Being a veteran of 30 years of Metro Toronto Caravan from the time it began in 1969, I have always been interested in learning about other people's cultures and traditions.
This multicultural event sometimes featured as many as 50 different locations.
These were spread out all over the city and each location was given the name of a city in another country of the world. Each one featured a display of items from the countries culture, foods you could buy and eat, some souvenirs and best of all music and dance performances. This was two weeks of nightly cultural education, with a booklet called a passport, stamped at the door of each location.
I remember one year eating the food of Indonesia, seeing the cloth and costumes, hearing their music and seeing the dances and being astonished by a brief film shown about the countries. I was shocked to realize that there were 140 million people I knew nothing about.
As Multicultural immigration grew in Toronto, Toronto, always a city of neighbourhoods, began to offer up a cornucopia of ethnic foods and culture. I think it became less unusual to be able to eat foods from most of the world because they were more available throughout the year, rather than just when the two week special event took place.
Ethiopian cabbies are stunned when I know about the amazing rock churches of Lalibela in northern Ethiopia, carved out of solid rock below the earth around the 12th century by Orthodox Christians.
Parisian Basques are surprised that I want to try Basque Ham at The Last Metro restaurant in Paris, and that I know about Izarra liqueur but have only seen yellow and not green versions on a poster where I eat crepes at home.
Among the wildly hospitable Parisians of 2006 Bucket List, Basque generosity, gave me shot samples of both liqueurs, and let up on, what I suspect was teasing me, (in mercifully unintelligible patois).
It is debatable whether governments and organizations trying to legislate equality and understanding of other cultures and countries by number counting, do as well as individual people do on their own, meeting with newcomers to the city, eating new foods and learning about new cultures.
I think that, the more we get to know and interact with other groups, whether they are people of other religions, cultures or races; the more we will learn and, I believe, value, the rich heritage and cultures that they add to the city we live in.
Already, in addition to established restaurants from all over the world, we have many new cultural events in our city throughout the year. This gives us a chance on a more regular basis to learn more about our newer neighbours and their lives, customs as well as trying new foods.
I think our daily lives are richer because we learn more today than our brief vacations out of the country previously could teach us about other countries and people.
I find it good that every time I experiment with a new food and culture around my city, that I come home having learned a lot I didn't know about the people around me and am always happier for it.
SEE ALSO: MERGING CULTURES AND RELIGIONS - FAMILIES TODAY
Note: OUR CITY TODAY - LEARNING ABOUT THE WHOLE WORLD FROM HOME and the essay I mention just above this note were originally one long essay trying to talk about more than one subject and possibly not doing justice to either. Rewritten today May 21, 2013 and newly published, I hope they do more justice to both subjects as separate essays.
Monday, 20 May 2013
Thursday, 16 May 2013
KISS YOUR EX GOODBYE - FRIENDS...I THINK NOT
LET'S BE FRIENDS. I'd like that she says. Meanwhile she's thinking we've had a lot of troubles recently, maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder and he will realize he really wants and needs me.
Who is going to be the friend in this situation? The EX-BOYFRIEND? The same EX-Boyfriend who didn't love her enough to stay with her and commit to her. The EX-Boyfriend, who still wants all of the support and encouragement and everything else she gave him up till now, but is not going to be there for her except when he is available and/or needs her temporarily to help him out with something.
The same EX-Boyfriend who is now intending to find someone else, play the field, has found someone else, is living with someone else, or worse still is marrying someone else. The same EX-Boyfriend who wants someone else as his wife and the mother of his children, wants YOU for a FRIEND. How Sweet!
So let me make this perfectly clear. While he is giving the rest of his time, energy, commitment, financial and emotional support and building a new life for himself and someone else; he wants you to be there to support and encourage him.
In addition, should he be between partners, or not find someone right away, you can be FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.
You, the Woman 'friend' in the meantime, can remain, half involved and half available for her EX at his convenience and stay that way forever, probably never really available to the sort of man you would really want. Why will you never find the one you want, and who would want only you? Because, unlike the EX Boyfriend, you actually aren't available for a full time commitment. Whether you realize it or not, you are half in and half out of a past relationship.
Then again, there is, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. I needed this one explained to me because I was happily married when some guy thought it up and convinced stupid insecure girls to accept it as a (let's pretend, not slutty) way to give him the sex he wants, whenever he wants it, in exchange for his 'friendship'.
The perfect male sex toy, docile supine woman, thinking NO STRINGS ATTACHED was her idea, and somehow good for her. The inventor was a genius. He was thinking on all cylinders, and both brains, came up with a perfect arrangement, FOR HIM.
Staying friends with your EX Boyfriend sounds like a guy's perfect arrangement, even without the benefits part. Even as a 'friend', the Woman gets a half relationship, most likely, forever. She will, in effect, never be fully available to find the sort of man who would be willing, ready and able, to commit totally to her.
Even were the woman 'friend' to find someone she loved, would he, after finding out she is still seeing one of more of her EX Boyfriends, still think, that she is as ready to commit to him as he is to her.
Perhaps however, you are more trusting than I now am, and don't mind being open minded about his previous EX Girlfriends as well. If you are, I suppose it would be alright for the man you finally marry to continue to see his EX Girlfriends because they are just FRIENDS now too.
IF IT SOUNDS LIKE THE MAN HAS HIS PERFECT SOLUTION, with you as his friend, it is, because he does. The man will still get what he always got from you, his EX. You will continue to give him, your time and energy, encouragement and in fact, your best efforts, on his behalf. Meanwhile, he is giving the best of himself, probably including his love, to someone else.
The EX Girlfriend, as a friend, has not moved on, and might not be able to, since every time she tries, the former EX Boyfriend is there with what he needs or wants.
He comes for a lot of things, all to meet his needs of the moment. He will come for you for some or all of the following: emotional support, advice, encouragement, consolation, and probably a free meal; and maybe sex as a bonus.
Naturally, we should remember there will, as there always has been, NO COMMITMENT from the EX; just as there never was before. Certainly, not enough, if you are honest enough with yourself to admit it. Had there been, you would still be together full time, would you not. Then, he goes off again, for however long, to his new life; but you do not, not really.
I did this most of my life. I saw no harm in staying Friends with my Ex Boyfriends, they were after all friends, were they not. Actually, not really, and not to me.
When I met the love of my life, I was still seeing some of my Ex Boyfriends for Birthdays and Christmas for a meal and a gift exchange of some sort. My future husband did not really understand why, particularly after I was going to Marry him.
How, he asked, was I going to reciprocate his commitment and love for me, when I had all of these former boyfriends and (as we all know, in some cases) lovers, still around somewhere in my life? Though I insisted, on the innocence of it all, some people are obviously better at understanding human nature than I had been up till then.
I would now say to the EX who proposes 'friendship', I personally, do not think this will work for me.
I know what a Real Partner is. He is a Lover, A Friend, and someone who loves me, JUST THE WAY I AM, which You did not. He is willing to give me a commitment of his Heart, his Soul, his Name and his Life as my Partner. He deserves the same commitment from me, however long we shall live.
YOU meanwhile, have given me a partial relationship, no commitment and want even less now.
You have had enough of my sincere and very great generosity; more than you deserved of my time, energy, affection, support, encouragement and the love I offered you.
You chose to move on without me, and look for, and offer someone else, all of the parts of yourself, you could not, or would not, offer me. It looks like you want to keep only the parts of me you liked. This would be nice for you, but the parts of you that you are giving me are not the whole man and that is what I realize I actually need to be happy.
Who is going to be the friend in this situation? The EX-BOYFRIEND? The same EX-Boyfriend who didn't love her enough to stay with her and commit to her. The EX-Boyfriend, who still wants all of the support and encouragement and everything else she gave him up till now, but is not going to be there for her except when he is available and/or needs her temporarily to help him out with something.
The same EX-Boyfriend who is now intending to find someone else, play the field, has found someone else, is living with someone else, or worse still is marrying someone else. The same EX-Boyfriend who wants someone else as his wife and the mother of his children, wants YOU for a FRIEND. How Sweet!
So let me make this perfectly clear. While he is giving the rest of his time, energy, commitment, financial and emotional support and building a new life for himself and someone else; he wants you to be there to support and encourage him.
In addition, should he be between partners, or not find someone right away, you can be FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.
You, the Woman 'friend' in the meantime, can remain, half involved and half available for her EX at his convenience and stay that way forever, probably never really available to the sort of man you would really want. Why will you never find the one you want, and who would want only you? Because, unlike the EX Boyfriend, you actually aren't available for a full time commitment. Whether you realize it or not, you are half in and half out of a past relationship.
Then again, there is, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS. I needed this one explained to me because I was happily married when some guy thought it up and convinced stupid insecure girls to accept it as a (let's pretend, not slutty) way to give him the sex he wants, whenever he wants it, in exchange for his 'friendship'.
The perfect male sex toy, docile supine woman, thinking NO STRINGS ATTACHED was her idea, and somehow good for her. The inventor was a genius. He was thinking on all cylinders, and both brains, came up with a perfect arrangement, FOR HIM.
Staying friends with your EX Boyfriend sounds like a guy's perfect arrangement, even without the benefits part. Even as a 'friend', the Woman gets a half relationship, most likely, forever. She will, in effect, never be fully available to find the sort of man who would be willing, ready and able, to commit totally to her.
Even were the woman 'friend' to find someone she loved, would he, after finding out she is still seeing one of more of her EX Boyfriends, still think, that she is as ready to commit to him as he is to her.
Perhaps however, you are more trusting than I now am, and don't mind being open minded about his previous EX Girlfriends as well. If you are, I suppose it would be alright for the man you finally marry to continue to see his EX Girlfriends because they are just FRIENDS now too.
IF IT SOUNDS LIKE THE MAN HAS HIS PERFECT SOLUTION, with you as his friend, it is, because he does. The man will still get what he always got from you, his EX. You will continue to give him, your time and energy, encouragement and in fact, your best efforts, on his behalf. Meanwhile, he is giving the best of himself, probably including his love, to someone else.
The EX Girlfriend, as a friend, has not moved on, and might not be able to, since every time she tries, the former EX Boyfriend is there with what he needs or wants.
He comes for a lot of things, all to meet his needs of the moment. He will come for you for some or all of the following: emotional support, advice, encouragement, consolation, and probably a free meal; and maybe sex as a bonus.
Naturally, we should remember there will, as there always has been, NO COMMITMENT from the EX; just as there never was before. Certainly, not enough, if you are honest enough with yourself to admit it. Had there been, you would still be together full time, would you not. Then, he goes off again, for however long, to his new life; but you do not, not really.
I did this most of my life. I saw no harm in staying Friends with my Ex Boyfriends, they were after all friends, were they not. Actually, not really, and not to me.
When I met the love of my life, I was still seeing some of my Ex Boyfriends for Birthdays and Christmas for a meal and a gift exchange of some sort. My future husband did not really understand why, particularly after I was going to Marry him.
How, he asked, was I going to reciprocate his commitment and love for me, when I had all of these former boyfriends and (as we all know, in some cases) lovers, still around somewhere in my life? Though I insisted, on the innocence of it all, some people are obviously better at understanding human nature than I had been up till then.
I would now say to the EX who proposes 'friendship', I personally, do not think this will work for me.
I know what a Real Partner is. He is a Lover, A Friend, and someone who loves me, JUST THE WAY I AM, which You did not. He is willing to give me a commitment of his Heart, his Soul, his Name and his Life as my Partner. He deserves the same commitment from me, however long we shall live.
YOU meanwhile, have given me a partial relationship, no commitment and want even less now.
You have had enough of my sincere and very great generosity; more than you deserved of my time, energy, affection, support, encouragement and the love I offered you.
You chose to move on without me, and look for, and offer someone else, all of the parts of yourself, you could not, or would not, offer me. It looks like you want to keep only the parts of me you liked. This would be nice for you, but the parts of you that you are giving me are not the whole man and that is what I realize I actually need to be happy.
YOU NO LONGER DESERVE MY TIME, MY ENERGY, MY INSIGHT, MY SUPPORT, MY COMFORT, MY SELFLESS DEVOTION OR LOVE AND I AM NOT GIVING IT TO YOU PART TIME. I AM NOT YOUR PAL, CONFIDANTE, FRIEND OR CRYING TOWEL.
I WILL GIVE SOMEONE WHO DESERVES IT, ALL I GAVE YOU AND MORE BECAUSE THIS TIME I WILL CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO DESERVES ALL I GAVE YOU.
BYE BYE., DON'T KEEP IN TOUCH.
Wednesday, 15 May 2013
MODERN DAY HORROR STORIES
Mark Steyn, who has written for the National Post in Canada, as well as, for various other international magazines and newspapers, wrote a book published in 2012 called After America. The following facts may sicken you, as they do me, but they should be known.
Much to my dismay, he says that recently, in several countries, particularly England and Scotland, Children drowned while Emergency Services stood by on several occasions, prevented by procedures from saving them. I fact, in one case a Glasgow University Student, unrestricted by job procedures, dove into the water to save a drowning child.
Mark talks about how differently Men behaved in the brief time the Titanic was sinking (with few exceptions incidentally), compared with how men acted when a ferry boat sank in Estonia in 1994.
What sort of (hu)man tells reporters that he passed by young children clinging to the ship rails and weeping (while he was obviously saving himself). Steyn also tells us about a woman with two broken legs unsuccessfully begging for a Life Jacket.
He also tells us, of a 96 year old man in London with two canes, standing in a subway car (since no one offered him a seat). This man was severely beaten by a 44 year old man because he was unable to move out of the younger man's way quickly enough.
What Mark has written detailing such as the above tragedies in his book (After American in Chapter Four - Decline p. 127-187), you and I risk becoming disillusioned and disappointed by some of today's Men.
This is a great pity when some of us have spent our entire lives seeing the good qualities and character of the fine Men around us.*
Beyond this however, if you are like me, you will read these Real Life Horror
Stories in dismay and weep in despair for the people among us incapable of understanding courage, heroism and decency.
After some reflection however, you might, like me find some consolation when you consider that, as always in life, some horrible events occur, but thankfully still rarely enough to viscerally horrify and appall us.
When hearing the worst of what we are capable as human beings, there is a great danger in condemning all mankind, instead of reminding ourselves of the many acts of courage and selfless sacrifice and assistance we give each other, throughout the world every day.
*originally written March 2012...as A LIVING NIGHTMARE - revised and republished twice, May 15 and June 27, 2013
I had not read this for a year. When I reread this recently, I sat there with my eyes full of tears despairing at what we have descended to. i again, asked myself: IS THIS WHAT WE'VE BECOME?
Upon reflection, however, I realized that actually, such awful things are rare enough to horrify me. I realized that actually these acts, remain exceptions as they always have , in the midst of much good that is done naturally and generously around the world every day.
Much to my dismay, he says that recently, in several countries, particularly England and Scotland, Children drowned while Emergency Services stood by on several occasions, prevented by procedures from saving them. I fact, in one case a Glasgow University Student, unrestricted by job procedures, dove into the water to save a drowning child.
Mark talks about how differently Men behaved in the brief time the Titanic was sinking (with few exceptions incidentally), compared with how men acted when a ferry boat sank in Estonia in 1994.
What sort of (hu)man tells reporters that he passed by young children clinging to the ship rails and weeping (while he was obviously saving himself). Steyn also tells us about a woman with two broken legs unsuccessfully begging for a Life Jacket.
He also tells us, of a 96 year old man in London with two canes, standing in a subway car (since no one offered him a seat). This man was severely beaten by a 44 year old man because he was unable to move out of the younger man's way quickly enough.
What Mark has written detailing such as the above tragedies in his book (After American in Chapter Four - Decline p. 127-187), you and I risk becoming disillusioned and disappointed by some of today's Men.
This is a great pity when some of us have spent our entire lives seeing the good qualities and character of the fine Men around us.*
Beyond this however, if you are like me, you will read these Real Life Horror
Stories in dismay and weep in despair for the people among us incapable of understanding courage, heroism and decency.
After some reflection however, you might, like me find some consolation when you consider that, as always in life, some horrible events occur, but thankfully still rarely enough to viscerally horrify and appall us.
When hearing the worst of what we are capable as human beings, there is a great danger in condemning all mankind, instead of reminding ourselves of the many acts of courage and selfless sacrifice and assistance we give each other, throughout the world every day.
*originally written March 2012...as A LIVING NIGHTMARE - revised and republished twice, May 15 and June 27, 2013
I had not read this for a year. When I reread this recently, I sat there with my eyes full of tears despairing at what we have descended to. i again, asked myself: IS THIS WHAT WE'VE BECOME?
Upon reflection, however, I realized that actually, such awful things are rare enough to horrify me. I realized that actually these acts, remain exceptions as they always have , in the midst of much good that is done naturally and generously around the world every day.
CUTTING LIFE SHORT - NOT LIVING OUT YOUR LIFE (2011 & 2013)
Growing Old Gracefully may have become an outdated idea. Perhaps now all of
us, young and old, will find a way to stay forever young.* This certainly seems
to be an idea that has taken hold in our youth oriented culture and mores. Maybe
we will eventually die still Zooming away when old age and our worn out bodies take
the life out of us.
Perhaps we will exit, still kicking and screaming that we are too young to die. How can it be otherwise to those who keep saying "Life is too short" even when, life is just life, and it's length if ultimately unknowable.
Regardless of how long we may personally expect to live, genetic factors and personal preferences considered, it seems a number of ways are being discussed which may, at some future date, take the option of living out our natural full lifespan, out of our control.
THE DISCONNECTED NUCLEUR FAMILY AND THEIR DEPENDENTS - Protecting their expected inheritance
It is just possible that some selfish people among the growing numbers of adult ‘children’ never leaving their parental homes, may be hanging around their parent's homes far into Adulthood, proprietarily already watching what they expect to inherit from their parents estates eventually.
All too often, any money they 'borrow' is I suspect merely considered an advance on what the feel is eventually coming to them anyway. Besides it helps them to live the life now, that they feel they deserve.
Considering the disconnection of the Nucleur Family model today, were this 'impatience' to enjoy the benefits of this inheritance now grow; Euthanasia might become a widespread means by which the next generation will succeed the elderly. The disconnection will have reached its disinterested objective culmination.
NDING IT ALL - LEGISLATING MURDER – EUTHANASIA AND ITS PROMOTERS
Should our culture sometime in the future determine that ageing or ailing people are no longer experiencing the 'quality of life' that others feel suitable, or that people are just living too long, we may reach a point where we legislate who lives or dies.
Possibly also, were some soulless bureaucrat and country decide that old or sick people are considered too costly for society to take care of, we might even legislate parameters for Euthanasia to determine the end of life. This would nicely match the Choice movement which determines who gets to be born.
REFUSING HELP THAT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE
For the past couple of years, I have been dismayed to hear many people express unwillingness to have Cancer treatment to prolong their lives. These people seem sincerely to feel that the (possibly painful) treatments necessary would not be worth the possibility of a cure.
The Media when speaking of people saying they will not accept treatment if they get Cancer, might tragically lead to people fearing and/or refusing treatment that just might save their lives. Instead, the Media have unprecedented access to medical and scientific sources and could provide helpful and timely information about alternative options, treatment possibilities and medical breakthroughs. Such information could facilitate informed decisions in conjunction with their medical practitioners as to which alternatives and options might work best for the patient. Scare mongering and unhelpful alarmist articles about serious and especially life threatening illnesses does not help anyone in society. Encouraging early diagnosis would.
NOT WANTING TO BE A BURDEN
Loving and caring people, who have always believed and practiced self sufficiency, might also feel that they would not want to be a Burden, or cause those they love the inconvenience of caring for them if they become ill and require a lot of nursing care and perhaps even help around their homes when they are not able to manage themselves.
Out of consideration and love of their families and friends, those not wanting to be a burden or simply feeling unwell, as well as, those who feel unwanted, may voluntarily make 'Do Not Revive' directives commonplace. Might this even extend to demanding some form of Suicide, assisted or otherwise, to shorten ones own life, when we are unwell or feel we are becoming a burden to others. I fear and dread, this is also a future possibility.
There are already, a lot of people we meet around us, and again, the Media, stating that they would not care to survive if seriously injured in an accident, or had become chronically ill. Strangely, others consider being seriously injured as a being 'A Vegetable'. There are many people who adamantly state that they feel, should they ever go in a coma, or become very infirm, that they would not consider their life worth living. Managing pain, fearing pain and being pain free is also expressed as an important wish or priority.
WHAT I BELIEVE
Because I believe that we exist to learn something and to live out an allotted lifespan, I feel dismayed by the thought of artificially terminating another persons life. Whether through self inflicted Suicide or society mandated Murder, both means artificially truncate the time we have been given for our lives to run their course. Perhaps the only person I am right about with this perspective is myself. However, I am talking about what I personally believe.
I did not refuse Cancer treatment, so I must be happy that I have now lived 13 years and 4 months, as of May 2013 than I might have without it. Just over a week ago, I ran into someone who had endured many, many operations around the same time (before and around the year 2000) and it is now 16 years for him. He delights joyously and rightfully in his 5 year old son.
I hope also that I will, at the end of my life, consider it a success. I hope to feel that I met, interacted with, given to and sometimes helped, many fine people.
I hope also that I can feel that I appreciated often the many gifts I had been given as well as, the fine family I was born into, the lovely friends I made along the way and overall the life I tried, and succeeded, in living to its Natural conclusion.
*Footnote reference book relating to the above article, paragraph one.
As Marcel Danesi has written in his book, Forever Young - The Teen-Aging of Modern Culture, the parents are talking the talk of the young, wearing the clothes of much younger people, adopting the music and perhaps also the behaviour and attitudes of those much younger than their chronological age.
NOTE: Other Essay Blogs that might be of interest and/or are of a related
nature are:
In 2012, I wrote about the 'youth' culture influencing our society: #1 FOREVER YOUNG (December 2011) and #2 - FOREVER YOUNG–2 (March 2012)
In 2013, I have also written:
LIFE IS NOT TOO SHORT and WHEN EVERYTHING & EVERYONE IS DISPOSABLE.
On Cancer: BC – BEFORE CANCER and AC – AFTER CANCER.
On the Nucleur Family: THE NUCEUR FAMILY – RELATIVELY SPEAKING and
THE NUCLEUR FAMILY – GETTING TOGETHER AND BREAKING APART
Perhaps we will exit, still kicking and screaming that we are too young to die. How can it be otherwise to those who keep saying "Life is too short" even when, life is just life, and it's length if ultimately unknowable.
Regardless of how long we may personally expect to live, genetic factors and personal preferences considered, it seems a number of ways are being discussed which may, at some future date, take the option of living out our natural full lifespan, out of our control.
THE DISCONNECTED NUCLEUR FAMILY AND THEIR DEPENDENTS - Protecting their expected inheritance
It is just possible that some selfish people among the growing numbers of adult ‘children’ never leaving their parental homes, may be hanging around their parent's homes far into Adulthood, proprietarily already watching what they expect to inherit from their parents estates eventually.
All too often, any money they 'borrow' is I suspect merely considered an advance on what the feel is eventually coming to them anyway. Besides it helps them to live the life now, that they feel they deserve.
Considering the disconnection of the Nucleur Family model today, were this 'impatience' to enjoy the benefits of this inheritance now grow; Euthanasia might become a widespread means by which the next generation will succeed the elderly. The disconnection will have reached its disinterested objective culmination.
NDING IT ALL - LEGISLATING MURDER – EUTHANASIA AND ITS PROMOTERS
Should our culture sometime in the future determine that ageing or ailing people are no longer experiencing the 'quality of life' that others feel suitable, or that people are just living too long, we may reach a point where we legislate who lives or dies.
Possibly also, were some soulless bureaucrat and country decide that old or sick people are considered too costly for society to take care of, we might even legislate parameters for Euthanasia to determine the end of life. This would nicely match the Choice movement which determines who gets to be born.
REFUSING HELP THAT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE
For the past couple of years, I have been dismayed to hear many people express unwillingness to have Cancer treatment to prolong their lives. These people seem sincerely to feel that the (possibly painful) treatments necessary would not be worth the possibility of a cure.
The Media when speaking of people saying they will not accept treatment if they get Cancer, might tragically lead to people fearing and/or refusing treatment that just might save their lives. Instead, the Media have unprecedented access to medical and scientific sources and could provide helpful and timely information about alternative options, treatment possibilities and medical breakthroughs. Such information could facilitate informed decisions in conjunction with their medical practitioners as to which alternatives and options might work best for the patient. Scare mongering and unhelpful alarmist articles about serious and especially life threatening illnesses does not help anyone in society. Encouraging early diagnosis would.
NOT WANTING TO BE A BURDEN
Loving and caring people, who have always believed and practiced self sufficiency, might also feel that they would not want to be a Burden, or cause those they love the inconvenience of caring for them if they become ill and require a lot of nursing care and perhaps even help around their homes when they are not able to manage themselves.
Out of consideration and love of their families and friends, those not wanting to be a burden or simply feeling unwell, as well as, those who feel unwanted, may voluntarily make 'Do Not Revive' directives commonplace. Might this even extend to demanding some form of Suicide, assisted or otherwise, to shorten ones own life, when we are unwell or feel we are becoming a burden to others. I fear and dread, this is also a future possibility.
There are already, a lot of people we meet around us, and again, the Media, stating that they would not care to survive if seriously injured in an accident, or had become chronically ill. Strangely, others consider being seriously injured as a being 'A Vegetable'. There are many people who adamantly state that they feel, should they ever go in a coma, or become very infirm, that they would not consider their life worth living. Managing pain, fearing pain and being pain free is also expressed as an important wish or priority.
WHAT I BELIEVE
Because I believe that we exist to learn something and to live out an allotted lifespan, I feel dismayed by the thought of artificially terminating another persons life. Whether through self inflicted Suicide or society mandated Murder, both means artificially truncate the time we have been given for our lives to run their course. Perhaps the only person I am right about with this perspective is myself. However, I am talking about what I personally believe.
I did not refuse Cancer treatment, so I must be happy that I have now lived 13 years and 4 months, as of May 2013 than I might have without it. Just over a week ago, I ran into someone who had endured many, many operations around the same time (before and around the year 2000) and it is now 16 years for him. He delights joyously and rightfully in his 5 year old son.
I hope also that I will, at the end of my life, consider it a success. I hope to feel that I met, interacted with, given to and sometimes helped, many fine people.
I hope also that I can feel that I appreciated often the many gifts I had been given as well as, the fine family I was born into, the lovely friends I made along the way and overall the life I tried, and succeeded, in living to its Natural conclusion.
As Marcel Danesi has written in his book, Forever Young - The Teen-Aging of Modern Culture, the parents are talking the talk of the young, wearing the clothes of much younger people, adopting the music and perhaps also the behaviour and attitudes of those much younger than their chronological age.
In 2012, I wrote about the 'youth' culture influencing our society: #1 FOREVER YOUNG (December 2011) and #2 - FOREVER YOUNG–2 (March 2012)
In 2013, I have also written:
LIFE IS NOT TOO SHORT and WHEN EVERYTHING & EVERYONE IS DISPOSABLE.
On Cancer: BC – BEFORE CANCER and AC – AFTER CANCER.
On the Nucleur Family: THE NUCEUR FAMILY – RELATIVELY SPEAKING and
THE NUCLEUR FAMILY – GETTING TOGETHER AND BREAKING APART
Sunday, 12 May 2013
A FRIEND FOR LIFE AND AFTER
Last Wednesday May 8th, I met again with my mother's friend Helen who became my friend after my mother died in 1995. We met for the 17th time to celebrate Helen's 89 Birthday.
Helen and I had met a few times in the past while my Mother was alive and we met her, and on at least one occasion, her daughter while we were shopping on a main street nearby my Mother's house.
After my Mother died in l995, I received a telephone call on my Mother's Birthday in Februray 1996, from Helen. She said she was thinking of Mom and how they used to go and have a bowl of Soup and/or a Muffin and a cup of Tea together. She said they also exchanged a small gift. I was delighted that she remembered my mother and missed her and had called.
Helen and I began to meet and have lunch on her Birthday, then on my Birthday which comes later in the year as well. I always told her how much my Mother liked her 'spunk' and how she got up and went to things and danced and enjoyed people and things around her.
Helen was married for 47 years. Her husband died the same year as mine did 2005 but in January. They had one daughter, who is about 10 years younger than me. They lived in the same house for all of their married lives, as far as I know.
My mother and Helen met when her daughter Brenda was selling Girl Guide cookies as a young girl and my mother ordered 6 boxes. Brenda was 'over the moon' delighted. She could hardly wait to run back up the block and tell her mom. She reminds us to this day, of the reason they met all those years ago.
Brenda has for several years joined us when we meet, since her mother has had leg and hip problems for several years now. The three of us began several years ago to go out for each others Birthdays...and other special occasions a few times a year.
Each Birthday event is a three part excursion. A meal, lunch or dinner, a trip to give the government our money...ie to a local casino, and then a dessert. I usually give the casino (government operated) more than I will ever take home, and last week was no exception, whatever I had resolved before going.
I have not perhaps told you a lot of the details about Helen and her family; She is the same age as my mother would have been now - 89. My mother however, died when she was 71.
I want only to add one story about her which says a everything about what she is like...while reminding me what Fiendship is and should always be about.
Early on our Birthday outings, I thought, never mind the Soup and Muffin place, I will take her to the Million Dollar designer decorated place across the street. I figured it would make it a special occasion and a treat.
Helen checks the menu and there isn't a Grilled Cheese Sandwich on it. That is what she wants.
After a brief debate with the Snooty Waitress about making my Friend what she wants, and my offering to go into the Kitchen and make it...if it is beyond the Waitress or Chefs ability...Helen gets her Grilled Cheese. It comes with a new thing for her, Mesclun Salad, which she tastes and likes also.
This incident taught me a lesson. Don't think asking someone to eat something they don't want is going to make for a better day.
Just being with someone who has good memories of their Friend and who is your Friend is what actually is important.
Your Friend will be just as happy with a glass of Water, cup of Soup, Tea or whatever.
Helen by being her natural self reminded me about what was more important. The lesson will stay with me always. It is simple. It is right.
The best part is I have a friend now for 18 years, who came to me in an expected way...What a Gift.
Helen and I had met a few times in the past while my Mother was alive and we met her, and on at least one occasion, her daughter while we were shopping on a main street nearby my Mother's house.
After my Mother died in l995, I received a telephone call on my Mother's Birthday in Februray 1996, from Helen. She said she was thinking of Mom and how they used to go and have a bowl of Soup and/or a Muffin and a cup of Tea together. She said they also exchanged a small gift. I was delighted that she remembered my mother and missed her and had called.
Helen and I began to meet and have lunch on her Birthday, then on my Birthday which comes later in the year as well. I always told her how much my Mother liked her 'spunk' and how she got up and went to things and danced and enjoyed people and things around her.
Helen was married for 47 years. Her husband died the same year as mine did 2005 but in January. They had one daughter, who is about 10 years younger than me. They lived in the same house for all of their married lives, as far as I know.
My mother and Helen met when her daughter Brenda was selling Girl Guide cookies as a young girl and my mother ordered 6 boxes. Brenda was 'over the moon' delighted. She could hardly wait to run back up the block and tell her mom. She reminds us to this day, of the reason they met all those years ago.
Brenda has for several years joined us when we meet, since her mother has had leg and hip problems for several years now. The three of us began several years ago to go out for each others Birthdays...and other special occasions a few times a year.
Each Birthday event is a three part excursion. A meal, lunch or dinner, a trip to give the government our money...ie to a local casino, and then a dessert. I usually give the casino (government operated) more than I will ever take home, and last week was no exception, whatever I had resolved before going.
I have not perhaps told you a lot of the details about Helen and her family; She is the same age as my mother would have been now - 89. My mother however, died when she was 71.
I want only to add one story about her which says a everything about what she is like...while reminding me what Fiendship is and should always be about.
Early on our Birthday outings, I thought, never mind the Soup and Muffin place, I will take her to the Million Dollar designer decorated place across the street. I figured it would make it a special occasion and a treat.
Helen checks the menu and there isn't a Grilled Cheese Sandwich on it. That is what she wants.
After a brief debate with the Snooty Waitress about making my Friend what she wants, and my offering to go into the Kitchen and make it...if it is beyond the Waitress or Chefs ability...Helen gets her Grilled Cheese. It comes with a new thing for her, Mesclun Salad, which she tastes and likes also.
This incident taught me a lesson. Don't think asking someone to eat something they don't want is going to make for a better day.
Just being with someone who has good memories of their Friend and who is your Friend is what actually is important.
Your Friend will be just as happy with a glass of Water, cup of Soup, Tea or whatever.
Helen by being her natural self reminded me about what was more important. The lesson will stay with me always. It is simple. It is right.
The best part is I have a friend now for 18 years, who came to me in an expected way...What a Gift.
Monday, 6 May 2013
WHO ARE YOU? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW
Who are you? Where do you live? I don't mean what geographical place, I mean when you are alone with only yourself to blame, praise, appreciate or disdain.
Most of us aren't Method Actors, analyzing and accessing: What is my motivation? Most of us are putting one foot in front of the other, going through our day, and living our life. However, I believe that a little reflection is in order if we are ever to understand what we are doing here, and the purpose of our lives.
Mark Twain said it better than I ever will: "The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why."
To get there we have to learn to live comfortably within our skin. This probably requires at least some reflection about 'Who am I when I am home?' What do I like? What do I feel? What am I basing my life on?
We might also ask ourselves: Do I welcome today with hope that it will be better than yesterday?; or just drag myself through another day saying "Same Old, Same Old" or worse still, "Same Shit, Different Day".
There was a song, Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)? by Peter Sarstedt, where he asks someone he knew as a childhood friend, what she thinks about when she thinks about her life, when she is by herself. This woman, Marie Claire, belongs to the Jet Set, what we now call Glitterati or Celebrities. He is wondering what she really thinks about her life, and whether she remembers their childhood friendship as poor children in Naples.
Someone once said, Every person has a Book in them. The story of their life. Sometimes, they write it, most of us just live it.
I don't think someone sitting across from me on a Bus has anything less important to say than I do. They may just not have the time, energy or ability to put it into words. Talk to them for a minute and you share their world. Talk to them for a minute and you have a chance to see who they are and where they live.
Maybe you want to talk about your world, to share it with the rest of us, so I ask you again, 'WHO ARE YOU? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW' **
* WHERE DO YOU GO TO (MY LOVELY) song by Peter Sarstedt, 1969.
** WHO ARE YOU? - song by Peter Townshend of the group THE WHO.
Most of us aren't Method Actors, analyzing and accessing: What is my motivation? Most of us are putting one foot in front of the other, going through our day, and living our life. However, I believe that a little reflection is in order if we are ever to understand what we are doing here, and the purpose of our lives.
Mark Twain said it better than I ever will: "The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why."
To get there we have to learn to live comfortably within our skin. This probably requires at least some reflection about 'Who am I when I am home?' What do I like? What do I feel? What am I basing my life on?
We might also ask ourselves: Do I welcome today with hope that it will be better than yesterday?; or just drag myself through another day saying "Same Old, Same Old" or worse still, "Same Shit, Different Day".
There was a song, Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)? by Peter Sarstedt, where he asks someone he knew as a childhood friend, what she thinks about when she thinks about her life, when she is by herself. This woman, Marie Claire, belongs to the Jet Set, what we now call Glitterati or Celebrities. He is wondering what she really thinks about her life, and whether she remembers their childhood friendship as poor children in Naples.
Someone once said, Every person has a Book in them. The story of their life. Sometimes, they write it, most of us just live it.
I don't think someone sitting across from me on a Bus has anything less important to say than I do. They may just not have the time, energy or ability to put it into words. Talk to them for a minute and you share their world. Talk to them for a minute and you have a chance to see who they are and where they live.
Maybe you want to talk about your world, to share it with the rest of us, so I ask you again, 'WHO ARE YOU? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW' **
* WHERE DO YOU GO TO (MY LOVELY) song by Peter Sarstedt, 1969.
** WHO ARE YOU? - song by Peter Townshend of the group THE WHO.
Saturday, 4 May 2013
THE GIRL WITH THE HALO ON HER HEAD
I saw a lot of the city on Saturday. I may have been mistaken, but, I thought the Full Moon had come and gone. Perhaps not. Maybe it was just too hot outside for the first people I noticed, because they were acting crazy.
The first was on the Subway. I heard some intermittent yelling but it was when one of the new open - front to back - trains came in, that I saw who was making the noise.
Seated by the door about 20 feet from me, was a man slamming his fist repeated against the glass window next to him. Next he decided to yell a few times and have a fistfight with the air in front of him.
At this point I left the train and looked for the transit driver I'd seen walk by 3 or 4 times and told him what I'd seen. He wasn't interested, so I took the next train.
A couple of hours later, further Downtown, another fellow I could see through the Streetcar window was having quite an animated talk with himself.
I missed last weeks well dressed man who entered a Subway Car and said he wasn't going to be violent, BUT, everyone on the car should give him 4 dollars. Someone gave him 5 dollars and he left the car. Where are they coming from? New and exciting stuff these days it seems.
Finally, I went to church for a blessing of food for Sunday's meal. Just before a young girl, got on the bus, just ahead of me. On her head was a wreath/crown/halo, call it what you will, of flowers around her head and a smaller bouquet in her hands.
You may realize by now, I am not very shy, so I asked her if she was going to a Wedding because of the flowers around her head. I was charmed to hear that she was taking a Flower Arranging Course nearby. I told her she had made all of us smile. Sure enough, when she looked around, she saw it was true.
Bless her and bless all those who somehow overcome and endure, and even share something beautiful with us, despite the hardships others are having as they live.
The first was on the Subway. I heard some intermittent yelling but it was when one of the new open - front to back - trains came in, that I saw who was making the noise.
Seated by the door about 20 feet from me, was a man slamming his fist repeated against the glass window next to him. Next he decided to yell a few times and have a fistfight with the air in front of him.
At this point I left the train and looked for the transit driver I'd seen walk by 3 or 4 times and told him what I'd seen. He wasn't interested, so I took the next train.
A couple of hours later, further Downtown, another fellow I could see through the Streetcar window was having quite an animated talk with himself.
I missed last weeks well dressed man who entered a Subway Car and said he wasn't going to be violent, BUT, everyone on the car should give him 4 dollars. Someone gave him 5 dollars and he left the car. Where are they coming from? New and exciting stuff these days it seems.
Finally, I went to church for a blessing of food for Sunday's meal. Just before a young girl, got on the bus, just ahead of me. On her head was a wreath/crown/halo, call it what you will, of flowers around her head and a smaller bouquet in her hands.
You may realize by now, I am not very shy, so I asked her if she was going to a Wedding because of the flowers around her head. I was charmed to hear that she was taking a Flower Arranging Course nearby. I told her she had made all of us smile. Sure enough, when she looked around, she saw it was true.
Bless her and bless all those who somehow overcome and endure, and even share something beautiful with us, despite the hardships others are having as they live.
MEETING AUDREY HEPBURN - UNICEF VISIT TO TORONTO CANADA
I met Audrey Hepburn in 1989 when she came to Toronto to speak about Unicef. I went to a luncheon, not the grand ball with the city's gliteratti and I am glad I did. Not only the luncheon, also the press conference as well, meant a good long time hearing her speak and realizing that she was committed to use her fame to give back to others.
That she continued to do this as long as she physically could, shows her determination and committment to give what she could to help Unicef make the world a better place. To do this, among other sacrifices, she had to overcome her extremely introverted nature.
Audrey Hepburn would have been celebrating her birthday today. She was born on May 4th, 1929 and died of Cancer on January 20, 1993. Her father was an Irish Banker, her mother was a Dutch Baroness. At the time the Second World War began, her parents, separated at the time, decided she might be safer in Holland than in England, where she had been attending school.
This decision was crucial. By the end of the war, Arnheim Holland had been flattened by bombs, one of Audrey's uncles had been shot, another brother walked home arriving 3 months after everyone thought he had died and Audrey herself had escaped from a truck taking her to a labour camp and had hidden for months in a basement. When Unicef arrived immediately after the war, they found a very sick young woman.
No doubt, any of us can access most of her biography ourselves online. What none of us can ever really touch is the unique and ephemeral nature of her being. No one can, or will ever be, like her.
She had two sons after many miscarriages. The oldest Sean Ferrer writes about her often. I believe he has four children. The younger son, Luca Dotti born 10 years after Sean in l970, has never spoken in public about his mother before now. Amazingly, therefore, he is writing a book about her and is featured in Vanity Fair magazine in May 2013 speaking about her life in Rome when he was growing up. Sean's book about his mother, An Elegant Spirit, was a wonderful testimony which showed how well she succeded as a mother.
Now it is twenty years since she died. Those of us who admired her from afar, and by some miracle, got to see her vibrant and alive, will never forget her. Those of us who admire her and what she exemplified, an elegant spirit, a lovely soul, and so much more that is ephemeral and always lovely, have never been surprised that she played an Angel in her final movie role.
P.S. on April 12th someone remembered this special poem Audrey loved:
That she continued to do this as long as she physically could, shows her determination and committment to give what she could to help Unicef make the world a better place. To do this, among other sacrifices, she had to overcome her extremely introverted nature.
Audrey Hepburn would have been celebrating her birthday today. She was born on May 4th, 1929 and died of Cancer on January 20, 1993. Her father was an Irish Banker, her mother was a Dutch Baroness. At the time the Second World War began, her parents, separated at the time, decided she might be safer in Holland than in England, where she had been attending school.
This decision was crucial. By the end of the war, Arnheim Holland had been flattened by bombs, one of Audrey's uncles had been shot, another brother walked home arriving 3 months after everyone thought he had died and Audrey herself had escaped from a truck taking her to a labour camp and had hidden for months in a basement. When Unicef arrived immediately after the war, they found a very sick young woman.
No doubt, any of us can access most of her biography ourselves online. What none of us can ever really touch is the unique and ephemeral nature of her being. No one can, or will ever be, like her.
She had two sons after many miscarriages. The oldest Sean Ferrer writes about her often. I believe he has four children. The younger son, Luca Dotti born 10 years after Sean in l970, has never spoken in public about his mother before now. Amazingly, therefore, he is writing a book about her and is featured in Vanity Fair magazine in May 2013 speaking about her life in Rome when he was growing up. Sean's book about his mother, An Elegant Spirit, was a wonderful testimony which showed how well she succeded as a mother.
Now it is twenty years since she died. Those of us who admired her from afar, and by some miracle, got to see her vibrant and alive, will never forget her. Those of us who admire her and what she exemplified, an elegant spirit, a lovely soul, and so much more that is ephemeral and always lovely, have never been surprised that she played an Angel in her final movie role.
P.S. on April 12th someone remembered this special poem Audrey loved:
This exquisite poem TIME-TESTED BEAUTY TIPS excerpted from the poem by Sam Levenson*
is quoted by AUDREY HEPBURN'S son Sean Ferrer in his book AUDREY HEPBURN-An Elegant Spirit.
Sean spoke last at her funeral and read the following excerpt from the Levenson poem.
is quoted by AUDREY HEPBURN'S son Sean Ferrer in his book AUDREY HEPBURN-An Elegant Spirit.
Sean spoke last at her funeral and read the following excerpt from the Levenson poem.
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone".
Sean continued;
"We leave you a tradition with a future.
The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete".
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others".
"Your 'good old days' are still ahead of you, may you have many of them".
_____________________________________________________
TIME-TESTED BEAUTY TIPS*
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be see from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows".
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone".
Sean continued;
"We leave you a tradition with a future.
The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete".
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others".
"Your 'good old days' are still ahead of you, may you have many of them".
_____________________________________________________
TIME-TESTED BEAUTY TIPS*
by Sam Levenson
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be see from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows".
PLEASE WRITE ABOUT YOURSELF TOO
For many years I saved boxes and boxes of other people's writing especially articles from newspapers and magazines. Sometimes the subject interested me. Other times there was a beautiful photograph. I especially liked a well written article.
After a while there were quite a few boxes of these sorted into file folders by subject. The largest file, however was usually the one with a miscellany of articles to be sorted or something.
As long ago as High School someone asked why I didn't write my own things instead of saving other peoples. He had a point.
Occasionally for a short period of time I wrote a few words down and typed them up. Sometimes I would feel like writing about something I had either seen or heard or felt. I would type these up on a typewriter and sometimes revise and retype them eventually several times. Hard work when your just doing it for yourself.
Later, I put these on a floppy disk but the laptop computer had a virus and 177 pages were 'stuck' on the disk until one of my nephews rescued them a couple of years ago.
For a while the only subject guaranteed to get a visceral and often explosive rant from me, verbally or on paper, was Politics. I sometimes felt that if someone pushed a button, I could go on forever. Fortunately, this became boring, even to me, eventually. I am sure those around me had had enough long before I did.
Like you, I think about a lot of things in the course of a day. Upcoming events like a family dinner tomorrow are on my mind today. I'll be seeing my niece dance again later in the month. Meanwhile, there is unusually gorgeous weather here and I already have tan lines on my feet because I wore sandals for two days. I have a lot to do today to get ready for tomorrow, and get a lot of stuff done which I need to do today, including getting food blessed and making time for some quiet reflection at church and many other things.
Earlier this week I replied to one of the people in the Google circle after she had put a lovely quote on her blog site, as quite a few people do on the sites I have seen so far. We e-talked a bit about where we live and what we were doing with a 5 hour time zone difference. I told her I was writing prose essays. She said she didn't do that. From the great things she had to say to me, I can't see why not.
I wanted to tell her that years ago, when my late husband was given a cousin in New Zealand's address, as well as, that of a childhood friend who now lived in Australia; he wondered what he could write to them about. I suggested, he write about his daily life or routine or a description of something around here. I thought that this would probably be so different than their lives in another hemisphere that it would be of interest to them. How right I was.
When the New Zealand relatives write and show me a photo of their garden with a very tall single stemmed flower with a orange fuzzy top that is the centrepiece of their garden, I am fascinated.
When one of the Australians tell me they just had to fish a big spider out of their pool and take it to some government office, I remember what Bill Bryson said in his book, In a Sunburnt Country, about the types of poisonous critters in Australia. Incidentally, my friend seemed pretty calm about the spider even though she grew up in Britain. Her life, years earlier in Rhodesia must have been interesting too.
See what I mean. The money is different, the life is different, the language is different. The terrain and wildlife are different. What people eat every day is different.
When looking at a week's groceries for a family of four in various parts of the world in the book Hungry Planet**, at the very least, I'll bet all of them don't eat a bowl of processed cold cereal for breakfast, as we might here in North America.
Some of the people I have just met on Google live in the middle of Brazil, others in places, no kidding, I have to look up. Their lives would probably be very interesting to me and a lot of other people. Their ideas and beliefs would be interesting to hear about.
If nothing else, like my husband and his friend, you can wonder what Poutine is (since my husband didn't think to ask almost anybody else here in Canada).*
Meanwhile you have a conversation and an exchange of information and often ideas. Best of all you will have written something of your own. You are writing about the life around you, even when you are just describing some small event that was part of your day. Probably to you its just an everyday thing, to some of us though, it is new and interesting and fascinating. Why not give it a try. I would be delighted to hear from you.
*Poutine is a Canadian dish (originally from Quebec), made with french fries, topped with brown gravy and cheese curds.
**Hungry Planet, What the World Eats - by Peter Menzel and Faith D'Aluisio.
30 families, 24 countries, 600 meals.
After a while there were quite a few boxes of these sorted into file folders by subject. The largest file, however was usually the one with a miscellany of articles to be sorted or something.
As long ago as High School someone asked why I didn't write my own things instead of saving other peoples. He had a point.
Occasionally for a short period of time I wrote a few words down and typed them up. Sometimes I would feel like writing about something I had either seen or heard or felt. I would type these up on a typewriter and sometimes revise and retype them eventually several times. Hard work when your just doing it for yourself.
Later, I put these on a floppy disk but the laptop computer had a virus and 177 pages were 'stuck' on the disk until one of my nephews rescued them a couple of years ago.
For a while the only subject guaranteed to get a visceral and often explosive rant from me, verbally or on paper, was Politics. I sometimes felt that if someone pushed a button, I could go on forever. Fortunately, this became boring, even to me, eventually. I am sure those around me had had enough long before I did.
Like you, I think about a lot of things in the course of a day. Upcoming events like a family dinner tomorrow are on my mind today. I'll be seeing my niece dance again later in the month. Meanwhile, there is unusually gorgeous weather here and I already have tan lines on my feet because I wore sandals for two days. I have a lot to do today to get ready for tomorrow, and get a lot of stuff done which I need to do today, including getting food blessed and making time for some quiet reflection at church and many other things.
Earlier this week I replied to one of the people in the Google circle after she had put a lovely quote on her blog site, as quite a few people do on the sites I have seen so far. We e-talked a bit about where we live and what we were doing with a 5 hour time zone difference. I told her I was writing prose essays. She said she didn't do that. From the great things she had to say to me, I can't see why not.
I wanted to tell her that years ago, when my late husband was given a cousin in New Zealand's address, as well as, that of a childhood friend who now lived in Australia; he wondered what he could write to them about. I suggested, he write about his daily life or routine or a description of something around here. I thought that this would probably be so different than their lives in another hemisphere that it would be of interest to them. How right I was.
When the New Zealand relatives write and show me a photo of their garden with a very tall single stemmed flower with a orange fuzzy top that is the centrepiece of their garden, I am fascinated.
When one of the Australians tell me they just had to fish a big spider out of their pool and take it to some government office, I remember what Bill Bryson said in his book, In a Sunburnt Country, about the types of poisonous critters in Australia. Incidentally, my friend seemed pretty calm about the spider even though she grew up in Britain. Her life, years earlier in Rhodesia must have been interesting too.
See what I mean. The money is different, the life is different, the language is different. The terrain and wildlife are different. What people eat every day is different.
When looking at a week's groceries for a family of four in various parts of the world in the book Hungry Planet**, at the very least, I'll bet all of them don't eat a bowl of processed cold cereal for breakfast, as we might here in North America.
Some of the people I have just met on Google live in the middle of Brazil, others in places, no kidding, I have to look up. Their lives would probably be very interesting to me and a lot of other people. Their ideas and beliefs would be interesting to hear about.
If nothing else, like my husband and his friend, you can wonder what Poutine is (since my husband didn't think to ask almost anybody else here in Canada).*
Meanwhile you have a conversation and an exchange of information and often ideas. Best of all you will have written something of your own. You are writing about the life around you, even when you are just describing some small event that was part of your day. Probably to you its just an everyday thing, to some of us though, it is new and interesting and fascinating. Why not give it a try. I would be delighted to hear from you.
*Poutine is a Canadian dish (originally from Quebec), made with french fries, topped with brown gravy and cheese curds.
**Hungry Planet, What the World Eats - by Peter Menzel and Faith D'Aluisio.
30 families, 24 countries, 600 meals.
Tuesday, 30 April 2013
WANT IT-NEED IT-GOTTA HAVE IT-GONNA HAVE IT
I guess more people are feeling that if they want something, it has got to be a good thing. Not only that, but if they want it, they don't care who knows it.
The selfish mantra likely comes out as: I want it, need it, gotta have it, am gonna have it...no matter what. Probably they feel they 'deserve' it. After all, 'life is short', 'unfair', 'everyone is doing it' and 'you only live once'. Any or all of these are applied to the newest thing someone decides is the latest thing they must have.
In my opinion, this litany is today's self expression, much of it in petulant, pouting or annoyed at any delay in getting what is wanted. I always feel sorry for the person the demands are being made of. Not only is it too much to ask, but it seems that everywhere you go someone is going on about something they feel is wrong, unjust, unfair and which they had done to them by someone else.
This is especially true when someone, in a public place, seems to want everyone within hearing range to hear whatever they are talking about today. They seem to neither know, nor care about how trite, banal and commonplace they sound. Sometimes, I wonder if they would stop themselves, if they could hear themselves and how lame they sound. Then again, maybe this wouldn't matter as long as there is an audience.
Maybe, this is the modern version of life as a play, but so emotional that we are maybe supposed to 'feel' everyone's pain and participate in whatever 'drama' they are dumping out today. Cathartic as it may be for them, I think ultimately, it will make us want to be less involved, not more involved with people who need to 'act out' the soap opera of their lives and force it upon us.
Let's face it, when we tell someone that what they are saying is 'too much information', we are trying to get them to stop telling us more than we ever need or want to know about something. We are doing our best to tell others that we really don't want to know any more of the details. In fact, we are sometimes close to 'begging' them to 'spare us the details' and to please, drop the subject. It seems this is too much to ask today and a MEGO (my eyes glaze over) tuning out becomes our last resort.
While I love the original, the unusual and the interesting, not everyone does. Nor does everyone within earshot want to know everything on your Wish List; what you have decided you want, think you need, have decided you must have, and that you have determined to get, whatever it takes.
As an Adult, the temper tantrum is a lot to put up with, even from a young child; from another Adult, it is downright ridiculous and intolerable.
The selfish mantra likely comes out as: I want it, need it, gotta have it, am gonna have it...no matter what. Probably they feel they 'deserve' it. After all, 'life is short', 'unfair', 'everyone is doing it' and 'you only live once'. Any or all of these are applied to the newest thing someone decides is the latest thing they must have.
In my opinion, this litany is today's self expression, much of it in petulant, pouting or annoyed at any delay in getting what is wanted. I always feel sorry for the person the demands are being made of. Not only is it too much to ask, but it seems that everywhere you go someone is going on about something they feel is wrong, unjust, unfair and which they had done to them by someone else.
This is especially true when someone, in a public place, seems to want everyone within hearing range to hear whatever they are talking about today. They seem to neither know, nor care about how trite, banal and commonplace they sound. Sometimes, I wonder if they would stop themselves, if they could hear themselves and how lame they sound. Then again, maybe this wouldn't matter as long as there is an audience.
Maybe, this is the modern version of life as a play, but so emotional that we are maybe supposed to 'feel' everyone's pain and participate in whatever 'drama' they are dumping out today. Cathartic as it may be for them, I think ultimately, it will make us want to be less involved, not more involved with people who need to 'act out' the soap opera of their lives and force it upon us.
Let's face it, when we tell someone that what they are saying is 'too much information', we are trying to get them to stop telling us more than we ever need or want to know about something. We are doing our best to tell others that we really don't want to know any more of the details. In fact, we are sometimes close to 'begging' them to 'spare us the details' and to please, drop the subject. It seems this is too much to ask today and a MEGO (my eyes glaze over) tuning out becomes our last resort.
While I love the original, the unusual and the interesting, not everyone does. Nor does everyone within earshot want to know everything on your Wish List; what you have decided you want, think you need, have decided you must have, and that you have determined to get, whatever it takes.
As an Adult, the temper tantrum is a lot to put up with, even from a young child; from another Adult, it is downright ridiculous and intolerable.
Monday, 29 April 2013
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP
The Who were talking about My Generation in 1965. I didn't start talking about them much before a couple of years ago.
I was just living my life, trying to teach myself how to live more simply and get away from all of the frantic activity I still saw all around me.
I don't think its a good idea to carry the past with us into the present especially the parts of it that we think we might have, could have, should have lived another way. I try hard to always remember that I used the best judgement I could when I made my decision in the past. If it didn't work out the way I wanted, so what, something else happened. Meanwhile, I am still standing, and so is Elton John, just as he said he was in l983.
I think postponing your life any longer isn't wise. The youngest of the Boomers, born in 1964, is now (gulp!) almost 49 years old. What are we waiting for?
News Flash! Yet again, the world didn't end on December 21, 2012. Anyone who is still waiting for the next predicted end of the world date, is also waiting for the lottery to pay off and a lot of other things we should maybe not count on.
Maybe it might be a good idea to see what the weather is like outside your window, or even look up the weather in England and Australia as I do. At least, you will be doing something when you think that there is a 14 hour difference with Australia, from where I live and a 5 hour difference in England and they are hours ahead of my time of day...when I wake up in the morning. At least you won't call the Aussie's at noon...more than once and it does some good, if only for that reason.
The time to do what you need to do to be happier, feel younger, feel successful, feel fulfilled and generally to teach the world 'to sing in perfect harmony', whether drinking Coke or not; is now.
Let's all of us Boomers, take the first step toward doing all of the stuff we somehow haven't gotten around to yet. Meanwhile, let's clear out the old junk that we are still carrying around but haven't needed for years.
While we're at it, let's start talking about my generation. There are enough of us that a whisper will do.
NOTE: (SEE ALSO)
#1 BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011);
and
#2 BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING (2013)
I was just living my life, trying to teach myself how to live more simply and get away from all of the frantic activity I still saw all around me.
I don't think its a good idea to carry the past with us into the present especially the parts of it that we think we might have, could have, should have lived another way. I try hard to always remember that I used the best judgement I could when I made my decision in the past. If it didn't work out the way I wanted, so what, something else happened. Meanwhile, I am still standing, and so is Elton John, just as he said he was in l983.
I think postponing your life any longer isn't wise. The youngest of the Boomers, born in 1964, is now (gulp!) almost 49 years old. What are we waiting for?
News Flash! Yet again, the world didn't end on December 21, 2012. Anyone who is still waiting for the next predicted end of the world date, is also waiting for the lottery to pay off and a lot of other things we should maybe not count on.
Maybe it might be a good idea to see what the weather is like outside your window, or even look up the weather in England and Australia as I do. At least, you will be doing something when you think that there is a 14 hour difference with Australia, from where I live and a 5 hour difference in England and they are hours ahead of my time of day...when I wake up in the morning. At least you won't call the Aussie's at noon...more than once and it does some good, if only for that reason.
The time to do what you need to do to be happier, feel younger, feel successful, feel fulfilled and generally to teach the world 'to sing in perfect harmony', whether drinking Coke or not; is now.
Let's all of us Boomers, take the first step toward doing all of the stuff we somehow haven't gotten around to yet. Meanwhile, let's clear out the old junk that we are still carrying around but haven't needed for years.
While we're at it, let's start talking about my generation. There are enough of us that a whisper will do.
NOTE: (SEE ALSO)
#1 BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011);
and
#2 BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING (2013)
Thursday, 25 April 2013
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH MEN (AND WOMEN) TODAY?
What's the matter with Men today? You might as well ask, What's the matter with Women today?, at the same time. Maybe what's wrong with Men is what's wrong with Women and vice versa.
Some Women and Men might be wise to look at themselves the next time they feel angry or disappointed in their partner, because they have played a big part in making the other into what they are today. This is not a compliment.
I wish that today's Woman could still be considered Man's 'better half', but it appears that many are far too busy thinking of what they want and need themselves.
Meanwhile, the Man, normally someone a Woman would like to be able to look up to, respect and admire, may have become so overwhelmed by the demands made upon him by his family and his work, that he heads for one extreme or the other, totally driven or much too complacent.
I think some Men just figure it's easier and less trying to just give in to the Woman (and give up) because they've bought into the mantra, Happy Wife, Happy Life.
At the other extreme, the ever increasing demands made upon Men may make them into a desperate wannabee Mogul, seeking fame and fortune at any price. It is not a big jump to start to believe that only the unscrupulous and ruthless can succeed. In its extreme form, this is not a Man many Women would want to have in their lives. The female counterpart incidentally, isn't very nice either.
I wish Men were still Gentlemen first and Men second. I wish they could still recognize a Lady when they saw one and behaved accordingly. I wish Woman could still be Ladies first and Women second.
To be secure as a Woman or a Man, means you understand who you are and are confident enough to not have anything to prove. The Lady and the Gentleman are still out there, but may become an Endangered Species, if we keep on going the way we do now.
Women desperate to keep a guy interested by raiding sleazy lingerie shops, wouldn't recognize Allure or sexiness if it hit them in the head. All the Botox and other attempts to defy age, won't guarantee you will be loved or even loveable.
Women trying to trade themselves for Money and Status to a 'Trophy hunting' male, should realize that an overinflated sense, of their looks or worth, will not necessarily put them into a permanent relationship. As one well known singer/movie actors wife once said; he left his previous wife for me, now he's done the same to me. It was good while it lasted.
Meanwhile, anyone who thinks someone became rich by being stupid, may find out that, What's Mine is Mine and What's His (or Hers) is Mine, won't fly.
Then again, I have heard, as recently as this week, of yet another middle aged Man, who still takes his Laundry 'home' to his Mother. Married or not, there has got to be a story here. God's Gift to Women, might still be Mama's little boy, I fear.
The self centered Daddy's Girl is also alive and well. Her sense of entitlement has never been questioned. It might never be, if she finds some fool to play the role of provider and splits at the first sign of trouble. Ransoming the man's access to their children and getting the law to back her up, will ensure that that she will never grow up into an independent, self sufficient Woman.
Of course, we all know that Women today really can Have It All. Provided that they are willing to do what they did before and run a home and go to work and take care of elderly parents (on both sides of the family) and still attend to their needs as a couple and her Husband's need for a Wife.
Having It All sounds good, but there aren't enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Not so easy, in fact probably impossible, but a lot are trying. Something usually has to give. I think the result is someone not giving much quality time or energy to anything in their lives, because they are spread so thin.
Today's Man and today's Women usually have, I think, pretty much tried to be all things to each other and also fulfil all of their other obligations and committments to everyone else in their lives at the same time. Most seem to be ending up with a lot of debt and both are working longer and harder than ever. I think a lot of them will be worn out before their time.
I hope somewhere before they burn out, one or both, figure out whether they are really committed to each other. If they are, I hope they decide that they are going to restore some sanity to their lives. If they remember what it was that brought them together, they might also discover, what will keep them together.
Only when they filter out the cacophony of demands that are coming at them, will they have a chance to have some solid support at their side as they make the journey. Otherwise, one or the other will join the ever growing ranks of the ubiquitous Single Parent.
Some Women and Men might be wise to look at themselves the next time they feel angry or disappointed in their partner, because they have played a big part in making the other into what they are today. This is not a compliment.
I wish that today's Woman could still be considered Man's 'better half', but it appears that many are far too busy thinking of what they want and need themselves.
Meanwhile, the Man, normally someone a Woman would like to be able to look up to, respect and admire, may have become so overwhelmed by the demands made upon him by his family and his work, that he heads for one extreme or the other, totally driven or much too complacent.
I think some Men just figure it's easier and less trying to just give in to the Woman (and give up) because they've bought into the mantra, Happy Wife, Happy Life.
At the other extreme, the ever increasing demands made upon Men may make them into a desperate wannabee Mogul, seeking fame and fortune at any price. It is not a big jump to start to believe that only the unscrupulous and ruthless can succeed. In its extreme form, this is not a Man many Women would want to have in their lives. The female counterpart incidentally, isn't very nice either.
I wish Men were still Gentlemen first and Men second. I wish they could still recognize a Lady when they saw one and behaved accordingly. I wish Woman could still be Ladies first and Women second.
To be secure as a Woman or a Man, means you understand who you are and are confident enough to not have anything to prove. The Lady and the Gentleman are still out there, but may become an Endangered Species, if we keep on going the way we do now.
Women desperate to keep a guy interested by raiding sleazy lingerie shops, wouldn't recognize Allure or sexiness if it hit them in the head. All the Botox and other attempts to defy age, won't guarantee you will be loved or even loveable.
Women trying to trade themselves for Money and Status to a 'Trophy hunting' male, should realize that an overinflated sense, of their looks or worth, will not necessarily put them into a permanent relationship. As one well known singer/movie actors wife once said; he left his previous wife for me, now he's done the same to me. It was good while it lasted.
Meanwhile, anyone who thinks someone became rich by being stupid, may find out that, What's Mine is Mine and What's His (or Hers) is Mine, won't fly.
Then again, I have heard, as recently as this week, of yet another middle aged Man, who still takes his Laundry 'home' to his Mother. Married or not, there has got to be a story here. God's Gift to Women, might still be Mama's little boy, I fear.
The self centered Daddy's Girl is also alive and well. Her sense of entitlement has never been questioned. It might never be, if she finds some fool to play the role of provider and splits at the first sign of trouble. Ransoming the man's access to their children and getting the law to back her up, will ensure that that she will never grow up into an independent, self sufficient Woman.
Of course, we all know that Women today really can Have It All. Provided that they are willing to do what they did before and run a home and go to work and take care of elderly parents (on both sides of the family) and still attend to their needs as a couple and her Husband's need for a Wife.
Having It All sounds good, but there aren't enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Not so easy, in fact probably impossible, but a lot are trying. Something usually has to give. I think the result is someone not giving much quality time or energy to anything in their lives, because they are spread so thin.
Today's Man and today's Women usually have, I think, pretty much tried to be all things to each other and also fulfil all of their other obligations and committments to everyone else in their lives at the same time. Most seem to be ending up with a lot of debt and both are working longer and harder than ever. I think a lot of them will be worn out before their time.
I hope somewhere before they burn out, one or both, figure out whether they are really committed to each other. If they are, I hope they decide that they are going to restore some sanity to their lives. If they remember what it was that brought them together, they might also discover, what will keep them together.
Only when they filter out the cacophony of demands that are coming at them, will they have a chance to have some solid support at their side as they make the journey. Otherwise, one or the other will join the ever growing ranks of the ubiquitous Single Parent.
HOW TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS
For some reason that escapes me, long before I needed it, I read a book called the Intimate Enemy: How to Fight in Love and Marriage. It was written in 1969. Does this make sense? Any particular reason why I might have thought I needed such information. I'm not sure. Considering that I probably didn't get married until at least, 15 years later, was I preparing to argue my way through life. I don't think so.
I can tell you however, that I must have learned something because for the first six years of our Marriage, my Husband and I never fought, and after that, still not much. Who knows, maybe I had learned something along the way.
Interestingly that book was written by two Men, George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. The only thing I remember from it, since I no longer have a copy, was that when arguing, even if you are boiling mad and ready to explode, NEVER bring up all of the many things old and new that have bothered you about the Man. Be specific about what is bothering you now. Address that and that alone.
Most self-help books aren't written by Men. In the movie The Ugly Truth, when the character played by Gerard Butler burns a pile of such 'Self Help' books, I am with him all the way. Do I still read them? Not often.
However, when I was widowed I soon realized that relations between Men and Women no longer seemed either friendly or easy. By 2000, even I noticed that Men and Women seemed to be interacting with Serial Monogamy in short relationships. These were usually followed by quick breakups without any possible reconciliation. People seemed to be giving each other up quite easily. I couldn't understand why two people who supposedly cared for each other, wouldn't try to rescue or resurrect their relationship.
In an effort to bridge the gap in my knowledge, I bought, read, and more importantly, kept, the following books. Most of them were written by Women or by a Man and a Woman:
1. how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
I can't tell you how much I think employing this approach is the best one of all for male/female relations. When you stop talking about every little thing that comes into your head, you might have a chance to talk about things that are really important, for a change.
2. Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. Men apparently genetically don't hear certain things.
On a personal note, I assure you that using the word Don't will guarantee that whatever follows will be the one thing a man will ignore, overlook or forget. I speak from experience.
Those of us who already believe that men and women perceive life differently and still want to get along, will cooperate with each other by sharing a division of labour by tasks innately suited to the skills inherent to each sex.
Alternatively, the person who does a necessary task better or who enjoys doing it more, should take on that job.
3. Same Words Different Language by Barbara Annis.
Like the above book, this one tries to remind us that Men and Women have different skills, abilities and ways of thinking. Once we understand how each sex relates to various words and know what they are, it is prudent to use ones that elicit cooperation rather than rankle.
A word to the wise, whenever a Woman says nothing is wrong, an explosion is imminent.
and finally;
4. How Men Think - The Seven Essential Rules for Making It In A Man's World by Adrienne Mendell, M.A.. This I did not read for the subtitle.
I never wanted or needed to 'make it' in a 'Man's World'. I always felt that Women brought creativity, cooperation and a different perspective to the world and this made a tremendous contribution to whatever we did.
What I liked however, was the authors description of what she feels are the basic characteristics of the male of the species set out in the following chapter headings.
These are:
1. Act Competent;
2. Act Strong;
3. Keep Playing to Win, Even When the Game Is No Longer Fun;
4. Don't Get Emotionally Involved, While Playing the Game;
5. Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game;
6. Fighting Is Part of the Game;
7. You Are Part of a Team.
This is one of the most sensible books by a Woman I have ever read. Men are not labelled as an adversary to Women, but rather the author describes their inherent abilities and society's expectations. These are looked at to explain how a Man sees and interacts with the world around him.
There is probably a HOW TO book for everyone. There is always a new theory out there that promises to solve whatever ails you. Like the Diet books, one or another will likely work for someone out there. If nothing else, they have created great wealth for some authors and publishers.
I suggest that when you find a book that looks interesting to you, you have a look at whatever theory, for that is what it is, you think might be of help to you. You can be sure, if this isn't the one you think you need, you don't need to worry, a new theory will be along soon. That you can count on.
I can tell you however, that I must have learned something because for the first six years of our Marriage, my Husband and I never fought, and after that, still not much. Who knows, maybe I had learned something along the way.
Interestingly that book was written by two Men, George R. Bach and Peter Wyden. The only thing I remember from it, since I no longer have a copy, was that when arguing, even if you are boiling mad and ready to explode, NEVER bring up all of the many things old and new that have bothered you about the Man. Be specific about what is bothering you now. Address that and that alone.
Most self-help books aren't written by Men. In the movie The Ugly Truth, when the character played by Gerard Butler burns a pile of such 'Self Help' books, I am with him all the way. Do I still read them? Not often.
However, when I was widowed I soon realized that relations between Men and Women no longer seemed either friendly or easy. By 2000, even I noticed that Men and Women seemed to be interacting with Serial Monogamy in short relationships. These were usually followed by quick breakups without any possible reconciliation. People seemed to be giving each other up quite easily. I couldn't understand why two people who supposedly cared for each other, wouldn't try to rescue or resurrect their relationship.
In an effort to bridge the gap in my knowledge, I bought, read, and more importantly, kept, the following books. Most of them were written by Women or by a Man and a Woman:
1. how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
I can't tell you how much I think employing this approach is the best one of all for male/female relations. When you stop talking about every little thing that comes into your head, you might have a chance to talk about things that are really important, for a change.
2. Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Barbara and Allan Pease. Men apparently genetically don't hear certain things.
On a personal note, I assure you that using the word Don't will guarantee that whatever follows will be the one thing a man will ignore, overlook or forget. I speak from experience.
Those of us who already believe that men and women perceive life differently and still want to get along, will cooperate with each other by sharing a division of labour by tasks innately suited to the skills inherent to each sex.
Alternatively, the person who does a necessary task better or who enjoys doing it more, should take on that job.
3. Same Words Different Language by Barbara Annis.
Like the above book, this one tries to remind us that Men and Women have different skills, abilities and ways of thinking. Once we understand how each sex relates to various words and know what they are, it is prudent to use ones that elicit cooperation rather than rankle.
A word to the wise, whenever a Woman says nothing is wrong, an explosion is imminent.
and finally;
4. How Men Think - The Seven Essential Rules for Making It In A Man's World by Adrienne Mendell, M.A.. This I did not read for the subtitle.
I never wanted or needed to 'make it' in a 'Man's World'. I always felt that Women brought creativity, cooperation and a different perspective to the world and this made a tremendous contribution to whatever we did.
What I liked however, was the authors description of what she feels are the basic characteristics of the male of the species set out in the following chapter headings.
These are:
1. Act Competent;
2. Act Strong;
3. Keep Playing to Win, Even When the Game Is No Longer Fun;
4. Don't Get Emotionally Involved, While Playing the Game;
5. Being Aggressive Is Part of the Game;
6. Fighting Is Part of the Game;
7. You Are Part of a Team.
This is one of the most sensible books by a Woman I have ever read. Men are not labelled as an adversary to Women, but rather the author describes their inherent abilities and society's expectations. These are looked at to explain how a Man sees and interacts with the world around him.
There is probably a HOW TO book for everyone. There is always a new theory out there that promises to solve whatever ails you. Like the Diet books, one or another will likely work for someone out there. If nothing else, they have created great wealth for some authors and publishers.
I suggest that when you find a book that looks interesting to you, you have a look at whatever theory, for that is what it is, you think might be of help to you. You can be sure, if this isn't the one you think you need, you don't need to worry, a new theory will be along soon. That you can count on.
Tuesday, 23 April 2013
YOU'RE JUST SOME PEOPLE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
Coming north from Yonge and Bloor early this evening the crowded standing room only subway placed me within hearing range of a guy and girl talking in a foreign language. After a stop or two I wondered how I might casually ask them what language they had been speaking but realized that this was actually beside the point. When they switched to English, they were probably continuing their dissection and critique of people around them anyway.
The gist of the conversation, impossible to avoid was that if someone didn't have money they were worthless and neither he nor she would be interested. A minute later the girl said, well I have to respect the person I am with, or they are nothing. The word 'garbage' was used by one of them.
Shortly after this the girl said, that well, it wasn't exactly only money per se that interested her but more someone of great accomplishment, the best in their field, the best at whatever they did. The guy then said, yeah, I suppose then it's not money as such or only. I thought, too late to backpedal buddy and try to mitigate your obvious avarice. Admit it, you think you wannabee attached to someone special.
Of course, by this time I was dying to get a look at these two. Were they young, gorgeous, brilliant? Not a one. Brilliant, not at all. Gorgeous, well the girl was reasonable looking, but no super model in looks or dress. The guy like her was young, maybe mid 20's. He was wearing that peculiar mustardy colour that pants come in, a top that didn't add anything I could see to his nondescript backpack, and he had curly hair. What else? Nothing much I could see.
I felt like asking a telling question or two, but knew it wouldn't register on either of these oblivious wannabees.
The first question I would need to ask was, 'Having unwittingly overheard your conversation in this public place, you both seem to aspire to locate, meet, befriend, accompany or possibly become involved with an accomplished person of some sort, am I correct?
The next question would have to be: What do either of you think you have to offer that would interest a person like this in you?
I don't think either of them would understand that I was asking these questions seriously. However, neither possessed any special talent, intellect, look or skill that I could see, that would put them on a level playing field, or into the same orbit of what they said they wanted, and I suspect also expected.
Lovely people I'll never want to know...perhaps out in time for the full moon...perhaps just typical of their sort.
The gist of the conversation, impossible to avoid was that if someone didn't have money they were worthless and neither he nor she would be interested. A minute later the girl said, well I have to respect the person I am with, or they are nothing. The word 'garbage' was used by one of them.
Shortly after this the girl said, that well, it wasn't exactly only money per se that interested her but more someone of great accomplishment, the best in their field, the best at whatever they did. The guy then said, yeah, I suppose then it's not money as such or only. I thought, too late to backpedal buddy and try to mitigate your obvious avarice. Admit it, you think you wannabee attached to someone special.
Of course, by this time I was dying to get a look at these two. Were they young, gorgeous, brilliant? Not a one. Brilliant, not at all. Gorgeous, well the girl was reasonable looking, but no super model in looks or dress. The guy like her was young, maybe mid 20's. He was wearing that peculiar mustardy colour that pants come in, a top that didn't add anything I could see to his nondescript backpack, and he had curly hair. What else? Nothing much I could see.
I felt like asking a telling question or two, but knew it wouldn't register on either of these oblivious wannabees.
The first question I would need to ask was, 'Having unwittingly overheard your conversation in this public place, you both seem to aspire to locate, meet, befriend, accompany or possibly become involved with an accomplished person of some sort, am I correct?
The next question would have to be: What do either of you think you have to offer that would interest a person like this in you?
I don't think either of them would understand that I was asking these questions seriously. However, neither possessed any special talent, intellect, look or skill that I could see, that would put them on a level playing field, or into the same orbit of what they said they wanted, and I suspect also expected.
Lovely people I'll never want to know...perhaps out in time for the full moon...perhaps just typical of their sort.
BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING
DUPLICATE OF APRIL 20TH ESSAY (Note: FYI - same essay as April 20TH)
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 48 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 48 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Just_Want_to_Celebrate - Rare Earth 1971.
RELATED BLOGS: BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
RELATED BLOGS: BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
GROWING PAINS - REALIZING LIFE WILL END
(Note: FYI - this is the same essay as April 19th)
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being total that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being total that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
Saturday, 20 April 2013
BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING
FYI: SAME ESSAY DUPLICATED ON APRIL 23, 2013
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 49 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE - ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
I am a Baby Boomer. We were born between 1946 and 1964 and are now between 49 and 67 years of age.
Younger Boomers are pretty sceptical when I tell them the streets were filled with music, with 'music everywhere', but it was true.* Usually it was not posh or glamorous, but it was colourful, enthusiastic and spontaneous.
Yorkville, before it was gentrified, was considered a haven for hippie coffee shops and cafes. Woodstock was not a personal experience for many of us and the old concerts were a long time ago.
When the movie Across the Universe was made in 2007, however, I felt that every Boomer, young and old, could find some part of it which reflected their own experiences of the time. At the very least, it reminded most of us of that happy time of our youth when everything seemed possible, and we were sure we'd change the world for the better.
We changed as we grew up, losing some of our innocence and spontaneity, some of our idealism and our dreams, but many of us have converted our youthful dreams into putting our time and money into supporting causes we have believed in all of our lives.
Perhaps just as importantly, we are passing on the knowledge of what freedom feels like to those we care about in the next generation. We know we can tell them firsthand that if you dare to dream and find beauty in what you see around you, you change the world into a better, more humane place.
Because there are so many of us, I suggest some time soon, we also finally tell the fashion magazines and fashion industry, that lurking outside of health clinics looking for anorexic girls to make into models, will not sell us clothes or expensive age defying elixirs. These kids don't have wrinkles, they think they are fat. They make good clothes hangers because they are unhealthy, they have unlined faces because they are still adolescents.
I cited a survey that said Women feel old at 29 and Men feel old at 58, in yesterday's Growing Pains Blog.** Going by this, strangely the oldest Boomer male might possibly have felt old for 9 years, whereas a woman, born in 1984 and 20 years younger than the youngest Boomer woman, is already looking for signs of aging and wondering whether she should start lying about her age. We might be better off to rethink age, and like P.J. O'Rourke appreciate that "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut".
When C.A.R.P. (the Canadian Association of Retired People) tries for expanded readership by trying to re brand itself as for those 55 and over; I somehow can't imagine my fellow Boomers running to apply. Meanwhile, maybe some Rosedale matron can tell me what a Zoomer is.
Both groups have forgotten:
Boomer Rule #l - We will never admit to being old willingly;
Boomer Rule #2 - We built this city on Rock and Roll.
I urge all of us to be nicer to our cohort, it is a large one that covers a 25 year age span. The oldest of us, might have daughters and sons who are among the youngest of us. We're all Boomers together and deciding that an older Boomer is ancient, by those of us a few years younger, is insulting and tacky.
My Women friends were beautiful physically and mentally then or as I put it, beautiful inside and out, and they still are. Meanwhile, I hope that the Men out there sometimes think of some man who they respected and admired, and see him looking back at them when they look in the mirror.
Age is only relevant when you are drinking Vintage Wine, which incidentally you can now enjoy, and also, afford. Smile, be good to yourself, and others around you. You know who you aspired to be; you recognize the person who held onto his ideals in the lovely person you have evolved into. You have lived, and continue to live, better than earlier generations could afford to in both education and material benefits. Thinking about this, all I can think of personally is that: "I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE - ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING".***
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mamas_%26_the_Papas - Dancing in the Streets
**http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
***http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Just_Want_to_Celebrate - Rare Earth 1971.
See also related blogs I wrote: -
#1 -BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
#2 - BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
See also related blogs I wrote: -
#1 -BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (2011) and
#2 - BABY BOOMERS - TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP (2013)
Friday, 19 April 2013
GROWING PAINS - REALIZING LIFE WILL END
(Note: FYI - this is the same essay as that on April 23rd)
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being told that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
I wonder if anyone can remember the first time that we realized we are not infallible; that we are mortal.
One of our first big disappointments may be a day like the one when we find out Santa Claus does not exist. Watching a Superhero and being told that we can't do it ourselves is another revelation. We must learn that certain things are 'magical' or really that most things like this only exist in our imagination.
Most parents spare us this loss for as long as they can. Those who shelter us from the responsibilities that they know await us as adults, try to let us enjoy the few carefree childhood years for as long as we can.
Our mortality is not anywhere in our thoughts when we become Teenagers. Most of us are pretty happy to FINALLY have passed this important point and hope that our days as a little kid are over at last.
Something changes when we go from junior school to High School. This is a big transition and one that everyone recognizes as important. No one much thinks about life as anything but full of possibilities as we 'move up' to our next school.
Shortly after, for Spanish or Mexican girls/women the Quinceanera Coming of Age Ceremony takes place when they are 15 years of age. It is comparable to a debutante's coming out party.
Sweet Sixteen on the 16th Birthday, acknowledges that a girl is growing up, but there's not a chance that she feels old at this age.
By 18, another important year towards adulthood can coincide with debuts in high society even today, and perhaps entry into university or college after high school graduation. We are pretty much considered adults or certainly on the threshold of adulthood.
Various other personal events in the lives of boys and girls take place en route to becoming men and women. Many of these involve the additional decisions we are allowed to make for ourselves. The more choices we begin to make, tentatively at first (if we are honest) and with more confidence as we go on, begin to prepare us for making almost all of our own decisions as adults.
The experiments en route with going out, having a drink, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, driving a car and many other things small and large, help us to develop the confidence to survive independently on our own.
I still wonder however, what the crucial turning point comes where the guy or girl who was reckless, intrepid, fearless, dare devil, ready to sky dive or jump off a cliff on a dare, realizes that were they to do this, they might literally either injure themselves pretty badly or might even die.
Maybe the Actuaries know and consequently reduce car insurance rates because reckless driving, probably along with reckless drinking, partying and pulling all-nighters, decreases by a certain point in life.
Usually the age group of 16 to 21 pay the highest car insurance since they are considered to have the greatest number and most severe accidents. Age seems however, to be a deciding factor in automobile insurance only up till the age 25 and also is lower for someone 25 and married.*
The age of 25 today however, may not help in accessing the maturing process since many people are both unmarried and in school for much longer than were earlier generations and some psychologists increase the age of young adults upward quite regularly.
I suspect that most people are considered mature adults by the age of 30. By 30, we could look back 10 years to our 20's and realize we have been considered adult for, at least 10 years. Perhaps by this time also, we have experienced a death of someone in your family, such as a grandparent, This would have forced us to acknowledge the finality of this personal loss, which we all experience eventually. I am not sure.
I do know however, that a tiny bit of carefree innocence leaves with the realization of your own eventual mortality and it sobers us a little whether we acknowledge it or not.
By 40, if you haven't taken on most of the responsibilities of an Adult, and 'settled down' few people are willing to make excuses for your postponing adulthood any longer. In fact, they might speak about you quite negatively, expressing at the very least, disappointment.
In 1900, by 40 you were reaching the average life expectancy of 46 and were almost finished your life, you would probably have done almost all you could be expected to have done, including having raised a family by then.
Increased life expectancies to 76 years of age for males, and longer for females, have made the 40's less threatening. The actual 40th Birthday however, if noted is not as happily celebrated as the preceding years were.
Some women, may never acknowledge a 40th birthday. Some would prefer to stop the clock at 30, until embarrassingly their children become chronologically almost the same age.
With 30 year longer life expectancies than in 1900, some propose that we consider ourselves old at 65 or when we retire.**
Meanwhile a study says that women feel old at 29; men feel old at 58. Go figure.***
Most people reaching the age of 65 today, particularly Baby Boomers are probably never going to acknowledge old age. Some say, that in our mind's we never pass 39 years of age. Maybe 39 is our emotional age despite our chronological age.
Life marches on regardless of how we choose to view it and mark its passages. When we teach ourselves to celebrate a little every day, I think we make it possible to appreciate and enjoy the special beauty each day gives.
As a saying goes: "...Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."****
*http://www.contingencies.org/septoct07/age.pdf Age Rating in Auto Insurance: Actuarial Equity or Unfair Discrimination. **http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_age
***http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2011/08/08/how-old-is-old-women-say-29_n_921025.html
**** This quote comes from a 1902 book called 'Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle. The full quote often reads: "The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
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