FRIENDSHIP - I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

Friendship and Love are based on Understanding and Acceptance...on someone telling you I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

Sometimes you find exactly what you need, just when you need it most. For me as a young girl it was a book I found. I have no idea why I picked it up. I do know why I kept it for many years after. 

The book which affected me so profoundly had the odd title, "My Friend says it's Bulletproof". It was by a novelist named Penelope Mortimer. It was about a tough subject which wasn't talked about much then, Breast Cancer.

The books main character is a 27 year old woman who discovers she has Breast Cancer. The book written in 1967, is apparently an overlooked early Feminist book. I didn't know that till just a minute ago. If I remember correctly, the title comes from a couple of young boys ogling a beautiful, expensive car.

What is going on the book, in those early days and treatments of what later became a Breast Cancer epidemic, is the trauma and convolution you feel when someone tells you that you have Cancer.*

While, many people have operation scars of some sort, the loss of a Breast is one that causes cataclysmic emotional distress. Thinking about dying from this kind of Cancer might actually be secondary to being convinced no one will ever look at you in a normal way again, or care for you. 

The most important and uplifting lifesaver is her new boyfriend's acceptance shown by his telling her that, "I like you just the way you are". This declaration saves her.

I kept the book around for years, because I knew instinctively that this simple wonderful statement of understanding and acceptance was one of the most important things anyone could ever say to another person. In 1977,  Billy Joel sang a wonderful song with the same title.

Someone once said, Your friends you can count on one hand and usually on one finger. How right he was.

How happy we are, when we know that someone out there understands us. Even more wonderful is that they understanding us, and miraculously, accept us as we are. Wonderful to hear, even better to recognize we have a real friend, at last.





*See also my essay entitled: BC (BEFORE CANCER) and AC (AFTER CANCER).
AND
the June 15th, 2013 essay: ACCEPTANCE: I LIKE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

SIMPLER IS EASIER AND BETTER

Most of us have heard the KISS acronym at one time or another. Keep It Simple Stupid resonates especially when we are in the middle of a muddle. Suddenly we find ourselves asking, Why did I not think this out before I started it?

Why did I: ever start this project; empty out my cupboards; lift that heavy piece of furniture; decide to say that, and a myriad of other things that we might have thought about doing rather than plunging into. Get involved with Mr. (not quite) Right again.

An ideal thing in life would probably be to have what you want and want what you have. If you had what you wanted and you wanted only what you had, you might have the prescription for life in total balance and happiness. 

How to Want what you Have-Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary Existence by Timothy Miller's seemed a promising book. I really like the idea of wanting what I have and being satisfied. He suggests cognitive theory and mantras to work against our inherent desire to always want more.   

I personally decided to simplify my life over 20 years ago, with determination and good intentions. It will be something I plan to always work on. 

There are definitely some things we can get out of our lives immediately, by learning to control and let go of bitterness and anger against someone we feel has disappointed us, or done something hurtful or wrong to us.

Almost everyone I know has someone in their lives who we wish treated us differently. We hoped that this person could have understood and appreciated us. If they only had, they could then could have given us what we wish they could. Sometimes, we keep hoping for years, that maybe someday they still might. 

Meanwhile, the only thing being angry and/or bitterly disappointed does, is make us unhappy. It may also drive that person and many others away from us forever. 

Forgiving, or at least, trying to forgive others we feel have hurt us, frees us to forgive ourselves for the time we have actually wasted being negative. It may also lets us regain a positive outlook and determine to proceed ahead with more optimism and hope. Once we let go of these feelings and stop upsetting ourselves about them, we can finally move forward. 

The Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr, in its first paragraph, talks about accepting the things you cannot change, finding the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It is known as the prayer that Alcoholics Anonymous uses.

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference". 

Only we can make the changes necessary to improve our own lives. This takes courage, because to truly change, we need to venture out of our familiar routine and 'comfort zone'. Usually we will need to do something we have been afraid to do.

Sometimes thinking about what might happen if we dared, and actually did, that thing we postponed doing for a long time, might give us the incentive and confidence to, at least, give it a try. We might actually succeed. At the very least, we might have tried something new and been pleasantly surprised that we liked it. 

If you can't start with emotional housecleaning, then begin with material things. When you can, move into your reactions, responses, attitudes and behaviour. If nothing else, both your home and your mind will be less cluttered...but probably a lot more will be improved.

We occasionally see someone who has regained a lot of the freedom and the carefree attitude that we last remember seeing in ourselves when we were young children. Maybe with a few steps in the right direction, we might sometime soon begin to see a person like that when we look in the mirror.

WHEN EVERY DAY IS CASUAL FRIDAY

People have become almost totally casual about what they wear. This is the case almost anywhere you go and also whatever the occasion.

A joke about men and women shows a variety of occasions in which women wear a different shoe on each occasion and the man wears the same running shoes for all of them.

Women do change their shoes a lot, probably because our shoes are notoriously uncomfortable, however, we don't dress up very often to go along with the shoe changes. 

It takes education and self knowledge to recognize and appreciate quality but unfortunately it is not readily available in the absurdly expensive trend obsessed, advertiser-driven fashion magazines. Looking at these probably drives people either to buying lots and lots of new things all the time or giving up completely and wearing the same dozen things everywhere.

I suspect that few people really appreciate that a couple of great outfits, even consisting of a total of 4 or 5 pieces can give you many suitable combinations and take you to a large variety of events looking well put together.

As Sophia Loren once said, starting with a black (dark) skirt and blouse begins any wardrobe decently and suitably. Meanwhile, French women usually buy 10 quality items, of as fine a quality as they can and alternate and coordinate these with other accessory items.

Price per wearing on something of good to great quality averages out to a miniscule amount of money over time. In contrast, the armfuls of stuff you give away, unworn, often with price tags still on them, cost most of us dearly.

However, if you don't see well dressed people around you or on the street, and magazines show their advertisers wildly expensive trendy clothes, how can you learn how to 'invest' your hard earned money wisely in clothing that is both durable and appealing. That the same clothes also be age appropriate and reasonably stylish, usually makes dressing a burden, not a pleasure. 

Some of us concede defeat and surrender by wearing jeans or a track suit or literally the same items we wore to school however, many years later we find ourselves.

As a little girl, I remember that every Saturday night, my father polished all of my brothers shoes, and washed the car. The girls always had a new hat and coat for Easter as well as white gloves at least until about 1965. We went to church every Sunday and were always tidy and neat and in 'Sunday clothes'.

While, admittedly I worked in the business world downtown, I don't remember seeing people wearing sweatpants, men going to work without jackets and very casual slacks worn by women or men on almost any and every occasion. This now applies whether they are going to see a sporting event, wash their car or going to the theatre.

I remember in the mid 90's showing a woman a gorgeous fine quality blazer and skirt suit at the charity clothing store I volunteered at. She said she had no occasion to wear it...to work or anywhere else. She also said that she worked downtown for the president of her company.

When people come to a funeral parlour dressed in sandals and shorts; when no one dresses up and everyday is 'casual Friday', when is any occasion special?

As I write this, I realize that my own 4 and 1/2 months in sandals, makes me as guilty as everyone else in wearing about 20 casual, casual items over and over again all the time, for the last decade.

I think that for my own personal satisfaction, it's time for me to reach into the closet for the beautiful classics I love. Had these lovely garments been people, they would have died of loneliness, sitting in the dark, hunched down over their hangers by now. Time to bring all of that beauty and colour and take it out for a walk.



NOTE: SEE ALSO - CLOTHES THEN AND NOW and
                                  CLOTHES LOVER - FINDING BEAUTY ON THE STREET and
                                  AT LEAST WALMARTIANS ARE REAL PEOPLE

THE DISCONNECTED NUCLEUR FAMILY - RELATIVELY SPEAKING

Several years ago, I noticed a lot of people referring to people that I would have called my grandparents as their mother's father and their father's mother. To me, this implied a lack of emotional connection between the speaker and his father or mother's parents. I also felt it demonstrated a lack of proper respect for their elders.

I cringed when I heard various children and teenagers calling their parents by their first names. At first I was shocked enough to ask my friends and family why they allowed this, but now I find it so common that I don't bother. 

I am told I'm the only one it bothers. I have decided that I am going to continue to let it bother me and demand the courtesy and respect that I deserve. The parents can accept what they please from their children. I will  decide how I will respond and what I find acceptable. 

I say this because I truly believe, the disconnection from immediate family members has serious implications for our lives. It is hard enough to accept the death of our parents, who play(ed) such an immediate and important part in our development. To not have any further connections with relatives, leaves us, I feel, quite rootless.

Perhaps because I, like so many of my fellow Canadians, am only a second generation Canadian; the loss of a family history has always effected me. As a result, I have secretly envied the people who can trace their family tree back for many generations.

It does not matter to me what 'family skeletons' I might discover. To me, it would be so nice to have 'roots' more clearly illustrated than knowing my maiden name is an ancient one going back to the Bronze Age.

Meanwhile, the only justification for casual disassociation from your mother's and father's parents and our parents brothers and sister's would be where no 'blood ties' exist due to remarriages and divorces etc. 

My late husband's grown children, who officially might be considered my  stepchildren, seem to have considered me solely as their father's wife for 20 years. It seems the type of connection one usually has with in-laws never happened. Shortly after their father's death, they wished me well and have not been part of my life since that time. 

A disconnection with step children, is more logical and somewhat easier to understand than today's apparent lack of connection to our own blood lines and family tree.

   

PLAYING OUR PARTS IN LIFE - ALL THE WORLDS A STAGE

In Shakespeare's play As You Like It, he compares life to a play and all of us to players in it. He continues with a monologue about the Seven Ages of Man as we go through life. These seven stages: infancy, childhood, the lover, the soldier, the justice, old age and extreme old age are the landmarks that we experience as we go through life.

I remember someone saying to me that until you're thirty life keeps changing on you. It sometimes seems it is completely different between one day and the next. During this period, most of us are on our own for the first time, discovering new things, making our own decisions, and enjoying the freedom to choose what we like. It seems that we have limitless options, and a whole world is opening up before us, filled with endless possibilities.

I have passed on the same advice which I found so helpful when I was under thirty. I tell others that you will live a lot of lives in the course of your life. Before your thirties perhaps, you are likely to experience constant change and evolution probably because you are spontaneous and open to new ideas, places, people and things. 

Later in life, usually however, there comes a point where we want to 'settle down', and build a base and a secure home for ourselves; a haven and refuge of sorts. Here we feel we can be ourselves, spend time with like minded friends and generally establish a foundation.

Subsequently, we pass through different milestones, marking our lives and the fairly logical order of the life cycle. What your life is like as you get older, may depend upon how willing we have been to experience and accept  change.

For me, much of my adult life evolved organically, some out of necessity and a lot from seeing where the choices I made brought me.

Whenever, I felt anxiety, concern or distress, I knew that some of this comes  into each of our lives. Very often, I found that life seemed much easier when I tried to see the 'pot of gold' at the end of the rainbow rather than the lightning and thunder in the middle of a bad storm.

Change, constant or periodic need not worry or even concern us unduly since it often brings a mixture of good and bad with it. Surprisingly in retrospect it has taken us in the 'right direction'. 

I do not believe that our lives are predetermined. I also don't think that whatever we do is fine provided we like it and it feels good. 

I don't think we need to be fatalistic or resigned that nothing we do matters because everything in our lives if foreordained. On the other hand, I don't think we are so interconnected that our every action impacts the universe in a butterfly effect. 

I believe instead that we have choices we can make, that if we decide to treat others the way we want to be treated, and consistently try to make 
things better; we are much more likely to be happy and less likely to feel guilt, regret and disappointment.

Small 'coincidences', feeling deja vu, acknowledging good and beauty when we see it, and generally making a decision to consistently do our best; will go a long way toward our being confident and comfortable with ourselves and other people around us.





http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_the_world's_a_stage

TODAY'S FAMILY - GETTING TOGETHER & SPLITTING UP

Until recently, I had always felt an intrinsic theoretical respect for the law. I felt that it had been established over centuries, had helped to regularize interaction between people, settle disputes impartially and generally existed to protect the most vulnerable in society.

I understood that judges made rulings on cases in which cooperation and compromise had not been reached between two parties. I did not realize however, how serious these judgements could be, nor that amendments and adjustments after a judgement were both time consuming and difficult to make.

Various people around me however, advised me that, interactions and relationships with other people, could because of regulations pertaining to common law unions, effect my status in a relationship within a relatively short time and entitle someone else to a share of my property.

I was not aware that various types of new arrangements in family composition had over the past decades created significant legal changes.

A new show is about to premiere shortly about Living at Home with your Parents - Forever. Clearly more had happened to change family living arrangements than I ever imagined. 

For example, many women are now considered single parents. The never married mother is sometimes ludicrously placed next to the widow; as if there was any relation whatsoever between them, in the way they conducted 'their affairs'. 

Meanwhile, many adult children have either never left their parental homes or have returned after they had completed their education. Other adult children have returned alone or with the grandchildren in tow, after a divorce. In addition, in the past decade or more, a considerable number of grandparents are raising their grandchildren themselves.

Ageing parents affairs, are now often legally administered and directed by one or more of their adult children. When they want or need to go to a retirement or long term care residence, their houses are sold and their children often obtain power of attorney over their affairs.

Statistics show that more relationships are ending within a short time, perhaps because the participants can not form a life together, have different expectations that do not mesh well together or simply because people leave situations they no longer want to be in more easily. 

Average working people are getting pre-nuptial agreements prior to living together, whether they ever intend to marry or not. While to me this would be a recipe anticipating separation, for others, it seems a logical measure which protects each person's assets better than an informal arrangement would.

Nevertheless, people still seem to want to be together. Perhaps what we are seeing is a new way to reassure everyone that the law will ensure that neither party will be cheated financially. The courts must have decided that they no longer cared about anyone's responsibility for the dissolution of a marriage; once the financial responsibilities were laid out, dependents were protected and the former couple could let their money keep them warm at night. 


SEE ALSO: ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE RESPECT 

COMMON SENSE IS STILL ON VACATION

THE 'DO AS I SAY, NOT DO AS I DO' CROWD IN THE MEDIA AND ACADEMIA IS STILL CONVINCED THEY KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR US. I THINK THAT COMMON SENSE IS STILL AWOL AND ON VACATION IN 2013. 

Recent decades, have in my opinion, seen the Politically Correct, 'Thought Police', run amok in the universities and in the mainstream media. We have been assaulted by millions of intemperate words and often illogical and irrational nonsense.

It becomes incumbent for each of us to discover a way to sidestep and avoid especially the 'talking heads' of the media generally. More specifically the partisan spokesmen for the political parties, particularly during election periods seem even worse. It seems only with difficulty, that any of us can escape their ubiquitous hectoring harangues.

I suppose there always were and probably always will be, people convinced that they are better, more nobly motivated and in general, smarter than the rest of us. Because of this fundamental belief, this type of person or group feels entitled to tell the rest of us what to do and what is best for us. For our own good of course. They seem convinced that, just as long as we do what they tell us to do, a better world can be created.

In earlier generations, most of us would have simply thought these ideas stupid or crazy and ignored them. The pervasive media, that has developed since communication became universal, however, has made it possible both for both good and bad ideas to reach into our lives.

It is true that good occurs when less abuse can now take place without exposure and censure. However, 24/7 media days also mean that even small and strange groups can transmit even the most stupid and senseless ideas and be given consideration.

Meanwhile today, even calling someone stupid or crazy would like incur someone’s anger at our intolerance and insensitivity. The bigger sin today seems to be to be considered judgemental, mean spirited or closed minded.

Media owners are probably a relatively small group, each trying to attract an audience on a 24/7 basis. Undoubtedly, this has effected the content transmitted by many of them. Hoping perhaps, to give people what they seem to want and attract advertisers willing to pay for the largest audience, some formats seem to be more prevalent than others. Seeing the same message, or pundits, might give various groups more credibility and importance than they would logically deserve.

There are times when we might feel an almost Missionary mania exists among the groups we see whenever we view the Media. All too often it seems such groups seem determined to convince the rest of us that they are right. In fact, some of them seem relentless. Patiently and tirelessly, they push the rest of us, to accept and adopt their ideas and theories.

Personally, I believe that there is a lot more abstract opinions and theory than practical ideas coming from these pundits and academics. I think we are actually being admonition  to 'do as I say, not as I do'; whatever a group is trying to Sell us.

I doubt, many people would even want, let alone be able to live by theories in their actual lives. I find most people find that being practical not only makes sense, but also, makes life simpler than theorizing about the state of the world 24/7.

Nevertheless, at the present time, the 24/7 airwaves give any idea, even those convinced that only anarchy, or annihilation will purge the present system of its errors and weaknesses, as much freedom as any other. Meanwhile, there seems to be an audience out there somewhere ready to, at least listen to and possibly believe, almost anything they hear, however, unique, unusual, impractical or weird, that idea might be.

RIGHT AND WRONG - RIGHT AND LEFT

In Britain there seems to very clear distinctions between the right and the left politically. To those of us on the other side of the pond, it sometimes seems as never the two will meet. I find however, that the political discourse is less
strident than what we get in North America.

Here polarized factions each accuse the other of 'mean spiritedness' and being uncaring about their fellow man. The opposite viewpoint is demonized and stridently vilified. Dozens of pundits and supporters seem ready to shout down opposition, especially during election years.

Meanwhile, since the 1980's, I have personally felt comfortable enough with my convictions to believe that conservative ethical philosophy suits my beliefs and values the best.

I don't think anyone in politics today however, compares with the politicians of the 1980's as well as other periods of the past, when people have come forward and created the great institutions which have led to longer periods of world peace and greater prosperity than during most of recorded history.

Because I believe this, I feel that one of the times when the world was blessed was a time "When Character Was King" in the words of Ronald Reagan's speechwriter, Peggy Noonan. I think that the 1980's for the first time in a generation, a group of people were in power/leadership at the same time and were able to actively work to return freedom to millions of oppressed people.

As far as I'm concerned, Ronald Reagan, in conjunction with Margaret Thatcher and Pope John Paul II, ended the malaise of the Cold War and ushered the world into a new era. By finally calling Communism out and actively working to give it it's final push into the dustbin of history, they performed a great service for mankind. 

Each of them put out a clear message in black and white about right versus wrong and though their detractors urged them to be more cautious and temper what they said in case they caused offense, they spoke clearly about what they saw as wrong.

Since, I am inclined to the right, I am convinced that the left is basically a small determined group who are convinced they are best equipped to design a better world and intend to do this by oligarchical direction telling the rest of us, and each other, what to do and say.

I also believe that they do not trust their fellow man to do the right thing. I am convinced that they believe that no one would ever help anyone else were it not for the government forcing them to do it.

This to me is a cynical view of our fellow man and disregards the many achievements, inventions and selfless contributions and accomplishments that have improved our lives in successive generations.

Consequently, I accept the likelihood that the left and I are unlikely to see things the same way. I am however, I suspect, more inclined to accept their right to voice their opinions, because this after all, is the hard won Freedom that our fathers fought and sacrificed themselves to preserve for us.

BUILDING A NEW LIFE - A FEW YEARS OF WAKING UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED

BUILDING A NEW LIFE - A FEW YEARS OF WAKING UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED

I never thought I would be grateful to be a Widow, but now I am delighted to be alone and free of high drama, big upsets, arguments, 'parasites' and hissy fits, all of which I have either recently personally experienced or witnessed around me.

Shortly after I was Widowed, I met several people I had not seen for about 20 years. Several of them had prospered in their careers; in one case I met someone's adult son; a couple of the women had been Widowed, and all of us definitely had some catching up to do.

It was not long however, before a never married fellow I had known in my 20's started to tell me that if I were ever to interest a man again, I should rebuild myself, beginning with fitness, such as swimming or rowing.

Another man, I had hardly known before, but always been shy of, volunteered that men his/our age, were interested in women half the man's age. Beside this, I would be wise to learn that Man was the most important person in a relationship. Although I knew he meant, that we should be more interested in another person than ourselves, I did not find a suggested subservience either palatable or substantiated by my own personal experiences.

Meanwhile, a couple of widowed Woman told me of their experiences and that men look at Widows as Nurses or Wallets.

A close friend meanwhile, told me that being Widowed was just like being Divorced. I think she meant, both involved Mourning. When I thought about it later I realized that it might not be so. A Divorced person might very well wish they would never see their former spouse again; A Widow on the other hand would give anything to see their spouse again, even for a minute.

Eventually, I had heard from a lot of people, both younger and older. I had been told about a vast array of experiences, by many people, all of who were sincerely interested in building and experiencing a lasting relationship with someone.

After a couple of strange personal experiences of my own - feeding a never married guy for a year in a sort of BFF girlfriend type relationship; and later, having my place used as a comfortable hotel for someone saving all of his own money for his retirement, I decided that something was rotten with the state of personal relationships.

There is some truth to the Widow joke(s), however finding the quality of person who you were happily married to and used to having in your life, sometimes seems impossible. Possibly this can't be helped and in any case, life is going to take you in a different direction anyway regardless of what has gone before.

Maybe, as one of the television online dating service adverts says, 'the last time I was dating, the Internet didn't exist'. In short, whatever advice, various people were offering me, didn't correspond to anything I had experienced before.

On a bad day in 2012, when I wrote most of this, I was convinced that the current malaise infesting relationships made it unlikely that anyone could overcome it. More objectively, what I think I see is a lot of men and women who are trying to talk to each other, most expressing bewilderment and wondering whether men and women can ever understand each other.

Regardless, what seems especially daunting today, in view of the giant 'reality show' that people are 'playing' in as their lives, it may just be harder than ever to form a lasting relationship. Unrealistic expectations, obsessive interest in material things and impatiently wanting it all, however unrealistic, likely means that many, perhaps most, relationships will be short lived and unsuccessful.

I wish others well in the search for a 'soul mate', partner, friend, lover, husband, wife, father, mother for their children, or to remarry after divorce or simply rebuild a life after becoming widowed.

For myself, I accept that the freedom I enjoy is a blessing that comes at the price of some solitude which I live with. I also acknowledge and appreciate that I was given a great gift in my life for longer than most people ever get. Today I recognize how precious my friends, family and the many, many nice people I have around me are, in a way I probably never would have otherwise. 

JEAN VANIER: A SPECIAL MEETING WITH A TRULY EXTRAORDINARY MAN

Various people I know have met the great and the good in the course of their lives and have spoken with people that are 'household names'. Not me.

Two of my closest encounters were Jackie Kennedy having lunch in the Carlyle Cafe in New York several feet away from my husband and myself and seeing another former first lady of the U.S., Betty Ford, being greeted a few feet away from me at Le Cirque restaurant. In Canada, Brian Mulroney attended a cultural event I was at. Otherwise, I met the present and two former mayors, a former premier and a couple of other politicos. Saw Ken Thomson of the Globe and Mail on the street at Eglinton and Yonge and spoke to Adrienne Clarkson in a Buffet line, but she did not speak to me. I also saw Princess Anne from a few feet away at one year's Royal Winter Fair and finally, last year, I saw Prince Edward in Hamilton.


Other people I know, including members of my family, have seen or met the Queen, Princess Anne, Pope John Paul II and many other famous people either when they were visiting Canada or otherwise in the course of their working lives.

In contrast, as detailed above, my own experience with the famous is limited and casual with two exceptions.

The second was being at a luncheon and press conference hearing Audrey Hepburn speak for Unicef, a unique experience which I will write about separately.

However, when I was in the 12th Grade, I had the honour and privilege to meet privately with one of the most extraordinary people of all. His name is Jean Vanier. I will write briefly about him here.

People around me were very excited that he was coming to speak at Convocation Hall at the University of Toronto and also to give a series of lectures at St. Michael's College.

A couple of days before the event on March 5th, 1967 however, his father, a former Governor General of Canada had died. About a year before, as a young teenager I had my first experience of the loss of death when my elderly grandfather had died. The great sorrow I felt, made me feel that the speaker would likely not be available to give the lecture, but I was mistaken.

Convocation Hall was packed. A group of Hari Krishna's came into the auditorium chanting and drumming for probably about 10 minutes and lifted the mood of the large room. A few minutes later, the speaker was announced. A very tall thin man, dressed in what my mind registered as a 1940's suit, stood up in the second or third row, lifted a long leg over the seat(s) in front of him and walked to the podium and began to speak. He hadn't said a word, but I was immediately surprised and impressed.

I wonder why we know someone is special...but we do. I knew then, shortly after he began to speak, that even with my very limited knowledge of the world, that I was in the presence of someone very special.

Jean Vanier began a home for young people with intellectual disabilities in 1964, by taking 2 young men into his home in Trosly-Breuil France. The organization he started called L'Arche - the Ark is now has 150 communities. 

Though I hardly knew anything about him, it was quickly obvious that someone who could go anywhere in life and do anything, had decided instead that these young disabled men and women could be taken care of when their families and the government had left them without a place to go after they turned 18. 

Subsequently, I attended another lecture or two and, filled with admiration, asked whether I could come and talk to him about working in France with Retarded Children. 

When I met with him, one morning in a residence on the U of T campus, the humility I saw in the no nonsense Convocation Hall entrance carried over into what he said and did. 

Naturally, he needed to tell me a bit about his organization and ask a little about me. He quickly realized, I am sure, that my enthusiasm for the concept of helping disabled people, in France no less, far outweighed any ability or qualifications I might have to do so. 

It was easy for him to discover that I had never met a retarded person so, if I was serious, I should be aware that if my nature required seeing a sense of learning and progress, I would be disappointed. On top of this, I would need to speak much better French. It was gently suggested that I visit a nearby facility that worked with retarded children and finish high school.

Then he did something I will never forget. He took a piece of paper on which I had written my name and address, transferred it to a small pocket notebook he carried and asked me if he could put my paper into the garbage.
When I asked him what he meant, he simply said that I had given this to him and he wanted my permission to dispose of it. I have never forgotten this.

Ultimately, I met two groups of retarded people, children shortly after meeting Vanier and a several years later, a group of adults at a house where several of them lived in a community and worked in the larger world. These latter were introduced by my high school friend, Janice, who actually had worked with Vanier in France for eight years. 

I never worked with Vanier although for many years I received a hand made Christmas card from L'Arche in France and made small donations to them.

That however, continued long after I was the young adult who told Vanier that I had been reading a book by Tielhard de Chardin and, of course, I understood what he was saying. Wiser, then and now, than I am, he said that he was trying to. 

Perhaps someday I might learn this kind of humility. I am glad I remember it now. Perhaps it will remind me of another thing I need to work on.

THE MEDIA IS IN OUR LIVES AT OUR EXPENSE

At the time David Halberstam wrote The Powers That Be in 1975, the Media, and incidentally also, the size of Government in the United States, had grown astronomically from what it had traditionally been in size and influence before the 1960's. 

This growth is now more rapid than ever. It continues to proliferate from more and more sources and outlets, which makes it seem more domineering than ever. However, since much of it carries the same programming, there are still times when we feel we have a lot of channels, but nothing to watch.

Nevertheless, because of the nature of the Internet, you tube and instant communications via our phones, we are served up a 24 hour programming day. 

The velocity with which information is conveyed makes exercises such as ones conducted in the late 60's about the amount of time it took a word to be transmitted from person to person around the world (2 weeks) into an instant one today. 

Even the most spurious rubbish goes out into the mainstream around the world faster than ever. Urban myth is used to describe things we are skeptical about, but it does not cover much of what, in a more reflective age, would be considered dubious and ridiculous. 

Today for 24/7, in other words, all day every day, a relentless and incessant harangue follows us throughout our day. Whether we are children at school, people at work, or even during our leisure time, none of us is far away from an electronic device of some sort, blasting out some message.

I can't say I am surprised that this barrage is omnipresent and ubiquitous, and that it follows us almost everywhere we go. To some extent we are responsible because we appear to be willing to give the mass media so much of our leisure time and the power to speak for us, instead of speaking up ourselves. 

When a handsome or beautiful Media person, uses his/her interview show, to amuse and entertain us with their knowledge of light celebrity lore and concerns, many of us quickly become their audience. 

The hosts are friendly and appealing, the guests are the most famous they can get. The best are chosen and paid accordingly.  Everyone goes home happy, feeling they have participated in a private and special moment with someone famous. 

I don't doubt that many of these media people are honestly interested in demonstrating their sincerely held convictions. 

Nevertheless, they are there, to convince us that the products and viewpoint they are selling are ones we will 'buy'.  

The media soapbox was often just that, selling products, such as soap, to the public. The people who bought time to sell their products, presented the popular show, sporting event, or entertainment which interrupted the next sales pitch. Much the same format still exists today, on most media outlets that we pay to have come into our homes today.

Ignoring the raised volume of commercials used to be easier once the mute button on our remotes was available. Turning the volume down or off during commercials doesn't work as well any more since it has become more difficult to estimate the length of commercial blocks.  

Some companies replay the same commercial in case you missed it the first time. The show we were trying to watch is often delayed a very long time by these blocks of commercials. Sometimes we can even forget what program we were watching. 

Meanwhile, the range of emotion media people convey is within proscribed limits. The content among them is also very similar, or soon will be, when their affiliates pick it up and pass it on to the rest of the country, and then the world.

 A style book dictates the suitable subjects, language and content acceptable to their employers. Therefore, especially on television, the words used will match socially acceptable subjects and the trendy talk and jargon of the day. 

Whatever words are being used, they will be repeated frequently and by many people on various media outlets. This is especially true of political commentary most of the time. During election periods it becomes relentless. Buzzwords and sound bites proliferate and implied insults and raised voices abound. 

Most of us have become so inured and numbed by the doublespeak of politically correct language and also most political rhetoric, that we almost automatically filter it out and/or ignore it.  

The 'off' switch on your 'devices' is sometimes the only possible source of relief. It has in some cases become the best friend for those of us wanting to concentrate and especially, those of us interested in thinking for ourselves once in a while. Give it some use from time to time. 


(REVISED AND REWRITTEN twice in 2013. It was called YOU TOO COULD BE ON T.V. and also  BUSY BODIES (originally from 2012)

SPRING BREAKS OUT

A few weeks of incredibly warm weather recently in the Great Lakes area has already lifted our spirits to giddy expectation. It has also brought out all of the gorgeous blooming flowers and trees. 

Just as we feel better on sunny days, the onset of spring that we now feel makes us feel relieved and happier than most of us do in late fall when we know winter is ahead of us.

The longer days that turning the clock ahead brings, helps immeasurably to add to our anticipation that Spring is imminent, because the dark mornings and too early evenings soon end. In years where Spring bursts upon us earlier and arrives suddenly, we change overnight to lighter and happier people.

There is something wonderful about contemplating warmer weather. Almost as soon as we see green buds on the trees, we become hopeful that winter is finally at an end.

We see nothing inconsistent with the end of the Hockey season, associated as it is with the winter sports and skating, having final playoffs in the Spring either.

Having lived through many springs now, however, many of us, reserve our judgement a bit about Winter finally being over, until several days of good weather sufficiently reassure us that it probably isn't coming back again.

Experience has taught us that a very early spring such as one beginning in late March, often recedes again and we often get, at least, one more blast of winter wind, snow or very cold rain before the month of May.

However, even when Spring last a few days prematurely, and is followed by a final winter blast, the magic we anticipate is ahead has revived us enough to hardly care, how Winter blows itself out.

Imagine how happy we suddenly became this year, when heavy warm air allowed shorts and sandals, a lot sooner than we expected. We did not hesitate for a second to throw off winters weight. The first sunburn was soon in evidence, but I don't think anyone minded.

Meanwhile, seeing Tulips and Hyacinths and Daffodils and Forsythia and other spring flowers, leaves me delighted that the new season is upon us. The occasional rain will just clean the dust and salt off of the streets and help the grass grow greener and more flowers to bloom.

Winter meanwhile, slunk away, unnoticed and unlamented. Winter is already forgotten. It left behind, Apple Blossoms, Magnolia Trees in full bloom, Cherry Blossoms and everything green and vibrant. We are looking forward.

MONEY - OURS & OTHER PEOPLE'S

Other than sex, there is probably nothing else which arouses so much emotion as the subject of money. Relationships are based on it, effected by it, argued about and often destroyed by it. Hardly anyone is neutral about it.

Whether you find money a useful tool that you earn by working to meet your basic needs; feel admiration, envy or disgust when you hear how much other people have accumulated; use money to make yourself or other people feel better; use it to feel good or do good; experience schadenfreude when someone loses theirs or despair when you have to part with any of your own; it is unlikely that money does not arouse some visceral emotional reaction to you and/or those around you.

Some people, such as the British, consider it uncouth to talk about money. There are other people however, who never stop talking about it. These latter are the people we say know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.

As a measure of value, money represents security to some; self worth to others.

Without some money, most people could not obtain even the basic necessities.

Money and power are often very easily associated with each other. Money is given a great deal of power and importance in most of our lives.

Some people seem to have so much money that they can build one or more million dollar rooms in their houses. Some of these people and others seem to behave as though they will never have enough.

The people who have always had money, often learn to keep it for at least a couple of generations. Lottery winners however, usually lose it all again.

Some people give most or all of their money away. Other people would not spend a dime no matter how much money they have. Many other people with some money are fearful that they may lose what they have.
  
Some people who have money are exploited by those that don't, or are fearful of those who they suspect want more.

Gigolos work for it by exploiting the emotions of vulnerable women. Prostitutes of all sorts sell their bodies to get some for themselves.

Women trade their beauty for it. Men 'buy' women as trophy wives to display their wealth to other men. A display of money helps some people to keep score of their achievements. Perhaps the envy of their peers brings them great joy and satisfaction.

Money is often a great source of conflict in couples, since one is usually a spender and the other usually a saver.

With more money, some of us think we could finally achieve and realize all of our dreams.

Meanwhile, a certain type of women has discovered that children by many men enables them to 'earn' an income from each of the children's fathers by means of court ordered child support until the child/children reach 18 or more years of age. In such cases, calculation and guile, ensure that each individual father is used financially and often, emotionally exploited as well, to provide a guaranteed regular income for the mother. 

There are other ways in which men and women actually decide to 'steal' money from other people. When joking around, some people call these people bankers or politicians.

Some people steal because they are needy. There are also people who steal because they feel someone has too much. I suspect when the disparity between the very rich and the very poor gets to be too large, a degree of despair and hopelessness drives more people to steal from others.

However, I think that some people steal just because they can. Some thieves must feel that they can outsmart and outwit other people. Others may steal because they do not think they will get caught or be punished. It is likely also that some people steal because they find it easier than by working. Ultimately, however, most people who steal probably do it just because they are able somehow justify wanting someone else's money for themselves. 

Whether you earn your own money, inherit it, borrow from others, or steal it; the way you personally perceive and obtain your money is based upon who you are, and what you want in life. Unintentionally and most tellingly, your relationship with money can transparently show yourself and others, who you really are as a person.

OUR DISPOSABLE SOCIETY - VALUABLES AND VALUES TODAY

For centuries a system of Barter was used in order to exchange things that were plentiful in one area for things that were scarce. Adventurous traders travelled long distance and brought various goods plentiful in their environs to trade or exchange for other things that they had scarcity of and needed.

Later when coins were adopted, these were used as measures of specific value in order to purchase goods from others. Usually they were made of materials (such as gold and metals) which were accepted by many peoples as unique, scarce and which retained their value, over time.

Finally, certificates or bank notes were used internationally especially when the gold equivalent to the face value of the issued certificate was possible. It provided a more easily transported medium of exchange that was widely accepted and recognized. 

Many times in history, however, economic crisis occurred and destroyed the savings and investments of millions of people. This was especially the case when a form of paper money was widely used to the exclusion of other products as the medium of exchange. 

When a certificate or note of exchange was devalued to the point that it could not longer be exchanged for its face value in some widely accepted and recognized physical medium, the confidence in that currency led to a loss of confidence in the economy of that country. This has often been called a Crash.  

At other times, various other products were greatly appreciated by a society and this lead to competition to possess such items for status and gain.
Although, no one, for many generations now, would consider a Tulip Bulb worth the price of a House, at one point in the past, this is exactly what value Tulip Bulbs had in Holland, until the market collapsed.

Generally, although some old items are considered antiques and valuable, to some, to many others, what is new is much more appealing and desirable.

Today, beyond currencies as a medium of exchange, with a few exceptions, things which are of value to one generation are not necessarily of value to succeeding ones. There are not many items which are universally recognized as valuable.

Most of the world today, tends to rely on the good standing and reputation of our governments and the productive economies of our countries to guarantee whatever currencies they issue. These are exchanged at a set rate, and used for trade and exchange with other governments employing a similar arrangement. 

Nevertheless, we have all heard of people so distrusting the stability of their governments and banks that their 'valuables' were either buried or hidden away. Most of us have heard of the proverbial money hidden in the mattress. Whenever, people were in fear of losing their savings, they hid them in case they needed to provide themselves with the basic necessities to help them survive.

Despite the current commercial where the family rushes all their paper money and coins over to a particular bank, because this bank is offering 2.5% interest; their paper money would probably be the least valuable item they should have hoarded in a crisis. Because of the issuer (the governments) ability to devalue it whenever they wanted, it would most likely be, almost or even totally, worthless at the time of a serious crisis.

Valuables, historically consisted of other rare or scarce items such as diamonds, gold, art, and in some cases, real estate (property). Often small, rare and unique portable items that seemed to retain their value, were desirable as well.  These were saved in case a time came when it might be necessary to leave your home or country and still be able to purchase the necessities of life. In some instances, this included a family's safe passage out of a war zone and transportation costs to a new country. 

I wonder however, whether today even some of these time honoured methods would help us to survive a big economic crisis. I believe we are currently going through a particularly materialistic period universally. Although, an incredible number of products are produced, newer models and styles very quickly devalue the earlier ones.

Unfortunately also, many things are not built to last either. It is very often cheaper to buy a new item when something breaks, than to repair it. In the case of technology, the newer item may have more to offer as well.

In general, therefore, I don't think much of what we buy is likely to be of lasting value.

Despite this, many consumer products, such as clothing and beauty supplies are produced and sell for incredible prices, although they are consumed or discarded very quickly. Ultimately this means we discard far more than we keep. Today's treasure is becoming tomorrow's trash faster than ever.

Unfortunately, and perhaps more importantly, I think this sometimes extends to People as well. Just as we have become fickle consumers, the People around us are more carelessly treated than they might have been were most of us living our entire lives dependent upon each other in a small village or community.

The larger the place we live, the more people we encounter. When our quest for the latest and the new idea or fad, begins to extend to the people around us, it is probably time for us to slow down and not be so quick to pick up a new friend or a new group every time we make other material changes in our lives. 

When the people around us become as interchangeable as other things in our lives such as the clothes we wear, and as disposable as last years ipod; we might be wise to consider whether we will ever have enough, and whether we are losing our capacity to understand and appreciate quality when we see it.

A fundamental consideration becomes whether we can ever be satisfied with ourselves as we are. Without some soul searching, we risk ending up with a lot of worthless junk, both materially and personally.

YOUR TIME - IT'S NOW OR NEVER

I don't think there are many people who could say that they always do what they want. Life as we know it involves adjustments and compromises. One of our most important skills we must learn is to cooperate with others. This makes it possible for us to have enough time and energy to do all of the things we must do each day.

After working to earn a living, all of us want to have some time left to do some of the things we personally want to do as well. Most of us know this as 'free time'. We need to have or find enough time so that we can feel we can do what we must, as well as, what we want.

Since most of us like to have friends and families in our lives, we need to find a way to cooperate with others and schedule time for our relationships to develop and be maintained. Making some plans to meet and having enough time to spend with those we care about, makes for a good time and good relationships.

Some people I know are always racing around. Whether I think about their lives 10 years ago or last week, I notice that they fill their lives with activity. Some of them appear to have hardly a moment free. I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing.

People with a high level of energy are able to do many things in a given amount of time. They also may require a degree of activity greater than others to feel stimulated and satisfied. When this is a choice, I admire them; when it is frenetic disorganization, it is sad that no one in their lives gets to spend enough time with them to mean much.

The other alternative at the extreme is the person so laid back and aimless that whole weeks go by without much being accomplished. There is a danger that these people will find that as the Pink Floyd song says, 'no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun' and 'then one day you'll find, ten years have gone behind you'.

Sometimes, this life ends in despair or even worse, in tragedy, when they realize many years have passed with their hopes and dreams unfulfilled. They might also find themselves alone, because other people have moved on and left them behind.

Neither of the two extremes frantic/frenetic or laid back/comatose are likely to be successful. 

Personal fulfilment and satisfaction come, I think, from achieving your personal goals. You can't achieve your goals and fulfil your dreams without defining them, or if you only have a vague idea of what they are. It is only after you decide to take an objective look at yourself that you stop running your life on autopilot.

The best way for each of us to get the things we need done each day, and also to free up enough time to fulfil some of our personal wants, is to think about what will make us happiest and head in that direction.

Once we have some idea of who we are and what we really want, we can decide which things we have been doing which eat up our time and waste our energy. Some of these we could probably eliminate immediately. Others we might combine together and by using our time more efficiently, multitask and combine a number of activities by doing a series of them in one trip.

Both knowing what we want, we have more of a chance to get it. Be wasting less time running in circles we can take steps toward doing something we always wanted to do. 

Soon it will be easy to see that by making our dreams a reality, we are not letting anybody down. In fact, by picking ourselves up, we are bringing more, not less, to our day and, that of everyone around us.

SPRING CLEANING YOUR LIFE - TIME TO RATE YOUR PRIORITIES

Many years ago a Toronto newspaper published a brief article titled 'Time to Rate your priorities'. This article listed 10 points you could use to evaluate  and reassess what is important in your life. I kept the article and seasonally would pull it out to remind myself to do this. In fact, I often put a copy up in the photocopier room of whatever office I was working in.

It is surprising what you can do when you decide to 'spring clean' your life. Much like trying on the upcoming seasons clothes and cleaning up and storing away those of the previous season, this is housecleaning for your mind.

Decluttering your home is good, decluttering and realigning your priorities is ultimately even better.

The clutter we accumulate in boxes, on counters, tables and around us, is symptomatic of the clutter we have accumulated in our lives. This clutter, distracts us from a lot of other things we might be doing...if only we could 'find' the time. Meanwhile, most of us also carry around a lot of baggage from our past, physically and mentally. This 'unfinished business' can keep us from realizing our goals and dreams.

Just as some of our clothes may no longer fit or have become worn out, our ideas, like our possessions, might no longer be useful or 'fit' our lives as we live now. It seems it is only when we physically move to a new house that we are forced to find a place for our possessions. We are often very surprised to look at an object that we own and suddenly realize that we have not ever used this item. 

Following time wasting old routines automatically and thoughtlessly, can actually make it impossible to do even the smallest thing on our 'bucket list'. Suddenly, by making a change to our routine, there is room for a growing number of things we have always wanted to do. It is amazing how much time you have available for other things when you decide not to follow the same routine you always have.

Just as periodically decluttering your home begins by sorting out things to keep, recycle and throw out; sorting out your priorities, can make it possible for you to do more of what you really want and make your life 'fit' better. The first step is the hardest. It is also the one which takes your forward into the next part of your life.  


Note: See also blog of "Stuff - Possessed by our Possessions? - October 20, 2011.

AT LEAST WALMARTIANS ARE REAL PEOPLE

In the undeniably superficial Reality show world of the 'Real Housewives', Botox and plastic surgery seem a regular part of their lives. Anything to stop aging or any appearance of growing older. Their clothes however, although generally lower cut than regular city street wear, are obviously expensive and generally fairly elegant in a modern way.

Meanwhile, magazines and media continue to relentlessly glorify 'youth'. I don't think that there is a magazine cover anywhere that hasn't been airbrushed into fantasy. Even the very young teenaged model or airbrushed celebrity, couldn't possibly look like the airbrushed version of herself that sells the magazine covers.

The occasional grandparent model in commercials, movies or television, is unlikely to have gray hair or appear much older than their son or daughter. Perhaps the only place for middle aged and older people in most of the media seems to be when advertising banking.

On Television, older people are frequently portrayed as needing diapers or dentures...with little in between, being young and cool or decrepit and incontinent.

Street fashion, now more than ever, has filtered into the fashion design world. For some time now one of the current trend seems to be that sexy means a Burlesque and pole dance style of dress. This style is now literally 'walking the streets', both day and night.

I watched and wondered at the first couple of Pussycat Doll pole dancing style of competition. The first time someone at a party told me they were taking Pole Dancing, I spit out a mouthful of wine across the room in shock, (for the first and only time in my life). 

Street walker style gone suburban means, that among other things, many parents have either bought or not objected to clothing for their young girls which have such words as 'JUICY' printed on the back of their pants. 

As a result of this pervasive trend, for the first time perhaps, some wanna be young forever, middle class mothers seem also to be dressed in what was once the 'hoochey mama' version of street wear. 

No wonder we enjoy the 'Walmartian' photos so much, it is a real revelation of streetwear in all it's amazing, creative variations. Possibly a mirror might help to cure some of them, but I fear, they see what they see and to them it is just a whole lot of wonderful woman. At least 'Walmartians' are real people, unlike Botoxed, plastic surgery Barbie doll wannabees. 

Embarrassed daughters, often nominate their mothers for 'makeover' shows in order to get their mother to stop embarrassing them by wearing the teenagers clothes. If only to cover up the extra skin the mother has put on, it may be the daughters only way to explain to their mother that they are not and won't ever be cool dressed like this. 

Whatever happened to being comfortable within your own skin, being happy within yourself? What about having the confidence to find a way to adapt the new trends into something showing you know about fashion and have learned what suits you too?

You probably are already know how you might like to dress to reflect the successful and accomplished woman you now are. To actually do it you need to accept yourself as you are now and use your skills to put your best foot forward.  

The first step in what is actually reclaiming our lives and dignity, in the face of media youth bombardment is, to even occasionally, look in a Full Length Mirror. With your glasses on if necessary. Bite the bullet the first time, and take a reasonable and objective look, front (and please dear God, if you're in pants, back).
  
Since you are not airbrushed, you might look like a slightly older version than you did 5 or 10 years ago. This, probably would not surprise a normal person. The Fashion Victim however, is booking her next Botox appointment. Let her inject more botulism into her already frozen face.

Once you decide to give yourself permission to both acknowledge, but more importantly, try and accept yourself as you are, you will have also have taken a giant step toward reclaiming your self esteem and happiness.

By now, with time and experience you should already understand that you are unique and should be proud of your many accomplishments as well.

By accepting yourself, you will also soon find that you could actually begin to like yourself again. At some point, you might also more easily accept that you deserve the love your friends and family have been offering you, and return it happily. 

Most importantly, you are also giving yourself a chance to be happy again with the unique, beautiful person you worked so hard to become and 'grew up' into. The same one everybody but you saw, when they looked at you.


See also: CLOTHES THEN AND NOW and
              WHEN EVERY DAY IS CASUAL FRIDAY and
              THE CLOTHES LOVER - FINDING BEAUTY ON THE STREET

CELEBRATING REDEMPTION

Today we celebrate the death of Jesus Christ and the redemption that his sacrifice gave to mankind. This supreme self sacrifice, gives many of us hope whenever we reflect on upsets and upheavals in our lives in uncertain times.

I think some periods of time are more uncertain than others. Like the body, each society has an equilibrium where life seems reasonably in balance. When in balance, we and our neighbours, are able to calmly proceed with what we consider our 'normal' lives and probably feel relatively calm and unconcerned with small events that occur in our daily lives.

I would surmise that we are experiencing one of these periods of universal upheaval/adjustment now. For the past year at least, although possibly even the past five years, it seems like many of us seem to be putting future plans on the back burner. It is almost as though tacitly most of the world may be cautiously hoping that whatever change next occurs will not be a major one. I would even go so far as to say it seems that no one wants to be the one to tip the precarious balance and send us all hurtling into a universal domino-like financial disaster and possibly cataclysm.

There are times when our lives are unexpectedly effected. At such times we are forced to respond immediately. Some events, particularly emergencies, are recognized as being beyond our control. Such things as acts of nature, floods, storms and fires, require us to react quickly to prevent injury and loss of life. Human nature when faced with such events, responds as quickly as possible and usually finds us working together to restore normalcy as soon as possible.

Man-made upheavals however, such as war, genocide and power shifts uproot millions of people in every generation and can require exodus and emigration. Finding a safer place under such circumstances often displaces people sometimes temporarily, but for others, drives them permanently away from their native lands.

Sadly perhaps, we may ultimately be forced to recognize that some part of the world, in each generation suffers cataclysmic political upheaval of some sort. At the very least, this upsets and effects the lives of millions of people.

There is not much chance of balance and stability in parts of the world constantly plagued by war. It is a credit to the human spirit, that many people still manage to find some happiness and create a good life, despite the disruption around them.

There is some consolation in reflecting that some things remain constant in our lives and allow us to respond calmly to periods of vague dis-ease, because the foundation of our lives is not significantly effected.

Each generation also must learn how to accept change. How successful we are at adapting, will be reflected by our moods, perception, perspective and ultimately whether we are happy and satisfied with our lives.

Yesterday, someone compared life to a mirror, how we look at it, is what is reflected back to us.

The person able to always see the 'glass as half full', begins with an advantage over someone who is more pessimistic about life around them. However, there is merit in being realistic and possibly even a bit fatalistic in accepting that sometimes even many changes soon are incorporated and 'le plus ca change, le plus c'est la meme', (the more things change, the more they remain the same). I think this may be because we, as human beings, require balance and are inclined to assimilate and adapt as quickly as we can so that we might return to balance.

Reflecting on this today, over 2000 years after Christ's sacrifice, can remind us that not only does life go on, with or without our participation, but also that when we build strong foundations and take some steps to maintain some balance in our lives, we are likely to be less disturbed by changes beyond our control.

For those of us blessed with faith, Good Friday, is a time to celebrate and appreciate the gift of redemption which makes our lives hopeful. This remembrance might perhaps inspire us to some act of generosity and assistance to our fellow man. Perhaps because we have been given so much, we may today, remind ourselves to give some encouragement to someone struggling with greater difficulties. We are all improved when we give a 'hand up' and encourage others to pass it on.

ME FIRST - TOTALLY IN YOUR FACE

People are becoming very excessive in expressing their emotions these days. No longer can you usually depend on the exercise of common sense as you move through your day. Uninhibited self expression seems to be what we can expect, and must accept, wherever we go in public. Our language now includes many new words and phrases to reflect a changing reality of more emotionalism, anger and fatalistic acceptance.*

For example, Road Rage is now a commonly understood expression of anger by drivers. The warning 'Don't even go there' warns those around you that they are asking for an argument if they pursue a subject with you. In fact some of us may be 'cruising for a bruising' and could experience physical violence if we persist. 

Last year, this seemed sometimes to result in gun violence, serious injury or death. We began to wonder whether any of us might find ourselves 'caught in the crossfire' or be attacked if we accidentally antagonized someone. As a result, you may have the lowest overall crime rates in decades, but the violent nature of the crimes that are committed, makes them popular and appealing to a media, who's motto is 'if it bleeds, it leads'.  

Meanwhile, less violently thankfully, but somewhat fatalistically perhaps, 'it is what it is' now is said easily and often. This indicates a tacit acceptance, resignation even, that nothing is expected to change about an issue. Basically 'it is what it is'...so 'suck it up' and accept it. You can also 'knock yourself out'. This tells the other person that you know that whatever you say they will do what they want anyway. Unfortunately, this sometimes involves forcing those around them out of their way.

I guess more people are feeling that it is 'easier to ask forgiveness than permission'. Besides they want it, need it, gotta have it, and are gonna have it. Probably they feel they 'deserve' it. After all, 'life is short', unfair, 'everyone else is doing it' and 'you only live once'. **

In view of all this self expression, much of the above being in anger, I need to ask how did our relations with each other deteriorate to this point? Is all of this emotionalism and 'entitlement' here to stay? Must we really be made to feel everyone's 'pain'? Or do we just shut out the 'noise' coming at us and keep moving.

Let's face it, 'too much information' is not just telling people that they are telling us more than we would ever want to know about something; it is also trying to let them know that we really don't want to know any more of the details. We are imploring them to 'spare me' from hearing about this. This is especially true when someone, in a public place, seems to either not care or perhaps wants everyone within hearing range to hear whatever they are talking about today.

At least with a 'Reality Show' on the media, the people who choose to broadcast details of their lives, or play act a script purporting to do so, gives you a chance to switch it off. I wish that in 'real life', like in the movie 'Click' that you could postpone or better yet, shut off the other people around us. This applies  especially to the strangers among us who seem to have an endless need to 'share' their experiences with anyone within earshot. Fat chance.***

NOTE: See also - From 2013:  *ACTING UP AND ACTING OUT (2013) and

                                                  **LIFE IS NOT TOO SHORT and

                                                  ***UNREAL REALITY.

                             

PICK A BETTER COUNTRY (FROM 2012)

Sadly the last century's horrific death tolls seem not to have taught us two basic principles that can carry us peacefully through most of our lives: Do what you are able to do for yourself and Mind your own Business. Nevertheless, through some quirk or inherent problem in the human psyche, Totalitarianism of some type seems to occur perhaps as often as once a generation. 

As I have stated before, the isms of the past century did not hold much appeal for me. We were always aware that our grandparents homeland was 'a prison' to millions, who were not as lucky as we were to have left before the Communists so ably demonstrated what losing your freedom really meant. (See also my blog of 10/21/2011 Some comments about the 'isms' that ravaged the 20th Century)

Instead, of a Berlin Wall to keep us in, two generations of my family were happy to be in a new country that did not need to prevent people from leaving. In fact, instead we lived in Canada, where someday we might, like the United States, have to somehow try and keep people out.

As Winston Churchill once said, “It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” My thinking exactly.

General Dwight D. Eisenhower, later President of the United States, as Commanding General of the Allied Forces, made certain that hundreds of photographs were taken of the Concentration Camps in Germany and othe parts of Europe. He stated that without this, someday someone would deny it ever happened. How quickly this became reality. 

If people would consider that our system may be the least worst one in history, they would perhaps appreciate more what our country has accomplished in its brief history. Today's trend of trying to 'interpret' history to suit current popular sentiments, deprives us of understanding the times during which the events occurred.

A book such as "Eyewitnesses to History" related the accounts of people who were present when various historical events occured. For example, the Hindenburg Explosion in Lakehurst, New Jersey in 1937.

Keeping contemporary records and studying history as it was written, seems an excellent way for us to record and share events with both present, and perhaps more importantly, future generations.  They would soon learn that many other experiments were tried, and found in practice, to be considerably worse.

I hope that like me other Canadians, at the very least, appreciate that we enjoy greater freedoms than a hundred other countries of the world, even today. 

In fact, many people who emigrate to Canada immediately enjoy much greater freedom, than they ever would have in their native lands. This fact, however, does not stop some of them from trying to force us to accept some idea of theirs of yet another 'utopian' home (away from home) that never could or would exist where they came from. 

What is missing in the 'nationalistic' longings of immigrants, my own included, is the gratitude for and appreciation that the way of life and government which exists here in North America was and is an experiment which created a unique place on earth never tried before and which for the first time in history, accepted almost anyone who wanted to join in and contribute to it. 


NOTE: SEE ALSO - DON'T TRIVIALIZE TRAGEDY - FROM OCTOBER 22, 2011