DO WHAT YOU LOVE

Many years ago, by chance I found a book sitting on a bookstore counter. The title said, Do What You Love – The Money Will Follow*.  

I was on my/our sort of Honeymoon. A few days in Vermont visiting one of my favourite places Manchester and a few other New England cities in the United States. A few days snatched from our working lives several months after we had been married one Friday or Saturday night...Back to work on Monday. Me to a new job within the same organization, my husband back to the 4 senior people he reported to even late in his career.

We were very happy to have finally wrested some time away because we were happy anyway. However, the above gives you some idea of what kind of life/lives we were leading then. I would say much the same, without children of our own to take care of that many of you are living right now.

In any case, we were, as usual having a great time and very happy. As we began, so we ended many years later…EXCEPT…our daily working lives were not fun. Office Politics, running on the spot and pressure, pressure, pressure. No matter how you looked at it, our working lives were running us and not we them.

The book, found by chance I suppose, was a revelation. I read it then and sat up all night to do so. When we returned to Toronto after a long and very lovely drive, I immediately gave notice on my job and not long after, my husband took early retirement. Neither of us ever looked back, except to say Thank you God…and our former employers for making it possible for us to take a step in another direction.

Sometimes when I am tired or frustrated I, like anyone else, have to stop myself from stupidly letting that time ruin my day. As the years have gone by I have realized that we can make our days good or bad, depending on how we choose to perceive them.

If I wanted to, I could easily list all of the things that are wrong or could be better in my life. Just like you a lot happens every day that we deal with, sometimes better than others. We both know however that whining and moaning, while cathartic, neither takes away the problem, nor makes for fun times for either ourselves or those around us.

Instead, I suggest that each of us thinks about what we really want in life and starts now to direct our time, energy and resources toward making it a reality.

I, for example, will never be Rich. Money does not either motivate or inspire me. Money therefore is not a priority for me to pursue.

I also, enjoy giving things away and am one of those people who sees and shops for the perfect thing (large or small) to give someone. I get no greater pleasure than in giving someone something they didn’t even know they wanted (needed). I suppose the more I had, the more I would give away, particularly some of it for those less fortunate than myself.

At the same time, I wouldn’t want to end up sleeping on someone’s floor or being dependent upon others because I had nothing left. Therefore, obviously some common sense needs to be incorporated into our plans as well. That is Me.

Your interests, needs and wants may be, and actually should be, considerably different from my own. They are your priorities and you are living your own life. 

To me there is nothing wrong with that at all, provided that you meet your obligations and responsibilities to those dependent upon you.

There are plenty of books out there by people who suggest ways to reach your goals and head in a direction which gives you more satisfaction and happiness. 

Directing your energies, resources and concentrating on something that will bring your happiness is a focused way of making it possible, sooner or later, to get what you want/need in life.

Along the way, you may find that some of your now directed energy changes to other interests. This may be because the new experiences, maturity or goals change and adjust to your needs and wants.

My fondest wish would be for each of us to be happier because we are enjoying every day more than we were.

Beyond this, the days your needs and your wants are equal, you will be right where the rest of us can only hope to be. Now there is something to contemplate as you look ahead to a happier future.

*Do What You Love – The Money Will Follow – Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Dr. Marsha Sinetar (1987)

THE EXPLODING BUCKET LIST

Some of you know my first Bucket List was born of Love and Memory. In 2006, memories about my lovely husband led me to want to see where he had lived his early life, gone to school and grown up.

It is always said that the first step is the hardest. It certainly was for me, because it involved forcing aside a very longstanding fear of flying which, strangely perhaps, my late husband and I had shared.

I joke, then and now, about how I figured the trip would either end me or show me something new. It showed me a lot more than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. My first Bucket List was a magical experience. It brought me amazing unimaginable new experiences, wonderful memories and a new world exploding and opening up in front of me.

The next Bucket List was easier because I had already learned what taking that first step could bring me. A look around many cities and villages of France was wonderful. I assure you there is more to France than Paris and Champagne.

Last year I had to go and see as much of Spain as I could. All of my life, I figured that anyone who stayed up late and enjoyed both their days and their nights had to be my kind of people. I was right. I am still fascinated by this country and also by the Portuguese perspective on life, which I also learn about from a brother in law and his Family.

Not surprisingly, I found places in the Mediterranean amazing. I realized that I really liked the people and the food and the sun and, well, just about everything. As some of us say, What’s not to like?

Again focusing on the Mediterranean life and countries around it, finally brought me a new love…VENICE. Just a taste and it was time to move on. A bit like that first little taste of something delicious and tantalizing. Yum.

I wanted my own experience of Venice and not just a mouthful this time. Almost at the same time, I was shocked to realize that my favourite French town - St. Paul de Vence, while always on my mind had, in reality been several years ago. I just never seemed to get there physically, though my mind spent a lot of time there.

What’s a girl to do? My answer, GO FOR IT!

This morning, I look around me and beyond my ‘normal’ home life reasserting itself practically and making demands of me, I don’t just see the tasks, small – well not so small - of laundry and mail and ‘real life’ pulling me back to earth. I am also seeing the beauty I have just been blessed with to add to this wonderful life. All of this will become incorporated into myself and my life and accompany me into the future.

With a head full of memories of new friends, new places and great joy at returning to places (which were even better than the memories I had of them), my heart is overflowing.

All because, 8 years ago in sorrow, mourning, love, respect and memory, I smacked down my fears and took that scary first step. I could not then have imagined that I was being introduced to my new life and that it would would lead me to magical places I never imagined I would see and experience.

Dare to dream, it takes you somewhere you never imagined and opens up new worlds for you to appreciate and marvel at. 

LOOKING UP

Most of us make, or feel we should make, resolutions at the New Year for the coming year. Whether enthusiastically, or because we feel we should, we declare that the coming year will be better and we are going to make important changes.

Usually most of the Resolutions, like many good intentions, fall by the wayside. That lovely piece of Cake was calling your name, the new hairdo did not, in fact, change your life and soon daily life resumed its normal course.

If you are like me, you try again. On your Birthday, you tell yourself that a New Year is beginning for you. Time to make your Birthday Cake the last piece of Cake you eat until you have reached the (mythical) perfect weight. Time to promise yourself you will never let stress bother you again, you will make all of the changes you thought you would last New Years. A fresh start from today on. This is Day One of the rest of your (new and better) life.

Only one problem: It isn’t that by August, when my Birthday occurs, that New Years is over 8 months past and the next New Year is approaching faster than we think. The problem is that we all decide that a specific day of the week, month or year, will be the day we begin to change.

I suggest instead that we start to take every New Day more seriously. Why not today? Why not now?

Instead of waiting, and we all do wait, for ‘the perfect time’ to make the changes to our lives that we know we could, and probably should, Start Today, Start Now.

The First resolution should probably be to Look Up. Look Up at the Sky. Look up from your Phone or your Computer. Look Up and see where you are. Right now, this minute.

Next, look around at all of the things we take for granted because they are part of our regular daily environment. Look at the people around us.

Decide to notice something new today and every day. Smile more. Decide to be more appreciative of small kind gestures. In short, start to be thankful that you are alive.

It does not take a New Year’s resolution, or a Birthday or a special event to start to live more fully. Nevertheless like so many other things in life, you are the only one that can decide to change your life. Until you consciously resolve to make the changes they are not going to happen.

Whether the changes you decide to make are small ones or the larger ones (that you have promised yourself to attempt over and over again) makes no difference. It is taking the first step toward making each new day count that matters.

The Singer, Song Writer, Carole King already knew this by the time she wrote her song Beautiful in 1971. She said that when you get up every morning with a smile on your face, you will show the world that you have love in your heart. People will actually treat you better and you will quickly find, that you are really as Beautiful as you feel. 

Not only will you feel and look more beautiful, you will be happier. You will also be much more likely to start Looking Up and Out at many of the wonderful things you have been missing in the World around you.

You are the only one that can make your life better. You are the only one that can make ‘a frown turn upside down’ and become a Smile. When you do try, at least, to make each new dawn – a new dawn, you have a much better chance of ending up feeling that things are Looking Up because you are and they soon will be.

*Beautiful – by Carole King (1971)

NOBODY'S PERFECT

Recently I wrote about how surprised I was that a friend of mine became upset many years ago that she was not perfect. Struggling as I do to learn something new every day, to feel a sense of progress, I am only too aware of how imperfect I am.

Nevertheless, I am not very upset about this because I do not think we need to be aiming for perfection anyway. I feel it is far more important that we compete with ourselves and work on the basis of achieving our ‘personal best’.

The reason I think our personal best is a worthwhile guide and goal is that by working to improve ourselves we compete with ourselves to learn and grow, rather than trying to compare and measure ourselves against someone else’s abilities, interests, aspirations and most importantly capabilities.

I say this also because my needs, wants and goals in life probably differ greatly from those of anyone else around me. They differ because they are mine, yours differ because they are yours.

Putting up some hypothetical concept of perfection is more likely to disappoint you especially when someone else has put this up as a benchmark.

Instead, each of us with our individual abilities, needs and goals can work on what is important to us. 

Meanwhile, since Nobody’s Perfect anyway, let those who feel the need, exert themselves on their very different journey through life.

ALL GROWN UP

Anyone who knows me knows that I believe that any day, however it starts, can be the one that changes your whole life. In other words, I believe in miracles. 

So far, especially in the last several years, life has not disappointed me. However, I was not always like this. In fact, it took many, many years for me to
come to believe this.

My Teenage years were definitely not much fun. Like too many Cooks in the Kitchen, I had a lot of relatives telling my Parents, and me, what was wrong with our lives. An incessant drone seemed to follow us around. Whenever they sensed we weren’t paying attention, they redoubled their efforts, before they continued their harangue.

When they weren’t there in person they wrote letters, which at least you could leave unopened for a while. However, in those days, Voice Mail and Call Display did not exist, so you never knew who was on the other end of the phone when you answered it.

The Parochial School system was just an extension of our relatives, our Church and our Community. To this day, I feel that it had its good points, including wearing a Uniform to school. I continue to be grateful for the strong moral and ethical foundation it provided me with.

When your community acts like an extended family, it protects you from life’s hardships and shelters you until you are able to stand on your own two feet independent of it. However, the double edged sword of being a Child, Teenager and Young Adult, is the lack of independence and freedom that you live with throughout your younger years.

In those years, any Adult in the vicinity, particularly in our school, church and community, was ready and willing to act informally in loco parentis. In fact, they felt obliged to keep Children in check.

My first taste of freedom was in University when I realized that my quite small circumscribed world with its rules and strictures seemed almost irrelevant. People around me seemed to be living completely different lives. This was a real revelation to me.

It is not hard for me to understand the recent Television shows about the young Amish Men and Women who get a lot of shocks when they leave their communities. Few of the people I grew up with were ostracised and disowned, nevertheless in my early 20’s, when like so many young people, as I began to make decisions of my own, the Family and Community began to be much less important to me. I felt a great deal freer than I ever had.

I think we learn through our experiences. Along the way, we all make decisions for ourselves and we also make mistakes. Hopefully, we leave a lot of our mistakes, as well as, a lot of the past behind us.

Ultimately however, things happen in life which make us the people we are going to become. Although we don’t realize and appreciate it until later in our lives, much of the foundation of our lives is built under the protective care of our families. This time, and these earlier years, when we are growing up, become the model on which we base our lives.

Our individual experiences after that and the changes are a bit like experiments which help us to find our own identity and place within the world.

It is not until you look back and realize that you have been an Adult for around a decade that you appreciate that you have both survived and become a successful independent human being. Suddenly and unexpectedly you realize that you have been making decisions on your own as an Adult for quite some time, and strangely enough, you are doing fine.

You realize then that there was a reason for all of the growing pains and trials and tribulations, steps and missteps of your formative years. They actually brought you to a place where you potentially can do anything and everything. Conceivably the only thing limiting you is your imagination. The wonder of it all, as a young Adult is the realization that you are just getting started.  

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME

The more people I talk with, and I talk with a lot of people, the more alike I find we are. For example, I have yet to meet anyone who would consider themselves a bad person. Neither have I met anyone who thinks that intentionally and deliberately harming someone else is anything other than monstrous.

People everywhere eat, drink, love, live and die. What I find most of all, is that under the surface of every person is an individual human being. That individual human being has needs and wants, hopes and fears, loves and hates. 

Once the necessities of life such as food, shelter and clothing are met, the form in which the person seeks to meet their higher (or aesthetic) individual needs may vary in appearance and form.

It may seem that some people are happier than others and more optimistic, while others may seem downright cynical and pessimistic. Some people seem to value their possessions and what they accumulate more than other people.

Nevertheless, I doubt that there is anyone who does not want someone in their lives to value and respect them and consider them a good person.

I feel that all people, ultimately want someone they care about to recognize and acknowledge their worth and consider them to be deserving of love.

I truly believe that every one of us, hopes to have someone accept and  respect us. That someone you love and respect believes in you, both encourages you and confirms to you that you are a worthwhile human being.

In the end, I believe what each and every one us individually as Human Beings ask, is that someone in our lives takes the time to HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME*.

*song HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME – John Hiatt 1987

A GOOD BOOK IS HARD TO FIND

I recently bought a few more books to read. It wasn’t as if there were not already many, many books I had already placed on my bookshelves to read someday. However, I have just bought some more, since lots of books make a good one easier to find.

The good thing about having many books on a variety of subjects available is that I can find something to suit my mood and interest when I feel the need of reading and learning about something new.

For example, three of the newest ones are: Choose to be Happily Married – How Everday Decisions Can Lead to Lasting Love by Bonnie Jacobsen, PhD and Alexia Paul; A Brief History of The End of the World – from Revelation to Eco-Disaster by Simon Pearson and lastly, (I figured better late than never) Summer – A User’s Guide by Suzanne Brown.

The happily Married book is right in line with one of the few ‘self-help’ books I like to keep around – how to improve your marriage without talking about it by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny and The Intimate Enemy: How to Fight Fair in Love and Marriage by George Robert Bach (which I bought long before I needed it). 

In February 2013 I wrote an essay I called, "HOT TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS". I wrote about the 4 or 5 of these that I always like to keep around to remind me about what to do AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, what not to do in a relationship.

One of the best pieces of advice I gave myself after reading them was to consciously decide that I would rarely, if ever, sit down with my friend or partner and have a chat. Disaster guaranteed.

Instead I remind myself that I am my own Intimate Enemy. I am convinced that I will only have a chance of a better relationship after I decide I am going to make it better.

Rather than trying to change the unchangeable, i.e., someone else, instead I must change my own attitude and also the words I choose to direct at the other person. By the way, reflecting on this sometimes one of the words I choose is the only one worth addressing to the other person – GOODBYE.

Most of the time, however a lot more is accomplished in figuring out why I think that a situation is unbearable and why I am unhappy about it.

Usually it doesn’t take much to see that when neither my expectations nor my needs can or will be met, I should go elsewhere. This is not, incidentally always as easily said as done.

However, at other times when there is basically a very good relationship developing, adjustments might be all that I need to make about how I view things. The Transit Tokens I was given instead of a box of Chocolates were actually a useful and considerate gift. I needed the Tokens, I just would have liked the Chocolates (and a piece of Jewelery better). 

When I got Married however, it was to a Man who was smart enough to understand that a Woman needs practicality AND Romance to be happy. He also knew that HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

Maybe by next year, if I look at my lovely book, Summer – A User’s Guide, I will be ready, willing and able to enjoy a wider range of activities. Even if I only look at the photos, they will remind me, especially when it is snowing and sleeting outside, that such a thing as Summer actually exists, and will probably be coming back eventually.

Thinking about the End of the World is something each of us does, consciously or unconsciously in conjunction with thinking about the reality that our lives (as we know them) will end someday. We all know: LIFE, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE. 

Most of us, no doubt, hope that both the end of our lives and the end of the world will happen a long time from now. We probably also hope that we can postpone the experience, or even thinking about it, for a long time. 

Nevertheless, we still have a variety of thoughts and interest about this inevitable and unknowable experience. There will come a point when I will want to know what other people think about the subject. 

So, the book shelves get some new subject material and, at the very least, the book on Summer will be opened and its cheerful, brightly coloured photos will catch my eye and cheer me up with the optimistic expectation that summer will return. 

In February 2013 I wrote an essay I called, "HOT TO LOOK AT 'HOW TO' BOOKS". I wrote about the 4 or 5 of these that I always like to keep around to remind me about what to do AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, what not to do in a relationship.

One of the best pieces of advice I gave myself after reading them was to consciously decide that I would rarely, if ever, sit down with my friend or partner and have a chat. Disaster guaranteed.

Instead I remind myself that I am my own Intimate Enemy. I am convinced that I will only have a chance of a better relationship after I decide I am going to make it better.

Rather than trying to change the unchangeable, i.e., someone else, instead I must change my own attitude and also the words I choose to direct at the other person. By the way, reflecting on this sometimes one of the words I choose is the only one worth addressing to the other person – GOODBYE.

Most of the time, however a lot more is accomplished in figuring out why I think that a situation is unbearable and why I am unhappy about it.

Usually it doesn’t take much to see that when neither my expectations nor my needs can or will be met, I should go elsewhere. This is not, incidentally always as easily said as done.

However, at other times when there is basically a very good relationship developing, adjustments might be all that I need to make about how I view things. The Transit Tokens I was given instead of a box of Chocolates were actually a useful and considerate gift. I needed the Tokens, I just would have liked the Chocolates (and a piece of Jewellery better). 

When I got Married however, it was to a Man who was smart enough to understand that a Woman needs practicality AND Romance to be happy. He also knew that HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE.

Maybe by next year, if I look at my lovely book, Summer – A User’s Guide, I will be ready, willing and able to enjoy a wider range of activities. Even if I only look at the photos, they will remind me, especially when it is snowing and sleeting outside, that such a thing as Summer actually exists, and will probably be coming back eventually.

Thinking about the End of the World is something each of us does, consciously or unconsciously in conjunction with thinking about the reality that our lives (as we know them) will end someday. We all know: LIFE, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE. 

Most of us, no doubt, hope that both the end of our lives and the end of the world will happen a long time from now. We probably also hope that we can postpone the experience, or even thinking about it, for a long time. 

Nevertheless, we still have a variety of thoughts and interest about this inevitable and unknowable experience. There will come a point when I will want to know what other people think about the subject. 

So, the book shelves get some new subject material and, at the very least, the book on Summer will be opened and its cheerful, brightly coloured photos will catch my eye and cheer me up with the optimistic expectation that summer will return. 

THE MOON IS SUPER

There is something about the Moon lighting up the night sky and making all of the stars into a backdrop that is fascinating. Like the Sun it somehow cheers us up. We think, well ‘things can’t be all bad’, there’s the Moon as usual in the sky. It seems a constant, though apparently it did not always exist in the sky.

On Tuesday we experienced our third SuperMoon in a row*. This one was also a Harvest Moon because of the fall/autumn month in which it occurred. 

This year we had one on July 12^th, August 10^th and now September 9^th. When there is what is called a SuperMoon, it appears 14 times larger and 30% brighter because it is at its closest point to the earth.

Apparently what we call a SuperMoon, however, is neither unique or unusual. The fact that the Moon was not always in the sky is actually more interesting. 4.5 billion years ago, it appeared according to the ‘giant impact’ hypothesis. This heralded the creation of the 5th largest satellite in the solar system.

One of our latest Car Commercials shows a Man and his Son driving down a road which appears to have the Moon at the end of it. 

One of our Google Circle posted a wonderful photo of the Atlantic Coast Road in Norway with its raised portion appearing to almost touch the Moon.

However, you view the Moon, whether through physics, romantically or thinking of it as an influence for the tides or crazy public behaviour when it is Full; The Moon, especially a Super Moon brings out the reflective side in all of us.

http://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/sep/09/-sp-10-things-you-should-know-about-the-supermoon

http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2014/10jul_supermoons/

TAKE ME AWAY - TRYING NOT TO LOSE IT

I have lived in one of Canada’s biggest cities all of my life. Recently I have found my city, Toronto, unlivable. If you want to add to the stresses of city living, study my city now and be glad you currently live somewhere else.

With apparently 800 new Condominium buildings going up, at the same time it seems, getting anywhere you want to go requires twice the time it normally would.

We are constantly walking under scaffolding, taking detours around surface construction (of more useless road blocking streetcar lines) and generally having to take shuttle buses every weekend, when our woefully inadequate and limited – mostly 60 year old subway is being bandaged up.

No new roads have been built since the 1960’s to get people in (or in my case out) either, so add traffic congestion and a collapsing ‘expressway’ downtown to the mix.

Meanwhile, politically most votes seem to involve 30 city councillors voting against the Mayor and his brother whatever the subject. Seeing beyond their political tenure seems beyond any of them. I compare it to a Kindergarten. With an election coming up in October, an even sillier season than what we have already had a couple of years of, is no doubt, coming soon.

I have now experienced a few of the world’s large cities, i.e. New York, London, Paris, Rome, Madrid and others. I have not lived in them, so I must allow that the stress their populations experience in daily life, would of course, be different than the footsore treks a tourist takes for a few days.

Normally I am an optimist and try to look forward. Perhaps I will live long enough to see some of this mess cleared up, a better government running the city and sometime in the future, locate an area of the city not being torn up.

However, being as subjective about life as everyone else is, I can’t help but say Take Me Away*…to a better place and start plotting and planning on getting away from here.

*Pocketful of Sunshine – John Shanks, Natasha Bedingfield, Danielle Brisebois 2008

FEAR OF...

I do not make fun of anyone’s fears. Although I may not share some of them, for example, fear of elevators, clowns, going outdoors; nevertheless, I have some of my own and know they might not seem much to someone else but are very real to me.

Fear of flying kept me Grounded for close to 20 years. I knew it was absurd but a ride by myself in an Amusement Park where I got thrown around from side to side and turned upside down, set off unrealistic fears of something not really connected to what started it. 

Another time, I seemed to suddenly have become afraid of elevators. I can’t say why but considering that I was working on the 42nd Floor of a large Office building, it was good that a Doctor told me to note down the times I had to take an elevator and how I felt. By the time I saw him again 2 weeks later, I had taken the elevator at least a hundred times and I suppose decided to forget being afraid of elevators (probably because I was going to have to take a lot of them) whatever I felt.

Some fears can be overcome. There are people around you to tell you ‘the angels are bowling’ when thunder and lightning storms frighten you as a child. As an adult, a new fear sometimes doesn’t get a chance to grow if you express it to someone who overcame the same one, or someone trained to help.

When a fear does not paralyze you into inertia, illness or action, it usually is one most of us feel able to cope with. When it is more threatening to us, we might see if we can find someone who will hear us out and help us, before it takes on too much importance in our lives.

Admittedly, like the new found elevator fear I seemed to be developing all those years ago, had I not overcome it, I likely would have needed to make large changes to several areas of my life.

The new fear of elevators was fortunately one that went away. Likely a combination of past experience and acknowledgement that such a fear would make life difficult helped. Had the fear not gone away, as some do not, I might have needed to work on it with someone else. 

Knowing everyone has something they fear would probably have made it easier to get some help and either learn to live with it or, like much else in life, get past it.

THE FAVOURITE RELATIVE

Everybody has a favourite relative, usually a Grandparent, often an Aunt or Uncle. Good memories are immediately roused the minute their name is mentioned. No matter our age, they were the ones we always knew would be good to us or kind to us. This was the one person who we felt would understand and take care of whatever was troubling us.

Grandparents, unlike Parents, are in the enviable position, of being seen as the ‘good guy’ in the eyes of a child. They can be the suppliers of treats, outings and goodies. The Parent on the other hand has to be concerned full time with bringing up the child. The grandparent is entitled in older age to be given a break from full time parenting and enjoy the joys of being the ‘good guy’.

Becoming an Aunt was a revelation to me. The magical experience of being someone Children were happy to see was both a new one and actually also a lot of fun. It makes me happy, even now, that I am given the joys of having lovely young Children look forward to seeing me and always having a smile and a hug to greet me. They miss me, they care for me and feel and express pure innocent love.

Such a lovely experience is a great gift and an unexpected pleasure when one of your Siblings or Children have Children of their own. Life is full of unexpected pleasures; this certainly is one of them.

RELATIVE VALUES

Early in July a cousin and I went south to the United States to visit with 3 of our Parent’s Cousins. I had always considered them Aunts, but they are probably all Second Cousins, since they were First Cousins to our Mothers (who were Sisters). 

Our Grandmothers were Sisters and two of these Cousins were related to us through this Grandmother of theirs. The other was related to us through her Father, who was a Brother to our, and their, Grandmother.

I always like to remember that although they emigrated to the United States and others of the family emigrated to Canada, they had lost touch with each other for about 20 or more years. It fascinated me that by chance, a year after the American Sister died of a blood clot, someone from the Church here returned and told our Grandparents that he thought he had met some of our relatives. Letters followed and soon enough a road trip to Pennsylvania took place.

One Aunt/Cousin said that they could hardly believe the family resemblance of our Grandmother to their Mother. Sadly, their Mother had died, before they met again in North America, but nevertheless, suddenly they had more Family members. What a wonderful visit that must have been. I wish I could have been there myself.

The immigrant experience is a fascinating one to study. The American Economist Thomas Sowell writes about it in some of his books*. I am particularly interested in what he has to say about people who cannot return ‘home’ again and how different their experience must be from those who came strictly for economic improvement and hope someday to return and  ‘go home’ to retire in the ‘old country’.

For those escaping or emigrating because of oppression or to escape enslavement and persecution, Immigration is severing the ties forever and most often means seeing your Parents for the last time. When there is no going back, you necessarily face the stark reality that you must make a new home as there is no return possible in the foreseeable future to your native land.

Our Family was of the latter group. There was nothing to go back to. One group of Invaders after another occupied our country through many centuries of history. Among them the Lituanians, the Polish, The Austro-Hungarian empire, and lastly and perhaps for the longest and most insidiously, the Russians (in whatever manifestation of that empire you grew up with).

We are now in our new countries for more than a 100 years. Most, if not all of us, have only tenuous connections with our Grandparent’s native land. Few of us have visited there. We eat the food, do the dances, celebrate elements of the culture and teach our children to respect the traditions. Many/most of us have North American educations and lifestyles.

The news, whether Chernobyl, or the current insinuation and stealthy occupation by Russia, reminds us to be grateful and appreciate that we have been born into lands where we can be free.

Somewhat wistfully, we thank God and our Forefathers from removing us to freer nations despite the sacrifices this required them to make.

As we learn about our predecessor’s and meet members of the present generation, each of us knows we have a great deal to be thankful for.

Now, with only a few members of our Mother’s (and Father’s) generation remaining, we meet them again with warmth in our hearts and many wonderful memories of their visits to us, ours to them, and the important role they played in our lives. They connected us to our past and introduced us to a long and happy future.

Endless Memory.

*Thomas Sowell – Migrations and Cultures – A World View - 1996.