A PERFECT DAY

Ever wished you could wake up to A Perfect Day. Maybe not just A Perfect Day, but your Perfect Day.  

I just wrote about the last couple of days spent/wasted trying, unsuccessfully, to find a missing item. Unfortunately this followed a couple of hellish weeks, hearing about and living with, a variety of family dramas I hoped were long buried and forgotten in the past.

Where I wonder, are the magical places that change the world into a place where, in the blink of an eye and give us the Perfect Day? Sometimes I wonder if its only in the movies or in some daydream.

A rather dull ‘song’ drones out the phrase The Perfect Day in the cable company’s promotion of the Angelina Jolie-Pitt movie By the Sea. Any Perfect Day is no more for the stars of this film anyway. 

I still wonder though what it would be like to jump out of bed with the eagerness of a child on Christmas morning again. Instead, for an unreasonably long time, I usually pull the bed covers up for at least 15 minutes more rest, before I finally rise to see what I have to deal with today. 

Why is the Perfect Day and the Happy Ending something we can only dream about? Why is being Surprised by Joy* such an illusive, maybe impossible, dream?

Perhaps rather than wonder if there is a movie somewhere that matches our dreams, perhaps we might, take as much time as we need, to try and figure out how we can find a way to change our lives to put some part of our dreams into our reality. When you think about it, why don’t we make this a resolution and part of a plan? Wonder if it is something we could actually make happen.

*Title of a C.S. Lewis 1955 auto biographical book

SHAKEN NOT STIRRED

Ever woken up to the realization that your life recently seems to have been Shaken up. I have, and I have a feeling that it doesn’t seem to be over yet.

The only good thing about this morning is waking up at 7:30 and not at 3:30, 5:30, 7:30 and 9:30 as I had the previous night. After a couple of nights like this, almost anyone is ready to ask the simple question, “Is it just me, or is there something strange in the air these past couple of days, weeks or months?”

For example, although we all misplace things we’ve put in a safe place, so we don’t lose them, spending two full days looking everywhere we can think of unsuccessfully, does not make for a calm, enjoyable weekend. Neither does misplacing something else you immediately need among your non-paperless world.

Recently I returned from a trip around Spain, which although perhaps a bit too cool/cold to be in the north and somewhat too rainy in the south was interesting, and generally pretty enjoyable.

Since this was just after the American election, 15 months of 24/7 media bombardment about politics, followed by ½ of the United States waking up in shock at the outcome; the Americans on the trip seemed generally to be in a state of PTSD. The Australians were, as usual, on some extended globe trot of which we were but a small leg; and the Canadians were, well Canadians, out to see a bit more of the world, this time Spanish. Since few spoke any other languages than English and French, some found it very challenging and seemed not to venture out much on their own.

In any case, usually a trip ends and you head home. You’ve seen a lot and met a lot of new people. You are glad to be in clean clothes again, soon have seen all you want of the recent damage to your bank account, and generally spend the next weeks visiting with friends, family and playing catch up with your mail and your country for a bit. Not this time.

Rumours of the death of a relatively young cousin, unfortunately true, turned the days immediately after my return into a turbulent time during which various of my cousins families revisited ancient disputes with each other and us. I actually have begun to wonder whether most of the world is angry about something we just haven’t found a way to get past.

Nevertheless, though there are times when the world and its inhabitants make us wonder where we are going, without making a lot of sense, perhaps we need such unusual events to remind us that our lives can change in a minute and that being complacent is the last thing most of us should ever be.

The newly released Jackie movie may serve to remind us that various events from the past still resonate and evoke potent memories, even half a lifetime later. Meanwhile, the snow on the ground reminds us that another Winter has arrived.

Whether we like it or not, although we are generally familiar with the annual life cycle, life still has some surprises in store for us which are just different enough to be challenging and keep us alert and awake. Perhaps, whether shaken or stirred, life reminds us that we are alive and finds a way to make us pay attention.

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR

If you really want to do yourself a favor, take a day off once in a while. I don’t just mean, get away from work, but rather, do something completely different…preferably by yourself.

Some people go for retreats, which formally are designed for silent reflection and prayer. Others like to get out of the city, or familiar place where they live, by going to the country or cottage or on a trip.

For those of us who don’t have the time to physically remove ourselves from everything familiar, there are a lot of ways to pause and remove yourself from your daily concerns and responsibilities.

Some of the simplest of these are known to almost everyone: take a relaxing bath, listen to music on your headphones, do a jigsaw puzzle, go and see a movie, go to an art gallery or museum or go for a walk or hike.

Ultimately, only you know what works best as a decompression valve for you. Whatever you choose, although dependent upon how much time you have, and what you have found works best for you, you will have done yourself a favor.

A side effect and benefit will probably be that you may have realized that you can put away the trials and concerns of that day and arrive home refreshed and ready to enjoy the rest of your day, having put down some of the baggage that was weighing you down that day.

I suspect that those around you, many who possibly have worries and problems of their own, will be glad to see a friendlier face than they expected when you told them how your day had been going. I think that you and they may also see that you are able to enjoy and share your time together more fully and appreciatively. 

MAD MADDER MADDEST

Have you noticed how angry the people around you are these days? It seems as though there is always something, we or someone around us, is angry about.

Most recently, of course, 15 months of non-stop political campaigning in the United States and the 24/7 media day, has probably bored most people into exhaustion. Nevertheless some people still seem to have time and energy left to parade in the streets to complain about an election outcome they didn’t like.

Others of us think America might have chosen better candidates to begin with, but seem quicker to accept the outcome than those who personally think women or others were slighted because this particular woman was not elected. Since large numbers of voters on the east and west coasts voted for her, and she still lost, they seem to need to let everyone know they intend to continue to be unhappy.

I’ve personally found however, that not only do my fellow citizens often vote for, and elect, someone else than who I voted for, but that I usually have to put up with their choices for (at least) 4 years. Tough luck. Poor me.

This being the case however, am I going to be mad at or avoid my friends and family for those years, or do I have a life down here on planet earth, to get on with?

Sadly, a lot of this frustration and anger, about politics and a lot of other things, gets directed toward those still willing to listen to us and therefore, often erodes and corrodes our closest personal relationships.

While anger can be a safety valve on occasion, continuous dissatisfaction and upset can ruin our relationships and our health.

I personally don’t feel that life is a competition for being the loudest or holding on to what we feel is our ‘righteous indignation’ the longest. It seems to me that we are happier and healthier when we realize that even when we disagree with someone else, it’s not our whole life. 

I believe it’s healthier to move forward than dig our heels in and stagnate because we’ve decided we are right and everyone who disagrees with us is wrong.

YOLO

Recently I heard about YOLO as in, You Only Live Once. The implications are clear. Forget about getting it right the next time; you may not get a next time. It follows that you had better get busy because, as we are so often told, life is too short.

Some of you know my thinking, which is life should be long enough, if you live it right. There is a big difference however, between enjoying life fully and racing everybody around to grab all you can…so others don’t get it first. As with so much else, your attitude matters considerably more than the length of time you get in chronological time.

Somewhere around the mid 1700’s Adam Smith revolutionarily proposed that life is expansive and we need not feel life is a zero sum game, as had been previously thought. In other words life is not a pie which will be exhausted if we don’t get and grab what it offers first, ahead of others competing with us for a limited benefit.

Instead, Smith felt that man is capable of increasing and building upon what we see now and creating new things which make it possible for ourselves, and everyone else also, to build upon and add to what we had before.

When we believe that we can take whatever we are given, add whatever life throws at us to work with, deal with and that whatever obstacles we have found, we can feel confidence that we should be able to use our brains to live a good, even prosperous life, regardless of what life throws our way.

If we are more pessimistic, however, we might be inclined to doubt our own abilities to overcome the obstacles in life, especially if we think that other people are both untrustworthy and think only of their own interests and what benefits them. Such a view likely perceives life as full of challenges and probably makes them feel that it is hard to overcome all the trials and impediments they expect are inevitable.

You can think that you only live once, so you need to take all you can from life, because this tough place forces you to give as good as you get and struggle for every single thing from birth to death.

Alternatively you can think that you only live once, in this glorious, multi-faceted and extraordinary place so you want to savour and enjoy and contribute to making it even better for yourself and those around you.

To me how you live, depends inevitably in the choices you make about whether life is bountiful and good, or difficult and filled with a never ending series of challenges and obstacles. 

As with so many things, whether you enjoy the fact that YOLO, you only live once, or not, still comes down to how you decide you feel about life and the way you decide to live it.       

LET IT GO

The movie Frozen had a most beautiful song in it. It is called “Let It Go”. Even now, years later, it is one of the better songs ever written.

It was written by Demi Lovato in 2013 and recorded by Idina Menzel in 2014 for the Disney movie Frozen. After it won the Oscar for Best Song, it was recorded by many countries, and regions of countries, i.e. Spanish, Catalan and Basque for Spain; English & Quebecois for Canada, and many other variations in a compilation.

Whatever language or dialect, it resonated with something visceral in all of us. I think what it was we responded to was that we can’t stay stagnant, immersed in some sad part of our lives. We need to free ourselves, literally and figuratively, from whatever it is we have been holding onto…and which we are allowing to hold us back.

I sit here, amid complete disarray, surrounded by boxes and furniture and a decimated home as I prepare to move tomorrow morning. Finally, around a month ago, I said yes to change. I have to tell you, although I don’t know why, somewhere inside of me, nervous as I was at my rashness, I knew I have already been changing inside.

While I am a bit nervous at leaving so many things that have made up my life for the past 6+ years, I know this decision, whether for only a year or however long, is somehow the right thing to do.

How can I be sure? Well, I can’t, except to know that I will finally sort out a lot of old memorabilia and things that were boxed and re boxed, because I am finally ready to do this.

I also know that I will soon be on vacation again abroad as I have organized and paid for another trip. However, this time, I also recognize that when it is time for me to change again, I should be able to do so without the fear I had before.

This time for some reason I understand that any change I make will be neither permanent or irrevocable. In fact, because I am making this change, I am less nervous about making another one if I have to.

I am wondering why it took me so long to realize that if I make a decision, even one this big, I can, maybe even more easily, make another one if I need to. Colour me surprised. Colour me looking forward, again…finally.  

YES AND NO

Sometimes I think I am the most indecisive person I know. There are times when making up my mind requires one or more sleepless nights. I tell myself that it is reasonable when making a ‘big decision’ to consider all of the possibilities, but who am I kidding; sometimes even little things can have me stuck in a groove.

Most people know their Sun Sign. This is the Astrology sign for the time in which they were born. I find this the case with both Men and Women.

Were I to say my Sun Sign is Leo, I am told that I would love memorabilia and photographs (I do). I would also be proud and vain. As one humorist wrote about Leos, they are cry babies. If you agree with them, they cry because you are such an understanding and sympathetic person; if you disagree with them, they cry because you are cruel and heartless.

However, I don’t think Leos are particularly indecisive and I have admitted that I am. There must be some other explanation. The easiest, by the way, is that the other main things that affect us in astrology are your Moon and your Ascendant. In my case, both of these fall in Libra – the scales.

A Moon and Ascendant in Libra, I feel, gives me a ready-made excuse for a lot of indecisiveness. I simply say that Libra people are all about Balance. I add, perhaps gratuitously, in my favour of course, that we look for Justice and Fairness. Well, that is what I would say if I was asked why it takes me so long to make a decision…but, really, who am I kidding?

Sometimes we are uncertain about what we want. Sometimes we think that, if we are patient, we will make a better decision. Maybe we feel that if we (finally) exercise a little patience, something even better will come along. Well maybe. Then again,maybe not.

I say that within ourselves we know when something ‘feels’ right. We say, it ‘suited me perfectly’, it ‘fit me like a glove’, it was ‘perfect’.

Maybe the reason we sometimes hesitate is because we sense that too much of a compromise is going to be needed to make the decision fit into our lives. I’d rather be a bit slower in making a decision than spend a lot of time later on having to figure out how to get out of a situation.

I’d say, go with your ‘gut feeling’. One Size Fits All, FITS NO ONE

STRESS TEST

We live in times when a day can literally run non-stop 24/7. With employers thinking nothing of texting us in the middle of the night; our work day and the rest of our lives are now instantly accessible to anyone we interact with anywhere in the world.

On top of this, the ‘small stuff’, those little detours and unexpected glitches that turn up each day, just seem to pile on more for us to manage in our already overloaded day.

With so many demands on our time and energy, most of us find ourselves in a kind of endless marathon throughout our day. This already makes most of us unable to give our full attention to anything.

I wonder whether we might reach the point where even a small addition to our stress and the demands made upon us, will push us beyond our personal ‘tipping point’.

If you, like me are reaching your tipping point, I’d say it is time to consider that a little bit of reflection might do us both some good. A small step in the right direction may be for us to consciously stop, look up from our texts, or put down our phones for a minute. 

Were we to take even a few seconds, we might metaphorically take the pulse rate of our day. I believe we could benefit from such a conscious pause. It might enable us to figure out just how tense and stressful we have become. It might give us just enough of a break so that we might consciously regroup and make the rest of the day better.

Otherwise it might soon be you or me yelling at the ‘barista’ at the coffee shop that our well-being is in their hands, because we have somehow decided that, that ‘perfect’ coffee will either make or break our day.

Many of us today, myself included, believe age is largely a state of mind. We often hear that soon people will regularly live to be a 100 years or older.

Personally however, I am sceptical that we are prepared physically and emotionally to experience a life that is both long and good. I am convinced that any advances in longevity won’t apply to those of us who don’t find an effective way to reduce our critically elevated levels of stress.

Our ‘sandwich’ generation, has many of us trying to do things for our parents and our children at the same time. This has made life even more of a relay race, when added to a 24/7 communication and work cycle.

We can only imagine the steady progression over time with which our parents and grandparent’s generations marked the passage of time in their lives. The ways other generations used to ‘wind down’, of necessity, needs to be different from what might work for us today.

Teaching yourself the survival skills we need will come to us, when we consciously learn more about what we need to do to maintain our sense of balance and perspective. This will take self-mastery and self-knowledge, since each of us responds to stress differently.

How we recognize stress and how we teach ourselves to decrease and diffuse it, has become crucial, if we expect to live a longer life that is also a healthy one.

WE WANT WHAT WE WANT

The value we place on something depends on how much we want it. The most beautiful thing in the world could be right in front of us for the asking and we would pass it by for something to add to what we already collect.

My late husband collected 78 r.p.m. records. When I first met him I would buy some in album cases for him. I marvelled that I could get several for, what I thought, was a reasonable price. It was not long however, that I learned that in some cases a whole room of 78’s had no value to him, but one record with a crack on the edge could be worth $1000 US because of its rarity. I am sure the desirability of an item is the same whether someone wants matchboxes or stamps or plates or metal boxes.

The late Duchess of Windsor titled her book, ‘The Heart Has Its Reasons’. I think she was right. Although none of us will ever know someone else’s reasons, the decisions they make will be based on what they feel is important to them to meet their needs.

In romance, the ‘blind date’ very often turns out to be a dud, not because there is always something wrong with the person, our well intentioned friends thought to pair us up with. More likely it did not work because we may not feel that mysterious ‘chemistry’ towards that person, or simply because we sense they will not meet our needs at the time.

None of us see what others see either about other people or things. If we give up as ‘matchmakers’ we may just be doing both ourselves and our friends a favour.

Ultimately we do what we feel is right for us at the time. If it doesn’t work out, we can console ourselves that we made the best decision we could at the time, or that we learned something from the experience and won’t make the same mistake next time.

With life, there is always a next time. That is what so great about life. When we are at the right place, at the right time, something pretty magical happens and our whole life changes for the better in the blink of an eye. This is a good reason to approach each day with optimism and good spirits. How else can we be open to the magic the day might have in store for us. 

DODGING THE BULLET - CIVIL WARS

Most of us will never be in a position of having literally to dodge a real bullet. Normal urban life, with its dangerous drivers and large crowds, all heading in the same direction as we are, are usually the most perilous part of our days physically.

Emotionally however, I find life is more of a potential minefield than it ever was. Not only do I see and hear more raised voices and shouting but also the tolerance of other people seems to be reaching a very low level.

It seems almost anything can be the ‘tipping point’ for upset, argument and probably, at the very least, hurt feelings.

With pettiness, gossip, trivia and shopping consuming our time and interest, perhaps it is only fitting that short attention spans and short fuses have come together and brought us to a quick boil.

Yesterday a man in a local coffee shop exploded at the serving people because he felt that someone else was getting their drink before him. His reaction was explosive and loud and full of swearing.

For me, other than relating to comedy, raised voices should indicate that something very terrible has occurred.

However, in the past week, twice in coffee shops, seriously upset shouting and tirades happened around and/or in one case, most unexpectedly was actually directed at me.

Maybe the culprit is the Coffee Shop. I sure hope not because they are ubiquitous and on almost every corner in Toronto.

Considering that most of us probably can’t afford to go to bars, or don’t want to, perhaps someday soon someone will go ‘postal’ in a coffee shop in Toronto.

Let’s hope that as the weather cools down, people will also calm down, if only because the alternative may be having a Stroke. 

CHANGE OF PLAN

None of us can predict what the new day has in store for us. Having a routine and leaving a little room for the unexpected allows you to adjust to both the unexpected problems and the possibilities which may be coming your way. Life teaches us that even when things seem relatively normal, suddenly you, or someone near you, might find yourself dodging some unexpected curve in the road.

Yesterday for example, was a fairly normal day. Personally, I did not have any particular or urgent problems. Among other things I got a haircut, which as most women know, usually helps you look better and translated for females into feeling better too.

When I saw a friend passing by the café I was in, I made a point of talking to him and asking about our mutual friend who is undergoing Cancer treatments at this time.

  

Meanwhile, my own situation was not giving me big problems and the rest of my day involved a fairly mundane and routine day, such as congratulating my nieces on their graduation day tomorrow and checking that my cards to them arrived. The day ended with doing a large laundry.

So, you wake up today and things again seem relatively normal. We all know the routine, stagger out of bed, make a coffee, look at what we have to get done today and plan to go to the bank as well, both to pay a bill and get some cash for the upcoming long weekend.

A call to a friend to make plans for a get together causes us to have to check for which day we are meeting someone else for our appointment with them. The second person tells us his wife had a mild heart attack last Sunday and hadn’t wanted any phone calls right away. Also, their car just broke down last night and needs repairs. Our meeting with them will be delayed.

Your normal day is slightly changed. However, their days have not been ‘normal’ for a week. Any plans you were making with them have to go on hold. Their situation is obviously more serious, as was that of your friend in treatment.

The point is, whatever you expect might be happening today or tomorrow, you will be able to accommodate them better life leave some room for the ‘change of plans’, life may require of you.

The changes are not always in response to some emergency, it is just being realistic and leaving a bit of time for what comes up unexpectedly in your day. Then, when you have a change in your plans it does not cause quite as much upset as it might if you didn’t have any flexibility and were solidly loaded down from morning till night.

P.S. And then tonight, a friend says that she has just learned she had a ‘silent’ heart attack at some point. As I said, it started as a normal day for me…but life takes off and goes on all around us. Best to leave some room for the unexpected, so it doesn’t throw you too far off kilter.

GOING BALLISTIC

Usually most of us don’t want to live our lives being angry and upset about everything. We find instead that most situations are lived with, and usually easily resolved, by our using common sense and making reasonable judgments in the course of our daily lives.

I think it is safe to say, even about subjects we feel more strongly about, most of us don’t often abandon cooperation and diplomacy. Of course, things sometimes happen which might be delay or upset us, but usually few people are seriously harmed when some of life’s small daily inconveniences intrude briefly in our lives.

  

Even when we feel we need to voice stronger opinions or disagreement with someone else, most of us will pick our battles. 

   

I personally save my greatest indignation for people who I consider just plain stupid. Particularly those making thoughtless statements that can be fatal to others, are what annoys and even angers me.

What I go ballistic about is someone declaring that, if they were they to get Cancer, they personally will not permit treatment.

I usually suggest that anyone who knows such a person, should respond to them by asking what type of flowers this person would like sent to their funerals.

I also wouldn’t advise them to go running their mouth on this subject in front of me.

I worry especially because such declarations, unlike a lot of gratuitous (and often worthless) free advice, is different in that it might actually prove fatal to someone who paid attention to it, rather than to what their considerably better informed medical people suggest.

Instead of talking rubbish, I think I have a nice tidy solution to any little frisson of discomfort such a tricky subject might arouse in them.

I think they might buy themselves a nice T-shirt and matching running shoes; then pose for the media in their cute little outfits. Maybe, if they can spare the time, they might perhaps pass out badges or water for a few minutes at some charitable fundraising event. 

They will be able to congratulate themselves on how noble, kind and generous they are for another year. Later, after they stop on the way home to buy themselves an extra serving of organic veggies for dinner, they will feel reassured that they take so much better care of themselves than everyone else, that such a problem will never be theirs. An added bonus is that they can also tell their friends of their noble contribution to this ‘terrible problem’.

I feel no qualms about my own righteous indignation on this subject since I long ago needed to personally decide whether I was going to play ‘russian roulette’ with my own life by declining treatment.

Facing your possible imminent mortality is something most of us would wish to avoid at almost any cost. When you are given no choice, however, it is truly ‘crunch time’. Often there is an added concern that often there might be no time to waste.

I wrote about my own experiences in an earlier essay a few years ago about what life is like Before Cancer and how it changes your life irrevocably After Cancer is diagnosed.

I expect that the rather undiplomatic hospital department head who told me and the other doctor’s in the room, ‘this patient can live, BUT not without treatment’ might actually have prolonged my life since the Millennium.

I was quite upset and wanted to run away. I remember that I felt the need to get dressed quickly. However, I also realized that I had better quickly make a decision to accept the hospitals generous offer.

I sensed that I had few alternatives, and there were likely so many, many other desperate people who would appreciate any help at all. The added concern is that, if I delayed I might make a decision quickly enough to save my life.

Yes, it’s a personal choice, but one with consequences for your life and that of anyone who cares for you. Choose wisely.

Let others, who have the luxury of philosophizing about it theorize about what they think they might do should they someday be placed in the unenviable, possibly life threatening position in which you presently find yourself.

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

It’s true that breaking up with someone you’ve had a relationship with is hard to do. It sometimes feels like there is probably enough pain and sorrow to last us all a lifetime. Mercifully, although occasionally it does last a lifetime, usually it does not.

Yesterday someone told me that they were trying again to permanently end a 3 year relationship. She also said that some young guys in our building were also suffering recent break ups.

I can’t say I’m surprised. In fact, I suspect these days there are probably more people than ever walking around with heartache and sorrow about recently broken relationships. 

In general, I think that probably most people no longer hang around to work on a relationship, even when it might have worked out; they seem instead to push off and go on to the next one instead.

However, experience teaches us that healing emotionally takes longer than just physically leaving a relationship. In fact, when a breakup is fresh, it is hard to believe we will ever feel better and that one day it will all vaguely be part of your past; but it is true. 

Time really does heal all wounds and wounds all heels, but not for a while.  

I found it personally interesting a week or so ago when I spotted someone from a few years ago. He did not see me and we did not talk as I was going by in a bus. I briefly remembered thinking about how long it took for me to get on with my life because I took a long time to say goodbye for good and not let him come back into my life over and over again with occasional phone calls.

  

Seeing him again, after all this time, I thought, he looks tidy and neat. He is wearing a nice pair of sunglasses. I wondered what he is doing in my area, last I heard he was running a business out of town? Finally, and perhaps significantly, I wondered who he might be sponging off now. Very different observations from those I would have made while we were involved.

Nevertheless, each of us in our own time eventually is able to take our own advice and practice what we preach. We finally, if belatedly, do KISS YOUR EX GOODBYE – AND – tell them not to call again. Shortly after you realize you can begin to move forward again.

Long ago I wrote an essay: KISS YOUR EX GOODBYE – FRIENDS I THINK NOT. Like most people perhaps, it just took a while for me to take my own advice and get my life back.

MOVING YOURSELF FORWARD

I was lucky to have not ever needed to be PERFECT. I remember meeting this very beautiful girl in my 20’s who became, and still is my best friend. One day however, several months after we met, to my astonishment, she suddenly burst into tears. The cause was apparently because she was not Perfect.

Meanwhile back in my world, I had already been told that I must be terribly conceited if I thought that people seeing me among all the people they saw, especially pointed me out and commented on my flaws. After my initial shock at being called conceited in the face of my own timidity and shyness, I saw the point.

It’s been a long time since either of those events but I have come to believe that in reality, most of the people out there have enough of their own concerns, including about their own appearance, to give more than a passing thought to mine.

The latest craze for selfies is something I find very odd. Maybe it translates into a belief that you are the ‘star’ of your own life. That’s the only reason why I could see someone wanting to chronicle so much of their lives in photos. Meanwhile the ‘photo bomber’ approach to someone else’s photos strikes me as crude, rude and childish* However, considering how often it’s done, maybe other people think it’s stellar.

I think the rest of us are more likely to be somewhere in between on just how much notice we deserve and how much we get, especially based on looks. Likely safer to say that, your average person (texting virtually non-stop) can probably hardly be counted on to see anything they aren’t taking a photo of.

Generally, I suggest that you leave most of your self-consciousness at the door, along with most of your ego. In short, work on Getting Over Yourself. Everyone else probably has moved on to someone more interested in people other than themselves. Who knows you might learn something new, make a new friend, or just generally feel that the people you saw, seemed glad to see you and enjoyed your company. Sounds good to me.

*PHOTO BOMB - pho·to·bomb - ˈfōdōˌbäm/ - spoil a photograph of (a person or thing) by unexpectedly appearing in the camera's field of view as the picture is taken, typically as a prank or practical joke.

TIME PASSAGES

The end of something often makes us think back to what has gone before. Perhaps we are just made this way. Possibly it is how we mark the passage of time in our lives.

Last night one of my nieces went to her High School Prom. Next week both of them will Graduate from High School. If such an important day in their lives doesn’t remind us that time is passing, probably nothing will.

At the same time, this particular event usually makes each of us reflect upon our own graduation. We later realize that this day is really important in our lives because it actually turns out to be the first time most of us realize that we have grown up and are adults.

We can’t help but remember how we felt at that time in our own lives. Most of us heard somewhere that our whole lives were ahead of us and the world was ‘out there’ and filled with opportunities. Something in us seemed to tell us that ‘the sky’s the limit’ and everything in life was ready to welcome us with open arms.

Do you remember when you still had no sense of mortality? Many of us do feel, and act with some sense of immortality, especially when we are that age. For some reason, you think you are going to live forever, or at least, many of us act as if we do. We seem ready to try anything, go anywhere and charge forward. It is, I remember, really exhilarating as well.

Meanwhile, when I meet my mother’s friend and contemporary who is 92 now and we have lunch together, we reflect on the fact that my mother died 21 years ago next month.

We also remember that the nieces who are graduating next week never met their grandmother. Something in us makes us pause and realize again that time ‘marches on’ and is again undeniably taking us through a new generations passage into adulthood. How can you not marvel?

An interesting song by Al Stewart and Peter White from 1978 called Time Passages reflected that ‘the years run too short and the days too fast’ and ‘the things you lean on are the things do not last’.* In retrospect we know how right they were in seeing this, when they and we, were still pretty young. I would say however, that they just saw this a lot sooner than most of us did.

Perhaps the rest of us just play catch up with what is important when we pause and take the time to mark important events and ‘rites of passage’ in our own and other people’s lives.

Maybe it doesn’t matter when we become wise enough to acknowledge important events in our lives and in the lives of those we care about. Maybe the important thing is that we somehow have reached the point where we understand that to go forward, you need to be smart enough to acknowledge and reflect upon where you have been. 

To consciously move forward in life, I think that, most if not all us, must be willing and able to take a breath in between, the passages of time in our lives.

*Time Passages by Al Stewart and Peter White, 1978.

DUSTING OFF THE BUCKET LIST

Another half year passing has me looking at my current Bucket List. Usually I have one going and although I don’t write it down, always somewhere in the back of my mind is a great long bunch of things I’d like to do.

This year for example, I began watching ALL of the Anthony Bourdain programmes I could access. Pretty soon, I had seen all of the No Reservations and other series, begun reading his books and bought the Les Halles cookbook. I found myself really enjoying these.

However, as the saying goes, I CREATED A MONSTER because, as usual, one thing lead to another. Soon I found myself viewing DVD’s and programmes about as many of the 3 star Michelin chefs as I could, then buying their books, then watching programmes about food bloggers and A Year in Champagne etc. The above is, I assure you, just the tip of the iceberg.

Ultimately the result is that I have seen wonderful programmes and series and my DVD and book collections have vastly increased.

For good or ill, Chef Jose Andres has with his 2 season ‘made in spain’ series, reinvigorated my interest in visiting a lot more of Spain and shoved it right up to the top of my Bucket List.

Considering that Spain has become a Culinary Mecca and also since I have found that the food (and wine?) leaves me feeling so healthy, I am pretty happy about dusting off my Bucket List and, at the very least, making another trip around this fascinating country ASAP. So much so that later this year, my major trip of the year will be to Spain.

If like me, you have wondered where the time has gone this year, perhaps like me, you too will dust off your own list of hopes and dreams and check off a few more life experiences you want to have while you can.

Hope you move along with yours, and wish me well with mine. Meanwhile, I can already taste the delicious Valencia orange juice, olives, Paella and think the Prado and flamenco and even sunny Espana in general might just be what I need to give the latest Bucket List a good kick start. Ole!

STILL STANDING or STANDING STILL?

You wake up again in the morning and you realize that another half a year has passed. Every time you do this, you are a bit shocked. It’s not however the first time you’ve noticed that time seems to be flying by. Perhaps that’s what makes it easier to push the thought of time passing away and go on with your day. This is something we all do.

None of us however, especially if we are Women, has not on some occasion or other had a friend or relative, or especially a parent, remind us that we are not getting any younger. The value of pointing this out is perhaps debatable. Nevertheless, they may also be reminding us, and themselves that there are things we want to accomplish before we are finished with this life.

I think this is what the passage of time signifies and why each of us to some extent is effected, or possibly sometimes even ruled by the clock. Even when we don’t think we are, some helpful soul comes up and says ‘chop, chop – 'tempus fugit’ or some variation of the same.

Would I be ‘raining on your parade’ and my own, if I mention that they are right and we know it? I say this because next week another half year has passed and my latest ‘bucket list’ has been on the back burner for far too long.

Time truly feels to us as flying by, passing far too quickly with each passing year. Possibly the person who says ‘there is no time like the present’ to get moving on some project, or plan or dream is the wise one. Maybe they are more aware than most of us are and actually have or may actually accomplish more by being more conscious of this reality.

Meanwhile, instead of continuing to push our hopes and dreams back, we might actually take a moment when next we realize that time is flying by to finally consciously bring something from our ‘wish list’ into our lives.

I fear and suspect that this is probably the only way that we might ever include and bring our dreams and hopes into our actual lives. As people say, ‘time waits for no man’ and it truly does seem to ‘fly’ by otherwise.