MEN FRIENDS

I meet a lot of people, many/most of them Men. My education, my working life and even my social life, all meant I met many more Men than Women. This continues to be the case today.

As many of you know, I was very happily married until I became a Widow in 2005. From the time of my Marriage, therefore, Men were just more people I met and not people I would look at as other than Friends. I think because of this, I became much better at looking at Men as people of the opposite sex, and I am convinced saw them more objectively, than had we been dating.

What then, if anything did I learn by looking at the opposite sex, Men, as people? I think I would say I found most Men are friendly. Many of them will give you their honest advice, if you ask for it. If you don't ask for advice, and sometimes even when you do, most Men, unlike Women, won't volunteer their opinion.

If you have something that is not working properly, ask a man to fix it. He will often drop everything and fix whatever it is that is broken or tell you how you can fix it. Their solution will usually not involve spending a lot of money. Most Men will try and repair the one they have, before they buy a new one. In fact, if you are planning to throw out something, most Men will take it home and fix it. They will then probably offer to return it to you. If you decide you don't want it back, they will probably use it themselves. Often several years later, the will thank you again, for something that works so well.

Some of the men I know, that talk about such things at all, say that Men are Neanderthals and have not evolved much in a very long time. They will tell you they are visual beings and simple in their wants and needs.

You will notice that their friendships with each other are different than those of Women. For example, there are very few Men I have ever met who talk a lot. In fact, those that do are dismissed by being called 'Salesmen'. I guess there is room for everybody in life, but a man that is a 'Salesman' in his personal life probably is looked at suspiciously by other Men. He may also be accused of always 'selling something' or being pushy or having 'the gift of the gab'. None of this implies respect or admiration, in fact, likely the opposite.

A man who shops is a unique specimen as well. Few Men like to shop, other than for necessities such as food. The concept of a man going shopping is rare, even when far from home. He will drive you to the mall, but likely will find some way to meet up with you later. Save shopping for your Women friends or the rare male who might enjoy it, though few of these exist.

I like the fact that Men will usually answer a question with a considered answer. Most of them, won't just blurt out the first thing that comes into their head either. They will consider your question and assume you asked it because you actually want an answer.

If you are seeking a solution to a problem, you can do no better than asking a man for his advice. Provided that you explain the problem in a few words, you will get a reply, in a few words, which the man has carefully considered.

A word of warning, I think most Men find a lot of words confusing, possibly even upsetting. Unlike Women, who can follow several conversations at once, I don't believe this works with Men at all. They may try to decipher what you are actually asking for, but many will just withdraw and stay silent until you ask again for the answer to what you were asking for before. Perhaps by then, you will have translated the situation or problem into a manageable sentence or two, removed the emotional delivery and commentary and finally, asked for help on the basic problem, not on how to fix your whole life.

Men usually will not tell you every thought passing through their heads. They will usually sit together quietly making occasional observations about something happening around them, something in the news, something about an event they are attending together, or something that interested them. They will not describe or discuss it in detail, nor weigh out the pros and cons, via a long discussion.

On even important matters, they will usually tell another man about an event briefly, occasionally advising whether they favour an idea or not, and go back to being quiet again.

You can trust a man you are friends with. He will be punctual, reliable and honest. He will tell you the truth, because that uses the fewest words. If he likes and respects you as a person, he will always treat you kindly and gently, whatever maelstrom you may feel is effecting you. Not only that but most Men who are your friends are friends for life. I'd say many are worth their weight in gold...at least that is my experience with Men As Friends.