Last Wednesday May 8th, I met again with my mother's friend Helen who became my friend after my mother died in 1995. We met for the 17th time to celebrate Helen's 89 Birthday.
Helen and I had met a few times in the past while my Mother was alive and we met her, and on at least one occasion, her daughter while we were shopping on a main street nearby my Mother's house.
After my Mother died in l995, I received a telephone call on my Mother's Birthday in Februray 1996, from Helen. She said she was thinking of Mom and how they used to go and have a bowl of Soup and/or a Muffin and a cup of Tea together. She said they also exchanged a small gift. I was delighted that she remembered my mother and missed her and had called.
Helen and I began to meet and have lunch on her Birthday, then on my Birthday which comes later in the year as well. I always told her how much my Mother liked her 'spunk' and how she got up and went to things and danced and enjoyed people and things around her.
Helen was married for 47 years. Her husband died the same year as mine did 2005 but in January. They had one daughter, who is about 10 years younger than me. They lived in the same house for all of their married lives, as far as I know.
My mother and Helen met when her daughter Brenda was selling Girl Guide cookies as a young girl and my mother ordered 6 boxes. Brenda was 'over the moon' delighted. She could hardly wait to run back up the block and tell her mom. She reminds us to this day, of the reason they met all those years ago.
Brenda has for several years joined us when we meet, since her mother has had leg and hip problems for several years now. The three of us began several years ago to go out for each others Birthdays...and other special occasions a few times a year.
Each Birthday event is a three part excursion. A meal, lunch or dinner, a trip to give the government our money...ie to a local casino, and then a dessert. I usually give the casino (government operated) more than I will ever take home, and last week was no exception, whatever I had resolved before going.
I have not perhaps told you a lot of the details about Helen and her family; She is the same age as my mother would have been now - 89. My mother however, died when she was 71.
I want only to add one story about her which says a everything about what she is like...while reminding me what Fiendship is and should always be about.
Early on our Birthday outings, I thought, never mind the Soup and Muffin place, I will take her to the Million Dollar designer decorated place across the street. I figured it would make it a special occasion and a treat.
Helen checks the menu and there isn't a Grilled Cheese Sandwich on it. That is what she wants.
After a brief debate with the Snooty Waitress about making my Friend what she wants, and my offering to go into the Kitchen and make it...if it is beyond the Waitress or Chefs ability...Helen gets her Grilled Cheese. It comes with a new thing for her, Mesclun Salad, which she tastes and likes also.
This incident taught me a lesson. Don't think asking someone to eat something they don't want is going to make for a better day.
Just being with someone who has good memories of their Friend and who is your Friend is what actually is important.
Your Friend will be just as happy with a glass of Water, cup of Soup, Tea or whatever.
Helen by being her natural self reminded me about what was more important. The lesson will stay with me always. It is simple. It is right.
The best part is I have a friend now for 18 years, who came to me in an expected way...What a Gift.
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