GETTING PAST THE PAST

I often try to write about moving forward. The reason is I realize how easy it would be to make your life into a shrine to the past.

We all know of people, including famous ones such as Queen Victoria, who never recovered from the death of her husband Albert. She went on to live another 40 years, in other words, almost another half of her life after Widowhood, since she was 42 when he died.

After a time of big loss in your life, you eventually are O.K., but you're not. You wonder why people are always telling you to get out more. You are out with them, every single Friday perhaps, or every single Sunday. What could they possibly mean, get out more?

Although you may not realize it, others recognize that you are living some kind of half life. 

Hint: The fact that you are always dressed in black (which does not suit you at all) or that your home has a table on it with 25 pictures of you and your deceased loved one(s) on it, might have tipped them off.

Meanwhile, most days you get up and take a bath or shower; sometimes you wash you hair. Occasionally you even smile wanly at the mirror and you do go out for a bit. So what's the problem? 

Why is everybody coming up with ideas to get you to go out more, and especially to meet new people? What's that about?

Getting out of bed is of course, a start point. Dressing in more than one or two dark outfits over and over again, is also good. 

At least you are not sleeping all day any longer and then walking around for days on end in whatever you slept in, with your hair one inch away from 'bedhead', most of the week. 

You may even have reached the point where you leave the house (usually when you must to go to the bank or to eat some fast food close to home).   

You are out, but are you really? Doesn't the nearest coffee shop to sit in and do the crossword puzzle count? 

However, you don't even notice that you still have an excuse ready to decline most social events; or that a drop of rain when you step outside seems enough of an excuse to return home.

Yes, leaving the house occasionally is part of what needs to happen. It is another step forward. 

Who cares that you are actually oblivious to what is going on around you? Not you, that's for sure. 

One day, however, the sun is shining. You open the curtains, let some air into the place, decide that not only does your place need a lift, but so do you. 

It may be that finally, even you are tired of being a sloppy, dirty mess. Meanwhile, all of the sleep you have indulged in has left you full of energy. To your surprise as you tackle the debris, you notice you are humming your favourite song. 

You take the old sheets off the bed, you clean up the place. Even your loved ones (in the photos) you feel, may be grateful that the dust level in your place is improving and a bit of sunlight is finally entering the room...AND YOUR LIFE.

Like much in life, the choice is yours on when you decide to re-enter the land of the living. Only you, can decide when your loved ones are by your side and that they always will be. Only you, can take your life off of pause mode and press play again.

The time, however, will come when you are ready to appreciate again that life is to be lived. You will also realize that the best memorial you can give your love is by taking your wonderful memories and passing on the lessons their love and example brought into your life. 

Life has been waiting for you to add your contribution. You are finally ready to pass on all you have learned and share the gift of love you were blessed with, with others who may not have been as fortunate.