Historically, you were treated as a grown up adult at a much younger age. Shorter lifespans may perhaps have necessitated earlier marriages and adult responsibilities. Throughout history, people were considered by be grown up once they had experienced puberty or certainly not long after.
Learning how to be self sufficient is one of the important milestones we must reach if we are to become adults. Today, however, we seem have extended childhood dependence far into adulthood. In fact, I would say, far beyond any reasonable length of time, thereby postponing adulthood indefinitely.
I will always love the concept of the family as a mainstay of society and am very encouraged that in 1999, at least, Marcel Danesi in his book Forever Young, says that 79% of 12-14 year old children admired their parents most (with athletes next at 13%).
Some parents may feel they are helping by encouraging their 'children' who have now been adults for some time, to take even more time to 'find themselves'. Others however, may have simply become resigned to a sort of perpetual extended family living under their roof indefinitely, being either unwilling or unable to feel confident as Adults with their own lives and families.
By 2000, the U.S. census found that 4 million people between twenty-five and thirty-four were living with their parents. Today this is often at the parent's expense, with legal decisions, in both the United States and European Union, enforcing such lifestyle choices. Having dependent adult 'children' in the parental home has now become very normal.
Some of these 'children' have probably never left their parental homes. Others, likely left home for a while, but have now returned. Some were away to complete their education. Others have returned, perhaps after a divorce, with the grandchildren. Some of the grandchildren have been or will be, left behind for the grandparents to raise when the adult 'children' again leave. Still others have never married and either can't or won't lead lives independent of their parents.
That large numbers of young adults remaining in the family home, particularly as adult dependents, either unwilling or unable to function independently of their families, concerns me greatly. I suspect that many of these adults have decided that "There's no place like home".
If I were to be cynical, I would say for some of this group, that the comforts of home (paid for by someone else) appeals far more than the self discipline, hard work and self motivation that is required to build a life of one's own successfully. I consider many of these as lazy and self serving.
When I hear about adults in their 50's and older 'borrowing' money from their parents to support their 'lifestyles' and expenses, I can't help but wonder, why they feel that, baring dire emergencies, this would be acceptable. This applies especially to those adult men and women feeling entitled to 'their inheritance' and consequently demand money from their elderly parents. When did it become acceptable to ask for or consider yourself entitled to an inheritance especially while your parents are still alive?
For some parents, it must seem that, in the worst sense, once a parent, always a parent, or perhaps once a child, always a child, when the worst version of parenting and even grand parenting has become reality today. When your children never grow up is it any wonder that some parents talk about 'running away from home'?.
A more troubling possibility however, to the future of our society, would involve those young men and woman who say that they want a place of their own, want to earn a living of their own but feel unable emotionally or financially to do so. Among these those who are aimless, unmotivated or despondent, present an even greater challenge.
The law of unintended consequences could be very harsh indeed when those who were unwilling to be adults, become unable to do so. Like it or not, none of us is going to live forever. Leaving behind a lot of dependent men and women, would be tragic. However, this might be the outcome of allowing dependence to continue so far into adulthood.
I believe that eventually, we will need to address the consequences of perpetuating childhood, dependent behaviour and not encouraging and insisting that young adults assume their place in society as adults as a rite of passage, when they should.
Inevitably, the result, of continuing adolescence far into adulthood is, that no one benefits, least of all the forever dependent 'child'. Ultimately, in essence, they are deprived of enjoying the benefits of living a fulfilling, productive, self sufficient and meaningful life.
*See also blog of March 16, 2012 "I Don't Want To/Can't Grow Up
No comments:
Post a Comment