ME FIRST - TOTALLY IN YOUR FACE

People are becoming very excessive in expressing their emotions these days. No longer can you usually depend on the exercise of common sense as you move through your day. Uninhibited self expression seems to be what we can expect, and must accept, wherever we go in public. Our language now includes many new words and phrases to reflect a changing reality of more emotionalism, anger and fatalistic acceptance.*

For example, Road Rage is now a commonly understood expression of anger by drivers. The warning 'Don't even go there' warns those around you that they are asking for an argument if they pursue a subject with you. In fact some of us may be 'cruising for a bruising' and could experience physical violence if we persist. 

Last year, this seemed sometimes to result in gun violence, serious injury or death. We began to wonder whether any of us might find ourselves 'caught in the crossfire' or be attacked if we accidentally antagonized someone. As a result, you may have the lowest overall crime rates in decades, but the violent nature of the crimes that are committed, makes them popular and appealing to a media, who's motto is 'if it bleeds, it leads'.  

Meanwhile, less violently thankfully, but somewhat fatalistically perhaps, 'it is what it is' now is said easily and often. This indicates a tacit acceptance, resignation even, that nothing is expected to change about an issue. Basically 'it is what it is'...so 'suck it up' and accept it. You can also 'knock yourself out'. This tells the other person that you know that whatever you say they will do what they want anyway. Unfortunately, this sometimes involves forcing those around them out of their way.

I guess more people are feeling that it is 'easier to ask forgiveness than permission'. Besides they want it, need it, gotta have it, and are gonna have it. Probably they feel they 'deserve' it. After all, 'life is short', unfair, 'everyone else is doing it' and 'you only live once'. **

In view of all this self expression, much of the above being in anger, I need to ask how did our relations with each other deteriorate to this point? Is all of this emotionalism and 'entitlement' here to stay? Must we really be made to feel everyone's 'pain'? Or do we just shut out the 'noise' coming at us and keep moving.

Let's face it, 'too much information' is not just telling people that they are telling us more than we would ever want to know about something; it is also trying to let them know that we really don't want to know any more of the details. We are imploring them to 'spare me' from hearing about this. This is especially true when someone, in a public place, seems to either not care or perhaps wants everyone within hearing range to hear whatever they are talking about today.

At least with a 'Reality Show' on the media, the people who choose to broadcast details of their lives, or play act a script purporting to do so, gives you a chance to switch it off. I wish that in 'real life', like in the movie 'Click' that you could postpone or better yet, shut off the other people around us. This applies  especially to the strangers among us who seem to have an endless need to 'share' their experiences with anyone within earshot. Fat chance.***

NOTE: See also - From 2013:  *ACTING UP AND ACTING OUT (2013) and

                                                  **LIFE IS NOT TOO SHORT and

                                                  ***UNREAL REALITY.

                             

PICK A BETTER COUNTRY (FROM 2012)

Sadly the last century's horrific death tolls seem not to have taught us two basic principles that can carry us peacefully through most of our lives: Do what you are able to do for yourself and Mind your own Business. Nevertheless, through some quirk or inherent problem in the human psyche, Totalitarianism of some type seems to occur perhaps as often as once a generation. 

As I have stated before, the isms of the past century did not hold much appeal for me. We were always aware that our grandparents homeland was 'a prison' to millions, who were not as lucky as we were to have left before the Communists so ably demonstrated what losing your freedom really meant. (See also my blog of 10/21/2011 Some comments about the 'isms' that ravaged the 20th Century)

Instead, of a Berlin Wall to keep us in, two generations of my family were happy to be in a new country that did not need to prevent people from leaving. In fact, instead we lived in Canada, where someday we might, like the United States, have to somehow try and keep people out.

As Winston Churchill once said, “It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” My thinking exactly.

General Dwight D. Eisenhower, later President of the United States, as Commanding General of the Allied Forces, made certain that hundreds of photographs were taken of the Concentration Camps in Germany and othe parts of Europe. He stated that without this, someday someone would deny it ever happened. How quickly this became reality. 

If people would consider that our system may be the least worst one in history, they would perhaps appreciate more what our country has accomplished in its brief history. Today's trend of trying to 'interpret' history to suit current popular sentiments, deprives us of understanding the times during which the events occurred.

A book such as "Eyewitnesses to History" related the accounts of people who were present when various historical events occured. For example, the Hindenburg Explosion in Lakehurst, New Jersey in 1937.

Keeping contemporary records and studying history as it was written, seems an excellent way for us to record and share events with both present, and perhaps more importantly, future generations.  They would soon learn that many other experiments were tried, and found in practice, to be considerably worse.

I hope that like me other Canadians, at the very least, appreciate that we enjoy greater freedoms than a hundred other countries of the world, even today. 

In fact, many people who emigrate to Canada immediately enjoy much greater freedom, than they ever would have in their native lands. This fact, however, does not stop some of them from trying to force us to accept some idea of theirs of yet another 'utopian' home (away from home) that never could or would exist where they came from. 

What is missing in the 'nationalistic' longings of immigrants, my own included, is the gratitude for and appreciation that the way of life and government which exists here in North America was and is an experiment which created a unique place on earth never tried before and which for the first time in history, accepted almost anyone who wanted to join in and contribute to it. 


NOTE: SEE ALSO - DON'T TRIVIALIZE TRAGEDY - FROM OCTOBER 22, 2011

FOREVER YOUNG 2 - CELEBRATING YOUR SUCCESS (FROM 2012)

When I read the book Forever Young - the 'Teen-aging' of Modern Culture by Marcel Danesi, he was analyzing and illustrating the ways in which the older generation is trying to remain 'youthful' and keep age at bay by aping the young in music, clothing and culture.

Whatever it was that was pushing adults to look and act young, whether it is a fear of aging or that  our society seems to worship the young; those trying to dress and act their children's age or to act as a  friend or peer rather than a parent were making themselves seem peculiar and sometimes even  ridiculous.  

If for some reason you find yourself competing with young Women for attention, you would be wise to recognize you are probably making yourself look insecure. You are likely also forgetting all you have to offer in experience and knowledge and sophistication. 

Even worse, when you begin pretending, to yourself or others, that your child is younger than they actually are, perhaps in some strange hope you might turn back the clock, you might consider that a second childhood isn't any prettier in women than it is in men. You all know what I mean by that.

I suspect that some of Parents want the 'Child' to stay a Child. This is possibly in the hope of making the Parent feel more youthful and 'with it'.

Trying to be friendly and interested in younger people is one thing, provided you realize that you cannot be their contemporary. If you think for a moment, why would you want to anyway?

A Parent, who is trying to be like their kids, is also probably not providing them with the direction and encouragement towards self sufficiency the Children will need to survive independently. The child developing toward adulthood needs mature and confident role models to emulate, not some insecure mother who wishes she was 20 again. At worst, you will lose their respect and earn only their disdain. 

It is actually quite lovely to have people realize that your daughter gets her 'good looks' from her resemblance to you, rather than the bogus flattery of saying you look like sisters. All but the vainest woman would know that is untrue. 

If you are a confident, mature Mother, you would not want your accomplishments to appear comparable to your developing child.

If nothing else, your clothes shouldn't look like those a teenage girl's any more than hers should look like yours. There are enough choices out there for everyone to look pretty terrific and attractive and still dress suitably reflect your age and accomplishments.

A rethinking of what forms of youthfulness are desirable and appropriate to a fully Mature, confident and accomplished Woman, will soon remind you of how much you have achieved and how you have earned the right to accept and love yourself.

You long ago left behind any need to be validated by anyone but yourself and those who proudly recognize your achievements and celebrate the beautiful mature Woman you developed into along the way to where you are now.


SEE ALSO - FOREVER YOUNG - DENYING YOURSELF HAPPINESS (2011& 2013)

HOW LYING BECOMES A WAY OF LIFE (2012)

I wished I hadn't overhead a young guy practicing his lying during two phone calls on the bus, but seated next to him it was all I could do to not tear the phone out of his hand and save his poor mother years of heartbreak and pain.

This was on Thursday February 9th, 2012, but I have never forgotten how his lying practice was developing into something he would unfortunately only improve as time went on. 

The first call was brief. It was almost 2p.m. The young man/boy was calling a potential employer to quickly tell them that he would not be able to go to his scheduled appointment with them because, 'Something really important came up'. He asked if he could reschedule for the same time the next afternoon. The potential employer agreed.

The second call was to his obviously very concerned mother or grandmother and was very long. It also gave him many, many opportunities to tell her even a small truth in between so very many lies, but he kept piling more and more on.

His lies to her were so frequent and became so gratuitous and embellished that I could barely restrain myself from telling his mother the truth in a loud enough voice for her to hear me. Underlying my emotional response was great sadness. I was more offended though at how he added more and more lies to her obviously genuine concern for his well being.

To this day I wish I had said something instead of moving away because I didn't want to hear any more. I don't know how, but I might have spared her years of pain and heartbreak as he continued to perfect his technique at her expense, while draining her hopes and probably needing financial sacrifices from her as well.

Maybe I am wrong, and he actually went to interview the following day, with the updated resume he laboured over for the rest of that Thursday and got the job. However, I doubt it. 

Perhaps initially he had begun by telling a small lie to cover a small mistake, or excuse for coming home late or having forgotten something. Later it might have been to avoid a reprimand or punishment. 

Now in High School, although he is still a young Liar, he was already finding lying easier than telling the truth. He lied so many times in this one conversation that I could tell that he had often done it before and undoubtedly would do it again. With time he will become so good at this,
that one lie will roll smoothly after another.

'Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire' goes the chant. The Liar gives those around him, one lie after another, compounded with more lies being added to explain or support previous lies.

He may think he is smarter than others because initially they believe or seem to believe his lies and he feels his lies worked.

Ultimately, however, The Liar will tell lies even when there is no need for it. He will lie, not to keep someone's feelings from being hurt as he once might have. Nor will he lie to spare the feelings of people who care for him. He will eventually habitually lie because, it will have become how he now lives his life.

I believe one day The Liar will lie because that is what he does, habitually, naturally and even unconsciously. By that time, it is likely that everyone around him for any length of time, not being quite as stupid as he thinks they are, will know him for what he is. They will see him, and hear him but they will ignore The Liar and his lies. Experience will have shown them that The Liar is a Liar and that he lies even when the truth would make more sense to someone more honest.

UNNATURAL SELECTION - BOYS OVER GIRLS (2012)

When reading the financial articles of a friend, he mentioned a book I had picked up at the University of Toronto Book sales, When China Rules the World. He was sceptical that this would come to pass.

I find myself fascinated that we may live to see which of the two most populous countries on earth - China and India - will have the greatest success. Most interesting, is trying to predict which of them might ultimately become the next Super Power.

A book titled Unnatural Selection describes the selection of boys in preference over girls which has taken place in both India and China. It is said that India has practiced infanticide against their girl children until a boy is born so that he might be the eldest child. Meanwhile the one child policy in China has also lead to boys being favoured over girls. The result of this is that there are currently a lot of single boys/men now in their 20's and few girls. This has distorted the demography and could seriously influence the reproductive cycle of the current, and perhaps also, later generations.

With China, the world will possibly be living with/under a Communist regime. For the first time in centuries, the world might need to learn a new language and writing to communicate and try and understand the dominant culture, as well as, a very different perspective on life.

India, meanwhile, is comprised of both a younger and more literate population, that  shares a common language and a government more in keeping with that of previous Super Powers. Might these factors tip the balance in India's favour?

It will be interesting, if we live long enough, to see whether China's ageing population will surpass India's young one in being the next Super Power and which system the Communist or the Capitalist one will prove to be the most effective in making this possible.

MA'AM..SWEETIE (FROM 2012)

Someone once said we all become our Mothers. Lucky for me, I seem to have reached that point.

One symptom of this is my willingness to host family holiday meals and visits. Another is worrying about how everyone in my family is doing.

Beyond this, I seem to have accepted that I don't need the approval of others to feel good about myself. All I need to do is believe I am doing the right thing. I also think that 'what goes around comes around', therefore I don't need to concern myself about rudeness or Type A manias or self-centered people. Such people, are already their own worst enemies and should be left to 'knock themselves out'.

Perhaps I have lived long enough to begin seeing most people I meet in a neutral or positive way as someone might like, or at least, learn something from. 

My smiles for little children are natural and universally genuine in their affection. I genuinely find most little children very sweet and consider them to be 'the cutest things'.

Meanwhile, I can only think that all of this positive energy coming from strangers might be because people are seeing me affectionately because I resemble someone nice in their lives, like their own mothers or a favourite Aunt. To me this is a terrific thing.

Fairly regularly now, younger people stand up and give me their seat on buses and the Subway...yes, it still does happen. The shock of being called Ma'am, since I don't feel like a Ma'am, has worn off and being called Sweetie by a very cute young guy is just fine with me. 

What I see is positive energy is being directed at me by nice people and that with a bit of luck, I am giving out very positive vibes to those I meet...sounds good to me.

A PAL OR A PARENT? (FROM 2012)

A PAL OR A PARENT?

The Family as portrayed by North American media, would appear to have been downgraded in esteem and value.

Descriptions of the Family in the Media use the word 'dysfunctional' so often that, I personally can't imagine what a 'functional' family might be.

The Father, especially in Commercials, is often portrayed a fool, who everyone in the family appear to think and opine they are smarter than. This enables the Father to be dismissed, or at the very least, to be treated as inconsequential.

Meanwhile, although there are various depictions of Mothers in the media today, two models predominate: The Mother as a Single Parent or The Mother as Career Professional:

The Mother as a Single Parent, includes the never married, the divorced and (strangely) also the widowed; The Mother as a Career Woman is someone who is both a wonderful mother and a perfect example to young women that a Woman can 'Have It All'. Unfortunately, this Woman who 'has it all', usually has a Nanny for the Children but not a Husband or Father, living with them. 

I think that the way Parents are portrayed by the Media provide unrealistic role models for growing children today. When coupled with the admiration of the 'youth culture' and what seems to be a dread of being considered old, too many parents have perhaps tried to be considered 'pals' rather than 'parents' to their children. In consequence they have inadvertently, in a most unexpected way, created dependent Adult Children in many parts of the developed world.

One would think therefore, that the Family is no longer the most important influence of growing children. Despite this, Danesi* says that 79% of 12-14 year olds identified parents as people they looked up to in 1999. The next category after this was 13% for athletes.

I would normally applaud this kind of a statistic, however, what I am seeing and hearing about are not confident, self sufficient, mature Adults getting a good education, moving out and building homes and families of their own, but rather dependent Adult Children either unable or unwilling to live independently from their parent(s).

In 2000, the U.S. census found that 4 million people between twenty-five and thirty-four were living with their parents. Danesi also said that the average age of marriage is twenty-six up from 22 years old in 1970 and that child-bearing has been postponed into the mid-thirties.

Historically, you were treated as a grown up Adult at a much younger age. Shorter lifespans may perhaps have necessitated earlier Marriages and Adult responsibilities. Throughout history, people were considered by be grown up once they had experienced Puberty or certainly not long after.

Postponing adult independence, in many cases today, long after adult children have completed their education, allowing them to return to their parental homes after school, after they are divorced (often with the grandchildren) and generally enabling them to continue living in their childhood homes and/or financially dependent upon their parents, sometimes well into middle age, has created an unbalanced society, in which no one acts their age in a way that we might historically have expected to do.

Well meaning, overprotective adults may have, with the best intentions in the world have inadvertently created a world-wide group of Adult 'Children' who became such great Pals to their children that they neglected to be Parents and teach them the rewards and responsibilities of Adulthood.**



*Forever Young - the 'Teen-aging' of Modern Culture by Marcel Danesi

**See also another 2012 blog: I DON'T WANT TO/CAN'T GROW UP

I DON'T WANT TO/CAN'T GROW UP (FROM 2012)

I personally will probably always love the concept of the Family as a mainstay of society. Until recently I was very encouraged that even in 1999, 79% of 12-14 year old Children admired their parents most, with athletes a distant second at 13%.*

Changes in our society however, may be effecting the Parent/Child relationship from being one of healthy role models for growing Children to emulate to creating tragic lifelong dependencies of Children upon their Parents. This may also portend serious consequences ahead for the society that has permitted and encouraged this.

Historically, you were treated as a grown up Adult at a much younger age. Shorter lifespans may perhaps have necessitated earlier Marriages and Adult responsibilities. Throughout history, people were considered by be grown up once they had experienced Puberty or certainly not long after.

The word 'Teenager', is a term which appeared in a magazine article for the first time in 1939. This makes Teenagers a creation of the 20th century. Subsequently, in 1970, a group of Pediatricians formed the Society for Adolescent Medicine and declared that adolescence ended at twenty-six. However, by 1978 they had decided it lasted eight years longer and therefore actually it ended at 34 years of age.

Marcel Danesi says that in 2000, the U.S. census found that 4 million people between twenty-five and thirty-four were living with their parents. He also tells us that the average age of marriage in the U.S. is twenty-six up from 22 years old in 1970 and that child-bearing has been postponed into the mid-thirties.

It hardly matters whether these Adult Children ever left the family home, or whether they returned to it after completing their education elsewhere. Returning (to the parental) home today usually means that Adult Children are asking for (or possibly even demanding) indefinite use of the family home, provided by and paid for by the parents, as well as, financial support, often well into middle age.

This is such a widespread phenomenon that many countries already have a disparaging name for ADULT CHILDREN who are still dependent on their parents. For example, in Italy it is the Bamboccioni ('Big Baby'), in Japan they are called, Parasaito Shinguru (Parasite Singles), in Germany Nesthockers, in Britain Kippers (Kids in Parents' Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings). I read that in Canada, by 2006, 31% of men aged 25 to 29 were still sleeping in their childhood bedroom each night.**

With American and European Union courts backing claims such as those of a 34 year old Lawyer for parental support and a daughter in her 8th undergraduate year for a financial allowance; prolonged dependency by young adults who will not be either  confident, self sufficient or mature, is almost guaranteed.

I believe that eventually, we will need to address the consequences of perpetuating children's dependent behaviour and not encouraging and insisting that young adults assume their place in society as a rite of passage, when they should.

The law of unintended consequences could be very harsh indeed when those who were unwilling to be adults, become unable to do so. Like it or not, none of us is going to live forever. Leaving behind a lot of dependent men and women, would be tragic.

Eventually, the Government may need to assume the role (and expenses) of a lifelong 'Parent' to people unable to support themselves after the biological parents of these 'Children' have died.

In essence, however, what the 'Children' are really missing is enjoying the benefits of living a fulfilling, productive, self sufficient and meaningful life.

*Marcel Danesi in his book Forever Young - the 'Teen-aging' of Modern Culture.
**Mark Steyn - After America, p. 112-114

See also blog of 2012 "ADULT CHILDREN"

MODERN DAY HORROR STORIES (see 5/2013 revision)

To read: MODERN DAY HORROR STORIES (see May 23/2013 revision)

Previously this essay was called both - IS THIS WHAT WE ARE BECOMING? and also A LIVING NIGHTMARE (from  2012) It has been revised and reissued May 15 and June 27, 2013 after a great deal of reflection. 

See the new essay elsewhere on this blog. 

Thank you. 

Emme

ADULT CHILDREN (FROM 2011)

Historically, you were treated as a grown up adult at a much younger age. Shorter lifespans may perhaps have necessitated earlier marriages and adult responsibilities. Throughout history, people were considered by be grown up once they had experienced puberty or certainly not long after.

Learning how to be self sufficient is one of the important milestones we must reach if we are to become adults. Today, however, we seem have extended childhood dependence far into adulthood. In fact, I would say, far beyond any reasonable length of time, thereby postponing adulthood indefinitely.

I will always love the concept of the family as a mainstay of society and am very encouraged that in 1999, at least, Marcel Danesi in his book Forever Young, says that 79% of 12-14 year old children admired their parents most (with athletes next at 13%).

Some parents may feel they are helping by encouraging their 'children' who have now been adults for some time, to take even more time to 'find themselves'. Others however, may have simply become resigned to a sort of perpetual extended family living under their roof indefinitely, being either unwilling or unable to feel confident as Adults with their own lives and families.

By 2000, the U.S. census found that 4 million people between twenty-five and thirty-four were living with their parents. Today this is often at the parent's expense, with legal decisions, in both the United States and European Union, enforcing such lifestyle choices. Having dependent adult 'children' in the parental home has now become very normal.

Some of these 'children' have probably never left their parental homes. Others, likely left home for a while, but have now returned. Some were away to complete their education. Others have returned, perhaps after a divorce, with the grandchildren. Some of the grandchildren have been or will be, left behind for the grandparents to raise when the adult 'children' again leave. Still others have never married and either can't or won't lead lives independent of their parents.

That large numbers of young adults remaining in the family home, particularly as adult dependents, either unwilling or unable to function independently of their families, concerns me greatly. I suspect that many of these adults have decided that "There's no place like home".

If I were to be cynical, I would say for some of this group, that the comforts of home (paid for by someone else) appeals far more than the self discipline, hard work and self motivation that is required to build a life of one's own successfully. I consider many of these as lazy and self serving.

When I hear about adults in their 50's and older 'borrowing' money from their parents to support their 'lifestyles' and expenses, I can't help but wonder, why they feel that, baring dire emergencies, this would be acceptable. This applies especially to those adult men and women feeling entitled to 'their inheritance' and consequently demand money from their elderly parents. When did it become acceptable to ask for or consider yourself entitled to an inheritance especially while your parents are still alive?

For some parents, it must seem that, in the worst sense, once a parent, always a parent, or perhaps once a child, always a child, when the worst version of parenting and even grand parenting has become reality today. When your children never grow up is it any wonder that some parents talk about 'running away from home'?.

A more troubling possibility however, to the future of our society, would involve those young men and woman who say that they want a place of their own, want to earn a living of their own but feel unable emotionally or financially to do so. Among these those who are aimless, unmotivated or despondent, present an even greater challenge.

The law of unintended consequences could be very harsh indeed when those who were unwilling to be adults, become unable to do so. Like it or not, none of us is going to live forever. Leaving behind a lot of dependent men and women, would be tragic. However, this might be the outcome of allowing dependence to continue so far into adulthood.

I believe that eventually, we will need to address the consequences of perpetuating childhood, dependent behaviour and not encouraging and insisting that young adults assume their place in society as adults as a rite of passage, when they should.

Inevitably, the result, of continuing adolescence far into adulthood is, that no one benefits, least of all the forever dependent 'child'. Ultimately, in essence, they are deprived of enjoying the benefits of living a fulfilling, productive, self sufficient and meaningful life.



*See also blog of March 16, 2012 "I Don't Want To/Can't Grow Up

FOREVER YOUNG - DENYING YOURSELF HAPPINESS (2011 & 2013)

When I was writing this in late 2011, one of my brothers said he wished he could go back and be 13 years old forever. I said I wished I could be 20. This made me wonder whether each of us has an ideal age that we would like to be again or have stayed at forever, whatever age we actually now are.

Most of us have heard someone say, 'If only I was 10 years younger'. Today it seems that popular culture has encouraged and already accepted people behaving as if they are, at least, 10 years younger.

I actually wonder whether anyone today will admit to being old. I believe growing old gracefully is, at least in North America, a thing of the past.

Everywhere in the media we see the culture of Forever Young being directly or indirectly portrayed as where we all should want to be. This is especially true when we see airbrushed magazine covers showing models, almost all under 30. We cannot help but observe this young look in any advertisements. Also there is also an absence of almost anyone on the movie premiere or awards ceremony 'red carpet' who does not seem ageless.

Articles talk about women feeling old at 27, but men not feeling the same way until they are around 54 years old. Even when 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40 etc., eventually somebody has to accept that they have finally reached old age...then again, maybe not, anymore these days.

Many, women especially, but also some men are having Botulism injected into their faces to keep aging signs at bay. Meanwhile, almost all age groups wear the same blue jeans, and listen to the same music, while speaking the current slang. Generally, I would say, most people are actively trying to demonstrate youth in their attire, words and actions.

As Marcel Danesi has written in his book, Forever Young - The Teen-Aging of Modern Culture, the parents are talking the talk of the young, wearing the clothes of much younger people, adopting the music, and perhaps also the behaviour and attitudes, of those much younger than their chronological age. He observes a 70+ grandmother grooving (sic) beside her grandson at a Grateful Dead concert and marvels at the uniformity of their outfits, and by extension, outlooks.

When I met a several of my cousins recently, I mentioned that any efforts by CARP (the Canadian Association of Retired People) to enlist people of 50 or over into their ranks as members was not going to happen. Most of them agreed with me that the Boomers would never willingly concede that they were already there.

I am convinced that this culture of being Forever Young is, a fait accompli. I believe that because of this desire to be forever young, the Zoomers label had to be created.

Meanwhile, although many women might be flattered to be considered to look like sisters to their daughters, the reality of a parent as a friend or sister, is more likely to leave children without a parent.

Trying to dress and act your child's age and be their friend and peer, or worse still, for some reason trying to compete with them, could lead to a failure of discipline and direction as a parent. It is even more likely to eventually expose you to ridicule and make you seem pathetic to others. This is a struggle to be someone else's age, rather than your own.

When aging, older adults and the parents of the adult 'children' are doing everything they can to stay Forever Young, they are also not accepting the beauty and strengths that each age brings with it in its natural course.

While there is probably nothing wrong with being alert and aware of what is going on around you; slavishly devotion to youth's every utterance however, makes some of us wonder where there is someone reasonable to tell the 'Fashion Victims' and other devotees of the youth cult, to Grow Up and act their age.

The alternative is denying yourself Happiness because you are never living in the present and resentful and angry because you can never go back to some 'ideal perfect age'. If you think about it for a short while, you actually wouldn't want to, but there is no reasoning with bitterness and resentment.

Meanwhile, we might wonder whether growing old gracefully has gone forever. Perhaps young, older and oldest have already committed themselves to the ultimately futile struggle to stay Forever Young, ignoring all evidence to the contrary. If so, they are of course, fighting a losing battle and will ultimately fail.

Taken to the ultimate end I suppose, we might witness many middle age crazy stuff from people who have retired and see them still Zooming away when old age takes the life out of them. We may hear that they were still kicking and screaming that were too young to die until the end. Doesn't sound 'cool' to me, because it won't be. 


See also: FOREVER YOUNG 2 - CELEBRATING YOUR SUCCESS (2012 & 2013)

THE BLANKET MAN (2011 & 2013)

On Monday as I approached the bus stop on Eglinton Avenue, I again saw 'the Blanket Man'. His hair was still it's usual matted mess but he was covering himself by holding onto a new grey blanket. I didn't get a really good look at his feet, but possibly also he had on new running shoes, although as usual his legs were bare. As usual I couldn't help but wonder if he had any clothes on under the blanket.

I usually see him rushing up Yonge Street near Eglinton and getting on to or off of the subway train, he rushed down the stairs this time at Eglinton and Yonge and had somehow turned around from his eastbound walk along Eglinton and reached the subway before I did.

I wonder who he is, whether he ever gets a bath, where he gets food and goes for shelter. I am glad he has a new blanket to cover himself with instead of the old rag of a coat he had before although neither that nor his shoes is adequate covering for anyone in this or any kind of Canadian weather.

Maybe I am a coward but I am afraid to approach him, even to ask if he needs anything.

Most of all, I wonder why the city ever closed the Queen Street Mental Health Centre (999 Queen Street as we called it when I was a child) and left these poor, obviously needy people to walk the streets inadequately covered and unprotected from the weather and/or whatever in themselves has brought them to the streets.

NOTE: As of April 2013, the Blanket Man is still around. He seems to be wearing shorts and a shirt and carries his blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He seems therefore, to be alive and, perhaps also, well.

PASS ON A GOOD DAY TODAY - THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

It must be a couple of years now since I heard someone thank a Bus Driver as they got off of a bus, or my brother ask a girl at the counter at the coffee shop (who was not a barista) how she was that day.

I realized that even though the contact with these people was brief and probably we would forget them a few minutes later, these few words might have made their day a little better.

I don't envy those facing the public directly in their jobs. Having made phone calls to customers in the banking industry about their accounts many years ago, I know how much patience is required when faced with either an irate or angry person, justified or not, that you must listen and respond to.

A bus driver earlier this week told me that he thinks there isn't any other job that deals with the public more than his does. He is probably right.

Being pleasant or courteous not only gets us where we are going as quickly but can leave those we meet and ourselves feeling better. Best of all it is easy and free.


SEE ALSO: SMILING - ITS ADDICTIVE AND CONTAGIOUS and SAY IT NOW AND MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE

BABY BOOMERS - A 25 YEAR SPAN BETWEEN 1946-1964 (FROM 2011)

The Baby Boom officially was considered to have occurred over a 25 year span from 1946 to 1964. It was a huge increase of 1.5 million more births than would otherwise have occurred a huge increase of 18% more than would otherwise have been expected and totalled about 8.6 million births.

The oldest of us now are 67, the youngest born in 1964 are now 49 and in fact, are therefore not really 'young' anymore.

Being a Baby Boomer, one thing I know about my group is that none of us are likely to either admit, or even grudgingly concede, that we are old. Most attempts by advertisers and seniors organization at attracting our membership are doomed to fall flat, since we still feel young enough, to think that is what our parents and grandparents are, not us.

We might however, if you catch us off guard, secretly admit (probably in a whisper, under duress) that it has been a long time, since we would not 'trust anyone over 30'. 

The youngest group is considerably different than the oldest, not just because there is a great age span of 25 years, because of course, someone 49 will not be the same as someone 67 years of age. This age span, in other periods would have been considered another generation. It is very different in character, personality, lifestyles and values between the youngest and the oldest.

Some of the youngest of the Baby Boom, might conceivably live to be a 100 (or more) and therefore might still be alive in 2064 and live in a world we would no longer recognize. In fact, what a different world it is now from that which when we were children.

The older ones among us, participated, in very big changes to the world around us. We were growing up at a time when a natural evolution of the society around us was taking place. This was the start of what has been a period of unrivalled prosperity for most of our society. It was also the post second world war period when people were once again able to return to their normal civilian lives.

Getting married, beginning to have a family and buying a home of your own, was perhaps the goal of most people at that time. Within a short time however, all of these children needed schools and from 1959 onward became teenagers moving toward adulthood. By 1977 even the youngest were teenagers, by 2004 even the youngest was 40, no doubt as shocked or even more so, than we were to reach 40.

By the time the younger group was old enough to travel alone, there was usually enough extra money so that they could make trips to almost anywhere in the world, even before their 20's. This affluence enabled many more people than ever before to get a better education and in general, have the possibility of better and longer lives as well.

Society began to undergo very great changes, with peaceful prosperity and a very large group both taking part in them and propelling them also. To some extent, we created some of the changes because of our numbers. The younger ones wanting to be like the older ones and the older among us picking up what the younger and even youngest in this Baby Boom group were doing as well.

As the older ones among us aged, we did not want to be left out of anything and so participated in many new and exciting changes throughout all of our lives and continue to do so. Language and expression weren't the only part of our lives that keep changing.

As I prepared to celebrate the 50th Anniversary (yikes) of my Grade School  last Sunday, I wondered where the time has gone. I don't feel I am that old, although recently a number of younger women are calling me ma'am, and younger men are (to my astonishment) calling me dear, when they meet me. I must be becoming my mother more quickly than I thought, and although this isn't a bad thing, I don't think I am ready, just yet, to concede old age. I certainly have a lot of things I want to do with a wish list a mile long, and great exuberance and energy and impatience to want to do many of them soon.

Being a Baby Boomer, I suspect none of us do, and likely, none of us will, concede that we are old(er) now. We might however, secretly admit (in a whisper, under duress) that, it has been a long time since we wouldn't 'trust anyone over 30' or in fact, were 30 ourselves. 

In my case, being born on the half century, every year I have lived is part of the Boomer core age group, the largest cohort ever, growing up, maturing and changing ourselves and the world around us as we moved through the years. In some ways we might be considered a large lava flow, inexorably moving ahead, changing the landscape around us. I have to wonder whether anyone could have either intended or imagined some of the changes that occurred because of the sheer size of our cohort.

I can't help wondering also whether the new ideas coming from those younger than us, as they grow up and become adults, will change society even more greatly than those we have already seen.

I am really looking forward to seeing what happens, in the next 10 years and after; am really enjoying many things, particularly in the technologies proliferating; generating new ideas as imagination is given free rein.

NOTE; RELATED ARTICLES #1- BABY BOOMERS - I JUST WANT TO CELEBRATE ANOTHER DAY OF LIVING and #2 - BABY BOOMERS -  TALKING ABOUT MY GENERATION STEPPING UP  - BOTH FROM APRIL 2013)

TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED - THE GOLDEN RULE ( 2013 AND 2011)

'DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WISH THEM TO DO UNTO YOU' - TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED...THE GOLDEN RULE


The Golden Rule of treating others as you wish to be treated is apparently present in eight of the world's religions. This is probably because it makes good sense.

The handshake originated to prove that one was not holding a sword ready to fight a person they met. Laying down your shield left you defenceless to 'shield' yourself, therefore proving you were unarmed.  Living by the golden rule is a determination you have made to not encounter others ready for an argument, be suspicious or hostile to others around you and generally that you intend to treat others as you wish to be treated.

It probably also means that you are fairly neutral or calm about the events happening around you and when you interact with people you meet.

The rules of etiquette, inform us about basic good manners, let us get on with our lives, with reasonable proscriptions which modify our behaviour and demonstrate standards of civility acceptable to our society. Generally these are the mores of this society. Those that do not follow them are usually consider boorish or rude.

In North America, although occasionally someone will, for example, push their way ahead of others in a line or a crowd, most of us recognize that the person who arrived first, goes first.

A man with good manners is normally considered a gentleman, a woman with good manners a lady.

Usually a person considered to have good manners has, at a minimum a consideration or awareness of other people, particularly those older or weaker than yourself.

Faced with repeated bad behaviour, I usually think I am dealing with a 'savage'. I am unlikely to be able to change this. Therefore, it may be appropriate to say in this case, 'it is what it is', I am thinking that this person was not brought up properly, by either of his parents. Neither his mother, nor it appears, his father instructed him in the way civilized people behave. At best he is oblivious and thoughtless of others; at worst intolerable.

Sometimes, objective outsiders such as teachers, counsellors, coaches or clergy need to try and explain why people behave in a certain way. Through their example and suggestions they might demonstrate and prove that, life is easier for people around him. He will also see that his only life also becomes easier and he can get on with what he wants to do in life without interruption.

It would be nice if we might all remember to acknowledge people with a smile or a greeting, particularly those serving us. A little kindness and courtesy as we proceeded through our day, has the positive effect of making life easier for everyone. In general, not only would we feel better but, I am certain the other people  would continue their day feeling better as well.

Fortunately, there are still thousands of people who are considerate, even only briefly in their daily lives. They behave politely to other people. You may notice that many other people around you are behaving relatively normally, keeping to themselves and are likely going through their days in a calm fashion. This is normal behaviour.

Likely the person standing next to you, being a fellow human being, is as interested as you are in living their  life, getting through their day and their life with a minimum of aggravation and upset. I really can not imagine anyone deliberately trying to find a way to complicate their lives.

When you consider how you wish to be treated before you respond to others around you, determine to extend to them the same courtesy you would like to experience yourself, you make your life easier while also making theirs a bit better too. Win-Win.

DON'T TRIVIALIZE TRAGEDY - Rewritten May 19,2013

No war has taken place on Canadian soil in the past 200 years, since the war of 1812. In addition to this important fact, most of us born in this country never have, nor likely ever will, experience, hunger, famine or starvation.

Meanwhile, in far too many other parts of the world, these things are very real experiences. They are taking place amidst many, long and painful conflicts. Some young people in places such as Sri Lanka and Burma for example have been at war for decades. Even when these are not world wars; people are being tortured and killed by others seeking to dominate and assume power over them.

Tragically, once in every generation or so, someone who feels a need for autocratic power seems to arise in one part of the world or another. This person is usually so driven and/or ruthless that other nations need to intervene in the affairs of his country. Sometimes this involves condemnation by organizations of nations - such as the United Nations. In extreme cases, a number of countries need to send armed forces to forcibly stop violence and injustice, when diplomacy and all other forms of censure have failed.
The very freedoms we enjoy in this democratic country ensure our 'right' to exercise free speech and also to peacefully protest. Regardless of the subject of any protest, here in Canada, we are not likely to lose our lives because of the views we express.*

Most of us are law abiding. Few of us are likely to violently assault another person however much we might disagree with them, nor are most of us likely to damage their property or the city around us. In reality, usually the only place we see physical violence is in the movies or on the News. Fortunately most of us in this country continue to go about our business peacefully.

Consequently, neither the great abuses against human rights, nor the suffering which would likely occur, were we to have a war taking place on our own soil, are absent. Pillaging, looting, theft and brutal Piracy are absent as well. Invasion or occupation by another country is not experienced here either.

Anyone thinking or suggesting that the supposed injustice they feel they have experienced in this country is remotely comparable to the mass murder which more than 6 million people experienced in Hitler's Final Solution is trivializing the truly tragic. When millions of people died, whether they were Jews, Gypsies, Homosexuals, Slavs or any other group the Nazis intended to eliminate, we do a disservice to those who suffered immeasurably. Most of us, myself included cannot even imagine ever living through such a time in history ourselves.
It is unconscionable and disgraceful for most of us, in this generation, particularly in North America to carelessly and casual refer to, or actually compare, anyone in our country today to Hitler or Stalin. It is trivial, disgraceful and a travesty. Even a rudimentary knowledge of history illustrates and documents exactly what these Monsters did to millions of people. 

The often repeated statement attributed to Lenin, that 'you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs' is just the Communist leaders way of telling us that people's heads and people's lives were worth taking in order to change the society and realize his plan to change Russia and introduce Communism.

His successor Stalin, effected a genocidal murder of 10 million Ukrainians by starving them to death. When he ordered the shipment of 100% of the grain harvest from Ukraine, which was known as 'the breadbasket of Europe', out of the country to be sold abroad, he issued a death sentence on an entire nation.

His grand design, involved 10 million people (eggs) to be broken (murdered) and was used to effect the 'forced collectivization' of independent small holdings of farmers and to replace private ownership with a Communist grand plan. These plans, one every five years, continued unsuccessfully, until Communism finally disintegrated under the weight of it's own rot and corruption without a shot being fired. Thus ended yet another great experiment at the cost of an 80 year reign of terror.

These two great -isms of the Twentieth Century, one symbolizing the extreme right - Fascism and the other the extreme left - Communism, don't even begin ot talk about the many other tyrannies that have caused and continue to cause untold suffering and pain to hundreds of millions of people in several areas of the world today.

I urge all of us to consider carefully, any comparison of our fairly trivial concerns in this free country. This country is incredibly tolerant in comparison to what many other countries would permit. It affords us all freedom of movement, and perhaps as importantly, freedom of speech which enables you and me to say and do what we want, including criticizing and perhaps even figuratively 'biting' the proverbial hand that feeds us, with our trivial concerns and discontents.

THE LOVELY WORLD OF THE LITTLE CHILD (FROM 2011)

I really enjoy watching little children. They have these beautiful smiles and chortle sometimes when they laugh. Their spontanaiety is delightful and pure and natural, their laughs come from the belly and are whole hearted.

A little later, their curiosity leads them to try to reach out toward anything and everything. It is not long before they come to the realization that they can get across a room much more quickly if they walk across it. To get to what they want even faster, they soon learn, to run quickly toward what they want, before someone stops them.

Well meaning adults, knowing the dangers of even the 'child proofed' house, try to keep an eye on them wherever they are because they must somehow keep this determined, fast moving, rocket-propelled little bundle of energy, and short concentration, from caroming off into danger.

To these little ones the world is a wonderful place, full of things to see and experience. Some of the big people probably seem a bit weird to them when they  speak that funny language adults sometimes use when talking to little children. Other children are good for a laugh with and will become your friends. Family pets, usually let you touch and lie on them.

Life, in short, is a happy place with someone looking after you, and much to see and do.

TRAGIC 20TH CENTURY POLITICAL EXPERIMENTS ( FROM 2011)

The 'isms' at either end of the spectrum, right or left, which so profoundly effected the 20th century, and ravaged it with their need to control the world, have never appealed to me. When introduced to Fascism, Communism and Socialism during my studies at university, I found myself immune to any attempts at indoctrination directed my way.

To this day, Stalin and his ilk, remain oppressors and mass murderers to me. Mao, who strangely continues still to be admired by some, was probably just as bad or worse.

The Communist system, was the reason why none of our family or community was free to ever return to our ancestral homes. The fall of the Berlin Wall was the second D-Day for us. It also signified, the beginning of the end of the godless corruption, which had enslaved, starved to death, and murdered millions of my people, and their fellow sufferers, in my cultural homeland and that of surrounding countries.

Socialism, to me, then and now, is just Communism-lite. After many discussions, I concluded that it's proponents mistrust human nature in general, and specifically their fellow man. Despite considerable evidence to the contrary; they seem to feel that, unless everyone benefits, no one would ever perform a charitable act. The can not conceive that anyone might be selfless towards another person. The idea that someone might do something for someone else, perhaps because it is the right thing to do, is not something they can understand.

Somewhat relentlessly they appear convinced that they know how to improve mankind. If only they could control the wretched excesses and savage brutality of their fellow man, an ideal society might finally be realized. The know they were they able to teach others the way they should live, everyone would be able to live in a better world.

Strangely, they are the only group which is not censured and vilified on the many occasions when they  which publicly espouse annihilation of those who disagree with them. Condemning others as mean spirited or practicing genocide or fascism on the other hand, is a regular occurence and rarely merits even a mild comment from the media.

Generally, whatever, the 'ism', paraphrasing Orwell, some pigs will always be more equal than others. The other great 'ism' of the 20th century, Fascism, very graphically demonstrated what the world can expect if we cede our freedoms to tyrants...whatever, disguise they wear.

Nevertheless, human nature being what it is, on the positive side, where civilized man exists, we are also capable of unexpected acts of generosity, heroism, kindness and selflessness. I believe this might one day save us from destruction.

Along the way, whatever we believe, it encourages us to treat our fellow man with some courtesy, consideration, civility and kindness. Even if we must sometimes agree to disagree, on who knows the best way to make man better.

MORE STUFF - WHAT WE'RE HOLDING ON TO...AND WHY (FROM 2011)

The things that many of us are bringing home, keeping and even storing, both in our homes, and in storage facilities or Pods we rent, are as varied and various as we are.

Many of these, might be things we have used or worn in the past, but have outgrown. We no longer use them, or possibly no longer even have a use for them.

Other things are probably some of our impulse purchases that turned out to be our buying mistakes. The worst of these are the many things we bought but have never used. They could be considered our mistakes. Admitting we will never use them can be a source of guilt and anger. It is worst when they were expensive. Deciding what to do with these can also be emotionally fraught.

Some of the things we know we will never use will undoubtedly include some which were given to us by others. These may have arrived as gifts. Then again, possibly the reason we have been given them is solely because others felt they no longer needed or wanted them. Considering that some of this stuff came to us as a way for someone else to get rid of their extra 'stuff' might make us consider passing it on again to someone who might have a use for it, since we don't.

Generally, most of these things, could be considered part of the past. They actually might be considered clutter, physically and also mentally. We are using valuable space and energy for what is largely a lot of useless and unused junk.  


CLOTHING

Although the four season climate plays a part in the various types of garments we accumulate, most people can probably admit that they have things in their closets they have not worn for some time, if ever.

Men may be quite satisfied with the clothing they possess. The both shock and amuse women with statements such as they will probably never need to buy another thing. We know, of course, that this mainly applies to clothing and not any of their hobbies. However, it is a fact, most men seem to keep, and even have items repaired, until they literally fall apart.

Women on the other hand, have dozens of reasons/excuses to explain why they 'haven't a thing to wear'. Meanwhile, women's closets are usually filled to overflowing. In general, I suspect, that there is not anyone I know that does not have some clothing items that could either go to a 'new home' or be thrown away.

PAPER

All of us, without a doubt have some papers we keep. Whether cards, letters, photographs and other keepsakes from loved ones; financial records from previous months and years, receipts or simply recipes; most of us don't live in a 'paperless world'. This is another accumulation that needs to be kept somewhere.

BOOKS

The dozens or hundreds of books we have read, also require a home. Despite purges and donations to charity and sales to dealers of vast numbers of books, bulging book cases continue to show both a love of reading and a love of keeping stuff.

We, sometimes proudly explain, that we expect to refer to them again someday. When they are souvenirs from trips they are given importance and have memories attached to them. Still other books are ones that we are certain we will read or reread when we have the free time to do this. Whatever the explanation/excuse, pretty soon, more bookcases are needed to hold this 'treasure trove'.

In my case, at one point in my life, it seemed the book collection was growing by a bookcase a month and soon became a library housed in the largest room. While admittedly, this gave me some pleasure and satisfaction, in reality, several hundred of these, while a collection, were no longer either referred to or even looked at.

MEMORABILIA - MISCELLANEOUS TRASH AND TREASURES

One man's trash is another man's treasure. Those crystal bowls, the third or fourth sets of china or crystal and many things, beautiful or not, become special to us and we hold onto them. Some of these, still in their original boxes are noticed only when we see them in passing...while looking for something we are actually going to use.

Because we don't entertain as formally as earlier generations, many antiques require an effort to clean, set up and dismantle them again for storage. It all seems like a lot of trouble to all but the most determined host/hostess. Many nice things consequently sit in drawers and are often stored away for years unused.

APPLIANCES AND TOOLS

Someday that special grill, bread maker, chopper, exercise system; almost any 'special' item we bought at the exhibition or from television, ends up stored somewhere, either in its original box or on a shelf.

Broken items, we thought we might someday repair, or parts we are keeping for future repairs and old technology items, are probably all things we should either finally Srepair or discard.

Packaging, such as elegant department store shopping bags and boxes, seem something women especially love to hang on to.

All of these are ultimately more things, we need to find a place to store.

MAKING A CLEAN SWEEP

The 'Spring Cleaning' can be renamed to suit the day or season when we finally decide to reduce, reuse or recycle the unused/unusable items we have accumulated. It will clear our closets, reorganize and simplify our lives, let us pass on things to others and in general, restore some order to our lives. Everyone benefits.


Note: See also blogs: October 2011 "Stuff-Possessed by our Possessions?" and March 2013 "Time to rate your priorities".

STUFF - POSSESSED BY OUR POSSESSIONS? (FROM 2011)

This is the time of year when I feel particularly heavy. As I pull out warmer and heavier winter clothing, I find myself feeling weighed down by my possessions. I feel a bit overwhelmed by how much I have accumulated. I realize that another season is upon us and that there are a lot of things I had intended to sort out and still haven't done. I feel that I still have way too much stuff.

WHAT ARE WE GETTING FROM ALL THIS STUFF?

IDENTITY

Understandably some of our possessions contribute to who we are, where we have been and give us an identity. They reflect the lifestyle we live, to some extent indicate our accomplishments in life, show others our taste, and, in our attire, create the first impression people have of us.

A recent television ad for online security asks, 'Where would we be without our stuff?'
Some of us occasionally even wonder whether planned obsolescence is making the whole of our society expendable; whether we really have lost our values and have become defined more by our possessions or the technology we use than by who we are and what we stand for.

North America in particular is often referred to as a consumer oriented and consuming society.

Some, maybe even most, of the money we have earned has gone/goes into buying things to make our homes and lives both more comfortable and convenient.

Buying and using things is not likely a problem by itself. It becomes one when we become defined by our possessions. What we own and keep, particularly if those things are items we never use, says a great deal about us and how we define ourselves. .


PRESERVING OUR PAST

Generally, most of our things, could be considered part of our history, part of our past. They actually might better be considered clutter, physically and also mentally. We are using valuable space and energy for what is largely a lot of useless and unused junk.

Many of us, either publicly or privately can probably admit and acknowledge that, we are buying and keeping too much stuff. In extreme cases, this accumulating of possessions becomes Hoarding; usually however, it means most of us keep boxes of things we have kept because we intend to sort them out someday. Generally, it means that a great deal of what we own doesn't get used because most of us have more than we need. In some cases, we may not remember exactly what we already have.

NEVERTHELESS, WE ARE KEEPING A TON OF STUFF

Most of us have accumulated hundreds of possessions. Among the things most of us have are clothing, memorabilia - whether trash or treasure; appliances and tools - time savers we may pretend we'll some day use; knick knacks, presents we have received, photo albums; lots of paper - whether old receipts; records we think we might need again; vast numbers of books - which we have read or intend to read. We even keep things that are broken (which we intended to repair) remnants of old technologies and a lot of 'bits and pieces'.

Suddenly we have accumulated, often literally, a ton of 'stuff'. Before you know it, we need more storage.
 
ARE WE AFRAID TO GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH? 

Would your home become a sterile and barren 'echo chamber', too empty, if you give too much away? Maybe, at some point it might seem too empty, but right now it is probably too full.

Perhaps, however, it might instead become a place where you could read those books, enjoy beautiful things you have accumulated over the years. It might also finally become possible to really see yourself reflected in things you both love and use?


SO WHAT DO WE DO WITH ALL THIS STUFF?

Is there a way to just keep the things that we both love and use while we would sell, give away, donate or re gift the rest; or do we just rent more storage spaces or Pods and go out and buy some more?

There are many, many services offering to take 'junk' off your hands for a price. They exist obviously because, other people have the same problems with their 'stuff' that we do.

If we are bold or daring, we can pay someone to come in and take it all away; be brave and not even look. Just rid ourselves of the lot. We might do this by assuring ourselves we will feel freer, unburdened and happier. It may be a way to 'begin again' and 'make a fresh start', we might tell ourselves.

Although, I would be impressed by someone doing a purge of everything, sight unseen. In reality I can't see that many of us would not want to 'sort through our boxes' before we disposed of them. 

More sensibly, eventually a time will come when we find ourselves ready to sort our possessions. When this happens, it might be wise to decide that we intend to actually purge old unused items and papers not just re box the partly sorted piles of things?

We could also call someone objective (a friend or a professional) to help us sort through our things.

Although this could apply to anything we have accumulated, it works especially well when considering clothing.

Having some help in sorting out what realize we aren't using any longer, it can also  help us also to question our attachment and the usefulness of other things we have held onto for a very long time.

Whatever we no longer want or need, we can donate, sell, swap or give to our friends. What we have left will probably improve our home and be more useful to us.

At least, we will need less storage space when we are done. At worst, we may have become organized 'pack rats' with colour coded and themed storage.

Whatever our personal solutions to the problem our possessions might pose, starting today, we could lose a lot of weight and worry by purging and resorting the things we have. We might also redefine ourselves better, and more accurately reflect the life we are now living. Sounds like a plan.


Note: see another Blog - "Time to rate your priorities" from March 31,2013.

INITIAL THOUGHTS

INTRODUCING MYSELF - OCTOBER 15TH, 2011

One thing I've learned over the years is, taking a break from taking myself so seriously, works wonders.

Every once in a while, after a great bout of angst and high drama (either from those around me or of my own creation), I take a look in the mirror (usually at 3 a.m.) and laugh at the silliness of it all.

The large issues in life come up and we prepare for them. 'The Small Stuff' however, is much more likely to sneak up on you both unexpectedly and usually very inconveniently.

Strangely enough, it is this 'small stuff' which makes each day different from the one before, by making it varied and interesting. It can also help to revive our hopes and expectations and makes it easier to believe, as I now do, that the next miracle might be just around the next corner.

As I get older and let fewer things/people actively bother me, I have, somehow, to my surprise, become more optimistic about life. I know who I am and realize I don't need to be told who that is.

I have also learned that having some company and input from others is also good, to make it possible to see beyond my own line of sight, and keep my ideas from becoming limited to my own limitations.

Anyway, I think that there is only so much 'gnashing of teeth' and 'rending of raiment' and other highly dramatic self indulgence that is sensible, before we need to dust ourselves off and get on with 'real life'.

Having survived two kinds of cancers, which were treated aggressively to destroy them, I know I am lucky. People often laugh when I tell them to be hopeful, that 'its 11 years for me and here I am still talking crap'. Lucky yes, but also appreciative at having been given so much.

The loss of my beloved husband, was monumental and catacysmic. But, the incredible memories are always with me in my thoughts and in my heart. Any wistfulness concerns a partnership that was a real 'friends with benefits', both passionate and a 'mutual admiration society'. The shared intellectual coherence is among the things which I miss most.

Nevertheless, when I get up in the morning, there is happiness in knowing that there is light and sun and life going on around me.

To appreciate life, requires only that you take the first step and choose to participate in the world around you.

One of the many 'miracles' that reminded me that life among the living was a beautiful thing was to find how easily my 'wish list' was realized. It required however, that I make a leap of faith and buy the airplane tickets. To do this I had to leave behind 20 years indulging/being paralyzed by, a fear of flying.

This was one of the first of many steps that I took to move back into actively living. This is something within our power in time. It requires us to choose to replace brooding, inertia, dramatic self indulgence, and begin again to look beyond ourselves.

There really is a time for every purpose and some parts of moving toward the next purpose we have is looking around you again.

It is also important to acknowledge and appreciate the blessings we have been given.
It can also be constructive to think again of giving something back to others. Nothing takes you out of introspection better than looking outward beyond ourselves.

People helped me with so many of the initial steps I took to return to life. We visited with each other, saw films, broke bread together, laughed and sometimes cried together.

Beyond this, I needed to take some actions independently to put a first foot forward, in the direction of the future. Once I did this, much happiness was within my grasp.

Travel really does broaden one's perspective and, like so many others, it did for me. Travelling independently again for the first time in so many years, I ate my first Basque Ham, was treated to both yellow and green Izzara liqueurs, was given a taste of foie gras in a French specialty food shop, and extra Sorbet by a very famous restaurant on the Champs Elysee's. I sublimely escaped the 40 degree centigrade heat in the cellar tour of Moet et Chandon and marvelled at the 'spirit' of Dom Perignon's village church.

In short, a world awaited my steps into it. Much more fell into place, once I let go a bit of the past.

By the way, touring Windsor Castle, Oxford, Cambridge, Buckingham Palace, the Yacht Britannia, the Musee D'Orsay, the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower, weren't bad either.

Perhaps, poignantly, best of all, among all the places I had heard about during my life and put on my 'Bucket/Wish List', were the places where my husband went to school and grew up. Once more an entire 'world' was about to open before me.

Life to me is so full of miracles, just around the next corner, the biggest perhaps being that it isn't over yet.

More later.

Emme