MAKING NEW FRIENDS

I am fortunate in that I meet people easily and almost everywhere I go. I suppose I am an extrovert, although I would not consider myself one were it not for the fact that I can, and do, speak to people I see around me, almost anywhere I go throughout the day. I do not feel any reticence in speaking to almost anyone I meet. To the late Will Rogers and me, "A stranger is just a Friend I haven't met yet".

Many years ago I met a Woman who said she didn’t have any friends. I dismissed this as impossible. However, she invited me to her apartment for a cup of tea and told me about a trip she had taken to Germany and her experience with travelling alone and as an unaccompanied female, somehow not being able to be served in the restaurant of her hotel. I remember also that she had a large Spider Web in the corner of a window of her Living Room. I suppose it is possible that she actually did not have any friends. Although, I said hello to her when I met her, we never did anything else together after sharing the cup of tea.

I have written before about being widowed and some of my experiences with meeting people. In some cases, I have become reacquainted with people I knew before I was married. Most of the people I knew while I was married are still somewhere in my life, although some of those we knew as a couple are often now people I see at various events we both attend. We often spend a few minutes together and ‘catch up’ but I would consider most of these contacts as casual.

When I started to meet new people on my own, I generally found that my personality enabled me to speak to almost anyone I wanted to with ease and spontaneity. I have a particularly easy time speaking to Women since we seem to share our experiences of life fairly easily and freely. Perhaps in our society the experiences of Women have many similarities to those of other Women.

It seems therefore to be fairly easy to interact and speak with Women I meet in, at least, a friendly and casual way. Arranging to meet for coffee or a meal is usually not hard to organize. Usually getting together with other Women depends on their current obligations and whether they are still working or how much time they need to spend with their families.

I find, a busy Woman remains a busy Woman all of her life. Even in retirement, a normally busy woman, wonders how she ever managed all of the things she used to have to get done and go to work as well. I would say that for an energetic Woman, activities expand to fill to overflowing whatever time is available.

Meeting Men has also been something I have found relatively easy and comfortable as well. I seem more recently (since being widowed) to meet many Men who have never married. I eventually realized that most of these Men live fairly similar lives. Some Women feel that the never married man looks for a Mother. Cynical Women says Widows meet Men who want a Woman who is a ‘Wallet’ or a ‘Nurse’.

I am not generally a cynical Woman so I would say that most never married Men have a regular routine which they follow. They generally have long established, and often quite specific plans. For example, on a particular day each month they might meet one or more of their friends. Whether to lunch together, attend events of mutual interest or simply to hang out, plans are usually made for a particular day or week each month.

It might be a bit of a generalization, but I think it may be true that Men are creatures of habit. I might also say that the routines and structures in their lives may serve them very well. If I am not mistaken, a change in routine or spontaneous/spur of the moment deviation, actually might be disconcerting or uncomfortable for many Men.

Just as many Men do not enjoy shopping or talking a lot, I would think also that Surprises are not among their favourite things either.

When I mentioned above that making friends with Women may be contingent on their current obligations and what mutual interests you might share together, I meant that making a new Woman friend is possible whatever your age or circumstances.

Making new friends with Men, while also somewhat dependent on mutual interests, will also depend, I feel, on whether they have a place for you in their established routine. Obviously, some interest in you will have a great deal to do with whether you develop any more of a relationship at all beyond casual greetings when you both attend the same event.

I would say however, that involvement with a never married Man and a friendship with one would likely be more unlikely unless he felt an attraction or interest in a new relationship to fill a gap created by the loss of an former one. In general, a Man who has never married generally may never have married for a reason and also that he might also have consciously decided not to marry.

I am somewhat entertained by books titled, How to Get Married after 35 or 40 or…whatever decade you personally may have reached. I suspect that any of us passing some Benchmark as a date after which people generally don’t marry, probably have, by now, filled their lives with regular activities, friendships and events. I suspect that few of us would be willing to totally change our lives to be part of a couple again, except if we miraculously met someone who somehow seamlessly fit into our existing lives.

The likelihood of Mr. or Miss 100% Right suddenly sweeping most of us off of our feet and transforming and transporting us into a new life, seems at best, a very unlikely possibility.

Making New Friends however, is always a good thing. Leaving room in our lives for new interests and people will mean we will always have an opportunity to learn about and experience new things. We are giving ourselves a chance to keep evolving and growing. In many ways, an openness to new ideas and people, compliments an already full and rich life. In fact, welcoming new people into our lives, ensures that our lives will continue to be interesting and happy ones.