GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK

Years ago, I remember reading that when you earned money you should pay yourself first. In your emotional and personal life as well, you should also pay yourself, but in a different way.

We all make mistakes; most of them can be corrected. We apologize to the person we wronged, we repaint and cover the wall we painted an odd colour, we get up and try again after a fall or a mistake. Often we say, 'forgive and forget' and often we do.

However, and more unfortunately, we often find it easier to forgive someone we love and care for more easily than we do ourselves. It is surprising how long we can be angry at ourselves for something we did or a unwise decision we made in our lives.

We can actually be pretty brutal with ourselves, sometimes more unforgiving and upset and angry with ourselves than with anyone else including the other party. This is especially true when we have been cheated or stolen from by someone else and have lost face, felt humiliated. When insult and injury combine, we have also lost money we could perhaps not afford to lose. 

What can we do about this? Hating ourselves and self disgust are akin to self pity in destructiveness in such situations. I suggest instead that we work harder than usual to forgive ourselves. 

To me the best revenge truly is in living well, in thriving, in learning not to repeat the same mistake again, and most importantly, to moving on to become a wiser and even better person.

When we put our mistakes behind us quickly, and forever relegate them to the past, we recover more quickly. Our mistake becomes a small blip on the radar of our lives, rather than an obstruction and a big detour.

Give yourself a break. If what you did was an error in judgement, forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. If out of a good heart, you trusted someone and they abused that trust, you may have been hurt but you remain the person in the situation that acted out of good intentions. When you are hurt or taken advantage of, you learn and from this you grow. 

Nothing you do honestly, and from goodness and kindness makes you a lesser person than you were before you experienced this situation.

Dust yourself off, experience your remorse or anger or tears, but only for a reasonable time. Then put it behind you for good and give yourself the same break you would give the other person were the situation reversed and the other person came to you trying to put a past mistake behind them.