ACCEPTANCE - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

We meet someone and the first thing we say to ourselves is, I wish they did this differently or were different in this way. I would like them more if they didn't say this, wear this style, had a different hairstyle or generally were just a little different from what they are. 

It may be a small thing, but we hesitate to accept them, because what we think we want in the 'perfect person' is not there. Then again, we may think well, a lot of what I like in a person, this person has, maybe I can get them to change those few things I don't like and then they will be 'perfect'. 

There are more than a few things wrong with this type of thinking...which I think we all do, consciously or unconsciously. Wanting to change someone else presumes that we ourselves are ideal. We are perfectly happy with ourselves and generally perfect in every way. We must be perfect since we feel ready to judge others as needing to change to suit us.

Some people however, are sure that the other person can change and behave, act or look more like we would want them to. We decide that we will accept them, despite their missing something we wanted in a person. We are convinced that we can change them. After we do, they will be just right. Why they may even thank us for setting them straight. Everyone wins.

My theory, however, is that people change when they are ready to. Sometimes it is because they must or they will lose something they greatly care about. In other cases, they are not successful in reaching their goals, because their personality or habits prevent them from succeeding. Since the world will not change for them, they must change themselves to have a better life.

Otherwise, you as judge and jury about someone, are not likely to get them to change, however perfect you consider yourself as an example to anyone else.

I feel that if you don't like 90% of what you see in someone else, you probably will want to change the person. This is not likely to happen since they may be perfectly happy being themselves. If this is so, what is wrong with that anyway? 

Maybe instead, you should consider that if this 'flaw' or thing you see in them that does not suit you, it may mean that you can't or won't accept them as they are. Should you recognize this, you may be doing yourself, and them, a favour by finding someone else more suitable to you. 

If you don't understand them and/or like them as they are, move on to someone you do like and understand. Let them do the same. You will both be happier. 



See also: FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE