THE BUCKET LIST REVISITED

On April 13th, 2013 I revised and published an essay I had written two years earlier called THE BUCKET LIST - KEEPING HOPE ALIVE. 

In this essay I wrote about a time in early 2006 when I was still trying to recover from a cataclysmic and heartbreaking loss that had occurred in my life. I had been Widowed less than a year earlier.

As you can imagine, I was not exactly enjoying life much BUT I also knew that in memory of my beloved husband, my need to see where he grew up, went to school and had lived a life he always said was happy and idyllic until emigrating to Canada in his early 20's, was stronger than ever.

Big problem, taking an airplane. I had to fly, and farther than I ever had before. But it had been 20 years since I had last been on an airplane. Quite frankly, I was viscerally terrified. 

As I mentioned in an earlier essay, I employed the time honoured trick of asking - WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? 

Not only this, but a second and perhaps more important question: WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN TODAY'S LOSS AND PAIN AND SORROW? The answer was easy...NOTHING!

I made that wonderful trip, then I made another and went a bit farther...all around France, and then back to England for a short visit. 

When 5 years passed, I finally was able to make a very short, purposeful trip. I took his ashes HOME. 

I finally was able to feel a sense of peace that he was HOME at last. I felt that he could finally REST IN PEACE in the place where many of his happiest memories had occurred.

How do I see it all now? Recently when I went back and saw his resting place. I was again, of course, reminded of my personal loss. I was also happy to know and recognize the rightness of having brought him Home.

Meanwhile, I continue to occasionally fly to new places. Recently I saw 19 more European cities. 

I am grateful that my despair in bereavement was greater than my fear of flying, strange as that may seem. 

Taking that first terrifying step to board that first airplane because I felt I had nothing more to lose, proved to me how much I had yet to experience. 

My life, continues to evolve and be lived as it should.
Occasionally I whimsically, but happily, add to Bucket List #3. 

I hope and pray that I will always have something to dream of, look forward to, and anticipate today and every day that I am blessed with in the future. 


NOTE: see also THE BUCKET LIST - KEEPING HOPE ALIVE from April 13th, 2013.