THE NEXT STAGE

One day many years ago, I misspoke. This means I said something without thinking. Happens more often than I’d care to admit.

On this occasion it was my saying, ‘we should try to be honest’. My husband was, I could tell, shocked. What did I mean ‘try to be’, he asked. For him, and for me too actually, you are or you are not. I guess this is being Honestly Honest. 

To me you Smile when you are Happy. Frown when you are Sad. You say what you mean. You mean what you say. You make a promise and you keep it. You do your best. All the rest is dressing and camouflage.

Tonight I couldn’t sleep so I pulled out the Science of Sexy how to dress book.* Maybe a Man dressing movie stars could help bring good wardrobe/outlook changes into my life. Being me, however, I did not suddenly, pull out the How To Flirt book. After 3+ years in my bookcase, maybe I should give it away for Christmas.

My youngest brother today reminded me that I’ve been on my own again for a long time and am likely to just walk away when anyone gives me grief, thinking who needs the problems this one is laying on me. I am perhaps, I admit, not as open to new people as I have normally been for most of my life. This has given me something to think about.

I didn’t think of it this way, but rather that I have a life of total freedom. For those of you looking for this, I can assure you that too much choice can put you under as much as too little can. Perhaps eventually I’ll be able to explain this. In my case, it comes from retiring just as middle age began.

Each of us, regardless of our circumstances however, at various times in our lives, has to make the transition into the next stage of our lives. Right now a lot of people I know are becoming ‘empty nesters’, some even have the ‘boomerang children’ back after having completed their (expensive) educations.

So what do we need to do to adjust and adapt our lives to the changes our age or circumstance is bringing to us?

One of the poor choices, is to behave as many Women do, when afraid or change or overwhelmed, and ‘go into hiding’. Many of us even hide out in plain sight.

For example, as a Woman, at one point in a not great situation, I did the usual, stopped wearing makeup, contact lenses and began (without knowing it) losing my hair. I also went out all the time with my friends and to my club to hear speakers and have many meals out away from home as often as I could. I was not aware until later that my stress level was skyrocketing.

Seriously, there has to be a better way for Women growing older to react than by continuing the lifelong habit of turning our nervousness about change against ourselves, internally and eventually obviously in our external appearance.

Men on the other hand, do Middle Aged Crazy, by buying a Sports Car; at least, ogling younger women (or worse) and in other ways showing that in their own way, they also are wondering where the time went. Since Men aren’t given to navel gazing verbally, like Women are, we see their actions speak louder than words in the changes in their behaviour.

Thankfully, when we are ready to go onto the next stage, common sense normally prevails. We make the changes we need to and stabilize back to a closer version of our normal selves. Among other things, we stop worrying about what is ahead of us and start to rebuild to allow for the new stage.

This can be pretty nice. The greater freedom, which seems so daunting at first, especially when people first retire suddenly is replaced by amazement and wonder how we ever managed to work and have a life as well. Life has taken over and is full of activities and new things.

A lot of energetic people branch out from the corporate world and turn their skills, or interests or hobbies into a second career. Not many people suddenly decide to sleep their days away. For most of us there are lots of things to do. Some, but maybe not all of us, are busier than we ever were.

I think you are and continue to be, who you are as a person, regardless of where you go or what you do. By the time you are thinking about how the empty nest will effect you, you know yourself pretty well.

One added benefit is that the Someday/Bucket List actually can be realized more easily than at any other time since you became an Adult. It will be interesting to see what you actually do with it. Whatever that is, try to incorporate and enjoy it as you go forward into this exciting next stage of your journey. 


*The Science of Sexy - Dress to Fit Your Unique Figure with the Style System That Works for Every Shape and Size by Bradley Bayou.