FEAR PARALYSES US

How many times do we let ourselves be held back by Fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what might happen, fear of embarrassing ourselves or just the easiest fear to have, fear of failing.

I recall a friend of mine falling into a chair next to me during final exams. He came in unshaven and amazingly a total Basket Case. I could feel the stress. At the time, I didn’t realize how many people feel this way about tests. All I thought was Bud’s parents were probably demanding great results and what I was watching was the price he was paying to get them.

Meanwhile, maybe I was lucky that I was getting zero encouragement from my relatives. As a never ending source of ‘free’, possibly even ‘well-meaning’ advice, many reasons why I should quit seemed to present themselves. These same people and their children are still telling me what I am doing wrong. Incidentally, I am still ignoring them and possibly, by now, they know it.

However, even back then at final exam time, and ever since, because I was paying for my own education, the only one I had to please was myself. I had no fear that I would ever get anything but discouraged and doubt myself were I to pay any attention to other people's judgement and opinions.

Luckily, I had nice parents to make up for the rest of the family. They were not Cheerleaders and maybe when you are young this matters when so many other parents are convinced that they are breeding and rearing champions.

In the long run however, my own determination and accomplishments have taught me that competing against myself is the only competition that matters. I also learned that success is sometimes measured in small accomplishments and that the Tortoise (in Aesop's fable) who perseveres gets where it is going and is successful.

Fear can hold you up. Fear can let you feel there is no point in trying. Fear can be cumulative and paralyse you into thinking that one area of success is the only one that matters.

Why not instead look at the many successes you have already had? Build on your strengths not your imagined weaknesses. 

So I will never be a brilliant (or any kind of) scientist; there are a dozen things I do better and feel successful at; being successful with people being just one of them. Being comfortable within myself is another. Neither is a small thing I can assure you, especially when you look around the personal failures from people failing as people (as in human beings).

In fact, many of the super smart science people I have met, couldn’t have a conversation with anyone other than another scientist. I speak from personal experience incidentally. Even 20 years down the road of life, after a hiatus I noticed that their social skills weren’t much improved than when I had last seen them. 

In fact, some of them are probably talking to themselves more than ever because they continue to spend too much time alone. Others have alienated those who cared for them so badly that they never tried again.

Meanwhile, what on the surface, years later at first appears to be someone who is detached, laid back, cool and collected, is someone hiding behind some theories I last heard 20 years ago, long ago rewarmed and rehashed into terminal boredom for all who know them. No one will ever please these people, because no one will ever know them well enough to care for, or be cared for by them.

Nevertheless, what is someone worth? Usually this means, how much money did they make! A poor way of calculating success methinks.

Oh well, the Humane society, Greenpeace or some other organization may ultimately use whatever Money these people made/hoarded/accumulated, more wisely than they did. Undoubtedly, more people will benefit from their Will than did from their presence. I suggest you start now to make sure you are not among them. 

Start now to overcome your fear of failure and start thinking of your successes. It’s risky to give your trust to a new venture, a new person, a new challenge. It puts you out there and you might, it is possible, not succeed, by some hypothetical measure.

At the end of the day though, you and they will still be living with yourself…maybe you however will have found someone else who finds it possible to live with you too. Stranger things have happened when you put yourself out there.

You will, I assure you learn that you are both only as beautiful and as successful as you let yourself feel you are. 

Have a little faith in yourself. It will, I believe take you farther than your fears ever could. In addition, your success will have some substance to it because you will own it.