Wednesday 10 September 2014

A GOOD BOOK IS HARD TO FIND

I recently bought a few more books to read. It wasn’t as if there were not already many, many books I had already placed on my bookshelves to read someday. However, I have just bought some more, since lots of books make a good one easier to find.

The good thing about having many books on a variety of subjects available is that I can find something to suit my mood and interest when I feel the need of reading and learning about something new.

For example, three of the newest ones are: Choose to be Happily Married – How Everday Decisions Can Lead to Lasting Love by Bonnie Jacobsen, PhD and Alexia Paul; A Brief History of The End of the World – from Revelation to Eco-Disaster by Simon Pearson and lastly, (I figured better late than never) Summer – A User’s Guide by Suzanne Brown.


The happily Married book is right in line with one of the few ‘self-help’ books I like to keep around – how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny and The Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage by George Robert Bach (which I bought long before I needed it). 

In February 2013 I wrote an essay I called, "HOT TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS". I wrote about the 4 or 5 of these that I always like to keep around to remind me about what to do AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, what not to do in a relationship.

One of the best pieces of advice I gave myself after reading them was to consciously decide that I would rarely, if ever, sit down with my friend or partner and have a chat. Disaster guaranteed.

Instead I remind myself that I am my own Intimate Enemy. I am convinced that I will only have a chance of a better relationship after I decide I am going to make it better.

Rather than trying to change the unchangeable, i.e., someone else, instead I must change my own attitude and also the words I choose to direct at the other person. By the way, reflecting on this sometimes one of the words I choose is the only one worth addressing to the other person – GOODBYE.

Most of the time, however a lot more is accomplished in figuring out why I think that a situation is unbearable and why I am unhappy about it.

Usually it doesn’t take much to see that when neither my expectations nor my needs can or will be met, I should go elsewhere. This is not, incidentally always as easily said as done.

However, at other times when there is basically a very good relationship developing, adjustments might be all that I need to make about how I view things. The Transit Tokens I was given instead of a box of Chocolates were actually a useful and considerate gift. I needed the Tokens, I just would have liked the Chocolates (and a piece of Jewelery better). 

When I got Married however, it was to a Man who was smart enough to understand that a Woman needs practicality AND Romance to be happy. He also knew that HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

Maybe by next year, if I look at my lovely book, Summer – A User’s Guide, I will be ready, willing and able to enjoy a wider range of activities. Even if I only look at the photos, they will remind me, especially when it is snowing and sleeting outside, that such a thing as Summer actually exists, and will probably be coming back eventually.

Thinking about the End of the World is something each of us does, consciously or unconsciously in conjunction with thinking about the reality that our lives (as we know them) will end someday. We all know: LIFE, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE. 

Most of us, no doubt, hope that both the end of our lives and the end of the world will happen a long time from now. We probably also hope that we can postpone the experience, or even thinking about it, for a long time. 

Nevertheless, we still have a variety of thoughts and interest about this inevitable and unknowable experience. There will come a point when I will want to know what other people think about the subject. 

So, the book shelves get some new subject material and, at the very least, the book on Summer will be opened and its cheerful, brightly coloured photos will catch my eye and cheer me up with the optimistic expectation that summer will return. 

In February 2013 I wrote an essay I called, "HOT TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS". I wrote about the 4 or 5 of these that I always like to keep around to remind me about what to do AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, what not to do in a relationship.

One of the best pieces of advice I gave myself after reading them was to consciously decide that I would rarely, if ever, sit down with my friend or partner and have a chat. Disaster guaranteed.

Instead I remind myself that I am my own Intimate Enemy. I am convinced that I will only have a chance of a better relationship after I decide I am going to make it better.

Rather than trying to change the unchangeable, i.e., someone else, instead I must change my own attitude and also the words I choose to direct at the other person. By the way, reflecting on this sometimes one of the words I choose is the only one worth addressing to the other person – GOODBYE.

Most of the time, however a lot more is accomplished in figuring out why I think that a situation is unbearable and why I am unhappy about it.

Usually it doesn’t take much to see that when neither my expectations nor my needs can or will be met, I should go elsewhere. This is not, incidentally always as easily said as done.

However, at other times when there is basically a very good relationship developing, adjustments might be all that I need to make about how I view things. The Transit Tokens I was given instead of a box of Chocolates were actually a useful and considerate gift. I needed the Tokens, I just would have liked the Chocolates (and a piece of Jewellery better). 

When I got Married however, it was to a Man who was smart enough to understand that a Woman needs practicality AND Romance to be happy. He also knew that HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

Maybe by next year, if I look at my lovely book, Summer – A User’s Guide, I will be ready, willing and able to enjoy a wider range of activities. Even if I only look at the photos, they will remind me, especially when it is snowing and sleeting outside, that such a thing as Summer actually exists, and will probably be coming back eventually.

Thinking about the End of the World is something each of us does, consciously or unconsciously in conjunction with thinking about the reality that our lives (as we know them) will end someday. We all know: LIFE, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE. 

Most of us, no doubt, hope that both the end of our lives and the end of the world will happen a long time from now. We probably also hope that we can postpone the experience, or even thinking about it, for a long time. 

Nevertheless, we still have a variety of thoughts and interest about this inevitable and unknowable experience. There will come a point when I will want to know what other people think about the subject. 

So, the book shelves get some new subject material and, at the very least, the book on Summer will be opened and its cheerful, brightly coloured photos will catch my eye and cheer me up with the optimistic expectation that summer will return. 

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