BAGGAGE HANDLING

I never realized how much unfinished business I have in my life until I went away this summer and autumn. I now realize with disgust and dismay that the Unfinished Business in my life is there because I still have not dealt with it. Why haven’t I? A good question. It has also been one that, I now realize, I had been afraid to answer.

I was serious when I wrote my essay on October 1^st UNFINISHED BUSINESS STALKS YOU. I had returned home from a trip to have 2 more emails in my Inbox, from ex-boyfriends, both from the distant past.

By October 12^th I also received a phone call from someone I should have been finished with four years ago who I’d hoped to continue avoiding by always checking my Call Waiting. 

Because I realize that I have still left the situation unresolved after the call, I wrote my 'rant' WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID hoping to finally express my dismay and disgust at myself for not ending conclusively and finally something that should have been out of my life forever four years ago.

It would be untrue to say I am indifferent about either of the two men from the distant past who are still in touch with me today, because both, in the past, wanted to marry me. Although I have not been romantically involved with either of them since the original breakup many years ago, and we have only met briefly over the years; there is no way contact with them does not bring back memories of decades past.

I doubt that either of these fellows, who married, raised families and later divorced, wants anything more from me than to occasionally be in touch. What they may want are the memories from the past, someone who doesn’t argue with them, someone who listens to whatever they want to talk about and someone who knew them when.

I have now given some thought to why someone might not be finished with the past. I decided that most often it is probably because you hope to somehow rekindle and revive the relationship. It also could be because you are either not ready or not willing to let the person or the past go completely wherever they (or you) could or should go.

Sometimes it means you are trying to test whether you still have power over them or can hurt them back for whatever hurt you feel they gave you. To me, this is more evident in other couples who have not completely broken apart yet, but must be somewhere in my life too (if I am honest).

It can actually be a problem when you don’t have strong moral, ethical reasons which would make a split inevitable and absolutely final. Instead, you probably reassured yourself  as I did,  that it can do no harm to have these ‘old friends’ around.

You looked upon these people as Friends, you felt that you understood and accepted them. You felt that You knew their minds. In some cases, you also knew their bodies (which for a Woman is knowing all you need to know about a Man that he will never tell you verbally).

Being a Modern Woman, therefore, you and I do what many, possibly most separated Men do. You tell yourself that there seems no reason to make the final break, it is a good defence/excuse against serious attention from someone else you are not serious about. Some day you will get around to finishing it. It all seems so harmless, but it’s not.

These people however, belong to the distant past. There is enough recent history to contend with without letting the distant past and its failed relationships rain on the happy future I  want and know I deserve.

Actually, the great joy I  experienced being totally in Love and having my Love reciprocated, continues to live on in my heart despite being Widowed. Other Women I know continue to feel the same way.

Not much happiness came from these and other relationships the first time around. I did not find happiness until they were out of my life and I gave someone new a chance.

I realize that future happiness can't enter my life until I clear out past failures and leave room for a new person and experiences to brighten and accompany me in the present.

The sooner therefore that I set the old Baggage down, the sooner I  can go out and pick up lighter luggage – until I find the kind that suits me and my future travels better. I think it will be easier to carry and lighter to use and know that I will be much happier with it.