps will
start you off. Small steps, one by one, will also take you where you are going.
I know for sure,
where you are going isn’t backward, into the past. You don’t live there any
more. That is over. You are a different person now. Time to move forward.
Hope some of this
helps get you started.
BECOMING FREER - P.C. DEATH THROES
The Politically Correct*, who I like to call the Thought Police, are still with us for the time being. However, the very means they used to indoctrinate so many people for more than a generation, the Media, is the same one that is already working to finally free us from their printed and electronic tyranny.
Whether we are children at school, people at work, or even during our leisure time, an incessant barrage of words, has followed us throughout our day 24/7 for more than a generation now.
Unfortunately, no one, especially in the public eye, has dared for a very long time to ignore them completely. Anyone who tried to stand up to them also, risked censure, their reputation or even loss of their livelihood.
Whether we are children at school, people at work, or even during our leisure time, an incessant barrage of words, has followed us throughout our day 24/7 for more than a generation now.
Every mainstream media source around us, insinuated itself into our lives with some earnest message, seeking to tell us what we should change about ourselves. We were usually scolded and were to be shamed or forced, into changing ourselves into supposedly less judgemental and more tolerant people. It seemed our ideas and speech were wrong. They were also, among other things, intolerant, racist, sexist and ageist.
Unfortunately, no one, especially in the public eye, has dared for a very long time to ignore them completely. Anyone who tried to stand up to them also, risked censure, their reputation or even loss of their livelihood.
For at least a generation now, the majority of us had little recourse except to ignore or avoid their largely irrelevant and absurd pronouncements. This, however, was of limited effectiveness when only a few alternatives for news and entertainment were available.
However, today, greater choices of communication and self expression have become available. These have made it possible to circumvent traditional media and their limited lifestyle choices. There are newer ways to stay informed and get our news and share ideas.
The nature of the Internet and social media such as you tube and various other means of instant communication, has transformed communication and made a world of information available to us anywhere in the world. Personal communication has already changed beyond the limited choices we were willing to tolerate and accept even a few years ago.
While this cornucopia of choice sometimes puts even the most spurious rubbish out into the mainstream around the world faster than ever; it also prevents a few networks from controlling what we see and hear about the world around us.
We are gradually, I am happy to say, getting back more freedom of choice and ways of expressing our own ideas. More options, gives us reduced exposure to the would-be surrogate parents and media models, determined to enlighten us. As a result, their ability to influence us has dwindled considerably.
The nature of the Internet and social media such as you tube and various other means of instant communication, has transformed communication and made a world of information available to us anywhere in the world. Personal communication has already changed beyond the limited choices we were willing to tolerate and accept even a few years ago.
While this cornucopia of choice sometimes puts even the most spurious rubbish out into the mainstream around the world faster than ever; it also prevents a few networks from controlling what we see and hear about the world around us.
We are gradually, I am happy to say, getting back more freedom of choice and ways of expressing our own ideas. More options, gives us reduced exposure to the would-be surrogate parents and media models, determined to enlighten us. As a result, their ability to influence us has dwindled considerably.
Today, although Academia continues to speak and publish its arcane and unique language, it seems to mainly do this for itself. Meanwhile, many print newspapers and the television news are rapidly declining in importance to most people's lives. Most of these, have instead jumped onto the celebrity news bandwagon to try and hold some viewers/readers interest for a little longer.
The older forms of media, with their promotion of many ridiculous social engineering experiments, are becoming remnants of a time when limited choice and few alternative outlets gave unwarranted and totally ridiculous credibility to the foolish and ridiculous power to a small minority of know-it-alls.
We now have enough options that we can usually avoid the 'mainstream' media and finally express and hear other points of view other than those the 'old media' offered.
The older forms of media, with their promotion of many ridiculous social engineering experiments, are becoming remnants of a time when limited choice and few alternative outlets gave unwarranted and totally ridiculous credibility to the foolish and ridiculous power to a small minority of know-it-alls.
We now have enough options that we can usually avoid the 'mainstream' media and finally express and hear other points of view other than those the 'old media' offered.
Like the child commenting on 'the emperor's new clothes' it only took a few new options to begin the 'old medias' well deserved descent toward oblivion and reveal its insignificance and irrelevance to the real lives, the rest of the world was living despite them.
*Political
correctness (or PC for short) means using words or behaviour which will not offend any group of people. Most
people think it is important for everyone to be treated equally, fairly and
with dignity.
Some words have been used for a long time that are unkind to some people.
Sometimes these words have now been replaced by other words that are not
offensive. Such words are described as politically
correct. The term is often used in a mocking sense when attempts at
avoiding offense are seen to go too far. Politically correct words or terms are
used to show differences between people or groups in a non-offensive way. This
difference may be because of race, gender, beliefs, religion, sexual
orientation, or because
they have a mental or physical disability, or any difference from what is considered the norm.
Monday, 22 July 2013
ACTING THE PART - ACTORS AS ACTIVISTS
I think a bunch of people in
the late 1970's and early 1980's seemed to have decided that people like them,
who had read a book or two, were entitled to consider themselves and their
friends 'intellectuals'. They somehow must have convinced themselves that they
knew a lot more than the general public did.
They certainly spoke at and to us, in our classrooms and schools and also through the media, as though the rest of us would benefit from their opinions on what parts of our lives would be better after we followed their advice.
Strangely enough, this fad hit Hollywood too, and around this time, movies such as The China Syndrome (1979) and The Big Chill (1983) and Silkwood (1983) began to be produced. By the time Erin Brockovich (2000) was an Oscar Winner, it was well entrenched and in fact, ubiquitous.
Perhaps 'Acting School' and some College education made the Actor as Activist who emerged between 1979 and 2000, less peculiar than they would otherwise have been. Unfortunately, reading words somebody else had written for a movie stopped being enough for the movie star.
The Movie Star as Activist, begun during the Vietnam War, became the thing to be. It was also important to be seen as saying and doing the Politically Correct thing, among their fellow Hollywood actors. Another way to see and be seen presented itself and suddenly we began to see more of them as champions of a variety of 'causes'.
As a result, a bigger soapbox
than ever suddenly became available for whatever 'cause', the group decided to
champion whether, pesticide sprays on fruit or more often as time went by,
their favourite political party and candidate.
The actor to be effective had to be someone with a recognizable face, whether successful or not. Somewhere along the way, they decided that a prop was needed to make them appear more serious. They seemed to feel that, donning eyeglasses and a serious facial expression, made them plausible as intellectuals.
The next step required the
actor to begin expressing his 'heartfelt' convictions about something, in
whatever medium would let them air their views. While I am certain, various
thoughtful and idealistic among them were expressing their concerns and convictions
about the world around them, I suspect that all were not motivated by
compassion, concern or altruism.
As a strategy for more exposure
and influence within Hollywood or even to get more work, it was very
successful. The support of a popular 'cause' also served to get them 'face
time', usually on television. For a few of them, it also meant paid work on
documentaries, reading the scripts in front of various 'natural' (outdoors)
settings.
Aspiring stars today, know that
to be successful celebrities, they are required to show interests in the world beyond
their industry. Earnest explanations for their nudity or bisexuality in a role are
no longer enough to demonstrate their commitment to their ‘art’. Now they know
they must express empathy and support to those less fortunate than themselves,
such as wildlife, selected chronic diseases, or to be seen as caring to the
‘less fortunate’ in distant countries.
Meanwhile, to accompany and serve
this caring persona which is now presented by successful celebrities, a whole
entertainment and gossip industry has developed to discuss their every word,
action, attire, rumour or lifestyle change; normally excluding their addictions
and lawless behaviour; unless it proves fatal.
The earlier group of activist
actors, generally was more interested in voicing their personal opinions about
various global concerns, than in what to wear.
Today’s actors, in contrast,
need to attract attention by how they look. The public adores and admires them
when they are being seen and on display. Appearance disguises whatever
weaknesses or reality there is beneath the façade.
This new group therefore needs to devote considerable time and effort to it in order to be considered successful and look the part. What they say is not as important, with the exception of the names of the clothing and jewellery designer responsible for their ensemble.
This new group therefore needs to devote considerable time and effort to it in order to be considered successful and look the part. What they say is not as important, with the exception of the names of the clothing and jewellery designer responsible for their ensemble.
As long as they quickly present
the correct causes to their peers in public, once their credentials have been
recorded by the media, little more need be done about this, beyond occasional
attendance at the appropriate fundraisers. Any false steps are quickly corrected
by their publicists who are there to ensure long, lucrative careers.
The earlier group actually
wanted their opinions to be out there and be seen as relevant and important,
and was not only far less interested in what they were wearing, but possibly even
indifferent to such things.
This culminated with a famous movie actor and also a Director offering to leave the United States, if their choice of president was not elected. Sadly, neither of them, made good on the promise.
Eventually the actor decided to act again and finally resumed and revived his career. Most recently he has taken his comedy very seriously indeed...most profitably. Possibly it was because he started to do what he was good at, 'playing' other people in television and movies, instead of, wild ranting political diatribes.
This actor's manly visage coupled with his ability to read lines that other people wrote probably helped him too. He revived his career and has gone on to considerable acclaim since he began reading his lines again and gave up the far more difficult job, of thinking...so beyond his abilities.
Saturday, 15 June 2013
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT - BE WHO YOU ARE
Earlier this week I had two posts that made me think; and reply immediately. The first was a quote: Ask for nothing, and you will get everything. The second was: Show only your good side to someone, if you want your relationship to last.
Both of these seemed wrong to me on so many levels that I had to reply to each of the writers right away.
Let's look at Ask for nothing, and you will get everything. I didn't agree at all. Ask for nothing, and nothing is likely what you will get.
Who are you hoping will give you everything when you ask for nothing - a fortune teller, a psychic?. It has to be a 'mind reader' of some sort, because you are asking for nothing but they are going to give you everything.
I wonder what everything you will get. Maybe anything someone doesn't need. Maybe they like to play charades with life, and they will keep giving you things until you show some interest or disinterest and they can mind read something better.
More likely the result of this philosophy is that you may be given things regardless of whether you asked for anything or not, after all some things do come even to those who sit and wait. You therefore, may end up with a lot of 'stuff'; but whether any of it is what you want, need or can use, is doubtful.
The problem is not that you have been wise and not asked for anything, because you believe that all will be provided to the pure of heart, I understand the concept but ask you then why we were also given a brain and the power of speech.
On the other hand, if you did not ask for anything because you don't know what you want, you risk getting a lot of things you don't need, want or can use. Save yourself and everyone else, the energy, time and money and let them know who you are, what you want and I suspect you will all be happier.
The second person felt you should only show your 'good' side to someone, if you wanted to keep a relationship going. Your good side may be quite nice, but then again, your good side is not all of you. What happens if one day you slip up and the 'bad side' slips out? Is it possible that one of us is so bad that the end would be immediate?
I told this girl that I thought being who you are is ultimately better. There is, I believe someone for everyone. There are people who will find the unique combination of things that make you who you are, absolutely perfect. These are the people you want and need as friends, lovers, partners and everything else you want or need in life.
People who like and accept you as you are will be the best people to have around you. They are the people who saw you as you are, liked what they saw and stayed around. They are the keepers...and so are you because you have put the real you out there and found someone who thinks that is just great.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
and today's essay ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
Both of these seemed wrong to me on so many levels that I had to reply to each of the writers right away.
Let's look at Ask for nothing, and you will get everything. I didn't agree at all. Ask for nothing, and nothing is likely what you will get.
Who are you hoping will give you everything when you ask for nothing - a fortune teller, a psychic?. It has to be a 'mind reader' of some sort, because you are asking for nothing but they are going to give you everything.
I wonder what everything you will get. Maybe anything someone doesn't need. Maybe they like to play charades with life, and they will keep giving you things until you show some interest or disinterest and they can mind read something better.
More likely the result of this philosophy is that you may be given things regardless of whether you asked for anything or not, after all some things do come even to those who sit and wait. You therefore, may end up with a lot of 'stuff'; but whether any of it is what you want, need or can use, is doubtful.
The problem is not that you have been wise and not asked for anything, because you believe that all will be provided to the pure of heart, I understand the concept but ask you then why we were also given a brain and the power of speech.
On the other hand, if you did not ask for anything because you don't know what you want, you risk getting a lot of things you don't need, want or can use. Save yourself and everyone else, the energy, time and money and let them know who you are, what you want and I suspect you will all be happier.
The second person felt you should only show your 'good' side to someone, if you wanted to keep a relationship going. Your good side may be quite nice, but then again, your good side is not all of you. What happens if one day you slip up and the 'bad side' slips out? Is it possible that one of us is so bad that the end would be immediate?
I told this girl that I thought being who you are is ultimately better. There is, I believe someone for everyone. There are people who will find the unique combination of things that make you who you are, absolutely perfect. These are the people you want and need as friends, lovers, partners and everything else you want or need in life.
People who like and accept you as you are will be the best people to have around you. They are the people who saw you as you are, liked what they saw and stayed around. They are the keepers...and so are you because you have put the real you out there and found someone who thinks that is just great.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
and today's essay ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
WILL TODAY BE A GOOD DAY OR A BAD DAY? IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
I began the Blog site after a hiatus of almost 8 months from the end of July 2012, because ideas were still coming to me about people having more trouble than ever in getting along. Everywhere I looked, especially in the news, things seemed worse than ever. I hardly thought we could do any worse with conflict and protests and bombings and generally bad news everywhere. I knew however, that we could do better.
My site and, what have become many essays, are set up to give all of us encouragement and to reflect a little about what we have in common as human beings. I think there has been far too much emphasis on what is wrong. The time seems to call for thinking about what is right instead.
I would rather spend whatever time I have, whether long or short, thinking about what we have in common as human beings, rather than, what separates us and prevents us from understanding each other.
For some reason, I have survived Cancer and Widowhood and a lot else, and I am still here. What kind of life do I want to have for the rest of my days here on earth is a question, each of us must ask ourselves individually.
I believe that, every morning, each of us, has a choice. Do we start to love life or do we postpone it for some other day?.
Each day can be seen as a new opportunity or a disaster. Each day we decide again what kind of life we want when we choose how we are going to look at the day ahead of us.
If we choose to have a good day...and this is a choice we can make; we can begin anew.
If we choose to continue whatever was going on which made us miserable or unhappy yesterday; then we will have another rotten day to look back on tomorrow.
Someone sent a post saying - keep smiling, eventually life might quit giving you bad news. Ultimately, though it is more than this. Our perspective has so much to do with how we will act and react to what we encounter each day.
I am no different than anybody else, and so, just like anybody else, I can decide I hate everything and everybody in my life. I can start with the morning news and those people that predict that the world will end...while smiling their fake smiles at us. Then I can go to the commercial of the little brat scowling at her mother, until bribed by the cereal, the little darling, deigns to eat. If it's raining, I can get splashed or wet or miss the bus. I will have set the stage for a whole day of feeling rotten...guaranteed.
The question is, what do I get out of finding fault with everything and everyone I see, hear from, or encounter in the course of my day? Do I want any sane, relatively happy person to leave my life? Is my goal to make sure that I am left alone, so that I can justify my unhappiness?
The above is one option. Except for a very few people that thrive in total solitude, and I doubt there are many who do, I doubt it is the best option.
There is also another choice we can make each morning; to look on each new day as a NEW DAY, a new chance to turn things around and begin again.
No one's life of course, literally begins again on the following morning, because in reality we already have a life that is ongoing. However, even a small step to turn our perception from an automatic negative to, even a small begrudged positive, could start us on a new path.
Somewhere farther along we might even begin to actually appreciate, and in fact, express our gratitude that we have been given another chance to enjoy another day on this beautiful earth. It can all begin with a small step and lead us to enjoy, and ultimately, celebrate another day of living.
One of the beautiful posts I received recently gave a quote from Ray Bradbury, the science fiction writer who died on June 6th, 2012: "Looking back, over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything".
Something to think about tomorrow morning when you are about to decide whether you are going to have a good or bad day to look back on for the rest of your life.
ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
We meet someone and the first thing we say to ourselves is, I wish they did this differently or were different in this way. I would like them more if they didn't say this, wear this style, had a different hairstyle or generally were just a little different from what they are.
It may be a small thing, but we hesitate to accept them, because what we think we want in the 'perfect person' is not there. Then again, we may think well, a lot of what I like in a person, this person has, maybe I can get them to change those few things I don't like and then they will be 'perfect'.
There are more than a few things wrong with this type of thinking...which I think we all do, consciously or unconsciously. Wanting to change someone else presumes that we ourselves are ideal. We are perfectly happy with ourselves and generally perfect in every way. We must be perfect since we feel ready to judge others as needing to change to suit us.
Some people however, are sure that the other person can change and behave, act or look more like we would want them to. We decide that we will accept them, despite their missing something we wanted in a person. We are convinced that we can change them. After we do, they will be just right. Why they may even thank us for setting them straight. Everyone wins.
My theory, however, is that people change when they are ready to. Sometimes it is because they must or they will lose something they greatly care about. In other cases, they are not successful in reaching their goals, because their personality or habits prevent them from succeeding. Since the world will not change for them, they must change themselves to have a better life.
Otherwise, you as judge and jury about someone, are not likely to get them to change, however perfect you consider yourself as an example to anyone else.
I feel that if you don't like 90% of what you see in someone else, you probably will want to change the person. This is not likely to happen since they may be perfectly happy being themselves. If this is so, what is wrong with that anyway?
Maybe instead, you should consider that if this 'flaw' or thing you see in them that does not suit you, it may mean that you can't or won't accept them as they are. Should you recognize this, you may be doing yourself, and them, a favour by finding someone else more suitable to you.
If you don't understand them and/or like them as they are, move on to someone you do like and understand. Let them do the same. You will both be happier.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
It may be a small thing, but we hesitate to accept them, because what we think we want in the 'perfect person' is not there. Then again, we may think well, a lot of what I like in a person, this person has, maybe I can get them to change those few things I don't like and then they will be 'perfect'.
There are more than a few things wrong with this type of thinking...which I think we all do, consciously or unconsciously. Wanting to change someone else presumes that we ourselves are ideal. We are perfectly happy with ourselves and generally perfect in every way. We must be perfect since we feel ready to judge others as needing to change to suit us.
Some people however, are sure that the other person can change and behave, act or look more like we would want them to. We decide that we will accept them, despite their missing something we wanted in a person. We are convinced that we can change them. After we do, they will be just right. Why they may even thank us for setting them straight. Everyone wins.
My theory, however, is that people change when they are ready to. Sometimes it is because they must or they will lose something they greatly care about. In other cases, they are not successful in reaching their goals, because their personality or habits prevent them from succeeding. Since the world will not change for them, they must change themselves to have a better life.
Otherwise, you as judge and jury about someone, are not likely to get them to change, however perfect you consider yourself as an example to anyone else.
I feel that if you don't like 90% of what you see in someone else, you probably will want to change the person. This is not likely to happen since they may be perfectly happy being themselves. If this is so, what is wrong with that anyway?
Maybe instead, you should consider that if this 'flaw' or thing you see in them that does not suit you, it may mean that you can't or won't accept them as they are. Should you recognize this, you may be doing yourself, and them, a favour by finding someone else more suitable to you.
If you don't understand them and/or like them as they are, move on to someone you do like and understand. Let them do the same. You will both be happier.
See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
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