BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN...

Most of us have heard the expression, Better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Some of us, doubted this, since we well remembered the sting of being disappointed in someone in the past, after having freely given them our hearts.

For some of us, that awful past experience makes us wonder whether we can protect ourselves from ever having to experience that kind of pain again. We wonder whether, we might be better off, protecting ourselves by never again leaving ourselves vulnerable to another person.

Last month someone in my Google circle wrote that they don't want to be hurt again and so they will never let themselves be in love again. Someone else wrote that if the person in their lives was planning to leave, then they should not come into their life in the first place.

What I would say to both of these people, NEWSFLASH, Love like Life, does not come with guarantees, about anything, let alone something as important as Love.

Meanwhile back in the real world, most of us are usually too busy, especially during the working day, to think about what love might mean in our lives. We suspect, and perhaps even secretly fear, that it might just make life complicated, actually too complicated. We tell ourselves and others also, that we have enough problems to deal with every day already and Love for another person might just be one too many.

So if we are alone, claiming that we are strong, self sufficient, and are doing just fine on our own 'Thank you very much', we go home and cook. or likely make some sort of makeshift 'dinner', for one.

While eating it, often in front of the television, we wonder why there are no decent Men or Women out there. You and all of the Men/Women you know seem to be both decent and are not finding a partner either.

You tell yourself, you aren't asking for perfection after all, just some decent human being. Why then is this thing called Love so elusive?

I remember someone saying that when you least expect it, Love happens. When you are not looking, Love happens, and most mysterious of all, when you are ready Love will come to you.

Until it happened to me, my answer to any of these -- least expect it, not looking and being ready -- was to say, Yeah sure thing, I won't hold my breath.

However, one thing I know happens when you think you might have a chance to love someone you have met is to prevent yourself from 'shooting yourself in the foot' and ensuring that you won't get closer to the new person.

I think, if I were to give one piece of advice to a potential couple is that you must not expect them, in either a good way or a bad way, to be like someone from your past. Not only was your past unsuccessful, but you don't live there any more.

You must therefore, look at each person you meet, and not just someone you might hope to have a relationship with, as an individual.

When you meet people in an open and friendly way, you are more likely to see the positive about them and what they say and do. You are relaxed and comfortable and usually ask and answer questions in a way that shows interest and curiosity about them and their ideas and opinions.

You sense whether this is a person you would like to get to know more about and whether there might be a place in your life for them. If the answer is yes and you begin to spend more time together, I believe you will actually know, if you let yourself trust your instincts, whether you could possibly see this person as more than a friend.

Sometimes you just have to take a 'leap of faith' and try to trust again that this time things might be different. I know it is scary. I know your past experience, like near death, is flashing warning signs before your eyes, but sometimes you just have to ignore them, and take a chance on love.

When you are ready however, I believe you will know the answer. In fact, that triumph of Optimism over Past Experience will happen relatively painlessly. Actually, whether you are a Man or a Woman, I doubt anything will prevent you from taking a chance on the happiness that might just be possible for you with this person.

I may, of course, be wrong, but then again, I might be right...and stranger things have happened en route to your Destiny.


Also published on Word Press in April 2014