HINDSIGHT IS 20/20...BUT

How many times have we wished we could have a crystal ball in front of us to tell us how something would work out. 

More often though, it is only after something has happened that we are able to see the result of our actions. It is then that we wish we could have known to avoid certain people and situations. We tell ourselves that we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble, IF ONLY we had 'known better'. 

Usually the benefit of hindsight is that it lets us see how something might have been different IF ONLY we knew then what we know now.

Let's face it, few of us are chagrined or dismayed by happy results. We are very willing to accept and enjoy them.  

I propose though that hindsight can be valuable too. I think this is so because it explains that a period of time that seemed hard actually helped us quite a lot.

At the very least, overcoming or coming out of a difficult period shows us it is possible. 

Quite often also, in retrospect, we see how something we thought we really wanted, was definitely the wrong thing for us. 

The things that we choose, and those things and people which we sometimes feel (almost) choose us, make us the people we are and influence who we become. 

Experience is the best teacher, but hindsight is the best tool to reflect upon the results of previous decisions we made. It tells us which pitfalls to avoid in the future. Best of all, it can help us to recognize and appreciate, just how far we have come.

WE ARE ALL A WORK IN PROGRESS

Someone today spoke about how life involves falling down too. True enough. It's not just tiny children learning to walk who fall down, it's all of us at one time or another. Because we are no longer so close to the ground, the fall can also hurt a lot more.

However, we experience the day and days ahead, trying to learn from them is worthwhile. Each of us falls yes, but it is in getting up again, dusting ourselves off and moving again, that we move forward.

Moving forward, not really the same as striving to get ahead. Rather it is a combination of living life consciously. Instead of just seeing a day as something to endure, to get through, to drag ourselves through, we can try and see each day as an opportunity.

We can begin to live better any time we want. We do not need anybody else's permission. We do not need to even talk about it at all. 

When we decide to live better, we take control over our own lives and decide not just to let them drift on day after day and week after week.

We can begin when we are ready. A possible starting point is to become aware of more of what our lives are made up of. We can easily look at we already have in our lives.

By looking at the good and the bad..much of which we do not even acknowledge consciously, we can easily see we have something good as a base to continue building upon. We can also see areas of our life we are ready, and able, to finally change.

I always talk about how I realized that so many people in Paris were smiling at me. Since I am/was not much of a 'smiley' person, it took me a few minutes to realize that they were SMILING BACK at me...because I was Smiling at them. 

I had a wonderful time on that trip, my BUCKET LIST became a reality and I was able to be happy again despite my doubt it could ever be possible again. 

It still took me a lot longer to realize that Smiling was a good place to start. It was possible for me to do, it didn't cost anything and actually could be healthier. 

It was however, when I realize that SMILING was actually ADDICTIVE AND CONTAGIOUS, in the best way possible, that I made it a tool in my life and decided it was a very worthwhile to practice until it became a natural and habitual part of my life. 

Seeing each day as a new start takes a bit more work.
Some days I am grumpy and this or that muscle aches. Many times, something or somebody drives me crazy. Other times, I hear the news and am dismayed that it is a list of negativity and about how rotten people or the world might be. Then, again, maybe too often, I am frustrated that I STILL have not achieved some great thing. 

However, every once in awhile, perhaps on my Birthday, or Christmas, Easter, New Year's, but just as likely on some random morning...like today, I realize that I've come a long way that week, that year, in my life and I am encouraged again.  

I also see that I still have a chance to make this day I am waking up to a new day of hope and fun and progress.

I am alive, I am restored, I sit up and get ready to see what today will bring...

We all are a work in progress, and that is not so bad.

LIFE 2,500,000,000 HEARTBEATS

The other day I read that we have 2 billion 500 million heartbeats in a Lifetime. This struck me as an amazing statistic. I had no idea. I am a bit surprised. 

More than surprised however, I am a bit embarrassed that so many of mine are unaccounted for and have been used without my thinking about or appreciating this wonderful gift of life that I have had all of this time and never thought about at all. 


Today someone sent me this wonderful and very kind wish for the New Year...

My Wishes in 2014 are that God gives You...
12 Months of Happiness
52 Weeks of Fun
365 Days of Success
52600 Minutes of Good Luck
315600 Seconds of Joy...and that's all!

I will always be happy that someone was so thoughtful and kind to send a wish for every month, week, day, minute and second of the new year 2014.

These two messages are making me think more seriously about how to use this precious time for a happy healthy and better year in 2014.

Best wishes to all of you who read this. I urge you to join me in thinking about the year ahead and making your 2014 happy for yourself and those around you in the New Year. 

Emme

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY

I have come to believe that the biggest thing that holds us back from realizing our hopes and dreams in life is FEAR. We can wish and dream about something forever, but without trying we will never accomplish it.

As President Roosevelt said during World War 2, "The greatest thing we have to fear is fear itself". I think he was right.

Fear keeps us from trying new things. It prevents us from going to new places, daring to do something new or different. Worst of all, it stops us from turning our dreams into reality. 

I think that each of us have a safe or comfort zone in our lives. We feel comfortable within a certain range of activities and ideas. These may feel good to us because they are part of our lives as habits and our daily routine. In fact, such things make our lives easy and simple and let us get a lot done each day.

Trying something new however, can make us feel uncomfortable. Many of us actually ask ourselves some questions that give us an idea of what it is that really worries us about trying something new. 

Some of the things we might ask ourselves are:
What if we try something and don't like it? What if we try something and we are not good at it? What if we fail? What if we fail and someone else sees it? 

Sometimes we are fearful that we might embarrass ourselves. This stops us from trying something we haven't done before or are unsure we might be able to do. 

I think however, that we might turn these questions around and ask ourselves instead: What if we try something and find we like it? What if we try something and find we are good at it, or could become good at it if we practice it? What if we succeed? 

Most embarrassment is self consciousness. When you decide however, to try something, you take a first step toward success at something new. Most of us are a bit awkward when we trying something unfamiliar. Why wouldn't we be? 

Many things we are good at have required passing that first try and moving forward until we master that task and incorporate it as a part of our lives. 

When we think that at one point or other in our lives, everything we did was done for the first time, we might be open to adding new things and being more willing to find some new ideas to add to our lives.

Some of us start small, others jump over obstacles. Each of us has to find a way that works for us. 

Taking that first step gives us a chance to be happier and come closer to turning our dreams into reality. You'll never know until you try. 

REALISTIC RESOLUTIONS

Like most of you sometime today, before or after midnight, I will make some resolutions for 2014. 

Like almost all of you, I will make some sensible ones; to take better care of my health, eat fewer sweets, be nicer to people around me and things like this. 

It almost goes without saying that, of course, the Diet starts as soon as New Year's Day is over.

Experience however, teaches us that most of us a week from now will look back and see that our good intentions, like so many from previous years, have gone out the window. Therefore, several years ago, I began to keep my resolutions pretty general and very simple. I feel this gives me a 'fighting chance' to succeed.

So what I do now usually is to say a brief prayer asking God for strength and encouragement for the coming year. 

I also resolve in a very general way to improve on the areas in which I am still falling short on and which I am disappointed with in myself.

If I am being especially insightful and wiser than usual, I promise myself to stop giving other people advice and hoping somehow to change them. Instead I hope I will listen more, be kinder to those I meet and a better friend to those I care about.

I look back on other years and am amazed at where I have been and try to imagine what may lay ahead both in realistic terms and in what on my Wish List might just be possible.

Most importantly, I smile at those I meet and those I am with, and wish them well...with all my heart.

Happy New Year - wishing you all good health and happiness in the coming year.  

EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED

Recently I was thinking about the upcoming Christmas and New Years celebrations and how most of us will again be seeing our friends and family members. Many of us still send out Christmas cards, most of us make an extra effort to see each other in person if we can as well.

I noticed this year that people seemed to be less organized than usual and having a much harder time fitting everything in. For example, I met friends on the other side of the city well over an hour later than I expected to, last Friday, and again on Sunday. Because my friends were very busy themselves, this actually worked out better on Friday than expected. We also postponed an additional thing we thought we might do together because they had plans a few hours later and several additional errands to do in between.

On Saturday, Toronto got hit with a major snow storm which became a problem with a quarter of a million people without power and heat. Some are still having to resort to shelters. Some people may be effected by this until the New Year. The streets were, ice rinks in many places. Many tree branches broke because of the weight of the ice on the branches. Though lovely to look at, getting anywhere can easily become dangerous. In more than one place, tree branches and ice covering streetcar lines put transportation in several areas out of service.

What is one to do when a pileup of events beyond your control slow you down or put you seriously behind your schedule? What do you do when something comes into your life that demands you alter your plans completely?

In cases of illness, I think our bodies are actually sending us a message to slow down, lighten up and start taking better care of ourselves. When nature throws us for a loop, we are forced to work around it and adjust our schedules to allow for unexpected delays that are beyond our control.

I may be stating the obvious, but particularly with illness, you either are 'out of commission' and/or must rest to recover. When unexpected natural events occur, you can adapt and reschedule or allow more time in order to get things done. 

Both illness and storms can effect our schedules and slow us down somewhat. What I suggest however, is that we pay attention to such occurrences and

use them as an opportunity to slow our pace down to what is manageable under the circumstances. After the event, we might make a few plans for future unexpected events by taking a few safety precautions particularly relating to power outages, so that we might cope better in future.

In the midst of the event however, not only is attempting to treat everything as if it is normal not possible, but it is not sensible either. Often we will be better off to acknowledge and accept we will not be able to do as much as we usually would. By accepting this, we will find we are able to prioritize and adjust to what it possible under the circumstances. We can then actually accomplish most of what we need to do, while arriving at our destination calmer and more relaxed because we have already adapted to what can be done.

Wishing you all a safe, happy and relaxed Christmas holiday and hoping most of us will still be able to ring in the New Year with the weather cooperating a little more.

RELATIVE VALUES - COURAGE AND DECENCY

This time of year reminds us frequently of the people in our lives, past and present. Some of them are in touch with us and the renewed contact evokes memories both of shared experiences as well as, our relationship with them. 

The relatives we hear from and meet up with are a keystone. They bridge the gap between the past and the present. Like the idea of BFF, our relatives have always been part of our lives. They are, of course, related closely to all of those we love.

For good or ill, our relatives know who we are, where we really live and where we have been. Most of them have been with us when we celebrated and perhaps more importantly, when we grieved. Most of the experiences we shared together were and will always be, important to us. Like it or not, they have more in common with us than we think.

I thought today about courageous men. I knew I would marry a courageous man because I was raised by one. Both of them lived quiet decent lives and faced death in quiet and dignified ways. I wish neither of them had to call on the courage they had within them and that various elements of their lives might have been happier or easier, but ultimately both of them lived good lives and ones that were honest and decent.

As the year ends, I will see many members of my family. The foods we will share, the Christmas song and prayer are those our family have said and sung for over a thousand years.

While it may be true that you can never go home again, in the sense of duplicating a time from your past, when you had a home worthy of the name, you take the lessons you learned and pass them on to those around you and those who will follow you. There is comfort in this, especially in a world where so many are so desperate to escape their past that they waste the present too.

I am glad of whatever opportunity I have to honour those who have preceded me and who bequeathed to me their noble traditions and beliefs. These gifts thankfully have made life make more sense than it would have without them. 

REMEMBERING...

There is something about this time of year that evokes memories of Christmas past and other New Year's as well.

Yesterday I told a Japanese friend that at this time of year everyone eats too many sweet things and that most of us consider it a waste of time to start a diet till after the New Year...that is what Resolutions are for. We both laughed when I explained that with the best of intentions...every New Year most of us make resolutions that starting tomorrow...

Today though I was also thinking of the people who were and are in our lives. We hear from relatives and friends by phone, email, and even now through a few letters and newsletters and cards.

We also notice poignantly those who are no longer with us and also that many of us have taken over the holiday preparations that our parents took responsibility for when we were growing up. 

Many of us now have our parents join us if they are still alive and able to. The rest of us, quietly remember the important part they played in our lives, during the holidays and throughout our lives while they were still with us.

Wherever we are and whatever form our celebrations are about to take, I am going to remember to leave a bit of room in my day and in my life to remember other years and other celebrations in gratitude and appreciation. 

This is one resolution I intend to share with my loved ones during the Christmas and New Years celebrations this year...and one I intend to work hard to keep in the new year. 

A FEW MOMENTS AMID A LIFE IN PROGRESS

There are few people that can look at a life in progress, their own or anyone else's, and determine what should be considered the most important events of that life. 

Besides, if we are actually enjoying our lives, we are too busy living them to be trying to summarize them in some sort of THIS IS YOUR LIFE retrospective.

Although I have been very impressed by the historian Paul Johnson who seems somehow evaluate the years and decades most important events very perceptively; the rest of us, not having Johnson's insight, will probably just have to muddle along and let someone else write the eulogies after we are gone.

"The Unexamined Life is not worth living" said Socrates in the 4th Century B.C.. Today however, many of us suspect that philosophers, psychologists, and the type of people who spend a lot of time talking about the meaning of life, may actually devote more time and energy nosing into other people's business, than they do living their own lives.

There is however, something nice about taking a few minutes to share reminiscences about our experiences when we get together with friends and family at this time of year.

Some of us are meeting again after a long time. For some families, Thanksgiving is a time of large family get togethers. For many of us however, Christmas has become the time when most of us make an effort to be together at least once a year.

At this time, particularly if we have not met for a while, some summary of our present life seems to be in order. We find ourselves needing to be able to update and summarize where we have been and what we have been doing recently. 

For most of us, the daily details are less important than an overall summary of what we have been doing with our lives since the last time we met.

Such minutiae as children's skinned knees seems far less important to us or those around us, than the observation that time has passed and marvelling at the children are growing up so quickly or whether we feel our lives are better and worse than before.

Perhaps this isn't so bad. These people have known us all of our lives, and vice versa. Some of the them are able to see the similarities and differences in our lives from other times we met, because they have the benefit of knowing us well. They may also have the unique insight and perspective which meeting infrequently somehow permits.

Whatever observations they might make, we can all agree that there is some comfort and encouragement to be had, in catching up on each others lives. We also have some satisfaction in remembering shared experiences, memories of our lives together as well as, thinking about those of our friends and families who are no longer with us. 

Before we all disperse again back to our separate daily lives, our lives in progress; it is nice to take a few moments and briefly reflect upon and remember the past, with those who have been with us for all of our lives. Then it's back to the future that seems just a step beyond the threshold as we return to our own individual lives. 

THE MORE WE GET TOGETHER...THE HAPPIER WE'LL BE

The title refers to the traditional children's song originating in the 18th or 19th centuries.* It is an easy song to learn and can be repeated over and over or you can add additional verses of your own.

The message is an easy one to convey and remember and the simple tune can be danced to by children holding hands and moving around in a circle.

As an adult, the simple truth of this song strikes me because for many years now, friends of mine meet other friends of mine and my friends become your friends, and as the song says, we are all happier for it.

Over the years, each of us establishes a circle of friends, some who came into our lives when we were young children, others throughout our formative years and also during each phase of our working and personal lives as well. 

The amazing thing with friendship is that with the passage of time, we realize, some of these people have been our companions for most of our lives and are still with us today. 

These people have been with us through all of the good times, and possibly, more importantly, through the bad times. Our friends have supported and encouraged us whatever the circumstances. Hopefully, we mutually have made each others lives happier and better.

So it is, at this time of year, when we prepare for our Christmas and other celebrations, as well as, the New Year, we take a moment to recognize and acknowledge our appreciation of the fact, that our lives are happier because of the friends, and friends of friends, who have contributed to our happiness and well being. 

Join me and take a moment to be happy and grateful to the splendid circle that makes each of our lives better...our Friends and Friends of Friends who accompany us on our journey through life.

*WIKIPEDIA REFERENCES:

The More We Get Together is a traditional British folk song and popular children's song dating to the 18th or 19th century. Like Did You Ever See a Lassie?, its tune was taken from a 1679 Viennesetune by Marx Augustin, Oh du lieber Augustin.

Lyrics[edit]

The more we get together,

together, together,

the more we get together,

the happier we shall be.

For your friends

are my friends,

and my friends

are your friends.

The more we get together,

the happier we shall be.

MY NOTE; 

You can also make two additional verses by saying THE MORE WE DANCE TOGETHER and/or THE MORE WE SING TOGETHER... 

You might possibly think up other words to add and make your own additional song verses for your children and friends..

Wikipedia also adds that: The song was used in a UK advert for Wrigley's Extra chewing gum in 2006.and that in August 2013, Subway New Zealand used the tune to advertise their Limited Time $5 Lunch Deals.

PLAN A REUNION WITH YOURSELF TODAY

How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World is an interesting new book. In it Jordan Christy states that leaving the next generation a legacy of pole dancers and Hooter's girls does not bode well for the future of Women.

Meanwhile, most Women already know that despite the strides that have been made in opportunities for a variety of careers which other generations would likely not have felt prepared to tackle, something is not right with where we are today as Women.

The working woman of today, may have more disposable income of her own, but however loving her husband, she is still the one working and doing most of the Parenting, and Chauffeuring and Cleaning and Laundry and Homework supervision and Elder Care for both her own parents and her in laws, and much more.

In effect, the only thing she gets all of out of 'having it all' is less respect, consideration and more work piled on in addition to the responsibilities she traditionally would have had as a Wife and Mother.

Meanwhile every form of media from magazines to videos to television tell her she must be 'hot' or she will be replaced by someone who is. The diet she has been on all her life is just the beginning of the physical demands, now it's injecting Botulism to paralyze her face and try to appear forever young, and stay that way. 

We are, in effect, more uncertain of our place in society and without even the confidence that our Mother's had that there was only one Mother in the family and her place was there for life. 

The Respect, Esteem and Deference are gone. What is left? A crucial question and one only you can answer. What it amounts to is reacquainting yourself with that lovely carefree girl who grew into an accomplished and beautiful woman.

Take a step back from the ones trying to pretend they can 'have it all' and meet yourself again. Reflect quietly and thoughtfully about the quality of your life and the goals you have. 

When you are ready, look in the mirror and tell your best friend that you are happy to see her again, that you are proud of how far you have come and that you have given it a lot of thought and you are really happy to see her again after all of this time. It's been so long you thought you might never see her again.
   

See also: April 2013 FIND YOURSELF AGAIN TODAY (Tempus Fugit - Time Flies by - What are you waiting for?)

OUR POSSESSIONS PLACE IN OUR LIVES

Our possessions have meaning to us. We keep things for a variety of reasons. Some are useful to us, others have sentimental significance in our lives. Still others have been stored away, because we did not need them immediately but felt we might need them later.

Literally and metaphorically, we all have 'stuff' we bring with us, wherever we go. Some of our baggage is emotional, many more things however, which we may use to define our identity are our material possessions. 

When we go through our possessions, especially in the course of changing our residence, we usually take out everything we own and finally see just how much 'stuff' we have accumulated thus far in our lives.

In the process we are likely to re experience some memories as we remember various occasions in our lives when we added these things to our lives. 

Some of these things we decide to still keep; some we always will, because they are part of our history and identity and represent the place we have established for ourselves in life. Others we have forgotten we even had. Still others no longer hold any value to us.

This sorting through our possessions, becomes a way of taking stock and deciding on which of our stuff still has a place in our lives.

Ultimately, at some point, the place we are leaving begins to look bare and empty except for a large mess of boxes full of our possessions. The place starts to feel strange. Many of the things that gave this place a comfortable feeling are no longer in the place we expect them to be.

I think, at this point, we begin to disassociate ourselves from the place we are leaving, and somehow have become ready to move to a new place.

We also reach a point where we know we can actually 'let go of' a lot of this stuff and become both willing and able to either throw it out or give it away. This is especially true when we see boxes that were never unpacked after the last move.

After the move, we are again overwhelmed because of the quantity of things we possess and which we must now try to find a place for. We face a new challenge; finding a place for our things, and ourselves, in our new environment. 

No matter how well we label our boxes while moving, there is still the problem of finding a 'home' for some of our 'stuff'.  Eventually however, we have unpacked and begin to feel more at home when the familiar things are around us and have made a new place for our possessions.  

Someone I know once said, 'every hour of a move is a year off of your life'. Thinking about this today, I am wondering if in fact, each hour of a move, helps us dispose and discard past baggage and actually help us to make some room in our lives for a lighter and brighter future.  

LOWER YOUR VOICE

Back in April, I wrote an essay called HOW TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS. At that time, I listed a few, among the thousands of books that are around, which I actually keep in my bookshelves. I also mentioned that my favourite of all time was/is: how to improve your marriage without talking about it.*

This morning, I unearthed another book I plan to read called: The Art of Talking so that people will Listen - Getting Through to Family, Friends & Business Associates**

I just opened it to the Index and saw some interesting subject headings. Regardless of what the book tells me when I read it, I can think of something each of us can do immediately: LOWER YOUR VOICE. If you are a Woman...really lower your voice.

Yes, I know you are not Lauren Bacall, who incidentally went on to have a fabulous Hollywood career after she lowered hers, but I am certain that listening to someone talking on their cell phone in a public place, will show you the merit of doing this.

If the noise pollution around you isn't enough to make you change your own behaviour, become aware of all of the yelling and raised voices on television. 

If you are a Woman, notice how easy it is to seem strident and harpy. With a voice already higher in pitch than that of most men, it does not take much for a Woman's voice to become a screech. Think about how attractive this is...not. 

I have already written earlier this year, about Whining and about the people we all encounter who think the world revolves around them. Either of these groups will not, I suspect, even notice when you have left the room. They are usually still talking about their favourite subject, that source of endless fascination to them, themselves.

There also seem to be a lot of people around who are holding a grudge and/or feeling others have wronged or cheated them. You will usually find them loudly complaining about someone at work, or at home. Almost anything will set them off on a tirade. A harangue or monologue is their habitual method of communication. They amount to a one person complaint service. Many of us suspect they will never be happy.

When a group of these discontented people, meet others of their ilk, you will probably find them protesting about something out on the street. 

I have not even mentioned 'road rage' or another dozen forms of anger and excuses for raised voices. More often than ever, we see evidence of impatience and frustration expressed in heated exchanges. There seems no shortage at all in the ways we, and those around us are finding to express our dismay and disgust and discontent with life.

Even contemplating all that can bother us today and which seems to be bothering those around us, raises my tension level and makes me feel a bit anxious.

I think however, we have at our disposal a way to take a small step to turn our own lives into a calm, quiet place. Join me and do yourself, and everyone else around us a big favour and Lower our Voice. 




* how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love, Ed.D. and Steven Stosny, Ph.D. 
**The Art of Talking so that People will Listen - Getting through to family,friends & business associates by Paul W. Swets.

OTHER RELATED ESSAYS: 
HOW TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS
WHINE WHINE WHINE - IS IT HUMAN NATURE? and THE SOLOIST - ME ME ME ME ME


 

PUTTING YOUR LIFE ON A DIET

I think that a change or residence presents us with a unique opportunity to put our lives on a diet. Change in our lives, most of us realize, requires that we move from something we have become used to towards something new. 

Generally, once we have consciously decided we are ready to move, we are committed to packing up the old and familiar. In effect, we are actually sorting through the past. 

All too soon we see just how many 'things' we have accumulated. As we begin to empty out all of our storage places, we realize that we have a lot more ‘stuff’ than we ever thought we did.

At some point we cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the job ahead of us. If nothing else, we begin to realize that we have voluntarily made this decision to totally disrupt our lives. What were we thinking?

However, instead of letting ourselves feel 'weighed down' by the amazing quantity of possessions we have accumulated, we might instead see moving out as a way of positively moving on.

Something inexplicable seems to happen to us when we make a major residential move. Somehow, we reach a point where we are between two homes and
we finally become unusually willing and able to dispose of many possessions which we know will no longer fit the next place we are going to. 

The major changes we are in the process of making, present a unique opportunity for us to go one step further and to lighten up our lives in general. In effect, we can make it a good time to put our life on a diet.
The amount we are ready to let go of is probably also a good indicator of how ready we are to move forward. Something to think about. 

CHANGING SEASONS

Many people I have been seeing recently feel everyone they know is feeling 'flu-ish'. For most of us, the change between Autumn and Winter requires some adjustment.

Not only does the onset of colder weather leave us in a dilemma about what to wear to adjust between overheated buildings and a cold, drizzly and sometimes windy outdoors, but generally requires a bit of time for us to adjust to days that turn dark before 6 p.m. Such is life in North America at this time of year. 

In short, a bit of adjustment and adaptation is in order during the change of the seasons. We need to 'switch gears' emotionally and physically to welcome and appreciate the new season and all that it has in store for us.

In the same way, when our lives are in transition and we are making changes in our lives, a period of adjustment is usually necessary. 

In some ways this can be compared to other times in our life where we have needed to adapt to changes in our lives. 

The really big changes in our lives such as changing our residences, recovering from illness, experiencing a period of mourning, require the passage of time to become assimilated into our life experience.  

The change of the seasons however, whether gradual or abrupt, requires quicker adaptations and reactions from us because they occur beyond our control and involve a much shorter period of time. 

Seasonal changes take us forward into the next part of the year and bring with it both the familiar and the new. We move forward in our lives and in our year.

By choosing to accept and appreciate what each season brings us, we can participate and enjoy the change as a positive yearly passage and really get the most out of what it brings us. 

GO FOR IT

I often think and write about making changes and finding ways to actively 'kick start' my life and give it a good push forward. 

While, I truly believe that a routine gets us through the everyday tasks we need to accomplish, most of us, I know feel from time to time that we would like to make something happen. 

Whether we feel stuck in a rut, or the change of seasons reminds us that time is passing, or for whatever reason, we feel it would be nice to feel a sense of progress, inspiration and enthusiasm again. 

Something tells me/us that being proactive, and taking an active role is more likely to move things ahead than waiting for something new to appear on the horizon someday.

As always, though, where do you start? If it was easy, we would already be out there working on our next Bucket List or confident that life doesn't get any better than this.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't meet too many people who feel their lives could not be any better. So back to the Drawing Board, where do we start when we feel we are low on inspiration and new ideas?

I'd say start with yourself. That is, after all, who you want to work on and with. Knowing what you really want, is a fine place to start to getting it. 

Do you have a secret dream? Is there something you always wanted to do but couldn't either because other obligations or perhaps because there didn't ever seem to be enough money to do it? 

I suggest that, once you think about this a bit, you ask yourself how much you want this dream? Next ask yourself, who or what in your life actually prevents it's realization? You may be surprised to find that the person preventing success is yourself. 

For example, the obligations that prevented you from going after the dream may originally have been taking care of your younger family or elderly parents. You might consider whether the same circumstances still exist. 

On the other hand, if you thought you did not have enough money to fulfill your dream, you might scrutinize the way you use whatever money you have. 

You might also, after deciding that you really still want this dream to become a reality, realize that some extra funds might be found to bridge the gap between your dream and your pocketbook. In other cases, some extra effort may be required.  

Sometimes physical limitations, such as being out of shape, preclude your dream. Skydiving or active sports activities such as running a Marathon, would be impossible if you do not do something to make it physically possible. Such things have been overcome by others and might be something you also could achieve. 

Life you may already have learned, involves a certain amount of compromise. We must be realistic also about our personal strengths and weaknesses. You must also, accept that unless your dream becomes a priority, it is unlikely that you will ever fulfil it.

Everyone else is not more exceptional, we are not surrounded by Super Heroes, or even particularly gifted paragons who are easily capable of 'having it all' either. 

There are however, some things each of us believes we would like to have, or do. I personally am convinced that each of us is capable of a lot more than we think we are, if only we decide to direct ourselves toward a life closer to our dreams than the one we currently live. 

DOMINOS AND LIFE OVERLOADED

There are now world record competitions each year to show how you can topple up to 275,000 Domino's after you launch the first one. There are times when I feel life is similar.

The domino effect gives us a perfect example of how there are times when it is impossible in life not to sweat the small stuff. In fact, accumulated small stuff eventually knocks our entire routine over.

Normally the routine we have established in our lives, carries us through most days pretty easily.

However, a lot of 'small stuff' seems to creep up unexpectedly into our lives. Each additional task adds to those we already must do. 

Most of us, I think, have experienced periods of time, when there does not seem enough time to get everything we need to do done. Then again, there are times where we seem to be rushing around and still feel we are not able to complete anything properly.

Sometimes in fact, we feel as though we are about to be knocked over by the number of things we have to get done. 

At such times, it may be worth looking at a domino competition. Several good ones have been put on you tube. 

Meanwhile I suggest that in life, while the pile up seems ready to topple us over, in reality the extra little push ultimately moves us forward.  

When eventually we reach the end of the cycle, we can look back at the fact that, in the rush forward a lot of things actually were done. We can also see that we have also moved ahead to another place. 

Looking at the big rush and the push that propelled us forward, we can recognize that it actually isn't so bad, now that it is done. Besides we also moved forward.

Meanwhile, mercifully we can go back to our regular routine for the time being...until the next time.

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH - IN YOURSELF

You may have read, even if only recently in my essay THE BUCKET LIST REVISITED that I felt it was all too easy to create a Shrine to the past and actually believe that my life was over. 

Instead, I took a bit of a leap over my fears, especially a 20 year old fear of flying, and discovered that there was a lot more in life for me to see and do.

I have to admit that I probably still spend more time alone than I do with other people, just as I did before I met my husband. I don't know if that's good or bad. I know however, that it works out well for me most of the time. 

However, even when I was happily married for all those years, I understood that one of the reasons we got along so well was that neither of us expected the other person to fulfil all of their needs. Some of our interests were strictly our own. 

Early on for example, I realized that my husband actually 'hated' shopping of any sort, excepting perhaps for groceries.

It did not take me long to learn that when I took/dragged him along with me on a shopping excursion, I was about to have a pretty awful time. 

Similarly, sharing his long standing interest in traditional jazz, although enjoyable for me as a an audience member at a live performance in a club occasionally; did not extend to a deeply consuming or scholarly interest in the subject.

It has often been said that one door closes and another one opens. I think this is probably true.

If you think of all of the unexpected surprises that change brings into our lives, you soon realize that predicting the future is pretty hard to do.

So often what happens in life actually exceeds our expectations...if we let it.

In my case, had you told me that I would, one year after being Widowed, be walking around Buckingham Palace, the Yacht Britannia, Windsor Castle, Versailles or drinking Champagne in France, I would have thought you were insane. At best, I would have said, yep, in my dreams maybe.

I may be lucky in that, most of what I have in life did not come easily. I had to work for everything I ever got, including passing grades in Math and French in High School; BUT, when you persevere, you eventually speak French in France and do not make too many people roll on the ground laughing.

I was also lucky perhaps that I never expected to be perfect. In fact, some of my relatives seemed to amuse themselves belittling my immediate family. 

I learned that ignoring such minor aggravations in life as these, and thinking for yourself, are life lessons that you can take with you wherever you go.

Not only is self esteem portable, and almost weightless to take with you on life's journey; but it comes in handy when you want to make some plans for your life.

In the last few years, I've come to realize that no one else, i.e., younger relatives, wants to be given ‘free advice’, any more than I did at their age.

I also realize that the kind of education kids today may need in the future may be far different from that which my fellow Boomers and I needed.

Knowing how to move forward and learning what people and things contribute to your happiness, makes life brighter, and the possibility of a sunnier future, more likely. That's why I suggest that each of us try and HAVE A LITTLE FAITH - IN OURSELVES.

WOMEN AND FRIENDSHIP

Most females know and trust the counsel and advice of a close and trusted friend. There is a kind of feeling that help is on the way right from the moment when they pick up the phone. 

The knowledge that someone who understands us, approves of us, and unconditionally accepts us as we are, immediately reminds and reassures us that we don't have to deal with life's difficulties by ourselves. 

It's wonderful to remember that in your life is someone who will listen patiently, hear whatever you have to say, however long it takes. This is one of life's great gifts, that of friendship. 

Beyond this, inherent to friendship is that someone who knows you, will not only hear your out but often also give you the best advice you can get in your best interest.  

Knowing that you can soon be in touch with someone who knows and cares about you, can make all the difference in the world toward reducing your stress level.

Be glad that you have someone like this to call. Be grateful that somewhere along the way in your life, you made a friend. Appreciate again, the many times they have been there for you. Be happy also that you were there for them when they needed you.

If, like me, you have been in the middle of what seemed like a crisis recently, or when someone has recently called upon you because they are; realize how wonderful it is to know that you know someone who's always got your back. Say a small thank you and be encouraged and happy.

Better yet, don't wait for the next crisis in your life - or theirs - to pick up the phone and tell them how much you appreciate their being in your life. If you haven’t already, remember to thank them.    

OLD FRIENDS

A few minutes ago I wrote and published another essay (eventually called) WHEN LIFE LOADS YOU DOWN. Calling on a friend for help in such a situation made me reflect on old friends and WOMEN AND FRIENDSHIP. Generally, I am thinking and writing about friendships that have endured the test of time.* 

Recently the singers Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers recorded a new song "Old Friends". They wanted, if for no other reason, to acknowledge publicly their long friendship with each other. It will be especially nice, at an upcoming awards ceremony, when Kenny Rogers will be honoured for Lifetime Achievement in the Music Industry, for Dolly to sing this song to him in appreciation.

As the song says, Old Friends aren't made out of new friendships. Old Friends are people who have stood together through many years. They have also been companions to each other through a large part of each other's life journey.

Through 'thick and thin', meaning through good and bad times, they have been present for each other.

A FEW THINGS ABOUT AN OLD FRIEND: 

SOMEONE WHO LISTENS - no matter how long it takes you to say what is on your mind. The old friend listens, and hears, whatever it is you have to say, as well as, what you mean but have not put into words.

SOMEONE WHO IS THERE FOR YOU - whether in good times or bad, an old friend is someone who has been present in your life and has invested their time and energy in you.

SOMEONE WHO KNOWS AND UNDERSTANDS YOU - and miraculously accepts you as you are anyway.

SOMEONE WHO TRUSTS YOU - confident that you deserve and have earned their trust. 

SOMEONE WITH A LONG MEMORY - and a who forgives you when you need it, and conveniently forgets your failings in front of others. 

SOMEONE WHO HAS YOUR BACK - not only does your old friend accept you, but also, loyally defends you unconditionally.

SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU REALLY WELL - and therefore gives you their attention, and often their advice, based on what is the best course of action for you to take.

SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU ANYWAY - accepts you as you are...and loves you despite/because of who they know you to be. 

SOMEONE WHO KNOWS THE FEELING IS MUTUAL - each of you knows they can count on the other person unconditionally and always.

MAY WE ALWAYS DESERVE OUR FRIENDS. BLESS THEM ALL.



*Just after publishing the original essay, I took my own advice and sent a copy to a dear friend of mine. Again, taking my own advice, I tried in some small way to tell her that I appreciate our 41 years of friendship.

WHEN LIFE LOADS YOU DOWN

I am convinced that there are times in all of our lives when the 'small stuff' we are told not to sweat, just piles on and makes us feel overwhelmed. I speak from experience this week. It seems it has been one thing after another and another and another. 

Like most people however, I have been around long enough to believe that either tomorrow, or in a day or two, I will likely be able to move on and get back in synch with my now normally happy view of life.  

I think that most of the time, most of us can handle the ups and downs of our day because we have a tested routine we follow. This routine makes most days fairly manageable. In fact, it even allows room for some unexpected things which crop up from time to time.

Once in a while however, even the calmest person feels it piling on, and can then feel overwhelmed. Under such circumstances it seems that everything we try to do just adds to the frustration. Eventually we might reach the point where we wish we had stayed in bed.

I suggest that, whatever frustration or however stressed we feel, we take something similar to the kind of 'time out' that has been suggested we use to settle children down. 

The adult version, similar to what is suggested for children, would also involve physically moving away from the location of the problem, and taking a short break.

I think it will work best, for adults on 'overload' to, if possible, actually step out of the room or building. Ideally I suggest that we try and get a few breaths of fresh air outdoors, even if only for a minute or two. 

If you can't physically leave the room, then even closing your eyes for a minute, likely will help to restore a sense of proportion and balance to the situation which only moments before seemed overwhelming. 

It might also be time to call a friend and ask them to bring a new viewpoint and a different perspective to a situation you feel unable to calmly get a grip on by yourself.

If, like me, you have been in the middle of what seemed like a crisis recently, or when someone has recently called upon you because they are; realize how wonderful it is to know that you know someone who's always got your back. Say a small thank you and be encouraged and happy. 

Meanwhile, have faith that, 'no doubt life is unfolding as it should'* and soon today's crisis will either be resolved or life will have presented you with something new to work on.


* Excerpt from the poem Desiderata