WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

Many years ago, a friend of mine wrote a horrible letter to her ex-boyfriend. She read it to me and I cringed at the doubts she had about herself and how she was obviously wracking her brain to think of what she had done wrong.

The fact that her boyfriend had left her for some ‘chick’ in a ‘string bikini’ made this beautiful girl doubt everything about herself.

Mercifully, I convinced her to wait a couple of days until the weekend was over and only then mail this letter if she still felt the same way. Years later I heard that she had never mailed it. She thanked me.

What happened to her and what happened to him? She married someone else and had two sons, lived a different life from what she earlier expected but, I suspect a happier one. He married the ‘string bikini chick’ who soon was pregnant and convinced him to work two jobs and make her feel secure but putting their property in her name. Most of us can fill in the blanks here.

This morning I read an article on the Internet about why a Man might break up with a good Woman. The writer felt there were 3 main reasons, none of which the Man would tell you. He said he thought that the reasons were that: the Man felt pressured and inadequate, that the relationship felt competitive and that he didn’t feel respected.

I could see why any one of these reasons could be a ‘deal breaker’. You can too if you think about it.

My friend was expressing insecurity, just as we all do about something in our lives that we doubt and worry about in our lives. In our mind there is always somebody more beautiful, thinner, more accomplished, richer and possibly happier than we are. Meanwhile the person others saw when they looked at my friend could be Kate Upton’s sister.

This happened years ago, but it also happened yesterday, will happen today and again tomorrow. In other words, it will continue happening until we figure out who we are and what we are willing to give to have lasting and fulfilling mutual love in our lives.

We need to think about why we either feel pressured or inadequate or make others feel this way.

We also need to seriously decide whether every area of our life needs to be competitive, even our home life? Can we ever trust ourselves or anyone else in our lives enough to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them in? 

Can we ever teach ourselves to be secure and confident enough to recognize that we can have people in our lives who have our best interests at heart and only want us to love them back?

Can we consider that we don’t respect anyone and can’t because we don’t respect ourselves?

Anyone who has ever felt pressured or inadequate, competitive with someone else or felt a lack of respect in their lives; in other words, everyone you know including yourself; can understand why someone (male or female) feeling any of these things is likely to want to get as far away as they can from the person who makes them feel this way.

The writer of the article gave 3 Reasons a Man Might Break Up With a Good Woman (That He Won’t Tell You). Clayton Olson at YourTango.com spoke to all of us Men and Women. He gave us a lot to think about far into ourselves and went right to the place we really live.

Is it any wonder that we wouldn’t tell someone else why we felt this way about someone else and that it was the ‘deal breaker’ when we can’t even tell ourselves? Something to think about.